Labels: GONZO
Labels: GONZO
ANIMAL CROSSING WILD WORLD REVIEW
For Nintendo DS
Animal Crossing isn't a game. It's a career. A vocation, a mini alternative life. You could educate a child with it and it would turn out OK. It teaches you everything you need to know about the real world. It teaches you the importance of money, shows you the true value of patience, punishes you for lying, and when characters move out of your town it's an important lesson about the harsh realities of bereavement in adult life. Freckles is gone, Timothy, she's gone to another town very far away and she's never coming back.
It's not a game, it's a job. You HAVE to collect your fruit to begin with, else you can't afford the cool furniture. You HAVE to keep fishing, else you might miss a rare fish. You HAVE to collect all the fossils, fish and insects because something cool might happen when you do. Animal Crossing uses an enhanced version of the COLLECTEVERYTHING(TM) engine that Nintendogs used. It makes chores into games, giving you incentives to spend hours and hours doing nothing in the hope of finding one rare little thing no one else has got.
When we bought it we played it for an hour and a half in bed in the morning, we played it for an hour and a half in the afternoon, we played it for an hour and a half in the evening, then for an hour an a half in bed before going to bed. If anything that's an underestimate, because starting to play Animal Crossing is like stepping into a time machine where suddenly it's a huge amount of time in the future when you turn it off and look at the clock.
That's another reason why it's great. You can use it to fast forward your boring life. So anyway, we played it for six hours a day (minimum) for the first few weeks of having it. Some of those six-hour periods were spent fishing. Just fishing. Fishing, then running to the shop to sell them, or to the Museum to donate any rare ones we caught. The game keeps a list of all the fish you've caught, which is one of numerous mini, incidental challenges you have to complete. In your own time and whenever you like. We're now down to about three 15-minute periods of play a day, which is much more manageable.
Animal Crossing really suits the handheld. You can play it for ten minutes in the morning, a bit at lunch time and switch it on in the evening for a proper play. It's why Wild World is such a perfect game. We do all our farming/shopping chores in the morning on the train to work instead of reading about war in a newspaper, then spend the evening having fun instead of watching war on the news. And wi-fi play lets you do it all in another town, with the added excitement of random router crashes to keep everyone on edge. It's the perfect game and it suits DS to a tee. 10/10, again.
Labels: ENTHUSIASM
SEGA ANNOUNCES VIRTUA FIGHTER 5 FOR XBOX 360
Premiere Fighting Game Franchise Makes First Appearance on Microsoft’s Next Generation Videogame Console
SAN FRANCISCO & LONDON (December 21, 2006) – SEGA of America, Inc. and SEGA Europe Ltd. today announced that the highly anticipated arcade fighting game, Virtua Fighter 5, will make its way onto the Xbox 360 video game and entertainment system. Virtua Fighter 5 is scheduled for release on Xbox 360 in North America and in Europe during late summer 2007. The game will also be available for the PLAYSTATION3 computer entertainment system on February 20th, 2007 in North America and will be available in Europe simultaneously with the system’s launch in March 2007.
"Those people lucky enough to have already played Virtua Fighter 5 will know that it's laid the foundations to become the clear benchmark for fighting games on all next generation consoles", said Matt Woodley, Creative Director, SEGA Publishing Europe Ltd. "Bringing Virtua Fighter 5 to the Xbox 360 offers us a platform with power to handle the astonishing visuals, the complex and varied fighting styles of all the customisable characters and will undoubtedly put Virtua Fighter 5 into the hands of a gaming audience craving for a highly polished and credible fighting game."
Virtua Fighter 5 features beautifully detailed stages from around the world where players face off in fast-moving martial arts battles against one of 17 characters. Two lively new characters join the elite group of fighters, adding two new unique fighting styles for players to try and master. With more skill and strategy than ever before, players are also given the opportunity to learn and employ the new "Offensive Move" technique to take down their opponents from different angles, adding a new dimension to the game and something for both new and old fans to master. Virtua Fighter 5 also includes the ability to customise characters by selecting from four base costumes and a wide range of unlockable accessories and earnable items. As players win more tournaments they will not only earn costumes and accessories, but also prizes and in-game money that will allow them to buy items from the in-game shop.
"The Virtua Fighter series from SEGA has one of the most prestigious histories in video games," said Jeff Bell, corporate vice president of global marketing for the Interactive Entertainment Business at Microsoft. "It's a franchise that has grown an army of loyal fans both in arcades and on consoles worldwide, and is consistently rated extremely high by the media. Fighting game fans have been hungry for Virtua Fighter 5 and we can now proudly deliver this game with SEGA to Xbox 360 gamers around the world."
Developed by the highly renowned Tokyo based development team, AM R&D Development No.2, Virtua Fighter 5 for the Xbox 360 will be available across Europe and North America during late summer 2007.
"PlayStation3 is totally fucked now. Even hardcore gamers don't need it for any reason at all. This is SEGA's ULTIMATE REVENGE" added UK:Resistance, in a small footnote at the bottom of the press release that definitely wasn't sent out with the proper press release.
Labels: ENTHUSIASM
Labels: LIES
Labels: LIES
Labels: ENTHUSIASM
Labels: MEAT BAGS (WOMEN)
"As a gamer who is part of Sony's target audience I'm insulted not just by the integrity of this website, but that this reflects how intelligent Sony's marketing department thinks I am." "Second...Sony...PLEASE stop trying to be 'hip'. Please START focusing on product and games and opening a REAL dialogue with your users to make your gaming products better." "This fake cool vibe is as pathetic as an old uncle dancing to hip hop at a family wedding." "Please, while you're removing this comment and the 200 other negative comments above it (again), have the decency to do one honest thing in your life and inform sony of just how bad they screwed up by ordering this a_d. This is simply so insulting to anyone who truly loves games, the only reaction you will likely get is a decreased willingness to buy anything sony branded." "Just checking back again, I note that my post,saying the word advert(i)sing was banned, has been deleted." "Thank you for making me feel even better about not buying your products! And by the way, your incredibly horrible attempts at typing in a way you must assume most gamers type is pathetic. Way to go! You just insulted all the people who buy your products! Now back to Mario on my DS. :)" "Let's face it folks, PSPs are utterly worthless unless you hack the thing. Downgrade your firmware to 1.50 and install Devhook 0.5.1 and emulate Firmware 3.02 - swapping between the two rocks. And you have ISO support now." "Makes me ashamed of buying a product from such losers. if you guys wanted to sell psp's then why don't you get dame game on it, right now theres no great games on psp just a bunch of shovelware." "No one wants a psp, and Sony is going down in flames. I've awaited this day for many, many years now." "What The Hell! Not only is this fraud of a joke site a simple paid for advertisement for Sony, but it also is horrendously awful! You spent how much on this absolute tripe? Sony shareholders better wake up and start firing people left and right if they want to retain any value." "You want people to love your products and actually produce sites like this? Don't pay someone make a site... Just make a product good enough for people to love. The community and love will follow."
"we be just tryin to represent u guys... regular playas just tryin to get their gaem on, but now u gotta do all be dis then... u guys are noubs, pwnd!!" - 'charlie'
...and...
"You all is haters tymes 4. Dis is lee-git. Don't know why youse thinks this is a schill. Are site was registered through an external provider. We don't work for sony. And for all you dissin' my skillz I'm down for a one on one rap off or settling it street stylez if you feel me playa. Teh. I own a Nintendo DS and I love it. I would still like a PSP for shizzle. But the DS is just as solid." - 'cousinpete'
Labels: LIES
SOME OTHER VIDEO GAME COMMANDMENTS:All the buttons should just be 'jump' Music shouldn't have lyrics, but if it has to the lyrics should only be about how nice a place the game world is Girl characters should be rubbish and slow The plot should only be mentioned in the manual The sky should be blu... oh. Have we done this before?
Labels: HISTORY
New mobile game develops your brain
Digital Chocolate's Brain JuiceTM game lets phone users train their mental muscles anywhere
Sydney, Australia, October 17, 2006 - Digital Chocolate, Inc., a leading publisher of high-quality, original (HA HA HA!) software for mobile phones has today announced the launch of its latest mobile game, Brain JuiceTM. The game, which has been designed to exercise the brain, is the first in a series of Brain JuiceTM games to be published throughout the last quarter of 2006.
Brain JuiceTM can be played on any mobile handset and provides brainteasers and puzzles from three categories: mathematic, visual, and memory, offering different challenges to the brain. The problems are suitable for all ages, with the difficulty level changing according to the user's progress. For best results, a daily dosage of Brain JuiceTM is recommended.
Head of Digital Chocolate's operations in Europe, Managing Director Mr. Ilkka Paananen commented: "The Brain JuiceTM mobile game joins in the growing trend of health-related consumer products. It simply makes mental exercise more enjoyable." Mr. Paananen also hopes to influence the general perception of mobile games. "Games offer relaxation, stimulation and fun, and this is undoubtedly beneficial for all dwellers of stressed urban environments. We believe Brain Juice will cause a minor revolution in mobile gaming, bringing us more gamers from new user groups, such as academic professionals, women, and baby boomers."
The game tracks the players' progress over time and shows it in the form of a graph, making brain power comparison great fun for the whole family or a group of friends. By excelling at the micro-games inside the game, one can unlock more levels and more micro-games. For additional variation, brain development enthusiasts can order new sets of micro-games monthly. The game can be downloaded via the WAP portal of all major operators and content providers. Brain JuiceTM is available from 3 Mobile from their Planet 3 Content Portal, Vodafone Australia, Vodafone New Zealand, Telstra, Optus, Virgin Mobile Australia and Telecom New Zealand.
Labels: LIES
A site about games and game paraphernalia and how nothing's as good as we remember it, probably because we used to inhabit a FANTASY WORLD.
MICRO-BLOG
What are we half-heartedly skimming RIGHT NOW? RECENTLY...
Each post .02% worse than the last. ADVANCE NOTIFICATION OF "CHANGE" LITERALLY 30 PHOTOS FROM A MAN'S "SEGA HONEYMOON" A NASCAR TATTOO THAT TWO MEN THINK LOOKS LIKE DAYT... "EA ANNOUNCES COLLABORATION BETWEEN HOT NEW POP TA... "RICHARD JACQUES STUDIOS CONTINUES TO GO FROM STRE... CODEMASTERS HAS A GO AT 'URBAN' FOR 'FUEL' TRANS-EUROPEAN LARA CROFT STALKING UPDATE NINTENDO WINNING CRITICAL LIFESTYLE PHOTOGRAPHY BA... WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO IDIOT TOYS? THE HTML ERAS
When men used to till the pages by hand. |
SHOPS
Use our Play or Amazon Shops to buy those shit Wii games you secretly like, helping the effort. ARCHIVES
12 years of wheat and chaff in one vast and impenetrable mass. |
Some updates weren't universally hated by the entire world within seconds of being uploaded.
1. The Animal Crossing Wild World mega-feature and public-service review
2. Sonic CD - screenshot parade
3. Cream The Rabbit sexual diagrams
4. OutRun2 screenshot-taking guide for the benefit of inept journalists
5. The personal UKR SEGA Toys Homestar planetarium review
6. Trying to buy an Xbox 360 in London
7. (STILL) THE MOST AMAZING PROMOTIONAL PHOTOGRAPH OF ALL TIME
8. A trip to GamesMaster (in Peckham)
Links to that blog of yours you started up and were excited about for a whole weekend.
FRIENDS
Some people we might've MET. Or at least seen in a room and been near. One Thousand Tiny Things I Hate "LIFESTYLE"
Other sites we are happy to officially endorse without requiring Adwords spend. PRIVACY POLICY
Having one is compulsory, apparently. Ours is here. It is not meant to be funny. |
ACQUAINTANCES
People off the internet. Quality and commitment levels may vary. |
It came with the template. Maybe in 2014 we'll jump on board the Twitter train and put that in here. Or a radio. That'd be nice.