UK:RESISTANCE 'main page'
You can never get the spacing right when writing anything other than "SEGA" in the SEGA font. Adam Doree could've told you that in 1997. Here are way too many words about the Southampton SEGA Park, which may or may not still be open - we've has this email kicking about for well over six months.

Worst update since February 2002

"The first photo shows the entrance to the aforementioned Park. You will no doubt notice that the place was totally empty despite there being a multitude of Outruns, Dance Dance Revolutions and the one with the naked, bald man. Where were all the ASBO kids that call Southampton their weekend home, I hear you ask? Probably out shooting up, I imagine. Shooting up being a poor alternative to a marathon session on Columns. Anyway, that is not so important right now. What is important to me is the fact that the SEGA logo font seems to extend to letters other than just S, E, G, and A. Where can I get hold of this font? And why is it not available on MS Word? Damn you Helvetica!"

STENCH OF DEATH (not pictured)

"The second photo shows the interior of our beloved SEGA Park. You'll notice that there is actually someone other than me in the building. Now, call me a cynic, but I don't think he's in there to play Bongo Jungle. I reckon he's more likely to have wandered in off the street looking for somewhere warm to live. Or maybe he is the manager. Seriously, who knows? But if he is, then he really needs to do something about the carpet as it looks like one of those Magic Eye things from back when SEGA was still great. I left soon after taking this photo. But not before playing Outrun and getting beaten by my girlfriend. Oh, how times have changed. Cheers" - Atour.
The "back end" server statistics show we have written 1802 entries since the end of June 2007. Can anyone who is still alive beat that sort of output?
  • This thing about the world's only gay-friendly rapper Mr C flogging off his vinyl collection for a staggering £75,000.

  • This thing in which we remind today's kids that Dreamcast was AND ALWAYS WILL BE the best console of all time.

  • This thing in which Bungie tells its idiot fans how to pronounce the name of its new game in a non-ironic fashion that defies belief.

  • This thing about a space-based piss-party. We didn't use the phrase "piss party" over there, though. But here it's fine.

  • This thing about new KINDS OF HAIR :(

  • This thing about you'll never guess who OH YES, SHIT OLD SONY AGAIN making its weekly PR blunder of a hitherto unknown magnitude.

  • This thing about the Samsung DRUMPER, because you can't not use pictures like this when they come along:

  • Toshiba to launch rival BLOUSERS in Q1 2009

    A clingy man-made fibre-assisted 10/10.
    Don't be fooled by the pretty colours. There'll be something bitter and disappointing behind each window, getting more bitter and more disappointing the further you progress, if recent Sonic game history is anything to go on.

    Incredibly, two separate "Adam" readers sent in a photo of their Sonic advent calendars within 24 hours of each other. Maybe our next t-shirt design ought to just say "ADAM" on it?

    Adam Sonic advent calendar submission special

    "A freebie given to me by a local game shop. Whether or not the chocolates are edible is another question. Feel free to post this photo up. And have a great Xmas this year :)" - Adam.

    MALE/MALE bondage, probably

    "Instant update material. Two-updates-in-one-day justification. This mint condition SONIC CHRISTMAS ADVENT CALENDAR came in a protected cardboard box with review copies of Sonic Unleashed today. I won't be opening any of the doors but instead keeping it sealed away safely forever and making sure no fingerprints spoil it" - Adam Doree.

    Adam 1 showed superb use of a material that resembles the Master System game box background grid to add atmosphere to the shot. Although Adam 2's image was supplied at a much higher resolution, he could've angled the calendar better to reduce flash reflection - and we can't help but wonder what category of pornography he's downloading via BitComet, which detracts from the calendar. RESULT: Adam 1 wins.
    A reader called "Paul" sent us a series of photos of a SEGAWORLD t-shirt. Nothing unusual about that, except Paul also included a photo of HIS FACE and TORSO.

    He didn't say not to use the one with his face in it, so presumably he's OK with it going the internet.

    Paul's SEGA shirt and FACE!

    "I was having a clear out of my spare room and was understandably excited to unearth this SEGA fashion item from one of my drawers. This brought the memories back of my visit to SEGAWORLD London. I was supposed to be visiting the Tate Gallery on a college trip but of course I was out of there as soon as I could and straight down to the Trocadero."

    Paul's SEGA shirt and FACE!

    "I remember visiting the then-impressive gift shop and picking up this beautiful item. I'm not sure why really, as I must've only worn it a handful of times back in the day, before it was resigned to a forgotten drawer in my spare room. Surprisingly it still just about fits me, but I'm not sure it would be suitable wear for a Saturday night drinking session? Hope you enjoy these pics" - Paul.

    Paul's SEGA shirt and FACE!

    From our brief foray into merchandise production, we know this is a quality piece. Embroidered logos cost more per unit. SEGAWORLD was therefore a place that cared more about user happiness and quality than profits. Which must be why it's closed now.

    Paul's SEGA shirt and FACE!

    And it's ideal for a Saturday night drinking session if you're a SEGA fan, as you could easily wear it to bed once you've turned the TV off.
    Internal SEGA Europe communications from 1999 EXPOSED! Dreamcast launch "six times" more successful than that of PlayStation! Happy New Year wished!

    "Not wanting to feel left out of the ex-Sega Europe people showing off the free Dreamcast tat / rare collectibles that we got given, I thought I'd show off this lovely letter I received from JF Cecillon and Miyake back in Christmas '99. I can't remember what the special bonus was, but it might have been a £3 book token" - Anonymous.
    The pasty white ginger one is looking pastier and whiter than ever, and there's still another three months of winter to go. You'll be able to see her internal organs come the end of February. She'll look like a pound of sausages wrapped in cling film.

    Mangy old dogs

    High-resolution image kindly donated to the UKR National Archive by the generous man who runs this blog about shit music, plus we ought to link to the original provider as it's supposed to be for charity rather than wanking over that uncovered bit of Cheryl's foot.

  • Here.
  • EVIL Sony boasted to the world about there being 14 million PlayStation Network users in the world in this deliberately-misleading update on its blog regarding PS3's "success" last week.

    You might quite reasonably expect that to mean there are 14 million PS3s being used online, but no. That figure also included PSP PSN accounts, as Sony later confessed to Gamespot.

    'And LittleBigPlanet fully recouped its development costs... partially'

    We never thought we'd see the day Gamespot symbolises truth and justice.


    Jet Set* Radio artwork spotted in the window of a contemporary sushi restaurant by one of our many "Adam" readers. We hope he's not planning on going in. We'd hate to think we have readers fashionable enough to have a favourite kind of sushi.


    "I was walking by my local shopping mall when I saw this poster for a new sushi place that should be opening soon. Please see if you can use this as evidence that people still love Jet Set Radio to convince SEGA to make a proper new game in the series for Xbox 360. Thanks!" - Adam.

    Get Set SEGA Lawyers

    We don't know enough about Ken Taya to know if he has a licence to resell SEGA artwork or not, so we hope he doesn't get sued for $1,000,000 over this disclosure. Not that it would impact on our daily lives in any way if he did. So, on reflection, we don't actually care if he ends up in jail with the nonces for 25 years. Sorry, Ken, but it's true. You're NOTHING to us.

    Not Mind Jalilio

    We should've saved some of the words from that last caption to go in here. There's nothing left so say.

    *Never say Grind.
    Here are the least sad bits of what we've been doing elsewhere in the sphere of online content generation.
  • This thing about a hilarious internet "meme" that got taken way too seriously and people just ended up embarrassing themselves by being too "into it."

  • This thing about possibly getting new kinds of shoes for a pretend man to wear in a non-existent place :(

  • This thing about how external HDs are only ever used by men to hide their 'Sunday Best' porn on/in.

  • This thing about Microsoft going slightly INSANE and making claims it can't really live up to.

  • This thing about US console sales, which includes YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHO? OH YES, SHIT OLD SONY! in very last place as usual.

  • This thing about the 'Yellow Toy Collection' Princess, as she will no doubt soon be forced to rename herself when Nintendo's people hear of it.

  • This thing about mucky little well-polished-turd Avril Lavigne holding it up for Canon, because you can't not use pictures like this when they come along:

  • Wipe it down afterwards, love

    It's embarrassing to report that this week veered into fun territory. 7/10.
    You remember, blue skies in games. It was the good thing we did once. Listen to it and read about it here. It's surprisingly awesome.


    There is no accompanying imagery or press materials.
    This photograph has literally everything. NASA scientists will still be analysing all this data a decade from now.

    'Let me slip into something more comfortable and with the DREAMCAST LOGO ON!'

    "Here are some lovely pajama bottoms adorned with the fabulous DC swirly!" - Brendan.

    'I bought them for my seven-year-old boy's birthday'

    We have replied to Brendan asking if those legs are the legs of a man or woman. Hopefully they are not the legs of a child, as that would mean we committed two separate crimes last night.
    Sony's ridiculous GO!VIEW money-costing, TV-downloading service, which we'd be AMAZED if more than 20 people have heard of and signed up for, is luring teenage gamers to the service by... letting them download content from The History Channel.

    So if you're an urban youth who likes to watch documentaries about cathedrals between Need For Speed sessions, this is for you.

    '...then, in 1874, the slates were replaced by locally-sourced...'

    Although, to be fair, documentaries about cathedrals are more exciting than the PSP software catalogue.


    GO!VIEW and The History Channel to give PSP(tm) users a piece of the past

    From ancient civilisations to the world's greatest air battles, GO!VIEW now brings PSP(tm) users some of the most interesting stories in history with programming from The History Channel. With hours of content available including popular series such as Ax Men, Rome: Rise and Fall of an Empire and Dogfights, as well as a range of one hour documentaries, PSP(tm) owners can now take a little bit of history with them wherever they go.

    Content from The History Channel is offered as part of the Entertainment subscription pack, available on GO!VIEW for just £5 per month. Continuing GO!VIEW's commitment to provide great content for its customers, this latest partnership allows PSP(tm) owners to transfer highlights from The History Channel to watch on-the-go and on-demand. What's more, PSP(tm) users can currently trial GO!VIEW free for thirty days.

    Richard Melman, Acting Managing Director of The History Channel says; "We are absolutely delighted to expand and capitalise on the success of The History Channel via this exciting new platform. Now I've got an even better excuse to buy a PSP(tm)!"

    In addition to the Entertainment Pack, PSP(tm) users can also subscribe to the Sports and Comedy Packs available on GO!VIEW by monthly subscription, whilst selected 'Movies to Rent' and 'Latest TV to Rent' can be transferred via the rental service. Subscription packs are priced at £5 (€7) for 1 pack, £8 (€11) for 2 packs and £10 (€14) for all three packs. Rental TV is available from £1.50 (€2.00) per episode and a range of movies is available from £2.50 (€3.20) each.
    Go!VIEW is a joint venture between Sony Computer Entertainment Europe and BSkyB who have established the joint venture 'GO!VIEW Entertainment UK'. This is being used to bring the PSP video-on-demand to market in the UK, Northern Ireland, Republic of Ireland, Channel Islands & the Isle of Man. Sky is providing their expertise in building successful video-on-demand platforms as well as content acquisition. Sony Computer Entertainment is providing the marketing for the service.
    We're sure that 19th on the UK chart at the end of Week Two is exactly what Sony had in mind for LittleBigPlanet. It's all falling into place.


    No, apart. It's all falling apart. Let's try one of those hilarious zooming-in jokes...

    20 years too late for Paul Hardcastle references

    STAGE 1: A bit closer.

    Raking in several tens of pounds at retail

    STAGE 2: Closer still.

    Sequel assured!

    STAGE 3: VERY CLOSE and therefore hilarious.


    There must be some mistake here. Sonic The Hedgehog is for men in their 30s, not children. Children might get it dirty and not treat Sonic with the respect he deserves. And they might start liking Shadow because he's got a gun.

    'Removable absorbent central panel'

    "Perched in the Reactor Mini, young gamers will embark on a high-speed adventure where movements, fighting and speed deliver a full-body sensory experience – all in the comfort of a chair that is sized perfectly to fit," said Jamie Duran, president of Ultimate Game Chair. "Drawing on SEGA's legacy of the best game play and most engaging storylines, we have built a chair that will unleash a child's inner hedgehog and redefine video game fun."
    Three cheers for "girl gamer" clans who shoot themselves in the foot by making the prettiest one with the most expensive hair their leader. Subconscious move, or a purposeful admission of their role as PAWNS in the game?

    'And wear something skimpy'

    If men were behind this there'd be a terrible ruction.
    We must take issue with LUBEFREIGHT LTD's assertion that it's the leader in lubricant distribution. LUBEFREIGHT has clearly never looked through our curtains on a Friday evening.

    If you are reading this, LUBEFREIGHT, please consider manufacturing some t-shirts. One that just says "LUBEFREIGHT" on it would be fine. We can recommend a good printer and would be prepared to go halves on costs, as we're pretty sure LUBEFREIGHT could become a huge brand on the gay clubbing scene AND the Dreamcast-logo-alike scene, making us t-shirt millionaires.

    Alternatively, how about some SWARFEGA underpants

    "Saw one of their tankers on the M62 this morning. Their logo resembles the dreamcast logo, hence the email" - Andy.
    Here's a globe-trotting piece of medium-resolution photojournalism from a reader UNAFRAID of going to places he hasn't already been. Just getting there would have involved at least three separate go outsides, plus face-to-face small talk with over three individuals. Unprecedented bravery.

    Sonic - popular on other side of world

    "During my recent jaunt to Shanghai I came across an arcade quite literally packed to the rafters with Sonic-y goodness."

    Sonic - popular on other side of world

    "I realise there is no sense of scale in this picture, but that Sonic is getting on for about 30ft tall. Is this the biggest Sonic you have been sent? Do I win a prize?"

    Sonic - popular on other side of world

    "I apologise for some of the blurryness but I was taking them quickly to avoid having to answer awkward questions from my other half."

    Sonic - popular on other side of world

    "AND IT GETS BETTER! Dreamcast 2 is obviously very close to release and the viral marketing has started at this Hello Kitty sweet shop."

    Sonic - popular on other side of world

    "And last and most definitely least, a girl called Jade doodling a Dreamcast logo on a McDonalds bag. But that was from the UK so is less exotic and exciting" - Martin B.

    Sonic - popular on other side of world

    It's amazing what sights you can see when your life isn't based entirely around going to Sainsbury's or occasionally ASDA.

    Sonic - popular on other side of world

    It's taller than a person! Amazing scenes.
    Our brave friends across the Atlantic are continuing to STICK IT TO and RIGHT INTO Sony, with PS3 sales DOWN 18% during October. Despite the launch of some shit user-generating, administrator-deleting content game about being a teddy bear and having your hard work removed that was all the rage for about 36 hours. Here's a list.

    Wii: 803,000
    DS: 491,000
    360: 371,000
    PSP: 193,000
    PS3: 190,000
    PS2: 136,000

    Selling fewer consoles when you've got your most important game of the year out AND it's nearly Christmas is a 10/10 on the SEGA Saturn UK Launch Disaster Scale.

    1. 790k - Fable 2 (360)
    2. 487k - Wii Fit (Wii)
    3. 375k - Fallout 3 (360)
    4. 290k - Mario Kart (Wii)
    5. 282k - Wii Play (Wii)
    6. 270k - Saints Row 2 (360)
    7. 231k - SOCOM (PS3)
    8. 215k - LittleBigPlanet (PS3)
    9. 202k - NBA 2K9 (360)
    10. 193k - Dead Space (360)

    Kaz Hirai, Iberian SalesMaster

    The 'We Died And This Is What Heaven Is Like' theory gains strength.


    There's no need to go trying to think of a funny comment. Just let it scroll away.
  • This thing about a MILF with a heart of gold.

  • This thing about Lucy Pinder and some lies to do with Xbox 360, which got linked to by Kotaku, boosting unique reader numbers into the high teens.

  • This thing about that Tomb Raider internet thing.

  • This thing about a radio that comes in "moss."

  • This thing about game sales around the world in which we forgot to point out that Sony is only three letters away from COCK.

  • This thing about a defibrillator with a face, because we didn't do anything about attractive ladies holding items this week:

  • Up, Down, Left, Right + RESTART HEART

    Sorry about that.
    Whoever bought the outfit for the model needs to be sacked. You won't get anywhere on the internet with a photo of a woman in sensible trousers.

    At least they didn't call it Activ8

    You can't even see the outline of her pants or bra. This will sink without trace. Thousands wasted.

    Restraint device included

    It comes with a strap. You could always just buy the strap. If you're the sort of person inclined toward exercising, you ought to be able to motivate yourself to do it without a fucking avatar yelling positive enforcement messages at you from a TV.

    Buster Gonad and his extremely large, blue testicle

    Also for "bachelors" who live in loft apartments.

    Wii game in CHEAP COPY shock

    It'd be cheaper and more satisfying to beat your fists into the sofa cushions to disperse latent rage. WARNING: Don't do that if you're an asthmatic or suffer from a dust allergy. Raging against sofas can kill.

    'Yes, that's right! That's great! Keep jumping! Six! Seven! Come on! You're doing well!'

    The students in the downstairs bedsit won't be happy.

    'You're really working it now, girlfriend!'

    Needs some knee on display. We'd even settle for a glimpse of toned ankle. Very poor effort. Severely lacking in exploitation. 4/10.
    There are lots of photos from the UK launch of the surrogate friend game here. This one is best. Because we really like red. No other reason.

    Nothing funny here

    This is why they call the game WoW.
    Here's something to calm everyone down. A relaxed German man, wearing what looks like a shirt he originally bought to attend a rave in 1991 - pre-dating the Dreamcast logo by many years.

    'This is way to rave party?'

    "Here are two photos I took of a sleeping German man on the train at 3.00am. We were coming back from the Love Parade in Dortmund. Thought you might appreciate the photos" - KK.

    'Put sleep drugs in tea and rape on train, yes?'

    We're slightly concerned that the poor man's groin seems to be the main focus of the shot, with the Dreamcast logo only noticed some time after the image had been taken (and used).
    Man on fancy holiday spots SEGA-related item. Man supplies non-blurry 3400 x 2257 photograph taken on a proper camera, in which you can see that Sony's slogan for PS2 in Malaysia is "EVERYTHING BEGIN HERE".

    The EXIF data shows the image was taken with Canon EOS 400D and was subsequently modified in Adobe Photoshop CS3. Over to "prosumer" Harry for an on-the-spot report.

    "While on a roadtrip around Malaysia a month or two ago, I ended up driving through a town called Segamat. I appreciate that alone isn't worth a post on UKR (or is it?). Anyway, as luck would have it, it also contained a shop advertising the Saturn. Sadly I couldn't stop to go explore inside and see how many Saturns they had sold that week :( That's it really. Sorry. S'gotta be marginally more exciting than yet another Dreamcast-Found-On-Bathmat picture though?" - Harry.
    Oh dear, Sony's dream of a Triple A title goes the way of MGS4 with a disastrous 4th place in the sales chart for the last week. Despite the hype, despite the ridiculous (but predictable) EDGE 10/10 LBP is SHAMEFULLY beaten by Gears 2, a game that's been out for a month and another game that most people have never heard of.

    1: Gears of War 2
    2: FIFA 09
    3: Fallout 3
    4: LittleBigPlanet
    5: WWE SmackDown vs.
    Raw 2009
    6: Professor Layton and the Curious Village)
    7: Mario Kart Wii
    8: Quantum of Solace
    9: Pro Evolution Soccer 2009
    10: Wii Fit

    We can't let it pass without comment that Sony is deleting piles of user-generated content from its tatty little teddy bear game that is ENTIRELY BASED AROUND and TO DO WITH user-generated content.

    Just to recap, because it is a bit hard to understand. The game IS BUILT AROUND user-generated content. And Sony is DELETING user-generated content, despite previously being as happy as pigs in shit to tell everyone how cool "UGC" is and how LittleBigPlanet is ALL ABOUT IT and therefore also cool.

    We just had to let you know that we have noticed this and are nursing the obligatory SONY DOOM semi.


    Sony's clearly making all these balls-ups on purpose so we can have a laugh. In fact, we may have all died in a nuclear war at the end of 2006 and this is heaven we're in right now.


    This image is taken from Sony's E3 08 presentation, in which it cleverly recreated PlayStation imagery in LBP. This would be deleted if a user made it. Awesome corporate hypocrisy!


    Headline of the Year. This amazingly bizarre advert was spotted by a reader who has, understandably, requested Category A anonymity. A Super Mario Bros. fan wants someone to bum while they play the NES game in a hotel room in, unsurprisingly, Brighton. And, to prove he's a true gamer, there will be no small talk after.

    The ad has since been deleted, but here's a screen capture of it.

    Typical Nintendo activity

    Change it to OutRun2SP and let us have whatever we want out of the mini bar and it might be worth the train fare.


    Want it from behind while you play Super Mario Brothers ? Age: 28

    Date posted: Saturday 27th September
    Location: Brighton

    Do you love to play Super Mario Brothers on the Classic Nintendo System? Do you like to get tagged from behind while you do it? This is the post for you then.

    You must know your way around the game before we meet, must be open to anal sex, also able to fake an orgasm is a plus.

    I will send you the address to a hotel and a room number. When you arrive the door will be open. Please come in close and lock the door and close the shades if they are still open. I will be in the bathroom and the door will be closed. Turn on the TV and the Nintendo. Remove all of your clothing. Turn off all lights in the room and kneel down on the bed so you are directly in the light of the TV. You need to be facing the TV with your butt in the air pointed toward the pillows on the bed.

    Press the start button on the controller when you are ready. I will hear the sound and turn the light off in the bathroom and come out. You will not look directly at me, only look at the TV. When the first level starts I will begin to finger you and lick you. I will be using lots of lube as well.

    When you reach the end of level one, make sure to trigger the fireworks. This is vital to the entire experience. I must hear the fireworks. When level 2 begins and Mario walks into the pipe, I will penetrate you. You may say things like, "MORE", "HARDER", "YES", "FUCK ME", but nothing else. I will continue having sex until the level ends. DO NOT take the secret level skip. If you die I will pull out and spank you until the level restarts.

    When you reach the flag you must again trigger the fireworks, and also orgasm. I will pull out. When the 1-3 starts I will penetrate your ass. You are allowed to say something like "OH GOD", "YES", OR "IT HURTS" no other conversation is allowed.

    When level 1-4 starts I will alternate between holes as I see fit. You may beg me to cum inside or outside of you, depending on what you want. When boss falls and you reach the princess I will pull out and blow my load where you have convinced me I want too. You may then say something like "Thanks", "It was great", "I loved it", "Don't stop"

    If I am impressed you may continue playing and I will continue to pleasure you. If I am not, I will turn the Nintendo Off and return to the bathroom. At this time you may clean your self with the towel that is beside the bed. Turn the lights on, redress yourself and leave.

    I may come back out and talk to you as you dress but the conversation will most likely be short and revolve around scheduling another time to get together.
    No, because it's the bemused silence as the game buying public fire up Little Big Planet and then realise that it's actually not very good after all and isn't the game that is going to sell millions of PS3s. Don't take our word for it, here's a sample of opinion from a few gaming forums. And these are the very people who've been wanking themselves silly for the last few weeks over clever, but pointless levels constructed by weird, obsessive Japanese people.

    "I'm 20 minutes into playing one of the most outrageously shit pieces of game design, ever."

    "Either I'm missing something, or this whole section relies on luck and the grip button working 100% (which it doesn't, ever)"

    "I got through the first terrible part, and there's another bit just as bad after it"

    "It's some of the shittiest game design ever and incredibly frustrating, and after all that came before it I'm really disappointed."

    "...been some really frustrating times having to restart the entire level again"

    "The damned thing is a chore and I'm going to get through on luck rather than any repeatable skills because what works one time, might not work the next."

    "an unfair, badly thought out piece of shit"

    "makes you also feel like you are fighting the controls rather than just playing the game."

    She must've earned £20k for this and got to keep the shoes. Plus she got it the right way up AND the right way around for a £5k performance bonus. Imagine how easy life must be when being able to stand up and hold something while not blinking very often counts as your job.

    NEXT WEEK'S MOTORSTORM PR STUNT: Sony exhumes the corpse of Colin McRae and arranges to have it dragged around his home town behind a tractor.
    Just when you think video games are becoming an acceptable, adult, mainstream entertainment form free from the sexist, teenage boy cliches of years past...

    Sony and Keeley Hazell bomb video game PR back to 1986

    ...Sony goes and SPUNKS TEN YEARS OF WORK AWAY over the stomach of some low-grade model dressed like she's in a 1986 Zzap! magazine ad for Strip Poker.

    Sony and Keeley Hazell bomb video game PR back to 1986

    Amazing. Presumably Keeley is here to ensure Motorstorm gets a 20-word review in Nuts or Zoo and maybe catches the eye of Jonathan Weinberg.

    Sony and Keeley Hazell bomb video game PR back to 1986

    VIDEO GAMES: Once again considered the preserve of virgins who are as familiar with the feel of ladies as they are with the atmospheric conditions of Neptune. Well done, Sony.


    The dream of having a job about where you're encouraged and allowed to be rude and dismissive on the internet continues.
  • This thing which mentions SEGA in the vaguest, slightest and almost certainly un-true-est fashion possible.

  • This thing in which we celebrate not having to pretend to be excited about Gears of Cocking War 2 any more.

  • This thing which is topical and about newspapers.

  • This thing about how poor people are buying iPhones.

  • This thing about how FOOTBALL is meant to make men buy mobile phones, because you can't not use pictures like this when they come along

  • 'I'll just impulse-buy this expensive item'

    About as interesting as listening to people you don't know talking about how their bank is failing to pass on the reduction in interest rates. 3/10.
    Here's Pretend Lara Croft 08 Alison Carroll being interviewed by a Danish man. He wants to ask questions about archaeology, which is brave as he can't really say "archaeology" very well.

    She gets "her people" to interrupt and tell him to stop. It is the sort of awesome uncomfortable voyeurism we have come to expect from Lara Croft model interviews.

    Pretend Lara Croft 08 Alison Carroll

    The video doesn't seem to be embeddable. You'll have to watch it old school by clicking on a link. She's wearing a bikini, if that's any additional motivation. The sighting was sent in by "Per" who says "Ekstra Bladet is a big daily newspaper in Denmark. Like a light version of The Sun."
    Courtesy of a graph in Japanese, courtesy of Nintendo, courtesy of an amazingly impenetrable thread about Nintendo's performance over at NeoGAF.

    It is nice to have clarity.


    Oh yes. You won't catch us wearing regulation, common SEGA product produced under license and made available to the general public. Only the finest INTERNAL USE ONLY products are endorsed by UKR.

    "A rather interesting, although awkwardly triangular, SEGA Dreamcast bag given to all workers in the European Contact Centre shortly before they pulled the plug on the Dreamcast and the staff's employment" - Gary.

    We like to think such a mint example would fetch upwards of £2000 on eBay. The harsh reality would be more like £1.99.
    We'd imagine you spend a significant amount of time wondering just how much control you will be given over the camera in the new Tomb Raider game. You know, so you can sit near the screen and be near a woman that's actually life sized, while she goes through her inactivity animations making it seem like you're also near a living woman instead of your usual recently-excavated rotting corpse girlfriend.

    The last Tomb Raider game, which was surprisingly brilliant, let you do things like this. Here's what you can do this time around, courtesy of one of our non-globe-trotting readers who stays at home rotating cameras around pretend ladies.

    Tomb Raider: Underside

    "With every incarnation of Ms Lara Croft, the first thing to always be tried and tested is just how close can you get the camera to her for a more 'intimate' inspection. And luckily Crystal Dynamics hasn't let us down!"

    Tomb Raider: Almost Inside

    "Possibly the best thing about the demo recently posted on Xbox Live is the inclusion of 'crotch cam'. I've attached a couple of pics showing just why such a cam is essential in every Tomb Raider game. God bless the unscrupulous game developer" - Chris.
    Well, more "placed across a magazine photo of Holly Willoughby" than smeared over her actual tits, but only one of those options will lead to a 10000% increase in Google traffic when placed in a headline.

    "I had a cream doughnut today at work, it was all right, the cream was a bit too watery for me, but imagine my ASTONISHMENT when I gazed down at the bit of paper it had been placed in. Is SEGA making really watery cream filled doughnuts now? I put the paper on the cover of an old FHM so you can see Holly Willoughby's tits. Would. If you mention this you can call me Heywood Jablow" - Heywood Jablow.

    Here's another DC logo/real life picture we got sent by a man called "RedEric". This is from a coffee shop in Cardiff. It was not deemed good enough to get a whole update to itself, in a rare display of in-house UKR quality control. It's nice to know that Welsh people are experiencing the joys of posh coffee shops nowadays.

    This is more interesting. It also came from "RedEric" but he didn't say anything about it. The file name is "Singapore 333" so we assume it was taken in Singapore and RedEric is therefore yet another one of our international playboy readers who doesn't just stay at home screen-capping GMTV presenters' knees then going out to ASDA to buy custard doughnuts for dinner.

    And there was this. We could go on. We have literally thousands of pictures like these in the inbox of misery.