UK:RESISTANCE 'main page'
Summer continued with August.
  • August

  • Tomorrow - September!
    Summer was in full swing with the arrival of July.
  • July

  • Later today - August!
    As soon as May ended it was quick as a flash into June.
  • June

  • Tomorrow - July!
    May was packed with events.
  • May

  • Later today - June!
    This year's heart-warming Christmas story is an enjoyable doom-laden fact-filled piece from the Wall Street Journal, all about how PS3 is (a) shite and (b) doing really badly.

    Merry Christmas, Mr Stringer, sir!
  • "...aren't promising"
  • "...fell"
  • "...flat or lower"
  • "...may not reach its goal"
  • "...sales decline"
  • "...heavy blow"
  • "...two years of losses"
  • "...poor sales"
  • "...backfiring"
  • "...PS3 an afterthought to game publishers"
  • "'s possible to buy a Blu-ray player and an Xbox 360 for less than a PS3"
  • "...still losing money on every PS3 it sells"
  • "...lack of attractive titles"

  • '...and molest female avatars that are probably men'

    Wishing everyone at Sony an equally blunder-filled and hilariously poor 2009. Love, your friends at UKR.
    The second quarter of 2008 started with April.
  • April

  • Tomorrow - May!
    The first quarter of 2008 ended with March.
  • March

  • Later today - April.
    Hot on the heels of January came February.
  • February

  • Next week - March!
    The year started with January.
  • January

  • Later today - February!

    'I hope it's that Ian Huntley action figure'


    'I hope it's that PS3 I wanted for eBaying'


    'I hope it's the business parts of a Real Doll'


    "PS: Sorry about the pic size, but my Photoshop CS3 doesn't work any more. Do you know were to get a licence without getting yet another non-STD infection?" - Xmas Viral Marketing Victim.
    A reader, who has presumably come of age and decided it's time to start wearing proper clothes from the adult section, has decided he doesn't want his Sonic hat any more.

    So you can have it.

    "Found this while rifling through some old stuff. Just look at the attention to detail. It's even got a Sonic-branded label inside! They don't make 'em like they used to, etc etc. And here's the best bit... you can have it! Keep it, wear it or give it to away to a reader in some UK:R mega competition... the choice is yours."

    "Seriously, it's only going to charity if you say no. If you do want it, give me a shout soon as I'm leaving the country after Xmas! (don't print my name please!)" - MR X.

    The first person to email UKR saying they want it can have it. Or, at least, we'll forward your email address to MR X and ask him to post it to you, if he can be bothered. Then you might get it in the post. It's like a Christmas present.
    Some statistical news people have decided it costs Sony $448 to make each PlayStation3, so if you're thinking about getting one to laugh at or smash in a brutal revenge smashing, do so now while it still HURTS THE ENEMY BOTTOM LINE.

    'Minus two billion, plus another minus one billion, plus the sales from Denmark...'

    And hurts the enemy bottom itself.


    Around two years ago... actually, we'll let Will tell you. It's his story and his photos, so he deserves the glory. It seems to be where SEGA got the Arabian vibe from for that average-at-best Wii game.

    "Around two years ago I stopped you by the coffee machine and told you about a SEGA restaurant, and you demanded photographic proof. As such I took a photo from the top-deck of the number 2, maybe 82, bus that went past it - one captures it in all its glory, the other one is a bit fuzzy as the bus started moving.

    "In any case, two years on, it remains evidence of high class cookery under the SEGA brand. I for one hope there are Sonic shaped potato wedges. Or at least that there WERE as I went past the other day and it was called something else. So there you go, two years ago there was a restaurant on Baker Street called SEGA" - Will.
    The dream! The dream of your mum saying "Dreamcast" when you're actually playing on a Wii or an Xbox 360, because Dreamcast was SO SUCCESSFUL BACK THEN it became the console even old people knew about.

    It has become the console only old people know about now, but in a sadder way. We are the few remaining veterans who still remember the war.

    That's your TV

    "When at the supermarket to pick up a cheap A/V switch box, I found a familiar console on the back. Ended up plugging my Dreamcast into it, too. Funnily enough, it had a picture of a PS2 on the front, so alas, the Dreamcast is confined to the back, with no colour, and forced to sit next to a PlayStation1. The shame it must feel" - Rhys.
    Worst photo ever. Just look at it. Even after a bit of zooming in it's hardly clear.

    "Enclosed is a crap picture of the student accommodation opposite my work (yes, I occasionally see students IN THEIR BRAS from the comfort of my desk) which I took with my phone from the bins outside so no-one would see."

    "Anyway, it clearly says '204' and then our beloved DC logo. Obviously this is viral marketing and is pointing at April 20th as a launch day for the Dreamcast 2! Happy Days!" - Nick.

    Happy days indeed, unless you're a UKR reader and were expecting something more interesting today.
    It's nearly dinner time, but this is a new OutRun. The beans can sit there congealing. The beans can FUCK OFF into the BIN - this is a new OutRun! We will remember what desk we were sitting at and what pornography was downloading in the background when these images popped up until the day we die!


    It's OutRun Online Arcade. Its existence was revealed by the Australian censorship people a month ago, but it was such a vague bit of news that it was only deemed suitable to get dumped elsewhere on the network.


    But now we have imagery from which opinions may be formed. It looks like SEGA's making yet another attempt to sell some copies of OutRun2, basically, by redoing the Xbox/PS2 game for online use.


    Coming to Xbox Live Arcade. 200 Achievement points in under five minutes.


    Also coming to another form of online gaming service that works sporadically on another console. That version will hopefully be marginally worse.


    Hopefully, masterful development team Sumo Digital will include some sort of lower-resolution, jerkier frame rate cheat in the PS3 version, activated by holding a few buttons down while it boots up.


    Whoever formatted these screenshots for distribution needs severe disciplining. They're about 100k each - nothing like the file size required to do OutRun justice.


    You can see some terrible JPEG artefacting on the full-size versions. It is not good.


    OutRun should NOT be SPOILED by JPEG artefacting. When it comes to OutRun, it's acceptable to email out BMPs and even CMYK TIFFs. We don't mind waiting a bit longer for them to download. If anything, it just adds to the excitement.


    This might mean we get to do another pointless interview with Sumo Digital, in which literally NO FACTS about the game are revealed whatsoever! Like this one. And this one. And this one.


    It may also mean that man, whatever he's called, the one who does the SEGA music quite often, you know, him, is involved. There might also be an interview opportunity there as well. We are already shaking with nervous excitement!


    So many fantasies spinning around in our heads right now.


    Usually we'd be a bit bored of writing this many captions, but not when it's OutRun.


    20 screenshots, 38 screenshots, 59 screenshots - BRING THEM ON. Resizing images of OutRun games is never a chore. Even the time spent manually inputting the HTML code for the pictures is whizzing by!


    The driving featured within the screenshots could be better. We compiled a handy guide to taking screenshots of OutRun a few years back using the PSP version, should you be in the process of taking screenshots for your magazine or blog.


    There's only one other car on the road, here. And the main car is being driven straight at a speed WELL BELOW its potential maximum. This screenshot would NOT have passed the internal UKR OutRun Screenshot Certification process. It's more than good enough for GamesTM, though.




    Glorious. Any excuse to fall back into OutRun2 gratefully received in these dark days.



    SEGA's classic arcade racer returns, but this time it's in stunning HiDef and available via PlayStation Network and Xbox LIVE Arcade for the Xbox 360 video game and entertainment system from Microsoft. Developed by acclaimed Sheffield studio Sumo Digital, OutRun Online Arcade, will be available early 2009.

    Test your time, speed and handling ability as you race through vibrant, colourful stages and rediscover the 15 glorious OutRun courses. From the steep streets of San Francisco to the beautiful beaches of California, it's mile after mile of unrelenting acceleration, thrills and action. Feel the kick as you put your foot to the floor in one of the 10 high-performance, fully licensed Ferrari cars as you race your way across the U.S. to a killer soundtrack.

    For the first time on PlayStation Network and Xbox LIVE, OutRun Online Arcade delivers online multiplayer racing for up to 6 players, with fast paced OutRun, Heart Attack and Time Attack modes, the draw to the open road has never been so appealing. OutRun Online Arcade on Xbox LIVE will feature achievements and voice; and on PlayStation Network will include trophies, voice over IP and leaderboards.

    Which route will you choose on your drive for the highest possible score?

    OutRun Online Arcade will be released on Xbox LIVE Arcade and PlayStation Network early 2009. For assets please visit
    You can have a steak and onion pie for £425 or a cheese and onion slice for £399. Bound to be a winner. Bread is free, but it's burnt and inedible and there's a massive queue for it.

    User-generated soup DELETED FROM SALE

    "Sony may be doing even worse than we all thought. Apparently, it's entered the pastry business as a last ditch effort to clot the gaming division's massive cash haemorrhage" - Michael.
    Expensive embroidered colour logo. Dreams woven into every strand, to celebrate NEC and SEGA announcing the glorious hardware partnership that would surely dominate the gaming world for years to come.

    It has faded slightly, not through wear, but through being stared at adoringly.

    Project Blackbelt SUCKS

    "I was going through my closet tonight when I found this. It's a Project Katana button-down shirt that was worn at E3 in 1998. Note the fine stitching of the logos! Someone clearly worked very hard on this. For some reason finding this made me very sad and reminded me of a day when I actually had a girlfriend, a full head of hair, and unconditional love of all things SEGA. Now if you excuse me I'm going to cry some more in the corner of my empty, dark apartment. Love, Colin" - Colin.
    100% solid gold news! PlayStation "brand" associated with sick child kidnapper in poorly-written national news report! We will remember today as one of the greatest days. PlayStation is, literally, for doers of evil.

    Evil Shannon mum Karen Matthews gets Playstation as a reward

    Ian Brady - Wii fanatic

    Just when you think everyone in the country hates you enough, you get outed in the national press as a PlayStation3 fan. It's enough to make you pity the disgusting, low-grade, nylon-clad hag.

    Gary Glitter - Takes a Dreamcast everywhere in a specially-built flight case

    "I love the way they explain all about the PS3 at the end though, the actual paper itself had a nice shiny picture too. It seems she's taken Ken Kutaragi's advice to get another job to be able to get a PS3 a little too literally" - Chris.
    Two-for-one pre-Christmas sale. We'd be letting you down even more than usual by splitting these up into two individual posts, so, in the hope that two negatives really do make a positive...

    'Photographs of ex-boyfriend littered the apartment of the accused'

    "I thought I'd get on the bandwagon with unofficial merchandise. One Silver photo frame. Commiserations" - John Stephens.

    'Always stare at the floor thinking about Dreamcast?'

    "I have had this door mat for 3.5 years.. I have only just realised..." - Dan.
    So, they've decided to release HOME as a public Beta. That's HOME, the amazing virtual world that had game journalists and PS3 fanboys proclaiming the greatness of Sony and how it would be the best thing EVER! Except, it's not. Two years on, it turns out to be a half empty, badly thought out mess (queuing to play a game of Pool?!) and clearly nothing more than a cynical attempt to actually make some money out of the cash-haemorraghing disaster that has been PS3. And with nothing on the horizon, save GT5, surely the 'nail in the coffin'. Even ThreeSpeech can't be arsed to Big It Up like they did with Little Big Planet (already being sold for £19.99) Let's have another little round-up of public opinion shall we;

    • "Are there really people dumb enough to spend £3.99 on a virtual house?"

    • "What they've released is just a huge anti-climax"

    • "You cannot create anything in PlayStation Home. You can only buy it."

    • "Pointless, monotonous and poorly executed"

    • "It's like the success of the PS2 has gone to their head and they think people will buy anything"

    • "It seems to be a really inconvenient way to launch games and videos while pretending to live in a nightmare vision of the future"

    • "..and the load times for each area, oh dear, that was something I didn't expect. "

    • "I really can't fathom what they've been spending all that development time doing"

    There's no place like home. THANK FUCK!


    Incredible scenes. We haven't had a spike in traffic like this since the middle of 2003, when someone sent a link to someone else.


    Imagine the disappointment on all their tiny, LCD-lit faces.
    Celebrating alone again this year? Baked beans and turkey burgers on toast as you wonder how early is too early to drink yourself to sleep and contemplate forcing out a wank over Duffy's legs and boots on Christmas Top of the Pops?

    Each cracker contains a joke. Perhaps we should buy a box to keep us in material during January of 2008.

    'OK, now my left hand needs to pull a cracker with my right hand'

    "To get in the festive spirit I picked up these awesome crackers (six crackers for a quid) when I noticed them in the window of a Pound-shop. SEGA is cleverly marketing Dreamcast through the unusual route of discount traditional festive items. As a blind SEGA fanboy I have clearly got my hopes up that each cracker will contain a VMU (complete with batteries) or a Rumble Pack and given SEGA's track record of never disappointing its loyal fans I suspect I may have under-estimated the true bundle of joy contained within each golden-hued cracker, resplendent with it's majestic ribbon trim.

    "To simulate the late arrival of online gaming on DC in the West I have decided to wait until our work Christmas do to open these (I know, I know - my colleagues don't realise how much of a treat they are in for) so expect and update regarding the novelty gift. I'm thinking the hat might be Sonic themed and the joke might even be a PS3 console.

    "Photo is in a much higher resolution than the last update I sent you but apologies for the flash reflection. I couldn't control my excitement and it was a borrowed camera. Enjoy!" - James G"

    2448x3264 image taken on a Sony DSC W100. Much as we enjoy "hating on" Sony, the W range of digital cameras is quality through and through, or at least it was when we acquired a cheap W1 about five years ago. Cost-cutting may have taken hold since, mind.
    Here's what was on the adult's menu this week while you were here in the garden eating your fish fingers and chips with a spoon. You've got some on yourself.
  • This thing about the Sarah Palin turkey slaughtering incident, which if you haven't heard about, is actually worth hearing about and watching the accompanying video footage. There's ONE OF US in the background fantasising about putting her in the machine next.

  • This thing about a Battlestar Galactica poster, which is much less worth reading about, to be honest.

  • This thing which is little more than an admission to spending a significant amount of time wanking over Gwen Stefani (photos) in the past.

  • This thing about metal-detecting. Wouldn't bother. It did get linked to by some metal-detecting forums, though. If you thought your life was bad, just be happy you're not a member of a metal-detecting forum and therefore really into metal-detecting AND the internet. It certainly put a few things into perspective here.

  • This thing about Konnie Huq doing a promotional video for Blu-ray, because you can't not download, re-encode, upload and embed video clips like this then spend several hours browsing the 'related videos' in horror when they come along:

  • It's all about EXECUTIVE MOUSTACHES, though. You want to get in on EXECUTIVE MOUSTACHES now, before it's too late and everyone accuses you of jumping on the bandwagon when the EXECUTIVE MOUSTACHES t-shirts and DVDs come out next year.
    Or maybe 6600 years, depending on if you add that bit on or take it away. Quite a lot of years, anyway.

    "Whilst touring the Down County museum in N. Ireland, I was STUNNED to see that Dreamcast had a long and illustrious history in Ulster. According to the display, it ruled from 7,000BC to AD400. Unfortunately it doesn't confirm that a new console is in production, but we all know that already. Regards" - Anon.
    This is going to be the most popular update in the history of UKR, just you wait and see. It'll get 15,000 Diggs, will appear on the front page of Yahoo Buzz, clock up more than 20,000 WankOvers, be hotter than the sun on N4G and get a link from BBC News and The Sun. Just you wait.

    The server's going to be down for at least 72 hours after this gets out, so we'll see you on the other side next Monday with 1.5million new readers. Be nice - 1.2million of them will be girls!

    CUTE CAT PHOTO LOL, or however it is people under 30 speak

    "You all seem really depressed lately, so I thought I would send you a picture of my cat using a Dreamcast controller as a pillow. I would have added a funny caption, but I'm not actually clever enough to think of one. There, isn't that better?" - Eric.
    Enemy manufacturing base shrinking! Supply lines crippled! Successful European campaign impacting on Asian stronghold! Unconditional surrender and signing over of all copyrights pertaining to "PlayStation3" estimated to be less than 14 months away.

    'I also know where the plain A4 paper is kept'

    Sony is also axing 8000 jobs as well as closing 10% of its weapon factories. What a shame. What a big shame. What a BIG OLD FUCKING SHAMEY SHAME indeed. We don't like to laugh about people losing their jobs, but it's OK when it's SONY PEOPLE as they're not even real people at all. They don't have feelings.


    Like the abandoned homes in the nuclear death zone surrounding Chernobyl, Sonic merchandise reveals a snapshot of a long-forgotten and more innocent age. Did people in the early 1990s really buy one brand of pencils over another brand of pencils thanks to the promise of maybe winning a Mega CD?

    Win all of SEGA?

    "Sega/Crayola contest with Sonic coloured pencil! Sincerely" - Thu Nguyen.

    Odds of winning lesser than the odds of Sonic Team ever making a good game again

    Thank Thu very much.

    'Dude, what's with the gay pencils?'

    As part of the UKR screening process that ever submitter must go through, we Googled "Thu Nguyen" - and found that some Thu Nguyens are boys, and some are girls. We'll imagine this one's a girl, even though the odds of that are significantly greater than the odds of winning that second-generation Mega CD.
    Our European cousins, for so long under the evil Sony cosh, have united as one and OUSTED THE TYRANNY OF EVIL from their glorious lands! No longer are they blindly paying the equivalent RRP of £299 for a shite console based around making films look marginally better than before if you sit near the screen.

    Or, to put it sensibly so today's news-aggregating-media outlets can understand after a two-second scan of the facts, Microsoft has just said Xbox 360 is outselling PS3 in France, Spain and Italy. Here's a link to Eurogamer saying it, as you're more likely to believe stuff on Eurogamer than on here, AREN'T YOU?

    Cheerily hum the Dad's Army theme tune all weekend

    Expect future Sony press releases to concentrate on the performance of the "PlayStation Family" in Denmark during 2008, relative to the performance of the "PlayStation Family" in Denmark during the 1970s.


    Here are some other things we've done this week. Don't feel obliged to click on any of the links, most of it sits awkwardly between "workmanlike" and "solid."
  • This thing featuring a photo of a woman on a sled taken from an angle that makes it look like she's not wearing any trousers.

  • This thing about a man who made a proper, working gun and chain saw combo, in which we used up all of this week AND next week's allocation of capital letters.

  • This thing about the Xbox logo and 17th Century aliens.

  • This thing about Doctor Who, iTunes and Billie Piper, which earned us a gold star for "SEO" awareness.


  • This thing about Intel's Eric Mentzer, general manager of the chipset and graphic development group, because you can't not use pictures like this when they come along:

  • We even resorted to a Mr Potato Head reference :(

    HAIRY MAN 0/10.
    The episode aired on November 27 if you want to download a copy for posterity.

    Face of Richard Jacques burnt onto toast

    "My missus (honest) was watching EastEnders yesterday and about 02:00 in you can see the Dreamcast logo on the cups in the Trumans' household (my other half told me the name of them, honest again!)" - Azza, London.

    It also featured in the episode that aired on November 25. This series of exciting updates about the cups in EastEnders is going to run and run! Hopefully we'll get to see Ian Beale smashing it against a wall on Christmas Day.

    'Have a ho-ho-ho-ho-horrible Christmas'

    "Just goes to show that the guys at the BBC haven't given up on SEGA and neither should we! Shine on you crazy Hedgehog!" - Hollywooda.
    It's official - we're dumping Sonic. It was an abusive relationship we stayed in for way too long. Now that HOG must be kicked to the KERB for all our sakes, lest we forever be stained by his present-day CRIMES.

    So please, send in your ideas for new UKR logos. Preference will be given to ones that fit the existing gap, are less than 20k and look like the sort of proper logo you might see on a proper web site done by proper people for proper people to read.

    Here's a few we've got in so far. There's no closing date.

    You can be serious. It doesn't have to be Blaze Fielding sucking Ryo Hazuki's cock, although that would probably get linked to by Kotaku so if you have the art skills and time...

    You probably won't be able to beat this, mind.

    The SEGA font's a bit hackneyed, to be honest.

    You can email them to, or put them in the comments or whatever. How you submit them isn't part of the competition. Just don't turn up at the house with them drawn over the welcome page of an old copy of SEGA Saturn Magazine.

    We'd also accept £17k off Sony's marketing division to make it Sackboy for two months or 500k page impressions. The money would be spent on registering the domain name and buying web space for the next ONE THOUSAND YEARS.

    Or this, with Jacques walking past and the sign saying something about suicide rates?
    All you have to do is make your newsagent think you're a Nazi who believes anyone who likes curry ought to be sent to France by buying a copy of the Daily Mail. This is also an entry in the series titled "National press getting things slightly wrong."

    "Quite how it happened I'm not sure. But if anything's going to sell a Daily Mail it's going to be the bit that says "You can WIN a Sega Megadrive! It's a shame that they put PS3 at the top of the list, though. So I like to think that the list is actually a countdown, with the most popular consoles coming towards the bottom of the list. If you imagine Bruno Brooks reading the list, it makes a lot more sense."

    "In case you're all about to rush out and pick up a Mail (it's an ongoing compo, and although I haven't checked, it's probably on today's too.) be aware that it's not REALLY a Megadrive. It's one of those pansy-assed Blaze Plug'n'Play doohickeys. Still, you can get one free from them, if you collect all 90 tokens! Sorry I sent this two days late, but I forgot the picture was in my phone" - Jayenkai.
    We've managed to come up with one, after shorting out several keyboards from all the tears. The rest of today's going to be spent making a new logo in protest at this sort of rubbish being attached to Sonic's once-proud name.

    This is our funny caption:
  • "Sonic heads off into a cave with The Blade of Despair to do the only honourable thing left"

  • Honestly. What sort of joke is this? Never before have we felt so justified in typing an emoticon instead of a proper sentence :(

    We need to send out the message that even a poorly-cut-out GIF of Adam Doree would be preferable to being associated with Sonic in his current state.
    iPhone :(

    It's called Gabo. It's the impenetrable new work from the creator of Seaman. It has a hairy naked Neanderthal in it. A person who knows more about the game can be found here, if you're open to the idea of using a phone for gaming and Apple getting even more powerful.