UK:RESISTANCE 'main page'
Only it's calling it the "Origami Project" so people think it's really cool, like something from Apple.

To celebrate having the idea of putting a PC in a different kind of box, Microsoft has spent 150 million dollars on making a viral flash web site:



Yes. You're that thing that's going to be like a slow old PC in a different kind of box.




Yes. You're going to be able to do all the things PCs can, only everything will be slightly harder because you won't have a mouse.




Yes. We can go to wi-fi hotspots and wonder why no one ever sends us sexy messages on MSN.




Yes. We'll be a bit more worried about being mugged than usual because you're in our bag and you cost a lot of money.




Learn what processor you've got, how many USB2.0 sockets you've got and what version of Windows you use. Dying to meet you! xx
We got this so-called "Cheese" chao keyring from eBay, because we like Cheese. He's Cream's friend so is therefore also our friend! It says "Sonic X" and "Cheese" on the front of the box:

Cheese eBay shame

Looks like any old chao to the casual observer...


NOT CHEESE :(

BUT THIS IS NOT CHEESE! Cheese wears a red bow tie and has a "smiling mouth". What we've got here is a Sonic Adventure chao that's been shamefully rebranded as "Cheese" to cash-in on the success of the Sonic X cartoon.


BE VIGILANT :(((((

Cheese wasn't even born (invented) in the year 2000, and he was born in Mobius not China. This has been sitting in a warehouse for six years waiting to be resold. They're pulling the wool over the eyes of consumers. This is a simple warning to all Cheese fans out there.
Bring on the spurned! Now that Gizmondo has been revealed as the senior management cash-hoovering disgrace that it was always clearly designed to be, the poor, disgruntled staff are breaking cover with their tales.

Our first Gizmondo employee to speak - hopefully the first of many - is anonymous anonymous person 'Mr Anonymous' (not his real name).

These words were typed in by an actor.
Hi! I was working in QA at Gizmondo for 8 months before getting offered a new job 3 days before they fired us all :)

I dunno if this will be of any interest to you but you might be amused to hear that I got paid late on about 5 of those months because they just didn't have the money to pay us (apart from that one time their bank manager made a mistake and they showed us all a copy of the letter from the bank manager so we would actually believe them). So for about a week every month or so, the Gizmondo QA department among others would refuse to do any work until we got paid. Some of us had to borrow money from petty cash just to afford to make it into work on several occasions.

When I joined it was a whole development studio (used to be Warthog) and they had some cool sounding games in production which probably would have been the best games on there, but obviously when they realised no money was coming in after the launch they thought making good games was going to be too expensive and 'downsized' by firing their developers leaving just a rather demoralised QA department.

Other than that, we all had a hilarious time hearing about the CEO paying his wife for marketing consultancy and paying us out of his own pocket when funds were low. Especially when we then later read headlines like "Former Gizmondo executive's mafia convictions revealed"! Of course any news we heard about the company's finances ended up on the internet long before we were told anything.

As for the games, I think the only game I really enjoyed playing was SSX which is probably better on every other platform anyway. It's a shame they never got chance to release the augmented reality games using the camera cause they were ace. Or you know... finishing their flagship game Colours might have helped their sales a bit. Everyone likes GTA clones!

Also please say hi to all the great people from Gizmondo QA who all read this site religiously!

Keep me anonymous please, I'm not sure what I can still be sued for...

Thanks, Mr Anonymous (not his real name)! Did YOU work for Gizmondo? If so, please get in touch. We'd particularly like to hear from the following:
  • Anyone who used to work in the shop, particularly the people who said they remember the day we came in to take our photos and are apparently blaming UKR for killing the console.

  • Anyone who used to post on the official Gizmondo forum - to this day we remain convinced you were all paid employees embarking upon rudimentary "viral marketing".

  • Anyone else who got bummed by the Gizmondo scam. Bulletproof anonymity assured.


  • It's like a random selection of our most-used words... BUT IT'S A CAR! Sadly, being a car means we have to break our lifetime habit of buying everything with the word "Saturn" on it just so we can put it on the kitchen table and smile at it.

    Not even if the Yes Car Credit girl came and had it off with us.
    These are our top five improvised DS touchpens rated on functional use, preparation needed and cost to replace.

    5 - HOUSE KEY

    PREPARATION: None
    USE: Pretty duff really. Too small to see what you're doing, and scratches the screen up something rotten. You can file the sharp bits off using the edge of the kerb. but then you can't get back in your house any more.
    COST TO REPLACE: All your dignity when you have to call the landlord at chucking out time because you got shitfaced and left the key in the pub instead, plus the locksmith's callout charge and expenses.

    4 - TOOTHPICK

    PREPARATION: Cleaning the scotch egg off it so people don't think you're scum
    USE: Average. Hurts your hand after a while because it's too thin, then you drop it and can't pick it up because people would think you were REALLY odd if you picked up a lost toothpick.
    COST TO REPLACE: Practically none.

    3 - THE FRAME OF AN AIRFIX MODEL BROKEN UP A BIT

    PREPARATION: You have to wiggle it a lot to break a stylus-sized bit off it, then chew the end a bit to get the sharp bits off which ends up with you getting a mouthful of plastic.
    USE: Very good. Light, small, customisable and enjoyable. Sadly lots of fun to play with too, though, so you'll probably absentmindedly snap it in half the next time Fifty Cent comes on your television.
    COST TO REPLACE: Variable.

    2 - AN ACTUAL PEN

    PREPARATION: None
    USE: Depends on the pen. With the biro bit clicked in, it's perfectly functional for most games like Animal Crossing and Resident Evil which run on menus. For games that require more, precise touchpen control can be achieved by using the actual nib of the ballpen. This, however, leaves annoying but removable stains (much like most of the things we enjoy doing).
    COST TO REPLACE: Only the discomfort of having to explain where all the office biros have gone.

    1 - HALF A DISPOSABLE CHOPSTICK

    PREPARATION: A minute or so spent chewing it down to a point, and getting some SERIOUSLY worried looks on the train
    USE: Shockingly, amazingly perfect. Not only is it practically weightless and easy to wield, but the soft wood makes it comfortable and satisfying to hold and use and equals absolutely minimal wear on your DS screen. Furthermore, carrying a chewed and jagged spike of wood around makes you look scary and mental so nobody will laugh at you for playing Nintendogs.
    COST TO REPLACE: A few pence if you buy a big pack of them.



    VERDICT: A surprise victory for Asian cutlery! Chopsticks - they're not just for jamming viciously into your eye to take the pain of Xbox 360 away any more!
    It's the Hip-Hop Gaming League! The HHGL has even got Snoop Dogg involved, getting him to quite awkwardly read out some scripted lumps of dialogue about "playas" and "mo playas" coming together on Xbox Live.

    You should check out the movie, it makes this look good.

    Video Game Journalists, yesterday

    This is the HHGL's fictional representation of the video games media. This is quite possibly the most wrong thing we've ever seen. For a start, there's girls there and no one is morbidly obese and avoiding eye contact by staring at their notepads.


    They'd be raped to death in the queue to pick up the passes

    E3 isn't really like this at all. In fact, you could describe it as the "polar opposite".


    Too thin, too young, too female, too 'smiley'

    Is she the new staff writer on teamxbox.com, or a hired actress?


    Respect the logos

    If we were being cynical, we might suggest it's all just a marketing circle-wank organised by companies with too much money to spend on targeting imaginary demographics.


    :(

    Next week is "Sprite Draft Week".


    Hip-Hopocalypse

    The entire video disaster can be seen here. We sort of stole this link from Spong, but only because they said we should "do something on it".
    And to think it used to be such a bustling hive of activity when it opened less than a year ago.

    Gizmondo's flagship Regent Street embarrassment

    At least the management paid themselves several million dollars, so everything turned out OK! Thanks to OFFICIAL UKR SEGA SCOUT Tomleecee for the photo. It's a good pic and it's nice that the binman is in front of it. Adds depth and colour, that.

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    We've got this thing running, which is a "wiki" you can edit with all your sightings of Sony's AMAZING and BARE-FACED LIES about PlayStation3. Like, for example, the one from just today about it coming out in "Spring 2006" which, roughly speaking, is between four and 12 weeks away. It beggars belief, it really does, so let's keep a record of it all for future generations.

    Simply go here and add any PS3 lies you've spotted Sony making in public, remembering to add some sort of "source" link for future reference.

    Hopefully some of you are clever developers that can fill us in on the complicated lies to do with "memory" and "processors" and things. We'll look after the release date.

    Sony's PS3 Lies Wiki. See how it's packed with swearing already

    It's a bit of a rubbish-looking page, but that's because we don't understand how wikis work and had to get someone else to make a free one on our behalf.


    IN OTHER HOUSE-KEEPING NEWS:
  • THIS is a link to our MySpace thing, featuring fictional example friend "Tom". Watch it stagnate and eventually expire.

  • THIS is an Animal Crossing Wild World forum someone else set up. Watch it stagnate and eventually expire.

  • Permanent links to these have been added somewhere down to the right in that messy bit no one bothers looking at.
    Let's have a look at the mood-swingometer for an accurate reading.

    SONIC RUSH = PLUS 100 POINTS!

    ANIMAL CROSSING = PLUS 100 POINTS!

    SUDDEN TREND FOR SUPERHEROES THAT GET THEIR POWERS FROM MOBILE PHONES = SCRUB EVERY INCH OF THE ENTIRE COUNTRY WITH BLEACH AND FIRE




    ...and if this shit spreads past the Pacific rim, we're talking orbital bombardment.
    And the answer is 'not yet' and 'it's down to Microsoft'. Scroll down for the question. This took ages to type up so we're going to force you to bloody read it all.

    SUMO DIGITAL, A.K.A. AM2-UK
    The MIGHTY Sumo Digital of UK-based OutRun2-programming fame granted us -- stupid, rubbish us! -- an interview about OutRun 2006 Coast 2 Coast on PSP, Xbox, PS2 and PC. So we thought up some questions and sent them off, which is how proper web sites like IGN and Gamespot work.

    OutRun 2006 on PSP, which is probably the one we'll be getting

    Proper web sites also place grabs between large chunks of text so the feature looks nicer.


    Here's what we asked, followed immediately by what Sumo's OutRun 2006 producer Steven Lycett (AKA "SOL off of the Internet") said in reply.


    How's the PS2 version of Coast 2 Coast going to look compared to the arcade-perfect GENIUS MAJESTY of last year's Xbox OutRun2? (Don't lie and say it's going to be awesome if it isn't, because we'll be able to tell and then you'll look bad.)

    Sol: If we hid the pads, and did some Pepsi challenge thing, then it would be split down the board I reckon. There are some subtle differences due to each consoles in-ability to do things the same way, but you've got to be some obsessed arcade fanatic with no social connections or a life to be able to really tell. Or work at Sumo - which is pretty much the same thing.

    When we inevitably compare the PS2 version to the Xbox version, what are we going to say are the main differences? (Bear in mind we HATE SONY like an abusive step-dad, so will pick up any minor differences and say they're really big and obvious.)

    Sol: Reds are a bit redder. Something to do with bridge rectifiers. I was told about that by this American chap I spoke to on a forum once. Fog might be slightly less foggy - or foggier. Bloom (which is a fancy word for sunlight burning into the back of the retina) is slightly different - but shouldn't make anyone weep over it. Biggest difference is the controllers, but we've tweaked them with the help of AM2 to keep the right feel and control.

    How do you go about converting an Xbox-based arcade game to PS2? Keep this brief, as no one's really interested in knowing about this apart from us.

    Sol: It's like re-packing your suitcase after two weeks on holiday. Although you should have the same amount of stuff, it doesn't seem to want to go back in. Even if you've worn all the booze and drunk all the suntan. You just have to shut the lid and jump on it, or in our case, jump on the textures and models a bit. And music. And code. And other stuff. You're not supposed to start a sentence with 'And' are you. But like that. Except it has to look the same, unlike a very squashed hat.


    ***THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION OF THEM ALL***


    Will the Xbox version work on Xbox 360? This is the most important question of them all, so please answer it like this is a serious interview for somewhere proper like IGN or Edge.

    Sol: Backwards compatibility is not something that works from our code - rather Microsoft has developed a software emulator that should make this happen at some point in the future. Should that be the case, it will be downloaded on Live or by visiting the Xbox.com website. I think at the moment the emulator doesn't work with all games but Microsoft say they are going to fix it so everything works eventually. So we don't know really; it's out of our hands.

    How's it going to look on PSP? Surely it's an IMPOSSIBLE TASK? It's like signing a contract to get an elephant in a shoebox! It's a poisoned chalice, surely?

    Sol: It looks quite a lot like the screens on the web mostly. Runs at a fair lick of knots too. We've been squishing stuff into the PSP for a while (shameless plug for TOCA, Virtua Tennis and Go! Sudoku) so it's like a comfortable chair. Not quite one of those lazy boy ones, something a bit smaller and a bit shiner perhaps. I will demand some eating of hats on a few forums when it's out - from those non-believers.

    OutRun 2006 Coast 2 Coast on PSP again

    This is OR2006 on PSP. We've played it, but aren't allowed to 'review it' yet, especially not on the internet. They'd go MENTAL if we did that! We can probably get away with saying something vague like "what we've seen of it so far looks really fucking good and smooth and awesome" though.



    Don't people just use PSPs for watching porn on these days anyway?

    Sol: Maybe if you've got strong wrists, I can't hold it one handed.

    Can you play Coast 2 Coast on PSP's digital pad? Only the analogue stick thing's a bit rubbish and isn't placed very well. It'd probably work better on the d-pad. Just a thought. It's not like you really need analogue for OutRun.

    Sol: You can use the D-Pad - you won't be getting top times on the online ranks as you can turn some mean times with the nub. Nub, there's a good word.

    Is Richard Jacques doing any new music for Coast 2 Coast?

    Sol: His "Euro Remixes" from OutRun2 are included but unfortunately that's it. We felt he couldn't possibly top those aural sensations... Plus he is working on some other top secret Sega stuff. There is some new music provided by the original Japanese composer though.

    Have you met Richard? If so WHAT IS HE LIKE?! He seems really nice!

    Sol: Can't really tell - we're tried shouting to him through his letter box once but all we heard were muffled cries and sobs.

    What did you talk about?

    Sol: It was hard to tell, something about us going far away is about all we could work out.

    What was he wearing? Go into as much detail as possible, especially about his trousers.

    Sol: Damnit, you broke us. Can't say really, last time the closest we got was downloading the files from Sega. I imagine he's really smartly dressed but with pop star hair. I bet he hangs round with top models and smokes fags with a cigarette holder. In fact I think I hate him for that.

    Going back to the game, can you tell us anything about your new content?

    Sol: Err, it's got some new Ferraris in it and there's no rain. It would suck if you had enough money to own an open topped Ferrari and went on a road trip and all it did was rain, so we left that out. Also, no-one seems to grasp that every platform is online, PSP too. 6 players, you don't even have to have that many friends; OutRun will go out and make them for you. If you've played the Arcade to death, then there is even new tuned up versions of the cars, done with the help of Ferrari. Open top Enzo sir? 4:18 on Route A without breaking a sweat. Now that's fast. There is also a load of other stuff in there, but best not ruin it.

    Xbox OutRun2's Mission Mode was really, really good and we completed it all-- what are you doing this time? You can definitely tell us, it's out in a few weeks. Even if Sega says you're not allowed to tell us, you can still tell us. It's OK. Really.

    Sol: We hope to divide opinion once again on the mission mode. We've split the missions into Heart Attack type stuff and Racing missions, as we know not everyone likes the same things as us. We've added kittens and lions as well as the obligatory fruit and there's even a beach ball to dribble. We've also kept the maths, because we like watching people's faces contort when we watch them play it in Dixons. Plus you get the Flag Man telling you what to do. You could imagine him there dancing whilst he does it.

    Going back to Richard Jacques, did he mention UKR at all?

    Sol: I'm sure if we ever have a conversation, that would be the thing to break the ice. Me saying 'Is it fun being stalked by the internet' and him laughing jovially whilst nodding at the models we imagine he hangs around with to go and warm up the getaway car.

    Xbox OutRun2 got a bit jerky on Xbox Live sometimes. Is that something you can fix "your end" or is it a general Xbox Live issue that we're going to be stuck with forever until they invent a better kind of internet?

    Sol: We can't really help it if some peasants with a steam powered internet connection log onto Live and host games. There is some stuff we've fettled with to make it better - we'll find out about 5 minutes after it hits the shops if people on the forums start moaning that it's lagging on their 56K modems.

    What sort of PC will we need to make it look super-awesome? Our PC is a Dell from two years ago and we don't know what the graphics card is -- will it work on that?

    Sol: We're waiting for someone to send us some really good PCs - like Alienware or someone, so we can say that those are the ones you'll need, hopefully seeing a cut of the profits. In the meantime we're making do with trying to keep the spec to something sensible - couple of Gig processor, half a gig of ram and recent video card. If it runs DirectX 9 stuff there is a good chance it will work. You could try running it on a 486 if it's got AGP, but it would be like receiving a series of postcards of someone driving into walls.


    Microsoft Twat Entertainer Version 98.01EX

    This is what PC games usually look like. Imagine how excited PC gamers will be when they get OutRun 2006! It'll be like when we first got a Mega Drive.



    Have you got any quotes you'd like us to slip into a review? We could easily sort that out for a few quid or some boxed copies we can sell on eBay.

    Sol: I think 'What's with the vest top' should make an appearance somewhere. Preferably as one of those really funny comments under a screenshot. Can you get to Edge write something like 'It's reyt good'? Just to lighten the tone a bit.

    Would you like to "big up" or make any "shout outs" to your team members, or end by saying something needlessly controversial that will get you in trouble at work?

    Sol: I'll leave it with asking Sega if we can have our passports back, we've almost finished it now and promise not to run away.

    Thanks very much to internet spokesdeveloper 'Sol'. The best arcade game ever will be out for a machine you actually own at the end of March or thereabouts.

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    She's a whole three course meal of lovely! Plus she's quite "ample" so there's enough of her to feed a whole 747 of starving men, should Flight 844 go down on a mountain due to blizzard conditions.

    Karima Adebibe and her lifelike lips

    We'll bite her lips off first, as a sort of starter. They're OK to eat raw. Although seeing as she's 20, pretty, and used to work in Top Shop, she's bound to be riddled with STDs so we might have to pasteurise them first to be safe.


    What kind of name is Karima? Stupid pikey parents

    Then we'll have a couple of slices of belly. It's fatty meat, a bit like duck. She's got enough to go round. She's almost like a real woman!


    STOP LOOKING AT US LIKE WE'RE SEX OBJECTS

    Eyeballs for pudding, like being on holiday in France.


    Knocks Nell McAndrew down into second place

    She'll probably have died from blood loss by now so the rest of her can go in the freezer for special occasions, like when we celebrate a successful piece of social interaction.

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    We got it this morning and haven't been able to stop playing it:

    Nintendo Revolution controller revealed

    It's has that "just one more go" addictive feeling! 10/10.


    Anyone have the Real Doll PR contact email?

    The ideal Valentine gift from yourself, to yourself. Stay tuned for exclusive hands-on video and pics.
    Let's address some obvious male workplace issues by pretending they're really deep and important and having a conference!

    If anyone would like to sponsor one of these conferences, please get in touch. We're ideally looking to spend at least five days in a nice hotel somewhere in America.

    MEN IN HAIRDRESSING CONFERENCE
    Men are MASSIVELY UNDER-REPRESENTED in the hairdressing industry. This is SHAMEFUL DISCRIMINATION! We must immediately discuss ways of making more men into hairdressers. For this conference we'll spend four days in a nice hotel in San Francisco or Los Angeles, hedging around the really obvious fact that most men JUST DON'T LIKE being hairdressers.

    MEN IN DEPILATION CONFERENCE
    It's a DISGRACE that the UK hair-removal industry isn't composed of a 50:50 ratio between male and female workers. This five-day conference in New York or Washington DC will address ways more men can be FORCED AGAINST THEIR WILL into doing jobs they don't particularly like just so that it looks more balanced.

    MALE DINNERLADIES CONFERENCE
    Why aren't there more male dinnerladies? Is it because the men don't like cooking and wearing hair nets much? It can't be that simple! So let's get lots of people to give talks about other reasons they've just thought up, for about five days in a nice hotel in Vancouver.

    THE 'WHY DON'T WOMEN LIKE PORN?' CONFERENCE
    Approximately 90 percent of porn viewers are male. This is UNBALANCED and discriminatory. At this conference we'll force women to watch porn until they bloody well start liking it as much as we do. We plan on holding this conference in Paris, so we can use French porn. French girls are hairy, but thin and cute in the face.
    The American Frag Dolls are addressing the (Ubisoft sponsored) Women in Games International thing, where lots of frumpy old women will pretend there's a reason more women don't work in games other than the REALLY OBVIOUS ONE about "computers" being boring to most of them.

    There's no conspiracy, ladies, it's just that little girls would rather learn about make-up and hairdressing than how to compile C++ code and develop portable code for the Maya platform.

    Here's the press release, plus a JOKE BIT we added at the bottom.
    All Female Game Team Leads Roundtable Discussion

    Thursday, February 9, 2006--San Francisco, CA--Women in Games International, a non-profit organization in the interactive entertainment industry, today announced the addition of the Frag Dolls as speakers at their next conference, Women in Games International-San Francisco. The Frag Dolls are an all-female video game team sponsored by global game publisher Ubisoft.

    Women in Games International-San Francisco, titled "Games for Women, Games by Women" is scheduled on Saturday, February 18 from 1 pm to 6 pm at the Fort Mason Conference Center in San Francisco. This conference addresses the myth that women don't "do" games by discussing statistics, game genres and careers in game development. Frag Dolls members Morgan Romine ("Rhoulette), Kat Hunter "Katscratch") Ashley Jenkins ("Jinx") and Emily ("Seppuku") are participating as speakers at the conference.


    FRAG DOLL SPEECHES AND TIMES:

    "Nintendogs -- why is it so lovely?" by Jinx, 9:45am Exhibition Hall 2

    "What is it about football games?!" by Rhoulette, 10:30am, Nelson Mandela Room

    "Has he got a better gun than me or am I just rubbish?" by Katscratch, 11:00am Exhibition Hall 2

    "I know!!! They should do NintenCATS next!!!" by Seppuku, 12:30pm Jonathan Sands Room

    "Why not make it so you look up when you press up?" by Katscratch, 1:30pm Exhibition Hall 2

    "Shopping games - a routemap for design" by Seppuku, 2:00pm UbiSoft Experience Room

    "Why are driving games always too fast?" by Rhoulette, 2:45pm Exhibition Hall 2

    "What's best out of Puzzle Bobble and Columns?" by Jinx, 3:00pm Meeting Room 3

    "What I think matters because I'm such a cutie-pie!" by Katscratch, 3:45am Exhibition Hall 2

    We've emailed the organisers requesting "glamour, lingerie, swimwear and cosplay photos" of the main speakers to illustrate a news piece. Update soon if they come through.

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    You haven't lived or DIED HORRIBLY BY GETTING TRAPPED IN A BURNING CAR WRECK until you've watched "GameLife Video Game Review Show Episode 1" by Andrew Rosenblum Productions.

    GameLife Video Game Review Show Episode 1

    Featuring Andrew Rosenblum, who you might recognise from such productions as "Me Filming Myself Wanking" and "Mum's cat".




    It's all shot in grainy close-up, like porn.




    REALLY HORRIBLY BAD PORN THAT WILL STOP YOU THINKING ABOUT SEX AND EVEN WANKING FOR EVER.


    SEE IT HERE:
    GameLife Video Game Review Show Episode 1
    Hey there, Sega Scouts! You've all been busy! We've had loads of email, and for once it isn't all about buying Viagra from India, or getting a billion pounds from Nigeria, or removing that libellous update we did about that shit thing your company makes.

    We've had emails about Sega! And games! And other things people think are the sort of things we might like to do updates about.

    Anyone who's emailed us something is now officially a UKR SEGA NEWS SCOUT. You may download this badge and display it on your blogjournalspace with pride:

    UKR SEGA NEWS SCOUT


    Making text go in a circle in Photoshop is an exciting new thing we've just learned how to do. Here are the things we've been sent by the UKR SEGA NEWS SCOUTS recently:

    THING ONE: FAKE PSP PROMOTIONAL VIDEO

    "Hi UKR"

    "This was up for a while ago but only via torrent -- now it's available via the magic of Google Video, wheeee! enjoy!"


    FAKE PSP PROMOTIONAL VIDEO



    THING TWO: A PIECE OF 'NEW GAMES JOURNALISM' POSTED ON IGN, OF ALL PLACES, WHICH WE WERE PRESUMABLY SUPPOSED TO RIP THE PISS OUT OF

    "I thought it would be ripped to shreds already!"

    'NEW GAMES JOURNALISM' POSTED ON IGN



    THING THREE: 'SEGA MUSIC' WIKIPEDIA ENTRY

    "Hi guys."

    "You may have already seen this and posted about it, but just in case you haven't..."


    'SEGA MUSIC' WIKIPEDIA ENTRY

    "The music's traditional form was largely improvised and was intensely emotional. It was also used as a funereal dirge and as part of traditional exorcisms."

    "Who knew SEGA had such magical powers?"

    "Look at the woman dancing the SEGA too!"

    "If you've already seen this and are already bored to tears of random peple sending this to you, then feel free to bin this immediatly..."




    THING FOUR: ANCIENT SAKURA TAISEN ADVERT FROM JAPAN

    ANCIENT SAKURA TAISEN ADVERT FROM JAPAN

    "Had to pass this on"



    THING FIVE: SEGA TOYS 'MAKE-UP GAME FOR GIRLS' COMING TO AMERICA

    "Radica, the company that makes these stand-alone joystick only titles has signed a deal with Sega."

    HONG KONG--(BUSINESS WIRE)--Feb. 9, 2006--Radica Games Limited (NASDAQ:RADA) has announced a partnership with Sega Toys (a subsidiary of Sega(R) Corporation) to develop, manufacture and distribute Digi Makeover, one of the most anticipated toys to debut at the American International Toy Fair in New York City, February 12-15. Designed for today's young teen girls, Digi Makeover includes a makeup case-styled touch pad with digital camera that plugs directly into the TV and lets girls take their picture and get creative with their very own makeover, including makeup, hairstyles and accessories.

    Digi Makeover is expected to hit retail shelves in the fall of 2006 and will retail for approximately $59.99.

    According to Jim Silver, editor of Toy Wishes Magazine, Radica's Digi Makeover was one of the most talked-about products when industry experts saw it last October. "If the execution is done well and there aren't any major problems with it, I can see it being a big hit this fall," he says.

    "Sega Toys continues to be a dominant force in interactive entertainment," says Pat Feely, CEO, Radica. "We're thrilled to be partnering with them and bring their innovative technology to this
    product."

    Isao Kokubun, president and CEO, Sega Toys notes, "As a leader in girls' lifestyle products, Radica is an important partner to bring the concept of digital makeovers to the retail marketplace."

    The foregoing discussion contains forward-looking statements that involve risks and uncertainties that could cause actual results to differ materially from projected results. Forward-looking statements include statements about efforts to attract or prospects for additional or increased business, new product introductions and other statements of a non-historical nature. Actual results may differ from projected results due to various Risk Factors, including Risks of Manufacturing in China, Dependence on Product Appeal and New Product Introductions, and Dependence on Major Customers, as set forth in the Company's Annual Report on Form 20-F for the fiscal year ended December 31, 2004, as filed with the Securities and Exchange Commission. See "Item 3. Key Information -- Risk Factors" in such report on Form 20-F.




    THING SIX: ANOTHER ASTOUNDING COMPLAINT ABOUT THE RETRO GAMING FEATURE, ONLY IT READS SO POORLY WE SUSPECT IT MIGHT BE A FAKE (AND IF IT ISN'T A FAKE WE GENUINELY FEEL A BIT SORRY FOR THE AUTHOR)

    "Your Retro Special is a defilement to 1000's of gamers world wide. To act like the old should of never existed only means that you have no respect to what brought games to what they are. BACK THEN and AT THE TIME, those games were top of the line in not only entertainment, but even technology. International Karate, along with Street FIghter 2, Mortal Konbat, and many more has given the fighting games of today a platform of exsistence. WIthout them, you may never even see your damned VF4 (another thing: VF4 is made up from the improvement of 3 other game before it. You wouldn't have VF4 without even those 3 games)."

    "Games like FFVII, Sonic 2, and Driver were the cream of the corn. They were the at the top, and the pinical, or the gaming stages before all else came along. Without FFVII, or even Final Fantasy 1! There may not even be a strong base for any existence of good RPG."

    "As for other poiints, sex in games was never a strong point outside of the virgin 18 year old players. Noone really cared for 1000 polygon girls as much as they did with the 200 pixel failure of Sam Fox Strip Poker. Cause they are all into real things, honestly."

    "oh, and the lack of back light during the Gameboy days. This factor was to cut to damn cost. Really good for those short on cash, cause those things like the GameGear failed based on eye hazzard, and for cost. the Back Light screens of the GBA sp and DS are a invention of price reduction in the economy. If you gaming in your hands for the go that wasn't over 500 buck to have back in 1995, you'd never be bitching about the Gameboy not having a light. You'd have a flash light shoved in your mouth while under the bed sheets playing Pokemon for the 150th catch."

    "For fuck sacks, you're got it made in the fucking sun with gamign to day. Respect the past, cause it's hardships gave you this golden shove that is surgecly embedded in your ass!"

    --
    This is not an MTV commersial...

    - James




    THING SEVEN: SOMETHING ABOUT ENTIRELY FABRICATED GIRL GAMING CLAN THE FRAG DOLLS (U.S.)

    "I don't know if we're supposed to send in news about the Entirely Fabricated Girl Gaming Clan The Frag Dolls to you anymore in case you're tired of the Entirely Fabricated Girl Gaming Clan The Frag Dolls.

    "Just in case though, here's a link where the writer appears to be unsure what's sexier, Entirely Fabricated Girl Gaming Clan The Frag Dolls member "Rhoulette" or shooting Nazis in planes."


    SOMETHING ABOUT ENTIRELY FABRICATED GIRL GAMING CLAN THE FRAG DOLLS (U.S.)

    "There, that's got to be a contender for most extraneous mention of Entirely Fabricated Girl Gaming Clan The Frag Dolls yet!"



    THING EIGHT: A LINK TO SOME BBC RESEARCH ON 'GAMING'

    "...whereby anyone who has accidently played a mobile game instead of pressing the shortcut for sending a text, or lent on the red button of their remote and played an interactive TV game in the last 6 months qualifies as a 'gamer'."

    "Other highlights:"

    "Playing a game of any sort once a week or more makes you a heavy user."

    "Sega Dreamcast is more popular than Sony PSP across the 6-35 year old age range."

    "66% of 6-10 year olds have played interactive TV games in the last 6 months. This is more than Xbox, Gamecube, Dreamcast and PSP put together. And more than mobile games."


    BBC RESEARCH ON 'GAMING'

    "I'm sure you could squeeze an update out of this report. And feel free to crib any of what I've written."



    THING NINE: SOMEONE'S COLLECTION OF BOOTH BABE PHOTOS:

    "Now that the subject of the E3 booth babes is all over the Internet, here is a link to my annual boot babe pictorial to add to your list - the best to be found anywhere - every year - eight years running!"

    BOOTH BABE PHOTOS



    THING TEN: A LINK TO A WEB SITE THAT SELLS 'INTERCHANGABLE RECTAL UNITS'

    'INTERCHANGABLE RECTAL UNITS'

    "There's got to be a joke in there somewhere, I'm sure."

    What a fitting way to end. Keep them coming, Scouts!

    Labels:

    Download all the stuff you used to watch as a child, and stop yourself from mourning one more element of your youth as you are faced with the stark choice of choosing between:

    A) The DVD boxed set special edition of A Sequence of Unfortunate Events with added scenes and commentaries, or

    B) An agonisingly slow BBC production in which a team of impossibly curly-haired child actors are aghast at being sent to live in a sleepy seaside town with their Great Uncle Portmeirion, but become involved in a magical adventure which involves being chased around a school playing field by an old man with a long nose called WitchPrick.

    We liked it when they killed the unicorn


    Occasionally there would be a puppet.
    We've been sent this photograph:

    OutRun 2006 'Flag Man' Javier Sanchez!


    ...along with an email that claims he is the real-life face of the OutRun 2006 "Flag Man". We're assured it's not true, but you have to respect the man for trying.

    This is the email:

    Probably a lie :(


    We really hope there is a man called Javier Sanchez out there, and that he really is a shopping mall security guard, and that he really has been lying to his friends about being in OutRun 2006.

    Javier, if you are reading this, it's very important you email us. It's to do with us being BEST FRIENDS.

    Labels:

    You can download her new film Evil Aliens "off of" Bittorrent right now, in the background, while you're reading this and massaging yourself erect in preparation for the inevitable artistically justified sexy scenes.



    She does stuff like this in it.




    And stuff like this!




    Stealing small, independent British movies off the internet feels like a quite bad thing to do...




    ...but they shouldn't go putting Emily Booth and her tits in them if they don't want us to download them. They're asking for it!




    So is she. Begging for lumpy, three-headed alien cock.




    But she never gets them properly 'out'. 2/10 "Disappointing" - UKR

    Labels:

    It's the 'Beena' from Sega Toys. Sort of a better Pico (the Pico was sort of a better PlayStation2 with more interesting games). Let's all import one from Japan and convince ourselves it's really brilliant!

    Sega Toys Beena -- for the young, and the failed-to-move-on

    Grooming a new generation to love Sega.


    SEGA Toys 'Beena'
    These images MOCK US. These disgraceful illustrations HEAP SHAME upon the internet. These SICK CARTOONS are EVIL. Those in the Western states who publish such images SHALL BE CLEANSED DURING THE NEXT HOLY WAR. All who look upon such images are INFIDELS who deserve to BURN IN THE FIRES OF ETERNAL DAMNATION.

    New Penny Arcade strip uploaded!!!!!!! :(

    The DEPICTIONS OF EVIL must NEVER be reproduced. Hosting such files is an INSULT TO ALL THAT IS GLORIOUS. And they are not funny.
    Oh no, hang on, it's sold out again.

    Xbox 360 stockpile

    No wait! They've got another one! Oh no, it's gone again. This particularly inept piece of sign-writing is from Woolworths, which is where people go to work after even McDonalds and the London Underground has said no. We stole some pick and mix and a magazine then left in disgust.