It's 1997 then.
I stop masturbating over FHM and pick up a magazine called SSM.
That's SEGA Saturn Magazine, the world's greatest gaming fanzine.
Devoted to SEGA while completely ignoring the burgeoning PlayStation scene.
I chipped my Saturn at great expense, my Sony-loving friends thought it didn't make sense.
"What you doin wiv that Saturn? You wanna bin it! Sony's got all the best games on it, innit!
They don't know that Saturn is where the fun starts - and lasts and lasts and lasts. In fact, SEGA Saturn is better than the sum of all PlayStations component parts.
Then came Dreamcast.
Oh my god. Sega Rally 2. The NTSC version as the PAL conversion was poo.
Easy left, baby! K-right! Slow down! I'm crying with happiness so much that I might drown if I lie down!
I buy Japanese games for sixty a pop quid from dodgy import shops.
I know it's a waste of money but I just can't stop.
They'll be out in the UK eventually.
But waiting three months for Jet Set Radio doesn't make much sense to me.
I've got to have the games immediately.
I don't care if they're in Japanese, I'll just have to work their controls remedially.
My VMU batteries have died, but it still saves my game.
Between me and you, that's the sort of bravery we associate with the Dreamcast name.
Amanda Johnstone is 25 years old, lives in South London and runs her own event management company. She spends a lot of time away from home however when at home she likes nothing more than being snuggled up in bed with her Xbox controller, playing Halo to help take her away from her daily stresses.
Her good friend Sam introduced Amanda to the world of Halo 7 years ago when he launched his 'Halo club' nights at The Cross (Kings Cross, London) which all began as part of his passion for the game. She worked the door for three years and was also used as the 'face' to advertise the night. As she spent more time with Sam some of his infatuation with the game started rubbing off on her.
Amanda became more and more into Halo and was spending more of her evenings with the covenant as Master Chief, trying to save the world. This became an obsession, to a point where not only was she playing until the early hours of the morning on most nights over Xbox LIVE but started collecting Halo merchandise - from themed mugs and posters through to bags and figurines. She even sleeps with Master Chief every night under her Halo duvet cover and pillow case set.
Amanda's obsession doesn't stop here as she recently got herself a little pet Chihuahua and named him 'Chiefy'.
In 2007 she was also lucky enough to win tickets to attend the launch of Halo 3 where she walked the red carpet with Master Chief, Pharrell Williams, Christian Slater amongst other celebs.
"I have so much fun playing Halo and absolutely love getting on Xbox LIVE and getting better scores than a lot of the boys I regularly play the game with. I can't wait to get my hands on a copy of the new game Halo Wars."
When Amanda is not trying to save the world on Halo she is blasting out karaoke hits on Lips. Her favourite songs include Leona Lewis's Bleeding Love and Rihanna's Umbrella.
Labels: WAR ON PS3
CRITICAL MASS #1
Eurogamer's Ellie Gibson (unshakeable mental image) met and spoke to Yuji Naka. She mentioned UKR. The bad news is Yuji Naka hasn't heard of UKR. The good news is he seems to be up for a bit of flirtatious MSN action with us in the future!
CRITICAL MASS #2
This literally sensational thing about Sony off of The Onion. It is crushingly painful to forget about The Onion for six years, then go back to it and find it's STILL very funny. Actually better. What are they ON?
WE CHEER GOES DOWN A STORM WITH CHEERLEADERS
505 GAMES RECRUITS SHEFFIELD STORM ALL-STAR TEAM FOR WE CHEER
Milton Keynes, 6th February - 505 Games has called in the pros to run an expert eye over the upcoming Namco Bandai cheerleading title, We Cheer available exclusively for Nintendo Wii. Three of the Sheffield Storm All-star Team's finest launched promotional activity for the game last week by wowing press at Nintendo's Wii Flat in anticipation of the 6th February release date. The Storm girls took a break from their recent recruitment drive to take some time getting familiar with the game as well as showing off the title, and their skills, to members of the press and retail.
"We're more than happy to be involved with a game which will hopefully give more publicity to our sport, which is always growing in popularity in this country," commented Coral Head, Storm All-stars founder. "I'm a bit of a gamer myself but this was the first time I'd played a Wii. Now I have no excuses!"
We Cheer allows all future all-star recruits to brush up on their techniques using two Wii remotes as virtual pom-poms to reach the top of their game. Following on-screen commands, players spin, shimmy and shake their way through a choice of 30 high-energy songs spanning over four decades of music. Taking cheering to the next level, the special Workout Mode helps to burn calories as you cheer and dance. Fitness buffs can choose the exercise program they want to take part in before hitting the gym with a specially chosen trainer who encourages them throughout the workout.
"I personally like the fact that the developers have taken the time to choreograph real cheerleader moves," added Coral. "It's a cool way for kids to get a bit of a work out too. We certainly had to throw ourselves about a bit on the harder songs, the lads here didn't seem to mind too much though."
"I was watching CSI on Living last night at about 11:30 and I noticed that at one point the characters were playing a two-player American football game on the Dreamcast. I don't have any pictures or evidence of this, so you'll have to take my word for it. I only emailed you to tell you because your blog has meant that I now look for meaningless Dreamcast related items wherever I am, and I know that you probably get off on reading these sort of emails because it makes you feel really big and powerful and popular" - MM.
A site about games and game paraphernalia and how nothing's as good as we remember it, probably because we used to inhabit a FANTASY WORLD.
What are we half-heartedly skimming RIGHT NOW?
Each post .02% worse than the last.
THE HTML ERAS
When men used to till the pages by hand.
12 years of wheat and chaff in one vast and impenetrable mass.
Some updates weren't universally hated by the entire world within seconds of being uploaded.
Links to that blog of yours you started up and were excited about for a whole weekend.
Some people we might've MET. Or at least seen in a room and been near.
Other sites we are happy to officially endorse without requiring Adwords spend.
Having one is compulsory, apparently. Ours is here. It is not meant to be funny.
People off the internet. Quality and commitment levels may vary.
It came with the template. Maybe in 2014 we'll jump on board the Twitter train and put that in here. Or a radio. That'd be nice.