It's 1997 then.
I stop masturbating over FHM and pick up a magazine called SSM.
That's SEGA Saturn Magazine, the world's greatest gaming fanzine.
Devoted to SEGA while completely ignoring the burgeoning PlayStation scene.
I chipped my Saturn at great expense, my Sony-loving friends thought it didn't make sense.
"What you doin wiv that Saturn? You wanna bin it! Sony's got all the best games on it, innit!
They don't know that Saturn is where the fun starts - and lasts and lasts and lasts. In fact, SEGA Saturn is better than the sum of all PlayStations component parts.
Then came Dreamcast.
Oh my god. Sega Rally 2. The NTSC version as the PAL conversion was poo.
Easy left, baby! K-right! Slow down! I'm crying with happiness so much that I might drown if I lie down!
I buy Japanese games for sixty a pop quid from dodgy import shops.
I know it's a waste of money but I just can't stop.
They'll be out in the UK eventually.
But waiting three months for Jet Set Radio doesn't make much sense to me.
I've got to have the games immediately.
I don't care if they're in Japanese, I'll just have to work their controls remedially.
My VMU batteries have died, but it still saves my game.
Between me and you, that's the sort of bravery we associate with the Dreamcast name.
A site about games and game paraphernalia and how nothing's as good as we remember it, probably because we used to inhabit a FANTASY WORLD.
What are we half-heartedly skimming RIGHT NOW?
Each post .02% worse than the last.
THE HTML ERAS
When men used to till the pages by hand.
12 years of wheat and chaff in one vast and impenetrable mass.
Some updates weren't universally hated by the entire world within seconds of being uploaded.
Links to that blog of yours you started up and were excited about for a whole weekend.
Some people we might've MET. Or at least seen in a room and been near.
Other sites we are happy to officially endorse without requiring Adwords spend.
Having one is compulsory, apparently. Ours is here. It is not meant to be funny.
People off the internet. Quality and commitment levels may vary.
It came with the template. Maybe in 2014 we'll jump on board the Twitter train and put that in here. Or a radio. That'd be nice.