UK:RESISTANCE 'main page'
It's a new Employee of the Week, uploaded almost precisely one week after the last one in keeping with the supposed weekly remit. We're at a loss as to the reason for this new-found enthusiasm.
No, not because of "the redesign", but thanks to an amazing six-page interview with Dominik Diamond and When Games Attack producer Johnny Ffinch. It features the three things we love most; (1) Swearing, (2) Dave 'Games Animal' Perry and (3) unfounded and potentially libellous comments.

Here are a few Dom nuggets from Edge 143:

  • "The problem is that Iain Lee has an utter absence of charm"

  • "I have more respect for suicide bombers than I do for the people who are involved with Gamezville... it's all fucking 'Yo mate...' I mean these guys can't even speak fucking English"

  • "I'm appalled by the lack of writing and intelligence in games magazines in general"

  • "I think he's sucking old mens cocks for pennies"

  • "Don't ever ask kids what they think about games. We did that on the first series of GamesMaster. They know nothing"

  • Buy Edge magazine! It's great! We secretly loved it all along!

    FREE TIPS BOOK!
    Yes, that's right! Free with today's UKR is this unmissable tips book! One really long page with everything you need to beat today's biggest games! We BUST OPEN OutRun2! We SOLVE Doom III! We play Fable until we WANT TO CUT OURSELVES OPEN AND DIE! Only in today's UKR! For free!


    OutRun2 FULL PLAYERS GUIDE

    COURSE 1
    Turn left, go straight, turn right, turn right, turn left, turn right, turn right, turn left, go straight, cross line.

    COURSE 2
    Turn right, turn left, go straight, turn right, go straight, turn left, go straight, turn right, turn right, turn right, cross line.

    COURSE 3
    Turn right, turn left, turn right, go straight, turn left, turn left, go straight, turn right, turn left, go straight, cross line.

    COURSE 4
    Go straight, turn right, turn right, turn left, turn right, turn left, go straight, turn right, turn left, go straight, cross line.

    COURSE 5
    Turn right, go straight, turn left, turn left, go straight, turn right, turn left, go straight, turn right, turn right, turn left, go straight, cross line.

    COURSE 6
    Turn left, go straight, turn left, go straight, turn left, go straight, turn right, turn left, go straight, cross line.

    COURSE 7
    Turn right, turn left, go straight, turn right, turn right, turn left, turn left, go straight, turn right, turn left, go straight, cross line.

    COURSE 8
    Turn left, go straight, turn right, turn left, go straight, turn right, turn left, go straight, turn right, turn left, go straight, cross line.

    COURSE 9
    Turn right, go straight, turn left, go straight, turn right, turn right, turn left, go straight, turn left, go straight, turn right, cross line.

    COURSE 10
    Turn left, go straight, turn right, turn left, go straight, turn right, turn left, go straight, turn right, turn left, go straight, cross line.

    COURSE 11
    Turn left, go straight, turn right, turn left, go straight, turn right, turn left, go straight, cross line.

    COURSE 12
    Turn left, go straight, turn left, turn left, go straight, turn right, turn left, go straight, turn right, turn left, go straight, cross line.

    COURSE 13
    Turn right, turn left, turn right, go straight, turn left, go straight, turn right, turn right, turn left, turn left, go straight, cross line.

    COURSE 14
    Turn right, turn left, go straight, turn left, turn left, go straight, turn left, turn left, go straight, cross line.

    COURSE 15
    Turn right, go straight, turn left, go straight, turn right, turn right, turn left, turn left, go straight, turn right, cross line.

    OUTRUN 2 MISSION MODE

    Mission 1
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 2
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 3
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 4
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 5
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 6
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 7
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 8
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 9
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 10
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 11
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 12
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 13
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 14
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 15
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 16
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 17
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 18
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 19
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 20
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 21
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 22
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 23
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 24
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 25
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 26
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 27
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 28
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 29
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 30
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 31
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 32
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 33
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 34
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 35
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 36
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 37
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 38
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 39
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 40
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 41
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 42
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 43
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 44
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 45
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 46
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 47
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 48
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 49
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 50
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 51
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 52
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 53
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 54
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 55
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 56
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 57
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 58
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 59
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 60
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 61
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 62
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 63
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 64
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 65
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 66
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 67
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 68
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 69
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 70
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 71
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 72
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 73
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 74
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 75
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 76
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 77
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 78
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 79
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 80
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 81
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 82
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 83
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 84
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 85
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 86
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 87
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 88
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 89
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 90
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 91
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 92
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 93
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 94
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 95
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 96
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 97
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 98
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 99
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 100
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.

    Mission 101
    Do what it says on the Mission screen.


    DOOM III COMPLETE WALKTHROUGH

    Shoot enemy. Open door, shoot other enemy. Open door, shoot other enemy. Open door, shoot other enemy. Turn corner, shoot two enemies. Open door, shoot other enemy. Open door, shoot other enemy, shoot two enemies. Open door, shoot other enemy. Open door, shoot other enemy. Turn corner, shoot two enemies. Open door, shoot other enemy, shoot other enemy, open door, shoot everything, turn corner, enter room and shoot all enemies. Turn corner, shoot two enemies. Open door, shoot other enemy, turn right. Enter room. Shoot all three enemies. Open next door. Shoot all four enemies. Open next door. Shoot all five enemies. Open next door. Shoot all six enemies. Turn corner, shoot three enemies. Open door, shoot other enemy, shoot other enemy, open door, walk forwards for ages, shoot everything, turn corner, enter room and shoot all enemies. Exit through door on right. Shoot enemies, walk forwards, shoot more enemies. Turn corner, shoot two enemies. Open door, shoot other enemy, turn right. Shoot all three enemies. Open next door. Shoot all four enemies. Battle big monster thing in arena bit. Exit to the right. Shoot all three enemies. Open next door. Shoot all four enemies. Walk forwards, shoot two enemies. Open door, shoot other enemy, shoot other enemy, open door, shoot everything, turn corner, enter room and shoot all enemies. Walk forwards, turn right. Open door, shoot other enemy. Open door, shoot other enemy, shoot two enemies. Fight boss.


    FABLE WALKTHROUGH

    Talk to man. Talk to woman. Talk to child. Attempt to kill chicken. Talk to man. Talk to woman. Go into house. Leave village. Enter village. Talk to man. Talk to woman. Talk to man. Enter bar. Talk to man. Talk to child. Talk to woman. Talk to child. Follow child. Talk to man. Talk to woman. Talk to everyone in entire village. Enter house. Complete mission. Talk to woman. Do mission she sets you. Talk to man, do his request. Exit village. Enter village. Enter pub. Talk to all people in pub. Do Pub Mission 3. Battle boss. Talk to woman. Collect Magic Leaves. Fight boss. Talk to monster. Get item. Take item to man. Give man item. Get other item in return. Return item to special place. Receive magic token. Insert magic token. Talk to woman. Get item. Give item to man. Explore village for man's lost thing. Find thing. Return thing to man and get reward. Talk to child. Follow child. Abduct child. Take child home. Chain child to radiator. Regret actions, but realise things have already gone too far. Attempt to convince child it was meant as a joke. Try to calm child by making silly faces. Lose temper and do very bad thing. Panic. Leave house. Talk to villager. Pretend everything is OK. Join in with the search for child. Pretend you're very upset and woried about child. Comfort child's mother. Return to house. Wrap object in carpet. Place object in boot of car. Return to house. Clean house. Clean house again. Clean house again. Take off clothes. Burn clothes. Remove partially burnt clothes from bin and flush down toilet. Leave house. Get in car. Drive to woods. Remove object in carpet from boot. Examine shovel. Pick up shovel. Use shovel. Place object in hole. Use shovel. Get in car. Drive to house. Enter house. Remove clothes. Burn clothes. Leave house. Clean car. Clean car again. Talk to neighbour. Reassure neighbour. Sell car. Sell house. Move out of village. Change name. Grow beard. Grow old. End.

    As usual, we shall be sobbing into a pillow in a fit of unfocused rage and frustration from 02:00 until 03:30 on the morning of Saturday October 30.
    #1: Just sort of stand there reading magazines.

    This photo turned out much better than expected and taking it was even more thrilling than the shoplifting we'd originally planned

    We used to do this most lunch times, back when magazines and women with Photoshop thighs were exciting. Nowadays we don't read anything written by anyone else due to a recently-developed inability to see or experience the humour of others.
    Here's something else we haven't done for ages, but now we're off the heroin (clean for five weeks now!) feel strong enough to face again. It's Employee of the Week! And no, we're not aiming it at anyone in particular, especially not you.
    UK:Resistance has become the latest victim of the underground piracy scene as an unreleased update planned for later in the week was spotted circulating on 'warez' newsgroups today, just hours after its completion. The hilarious update, featuring a satirical slant at free tips books, took several minutes of painstaking work to complete. It is unclear how the early release will impact on the effectiveness of the piece.
    It's going to be *this* exciting:



    Mum'll like it. That's her old car.
    Remember when we used to have fun? When it was just you and us, baby, you and us against the world? When we didn’t care? Before all this, this, SHIT got in the way and spoiled everything? Before we got worried that we’re not living the right kind of life and started spending all our money on nice lamps instead of games? When we used to mess around and do things like Dave and Maureen's Double Entendre Masterclass? When dropshadows seemed like a really cool effect for web site logos? We'll never be that innocent again.
    Thanks to a reader. Not us. We didn't do this. A reader did. Someone who's not us. Someone called Joshua. He's the real sicko, not us. We're just reporting on it impartially, like the police who investigate porn without taking it home and enjoying it.



    Do you also have an interest in the objectification of women AND video games? If so, we can probably be friends.
    Sales of XBOX hit an all-time high in Japan this week, as the console burst through the 100 installed users barrier. "Breaking through the 100 barrier shows Xbox is beating the Sega Dreamcast to become the clear eleventh choice console in the region" said Microsoft of Japan CEO Kazuhiro Takana.



    The lucky buyer of the 100th Japanese Xbox Mr Tetsuya Igaka proudly recieves his Xbox from Microsoft CEO Bill Gates.




    The 101st Xbox is sold later the very same day to Mr K Okasan, topping a record-breaking sales week for the format holder in the Asian territory.
    Check it out. We did our first bit of mobile phone camera stalking. It's of a woman eating a Sonic Heroes-branded McDonalds Happy Meal on the tube, oblivious to the discomfort, disgust and anger of her fellow passengers.

    Still, it was nice to see Sonic back where be belongs -- the smiling face that sells mass-produced reconstitued mechanically separated meat to kids.



    Now our confidence is up, next week is ESCALATOR UPSKIRT WEEK.
    WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? Triple F.

    Sega Superstars -- We are sorry about that
    Back in April or so we sort of inferred that Sega Superstars and EyeToy was responsible for making all games rubbish, and would somehow bring about the End Times of video games.

    IT WAS A BIT HARSH
    Having played Sega Superstars for ages we're happy to put the record straight and highlight how, like, totally ace it is, mainly because you can BE NiGHTS (the world's first metrosexual?) and there's all-new material from Ulala.

    Sega sent us this. It's fo' real. You might like to make yourself momentarily really happy by putting your hand over the top/middle bit and imagining it's from a 99% complete beta version of Dreamcast NiGHTS that's just leaked onto Bittorrent.



    Sega Superstars/EyeToy NiGHTS in full, astonishing, hands-in-the-air effect. Fat developer blushes saved by Photoshop-inserted girl (top).



    Look at how much fun she's having! It's clearly the best thing she's ever experienced, ever! It's like she's on a rollercoaster, only it's a chocolate rollercoaster that she gets to eat on her own afterwards with no one looking or keeping track of how much she's eating. If boring old girls like Sega Superstars that much, imagine how much you'll like it!