UK:RESISTANCE 'main page'
It would appear that the world's last remaining stocks of Sonic toys have been dumped in a place called King's Island. There now follows way more information that you actually need regarding King's Island.

"Away and across the pond, there's a place called Kings Island that people used to like to go to. Kids liked the Hanna-Barbera themed kiddie rides, and adults could enjoy a multitude of rides based on hit Paramount movies."

"But this past season, a larger amusement park company bought the park, but none of the rights. Top Gun became 'Flight Deck', Tomb Raider was genericized to 'The Crypt' and the Italian Job was demoted to the unfortunate title of 'Backlot Stunt Coaster'."

"Of course, the ride names weren't the only thing to go. The Happy Land of Hanna-Barbera was perverted into the 'Nickelodeon Universe', and familiar carnival game prizes like Hong Kong Phooey and Huckleberry Hound toys were replaced by crunchy, stiff Pokemon plushes and Sonic dolls with wonky eyes, though I guess we're pretty used to wonky-eyed Sonics by now."

"Anyway, I've attached some pictures showing the sheer magnitude of how many of these dolls there are all over the place. This email's long enough, so I'll just leave some additional commentary if you decide to post this. Cheerios" - Sam.

Thanks, Sam. They would appear to be relatively poor plushes featuring disappointingly low production values, but it's still pleasant to see a place where Sonic triumphs over Disney shite.

Bad eyes. And how come Big The Cat is still being manufactured?

Knuckles is warning the fat man to steer clear of his bitch.
PS3 managed to sell even fewer units in Japan last week than the week before. AGAIN. The god of statistics has smiled on us once more.

PSP: 60,467
Wii: 24,292
DS: 22,965
360: 7,844
PS2: 6,962
PS3: 3,931

To put this into context, 3,931 PlayStation3s is enough PlayStation3s to fit inside the boot of a Peugeot 306 estate, or enough PlayStation3s to completely fill an average household chest freezer. Today's global news agenda set, as always, by NeoGAF.


It's the cold weather's fault. Makes it hard to write words in interesting or funny combinations.
  • This thing in which we pretend to react in pretend horror to The Sun doing stuff like this.

  • This thing about Planes, Trains and Automobiles.

  • This thing about Master Chief-costumed bank robberies.

  • This thing about the latest thing scientists have managed to do to mouse brains.

  • This thing about the MemoryCleanse(TM) Retrospective Discreet Firewall , because you can't not use pictures like this when they come along:

  • While you were sleeping (I tried on your tights and had a wank)

    At this rate of decline we're unlikely to remain under contract past Week 50. 3/10.
    Each wacky manoeuvre this dude pulls nails another stake into the heart of N-GAGE. Perhaps this time it will stay dead?

    TOMORROW: A rollerblading midget

    The money spent hiring him could've been put to much better use developing a party game for Wii.
    And here we were thinking that all UKR readers existed solely within the confines of bedsits in South Wales, where they obsess about female regional newsreaders and construct elaborate fantasy scenarios where they do something newsworthy - like save a child from a burning car - and get invited into the studio for an interview about their right place/right time heroics.

    Then they meet the newsreader in the "green room" and become friends. They decide to go out after the show has "wrapped" and head off for a night on the town. Being a local celebrity, the female newsreader gets into all the coolest bars for free and most of her drinks are free as well. She gets very drunk and eventually consents to sex.

    But that is not true. Some of you go abroad and do interesting things other than sitting there with your trousers open waiting for Meridian TV's Sarah Lockett to cross her legs.

    This reader went to Bolivia, for example.

    "I have photos of a 'Dreamcast 2' bed spread. Found in the jungle village of Rerrenabaque, Northern Bolivia, it features what is clearly blue skies and sunshine too! It is none other than a subliminal message from SEGA's Dreamcast 2 promotional squad. They get everywhere!"

    "Unfortunately it wasn't particularly comfortable. But then it is hard to be comfortable in one of the most humid parts of the world, even without 1000 mosquito, tick and sandfly bites" - Alan.

    This update is the companion piece to Alan's Bolivian Battery Special, as featured on upcoming metallurgy blog Idiot Toys. Alan has basically saved today from being even less interesting.
    Another person has kept some SEGA coins as a memento of a happy day spent playing Daytona USA and then having another go on Daytona USA and then some more goes on Daytona USA in an arcade.

    Here is a slightly blurry photograph of some Daytona SEGA coins from America.

    Redeemable value: 5,000,000 happy dreams!

    "Not the best picture, but here's two coins from the SEGA arcade at the speedway in Daytona. I have four of them. I wish I'd used them now for another go on SCUD race" - Stephen.
    A lot of the Dreamcast logos we've featured haven't been that convincing. This one, however, is PERFECT. It even comes in Rubbish European Blue. It's so good that we have even resized and uploaded the submitter's other photo of the cafe chain called Segafredo - a depth so low we weren't planning on featuring it until at least 2011.

    'Plagued by suspicious fluids that need rapid and discreet absorption?'

    "Here are a couple of photos I snapped whilst wandering aimlessly about the shops in 'sunny' Burnham-on-Sea last week. The towel has a vaguely Dreamcast-like swirl logo on it. Stitching was surprisingly good considering it was in a pound shop."

    Would've been rejected in 1999. Grade A material by today's standards

    "The other is from the window and signage of a coffee chop as it has SEGA in the title. Nothing too amazing about that. Apologies for the picture quality, the N95 isn't all that great IMO..." - Mark.


    Astonishing discovery! The timeless original Sonic 1 artwork is still in use today. We doubt "Sackboy" will be selling pork-substitute scratchings in the year 2025.

    "Was delighted at spotting something Sonic related on holiday in Jerusalem, and I hope you might like it! Not sure what the product itself was - sweets or crisps I guess. Sorry for the shitty quality, but the guy in the second photo, despite his chipper expression, was giving me some odd looks as I was stooping down photograping an empty snack packet and I didn't much fancy trying to explain myself!" - John.

    Photograph made all the more thrilling by close proximity of poorly-maintained military equipment.
    PS3 managed to sell even fewer units in Japan last week than the week before. We cannot believe how OVER it is. It has happened and we've been cheering it all the way down!

    PSP: 159,816
    DS: 29,839
    Wii: 26,024
    360: 7,856
    PS2: 7,261
    PS3: 4,725

    4,725 PlayStation3s is enough PlayStation3s to stretch from one end of a room to the other end of a room. If piled on top of each other, the pile would nearly be as tall as a house. Today's news agenda set, as always, by NeoGAF.


    We bit down, we pulled through. And everything was OK in the end.
  • This thing which features one of the most astonishing promotional photographs you will ever see.

  • This thing from which you can gain information about what music is OK to like and what music is NOT OK to like.

  • This thing about a PS3 that looks a bit like it'd be nice to have.

  • This thing in which you may accurately gauge how well Nicole Appleton is ageing.

  • This thing about seeing how big things are.

  • This thing about National Stop Running Women Over With Your Car month, because you can't not use pictures like this when they come along:

  • National Stop Running Women Over With Your Car month

    A perfectly adequate and quota-achieving 5/10.
    Here's a surprise. A bunch of fat fucks who sit around playing Halo all day are pretty "stoked" about getting some Gamer Grub shite for free.

    The one in the sunglasses needs punching first, and hardest, and with the force of TEN THOUSAND HAMMERS. Taking out the rest would be a happy coincidence.

    Gamer Grub Endorsed by USA's WCG Gold Medal Halo 3 Team

    SAN DIEGO--(BUSINESS WIRE)--Biosilo Foods today announced Gamer Grub received tremendous response for its line of performance snacks at the E for All Expo held at the Los Angeles Convention Center on October 3 – 5, 2008. News coverage of the snack launch included ABC and NBC news, together with numerous online publications.

    "From the buzz generated since the launch of Gamer Grub at E for All, we received great response and community feedback," said Keith Mullin, founder and CEO of Biosilo Foods. "We are currently incorporating much of the community feedback into Gamer Grub, prior to its release in early 2009."

    Gamer Grub, the Official Snack Supplier for WCG USA 2008, is also endorsed by MoB Gaming—USA's WCG Gold Medal Halo 3 Team. The winning MoB Gaming Halo 3 team is headed to Cologne, Germany on November 5 – 9, 2008, representing the United States in the 80-country WCG 2008 World Grand Final.

    "We are proud to have Gamer Grub join the MoB Gaming Family. We snacked on Gamer Grub the entire weekend of E for All, and thought it was amazing," said Joey Yamcharem "Scrubtwista," MoB Deep's Halo 3 team member. "We won the WCG USA, receiving the gold medal in Halo 3. Gamer Grub is the snack of champions."

    Gamer Grub is currently offered in four tasty flavors—Pizza Blend, PB&J Blend, Wasabi Blend and Chocolate Blend. Gamer Grub will be available online and at retail stores beginning in 2009. For more information on Gamer Grub, visit
    Great news from the financial markets! Sony, the manufacturer of over-priced and always-breaking electronics, has issued a profit warning, saying that demand for its over-priced and always-breaking electronics has fallen.

    People are finally SEEING.

    Today shall forever be known to the financial world as "Pink Thursday."

    Here's how a city broker reacted to the news.


    Those aren't our admittedly untrustworthy words fuelled by years of hate - they're the words of impartial people previously happy to give Sony their money in return for a sub-standard product.

    The shit-screened new PSP made a man so angry he had to use CAPITAL LETTERS. Hopefully this latest lone complaint on a Sony forum will lead to a global crisis and millions of dirty Sony pounds going down the big business toilet.

    PSP 3000 'shit screen' shame

    "Just got a silver 3000. And noticed something wrong right away. Yes the color gamut is wider, yes the black levels are lower, but this screen now has what look like scanlines that were not visible on PSP's before. Even worse, THERE ARE VERY VISIBLE INTERLACING ISSUES NOW. VERY NOTICEABLE IN R&C SIZE MATTERS. I am not happy about my 'upgrade'." - Sony's own backyard.
    He's called Sackboy. He's been user-generated. He is about to become all the rage among the mainstream. Even The Times is going to write something positive about this.

    He was found by a man called "RetroBob" who found it while definitely not looking for furry pornography/cosplay.
    Has anyone got this at around 17000 x 12000 resolution, please?

    Girls Aloud, all managing to hold it the right way up/around

    It's for putting on the internet.

    Girls Aloud SOCKS ACTION

    A feature on UKR will definitely help drive sales in Q4. Thanks.
    "Gee, Sonic! Look at all those businessmen in suits with umbrellas standing at bus stops! What is this strange place called? Let's go take a look! Can we? Can we, Sonic? Please!"

    These photos were taken to celebrate the fact that Sonic was voted the most popular games character EVER in the UK and to publicise the London Games Festival. Incredibly, "the mainstream" has already reported on this as proper news.

    We'd like to know just how many of the people who voted for Sonic have a copy of Dreamcast Sonic Adventure.

    That costume needs a comprehensive re-stuffing. It's all over the place.

    We have it on good authority that there's a lady inside that suit.

    He last saw Tails semi-conscious in a gay bar at 3.30am last night.

    Press Release
    For immediate release


    A bright blue, spiky-haired, lightening-fast hedgehog has beaten not-so-Super Mario, cyber-babe Lara Croft and giant ape Donkey Kong to the title of the nation's favourite video-game character.

    Over 500 UK gamers voted in the poll to mark the launch of London Games Festival, which is expected to attract over 100,000 computer games fans to the capital this week.

    Ahead of his appearance at the Festival, Sonic the Hedgehog, the official mascot of computer giant SEGA, was crowned the most popular video-game character of all time collecting nearly a quarter of all votes (24 per cent). Super Mario and Tomb Raider's Lara Croft came second and third gaining 21 per cent and 16 per cent of the vote respectively.

    The UK's top ten most popular video games characters are as follows:
    1. Sonic the Hedgehog (24 per cent)
    2. Super Mario (21 per cent)
    3. Lara Croft (Tomb Raider) (16 per cent)
    4. Donkey Kong (11 per cent)
    5. Pac Man (10 per cent)
    6. Link (The Legend of Zelda) (5 per cent)
    7. Max Payne (4 per cent)
    8. Pikachu (Pokemon) (3 per cent)
    9. Niko Belic (Grand Theft Auto series) (2 per cent)
    10. Blanka (Street Fighter) (1 per cent)

    * Other (3 per cent)

    For more information and images of Sonic the Hedgehog out and about in London please contact the SEGA press office at Mischief on 020 7100 9999 or
    The internet is full of Sony fans sobbing their guts up through their eyeballs over the LittleBigPlanet recall hilarity. Here are some of the places you can go to laugh at the mess.
    Media Molecule - "I was so excited to get this game. No longer. Sorry, guys, but I'm going to have to cancel my pre-order. You can say it's about "quality," but we all know that isn't true. It is only about fear. Well, you're a business, first and foremost, and of course you have to consider the ramifications of offending fanatical Muslims. Now you've offended me, and as such I don't feel you deserve my money."

    Three Speech - "As much as we’re all about free speech on Three Speech (and we really do want you to debate and discuss how you feel about SCEE and PlayStation) this is obviously a pretty contentious issue, so please try to avoid saying anything too inflammatory in this thread. Try to keep your comments measured and your criticism constructive everyone..."

    Sony's blog - "Since Sony is giving into terrorism, I guess I’ll just cancel my Little Big Planet pre-order and go buy Fable II next week."

    Eurogamer - "Stop having a go at Muslims. It's PC idiots over at Sony who are massively overreacting."

    Nothing pleases us more than a global PR disaster.
    The Dreamcast must've been huge in Cuba. It's practically the country's national symbol, if the inside of this hotel room is anything to go on.

    "Here are some photos of some lamps that were in my hotel room in Cuba. All of them have the Dreamcast logo craftily hidden on them - so craftily, in fact, that you may need to study the pictures a while before finding the logos. I've had the photos for a while now but as far as I'm aware they're still fresh update material" - Craig.

    Here's a slightly closer shot. You can just about make out the logo beneath the lampshade.

    Here's a photo of it with the light turned off, in case you were wondering how it looks with the light turned off.

    We could really do with alternate photos taken with the flash, to see what it looks like with the flash. And a photo of the contents of the mini bar would've been nice, to add a bit of local colour and see what kind of Toblerones they have in Cuba.

    But these pictures are still banal enough for us.


    The BBC is doing a quiz about old computers here. It features an appearance by the Saturn, which the BBC erroneously suggests was not successful.

    This is not why we don't pay our license fee.

    The 50-million-selling SAGE Satrun

    The way we remember it, Saturn was a SMASH - it's just unfortunate that the internet wasn't around at the time to record its many victories in 1995, when, for a few months, it was the best-selling 32-bit console of all. And we're only on 5/10 because we were rushing.
    We suggest a simultaneous ejaculation at 3.15pm, which leaves enough time for lunch to settle down so no one feels nauseous after. Everyone in?

    DS: 31,914
    PSP: 23,901
    Wii: 22,877
    360: 7,763
    PS2: 6,982
    PS3: 5,734

    At this rate, Sony's only revenue stream from gaming in 2011 will be the several thousand pounds it generates annually through selling replacement PS2 DVD drive lenses. Today's news agenda set, as always, by NeoGAF.


    This was sent in back in March. We have been sitting on it all this time. Or, rather, we have been waiting for a day when there's such a lack of quality alternative material available that even a car number plate photograph is welcome.

    "I spotted this in a shopping mall car park and thought it was worth taking a photo of with my POWERFUL 2.0 MEGAPIXEL iPhone. Notice that the plate actually says "SONIC" and not "SON1C", "S0NEC" or sOnIKZZORSzZ1!!1!!" This guy was clearly there from the beginning, and did not jump on the bandwagon with Shadow the Hedgehog" - Johnny.

    "On a side note, the car is a Commodore, the type driven by hard men who drink XXXX and work on construction sites. I took this photo while pretending to text so as to not be called a poofta by the owner. He wasn't actually in the car, but there was still a chance he was somewhere around, hence the shaking hand."
    There are four perfectly innocent photos of the little SEGA car to draw you in and earn your trust, then a horrific image of a man's SEGA tattoo.

    "Some images that could look nice in your website. I haven't found any SEGA tatoo yet... apart from mine, I mean" - Clozeone.

    Ahh, isn't it sweet?

    Isn't it just the cutest thing?

    What a lovely little idea!

    TOMORROW: Gold cock rings photo special.
    Sent in by a man/manchild/girl that calls itself "Link" and may therefore be some sort of Nintendo sympathiser. Found on eBay. Comes pre-owned so has been worn and might still smell of previous owner, or at least of previous owner's washing powder and house.

    10 pieces? That's one piece of broken dignity, three pieces of smashed pride and six pieces of shame.

    Sent in my a man who operates under the internet name of "Babook" to stop people finding out who he is, where he lives and the crimes he has committed in the past.

    And no, we don't have a higher resolution version, or any alternative angles of her rolled into a ball.
    Cocks out, everyone! PS3's the anus of another chart. Sony's ten year plan to become the new AMSTRAD is going swimmingly.

    DS: 42,385
    PSP: 26,045
    Wii: 25,330
    PS2: 8,618
    360: 8,271
    PS3: 7,232

    PS3 is getting hammered, into the ground, balls first. As ever, we must state that we do not care who wins. It is all about Sony losing, as justice for all its past LIES and SINS.


    About two years ago, a reader asked if we wanted a Dreamcast coat that said "SOE PD" on the back. We said yes. We may even have said "SHIT YES!" and went off to pick it up, a process that involved actual human contact with the owner. It was terrifying, yet exhilarating to get a piece of Dreamcast internal merchandise.

    Then we somehow lost the coat before getting around to doing an update about it. God knows how it got lost, as it was never worn or taken anywhere. It just disappeared.

    Fortunately, someone else has one. And they paid money for theirs.

    The coat itself was bulky and ugly, the sort of thing a person who works outside all day might be made to wear by their employer. Losing it wasn't that much of a heart break, to be honest, as it'd only have sat there taking up wardrobe space until we died and a homeless charity came to take it away.

    "Seeing as you've done a few updates about random SEGA-branded kit over the last few weeks, I thought you might like to see these poor quality pics of a Dreamcast branded jacket I got off eBay a few years ago."


    "It says 'SOE PD' on the front (which probably stands for SEGA of Europe... something), and on the back it has an expertly embroidered Dreamcast logo. Unfortunately (or more likely, fortunately) I can't wear it in public because even though it's a 'medium,' it's far to small for me. Bah!" - Tom.
    We have once again defied the will of the general public and pretended to know something about the following subjects.
  • This thing about how science could make man better.

  • This thing in which we explain the concept of "books" to younger urban readers.

  • This thing which is about Tekken 6 coming to Xbox 360 again, as the world needs to be told as many times as possible that PlayStation3 is dead.

  • This thing about Gears of War SHOES, which definitely warranted the use of an emoticon in the headline.

  • This thing about the Bruker AKS G4 PHOENIX Combustion Analysis System with Infrared Furnace for Determination of Diffusible Hydrogen in Wide Range of Metals Applications, because you can't not use pictures like this when they come along:

  • A mumsy and safe 6/10.
    Jesus H Gates. Namco has just told the world it's bringing Tekken 6 to Xbox 360. Another reason for retards to bother with PS3 blown to SMALL PIECES. Imagine Ridge Racer coming out on the Saturn. IMAGINE THAT NOW. Amazing news.

    Here's a charitable link to CVG about it, should you consider a story on CVG to count as official confirmation of something being real.

    Have we ever mentioned how much we've always admired the character development and play innovations of the Tekken series?
    A year ago we revealed this. Now, a reader who isn't au fait with the entire UKR archive, has submitted this. A more up-to-date image that accurately portrays the current UK situation - banking doom and murders - via its news boards.

    At least some of the graffiti has been cleaned up.

    "You probably have this picture already, but not taken at 8.58am on the 1st October. It warms my heart that a memorial to the memorial of S.O.R.'s Axel Stone lives here" - r@v.
    Shit food for fat American WoW players and dangerously thin South Koreans who haven't eaten since Friday for fear of leaving the PC and dishonouring their party. Never before have we been this patronised.

    Oh right, so it's peanut butter and jam that powers all those athletes.

    The Pizza Marketing Board will love this association between eating pizza and intelligence, rather than childhood obesity.

    Inspired by Winston Churchill, who personally had the Kit Kat invented in early 1940 as a snack to keep him going and strategically alert through the small hours of night in the War Room.

    The good thing about Gamer Grub is the people who exist on Gamer Grub will die before us.

    SAN DIEGO--(BUSINESS WIRE)--Biosilo Foods today announced that Gamer Grub(tm) has become the official snack supplier of the World Cyber Games (WCG) USA 2008 ( Through this partnership, Gamer Grub will supply its great tasting, healthy line of performance snacks to the gamers participating in WCG USA at E for All in Los Angeles, CA from October 3 - 5, 2008.

    Additionally, Gamer Grub will sponsor the reception for World Cyber Games USA players and VIPs during E for All to honor the top WCG USA competitors that will attend the WCG 2008 Grand Final, held from November 5 - 9, 2008 in Cologne, Germany.

    "World Cyber Games USA is extremely excited to partner with Gamer Grub and introduce it to America's and the world's elite gamers," said Michael Arzt, general manager of World Cyber Games USA. "We believe that this new innovative performance snack product is a great asset to pro and recreational gamers alike and can become a 'must-have' new accessory in the market."

    Designed for hungry gamers who want to continue playing games while consuming snacks, Gamer Grub is a great tasting, healthy line of performance snacks. With a patent-pending formulation to support cognitive functions, gamers will have the opportunity to boost core gaming systems and speed reaction times for maximum gaming performance. The ergonomic packaging design maximizes fast-action dispensing of the snack - eliminating the potential of keyboard crumbs and greasy fingers.

    "We are honored to have this opportunity to become the official snack supplier for WCG USA 2008. We believe we have tapped into a whole new category of peripherals with Gamer Grub and will help gamers reach a new level of performance," said Keith Mullin, founder and CEO of Biosilo Foods.

    Gamer Grub is currently offered in four tasty flavors; Action Pizza, Sports PB&J, Racing Wasabi and Strategy Chocolate. Gamer Grub will be available online and at retail stores beginning in 2009. For more information on Gamer Grub, visit
    This never gets boring. Last week's Japanese hardware sales chart. PS3 is being outsold by PS2 now. It's always tragic when a parent outlives a child.

    DS: 57,847
    Wii: 26,314
    PSP: 25,671
    360: 11,291
    PS2: 9,848
    PS3: 8,275

    Three cheers for the internet and the democratic exchange of factual information it empowers. And NeoGAF, obviously.

    Less than the Game Gear

    Thanks to PS3's horrific performance it's now possible to masturbate ourselves to completion over statistical data.


    This thing here is being widely reported as a NEW SEGA HANDHELD. It is called the SEGA Vision. It is, as far as we can tell, an extremely cheap rebranded Chinese video/MP3 player.

    We are not excited. Which means you're not allowed to be excited either.

    It's being produced by our "friends" at SEGA Amusements, which does not fill us with much confidence. Although Alan Smith is involved, which is good news.

    Not "games" but "game" - as in one game. Probably Columns. This is clearly a cheap prize that'll be found in UFO catchers the world over, rather than a "PSP Killer."

    This is an example of the sort of SHITE that SEGA Prize Europe usually pushes into the supply chain. This is why you should not be excited.

    It's the famous wonky-eyed Sonic! He lives here. Who wants to meet up for a group photo opportunity?

  • Here.
  • Here.
  • Here.
  • Girl we might conceivably have something in common with AND can easily find full details on how to contact/stalk her via the internet. First one to get her to write "I <3 Vector The Crocodile" on a sign and hold it up to a webcam wins.

    George? Kids these days

    "Up-and-coming indie music girl George Pringle wearing a Sonic The Hedgehog cap! - Mark."
    September sales figures for Japan, for you all to enjoy! Nothing gets the weekend off to a better start than putting "PS3" at the bottom of a list.

    DS: 234,477
    Wii: 109,548
    PSP: 109,274
    360: 53,547
    PS3: 33,071

    Sony will be saved by PSP and its extremely strong software sales.
    As well as gifting the world the joys of airport-based Cream The Rabbit fan fiction and homoerotic video game developer photography, we have also crafted the following pig-eared collections of words to go on other bits of internet.
  • This thing about Oasis.

  • This thing about when marketing budgets COLLIDE.

  • This thing about innovations in the battery-charging scene.

  • This thing about Sarah or Penny.

  • This thing about a camera we'd have if money was to suddenly become no object thanks to either a series of deaths or robberies.

  • This thing about what happens when you Google the word photocopier, because you can't not use pictures like this when they come along:

  • Press the red button, Mike

    Another week of this being our job. That's a 10/10 to us on a personal level, but only a 3/10 for the rest of the poor internet that has to suffer the terrible results.
    Included in today's SENSATIONAL Lie Watch:
  • Jack Tretton says PS3 sales are "100% up" year on year! (even though last year it sold 9.5m PS3s and this year it plans to sell 10m. 10m is not 100% more than 9.5m, you imbecile)

  • Jack Tretton says Sony will struggle to meet demand for PS3! (great excuse for not selling many of a thing).

  • Jack Tretton says lots of other things that aren't particularly true when taken in context of what Sony has said before and figures that are publicly available.

  • The full lie-laden article with cunty-chops is here. It is being saved for aggressive future use, as is Jack Tretton's sphincter, when he gets made redundant as Sony's gaming division closes in 2010.


    Continuing our series of updates in which we attempt to alienate all but the most hardcore of readers by uploading the dullest possible material, we present the work of "Allan" - a man who whiled away the six hours of his EasyJet delay by photographing the inside of Gatwick's arcade.

    INSIDE Gatwick Airport

    "These shameful image-records were captured at Gatwick airport about a month ago. They might work as some sort of filler for a slow news day."

    INSIDE Gatwick Airport

    "I especially enjoyed the Lazy Town lead-filled Chinese clone-toys in the Elaut grabber" - Al.

    INSIDE Gatwick Airport

    The most exciting thing about this update is that, we would imagine, photography is not permitted within Gatwick Airport.

    INSIDE Gatwick Airport

    Allan could've been mistaken for a terrorist.

    INSIDE Gatwick Airport

    He may have been arrested and put in a cramped holding cell for 48 hours.

    INSIDE Gatwick Airport

    There could've only been a shared toilet for him and six others to use.

    INSIDE Gatwick Airport

    And several rapists in the same cell.

    INSIDE Gatwick Airport

    Then Cream The Rabbit may have been arrested and put in the same cell.

    INSIDE Gatwick Airport

    And it was hot in there. So very hot.

    INSIDE Gatwick Airport

    So Cream had no choice but to remove her little shoes and socks.

    INSIDE Gatwick Airport

    Then her dress.

    INSIDE Gatwick Airport

    She smiled at Allan.

    INSIDE Gatwick Airport

    Allan smiled back, unbuttoning his trousers.

    INSIDE Gatwick Airport

    Cream smiled more, got up and walked slowly over to Allan's cold steel bunk.

    INSIDE Gatwick Airport

    Then one of the rapists got up to use the communal toilet and did a big poo.

    INSIDE Gatwick Airport

    The moment was gone. Cream hung herself with a torn up bed sheet six days later, while Allan was transferred to Guantanamo Bay where he still resides today despite protests from his family and the UK government.
    Back in January of this year, Sony earned "column inches" by boasting that that PlayStation3 had overtaken Xbox 360 in parts of Europe and was selling at "three times" the rate of Microsoft's console. We have reproduced the quote for you here:
    "...the team here expect to overtake the installed base of Xbox 360 across all PAL territories in late summer," David Reeves, Sony Europe, January 24 2008.

    However, retailer GAME has just revealed official UK sales data which shows Sony has sold 1.4 million PS3s in the UK, compared to Microsoft's 2.3 million Xbox 360s. That is a VERY LARGE GAP and not what even the wildest of statisticians would consider a close battle.

    It is certainly not three times as many. It is more like loads less.

    Do not trust this man, anyone on his pay roll or people that transcribe his interviews.

    DS: 7.1m
    Wii: 3.6m
    PSP: 2.9m
    360: 2.3m
    PS3: 1.4m

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