UK:RESISTANCE 'main page'
We've seen it all now.

'Which ones do I shoot?'

The one in the red top is Bungie's receptionist. The one further down the line is their human resources woman. They were drafted in to glam things up a bit. It's the only logical explanation.
Never before has the word "fair" been so inappropriately used. A room full of men in suits is not a fair. The Game Career Fair was a sort of recruitment drive that ran as part of the very worthy London Games Festival last week, which we fortunately managed to avoid being any part of.

At least two people went to the Career Fair, though, as they sent us photos of some amazing SEGA items that SEGA was giving away to lure people into its clutches.


ATTENDEE 1: "I went down to London today to go to the Games Careers Festival in Whitechapel (what a shit-hole, btw) in a vain attempt to get a job within the games industry. I failed, but the blow was softened by the SEGA stand and their goody bag. After dodging the freaky guy presenting at the stand I managed to take a few bags while they weren't looking and inside was some cool shit. Well a crappy booklet, a SEGA logo sticker and two sweets!"


"The highlight is the sweets. Very cool. I wanna try one but I'd rather hold onto them and send them to you guys in a few years. Hell, maybe they'll become a collectors item. Oh, and sorry about the quality of the photos. I know you love the high-res stuff, but these were taken using my EyeToy. At least it gives you another reason to hate on Sony for its crappy EyeToy picture quality. Anyway, Cheers for reading - URBANmonkey (Richard Harrison). Put both as the source so my mates will know its me and how famous I'll be if I make it onto UK:R!"


ATTENDEE 2: "Recently went the Game Career Fair. SEGA kinda have a crap showing in the UK but fancy freebies, so I took some photos. I have the super-hi-res versions if that's what you're into. Incidentally, the guy I spoke to at Team 17 definitely had to be drunk... I could smell it - Pyrii."


It is UTTERLY BEWILDERING that SEGA has a brand of sweets, yet not one of these sweets - let alone the HUGE BAG we deserve - have made their way to UKR headquarters.
We have received DEVASTATING NEWS. The Mega Drive had Sony processors inside it. This is like a virus that runs back through time, erasing all our happy memories of SEGA's defining machine.

If UKR gradually fades from existence over the coming days, it is the retro-active effect of this horrifying news corrupting the time stream and making our young selves side with Nintendo.

Mega Drive Sony inside-having chip SHAME

FROM THE OWNER: "I found this Generation 2 Sega Genesis at a Goodwill here in south Florida for 3.99, I bought it, but, alas, it did not work. Recently I decided to crack it open and see if I could find what ails it. Unfortunately, I have discovered that SEGA has been betraying us for all these years!"

One chip Sony hasn't removed

There it is. That's the little SHIT. Rip it out! It probably only does something really useless, like make the machine break after 12 years.


"Here is why I blame the chip for my system's death. The area around the chip was the only part covered in this orange slime, seen there after I wiped it up. Here is a dramatic shot of the Sony death slime in front of a once proud system - Matt."
These are the official photos from the video game BAFTA awards that took place a couple of days ago. The photos are mostly of the event's celebrity guests, rather than anything to do with the actual video games or the game makers.

If BAFTA's still this embarrassed about video gaming, perhaps it ought to just give up on the whole thing?

Athlete, BAFTA's chums

This is Athlete. They are someone at BAFTA's favourite band, despite churning out really dull electro dirge.

Not contributed a note to Britain's proud musical heritage

That's Charlie Simpson from Busted, although his press people would prefer it if he was called Charlie Simpson from Fightstar.

Dom Jolly from off the telly

Not only do we know lots about youth culture and pop music as illustrated by the above two captions, we can also recognise Dom Jolly from off the telly.

Dom Jolly from off the telly again

Obviously we have selectively edited the material. BAFTA sent out 9 photos of game developers and publishers, compared to 11 photos of celebrity guests. Three of the developer shots were of Will Wright, though, so technically there were only 7 game pics.

Gareth Gates hasn't jumped off a cliff yet

That's Gareth Gates, who hasn't got much to do these days other than sit at home playing Miles' Football Manager.

Men from Hollyoaks

Men from Hollyoaks. The one on the left got to kiss a quite pretty girl for a while, but then she tried to murder him. The one on the right is the gormless one who's unlucky in love and only gets rubbish comedy storylines about ill-fated business ventures.


Peter Serafinowicz, who is quite popular at the moment with people who have the ability to laugh at other peoples jokes.

Comedic low point

Uh-oh. Dom Jolly has resorted to a "comedic point." His career is over.

Remi Nicole. Probably a Radio 1 DJ

This is Remi Nicole. We will be honest and say we have no idea who she is, plus she's not pretty enough to bother Googling to find out.

Secretly thinks games are for losers who are wasting their life

Vic Reeves. Not currently developing anything for Xbox Live Arcade as far as we are aware.

Vicki Butler Henderson XXX

Vicki Butler Henderson. We have supplied this image in clickable high-resolution, just in case you want to analyse her in close-up detail. We are hopeful this will result in significant Google traffic.

Wonky men

And this is why BAFTA mostly sent out celebrity photos.
It may have escaped your attention that UKR is notionally part of a "network" - a network we intend to drag down by inserting worryingly odd sex references into updates about Bluetooth headsets and placing inappropriate wanking terminology into posts about the politics of social networking.

These are some of the posts we have written for other parts of "the network" this week. They are of varying quality.
  • This thing about a waterproof TV with plenty of thinly-veiled references to masturbating in hotel bathrooms.

  • This thing which was just an excuse to Google Jade Raymond on work time.

  • This thing where "The Church" says Sony is shit.

  • This thing about Nintendo "hoodies."

  • And this thing where we tried to introduce the readers of to the joys of Asian product holding.

  • Pink or blue?

    If anyone has any suggestions about wanking themes to include in future serious posts on "the network" you know how to get in touch.
    Now we're no business experts, but we're pretty sure phrases like "operating loss increased" and "PS3-related inventory write-downs" can only mean good times are ahead for all haters of Sony's gaming division.
    "Meanwhile, Sony posted a wider operating loss in the Game segment of 96.7 billion yen or $841 million from loss of 43.5 billion yen in the prior year, primarily due to the loss arising from strategic pricing of PS3 at points lower than its production cost. The higher PS3-related inventory write-downs also affected the results negatively" - Global Business News.

    Of course, total revenue was up thanks to selling PS3 at a loss. But even our shrivelled business brains can tell that's not a sustainable plan "going forwards."
    There is nothing glamorous about the video games industry.

    Broken woman

    Even when crying and trying to sleep the day over there is someone taking photos of her from behind. Fortunately, we don't feel pity or remorse. Just a curiosity about if she's wearing tights or just has weird feet.
    A man took some of the coins home with him from the SEGA arcade in the Trocadero. We're not sure if that's allowed. He sent in some quite poor and blurry photos of them, and this, believe it or not, is actually the most in focus one:

    The submitter put them up on eBay for charity. Only that was a few months ago now. Sorry about that.

    "When I was 8, my father who was absent since birth (he literally legged it the moment I was born. Classy, eh?) reappeared, saying he wanted to get to know his son. He actually wanted to get intimate with my mother's bank details, as he had run into a spot of bother with a loan shark - seeing as I haven't heard from him in over a decade, I can only hope he's resting in pieces along the side of a motorway.

    "Anyway, in order to prove he's turned a new leaf, he took me on a day out to Segaworld, at the Trocadero Centre. I can remember it was all actually quite fun, especially that CGI roller coaster ride thing they had going on. After a long day eating greasy overpriced food, various arcade games, and spunking a shitload of money on those games that give you tickets and exchanging them for two bouncy balls, we headed home. It was only during the huge argument between my parents in the kitchen that I discovered these two tokens in my pocket. I can't remember what they were used for, though.

    "It isn't too clear on the photo (seeing as it was taken with a digital camera from back in the days of 128MB MP3 players), but the tokens have started to rust. I think it makes it look pretty cool though, almost like it's currency from a long lost civilisation, except that they're as worthless now as they were then - Kimini."

    That email reminded us of these images, which have been sitting here, in a folder, for over a year.

    We have lost the email and accompanying story, but the folder was called 'Sega Sydney' so these must be tokens from SEGA World in Sydney from before it closed.

    Sensational macro photography. These photos really deserved better than being stuck on the end of someone else's boring sob story.
    We are nothing if not always last with the hot game news.

    This photo is only meant as an introduction to the one coming next...

    Magnificent! We can only assume this is a German celebrity who put in a brief appearance on the Sony stand at Leipzig. Can a German confirm this, please?
    A couple of weeks ago we made the massive error of mentioning cosplay. This meant that all the people who think cosplay is socially acceptable emailed us stuff in the hope of being our friends.

    Like Gordon here. We assume this is Gordon. Gordon found this NiGHTS thing while walking around TGS. Bloody show off.

    FROM GORDON: "Walking around TGS I saw this lady and thought you might appreciate a picture of her. I know how lazy you are so I've sent you 2 versions. One full size the other resized to fit the site. I didn't bother playing the game since it's on the wii and, as everyone knows, the Wii is for kids, paedos and old people. Enjoy the free update - Gordon."

    He's called Henning. We asked Henning if it was okay to put these photos up on the internet, as we're nice like that behind the scenes. Henning said yes, and that he asked the girls if it was okay to put the photos on the internet and they said yes. So you (we) don't have to feel any way guilty about this.

    German Ulala cosplay

    German Ulala cosplay

    German Ulala cosplay

    German Ulala cosplay

    German Ulala cosplay

    FROM HENNING: "I am a regular visitor of you website. I'm from Germany, where we have an anime and Japanese video game convention called "Animagic". Since you seem to like SEGA Space Channel 5 cosplay, I have included several pictures of a German Ulala and friends in this email. Greetings! - Henning"
    Blood everywhere! The blood of the arrogant! PlayStation3 had the biggest hammering of its entirely hammering-based lifetime last month, as Xbox 360 and Wii both outsold the overpriced HD shitbox by FOUR TIMES.

    Even if the magical price cut and introduction of an even worse version of the hardware boosts sales by, say, 178 percent, it'll still be LAST BY A FUCKING MILE. JOY OF JOYS! TYRANNY HAS ENDED!
    360: 527,000
    Wii: 501,000
    DS: 495,000
    PSP: 284,000
    PS2: 215,000
    PS3: 119,000
    GBA: 75,000

    Sony will finish in third place this console generation, beaten by a PC that breaks all the time and a child's toy. The mighty have fallen - TO DEATH!
    Ulala in a tennis costume. Ulala playing Sonic. Developed by Sumo Digital. Not only coming to Wii. We are deliberately not using any exclamation marks here as we'd just get carried away. And we're saving them for the screenshot of Ulala.


    Sky. Grass. SEGA. It is the summer of 1992 again!


    A 3D Sonic we actually don't mind.


    Ulala!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She'll be at a significant disadvantage wearing those shoes.


    No famous old brand left untouched.


    Please god let there be a very adjustable camera angle for surveying all of Ulala's very lovely parts.



    LONDON & SAN FRANCISCO (Oct 18, 2007) - SEGA Europe Ltd. and SEGA of America, Inc. today announced SEGA Superstars(tm) Tennis, a game that brings together some of the most treasured and well known characters from the SEGA universe, in some of the most unusual courts and outrageous settings ever imagined. Developed by Sumo Digital Ltd., SEGA Superstars Tennis will be released on the Sony PlayStation(r) 3 computer entertainment system, Sony PlayStation 2, the Xbox 360(tm) video game and entertainment system from Microsoft, and Nintendo Wii and DS, all hitting shelves early in 2008.

    SEGA Superstars Tennis has over 15 playable SEGA idols including Sonic the Hedgehog, AiAi from Super Monkeyball fame, Ulala of Space Channel 5 and Amigo from Samba De Amigo. In addition to their own unique attributes, each character will also come equipped with their own superstar tennis skills, putting a whole new spin on each match played!

    Exhibition mode offers the chance to challenge Sonic, or the character or your choice, to a match on one of many courts, including Sonic's home court of Green Hill Zone, or Amigo's Carnival Park court. Wherever you play there will be a host of SEGA celebrities cheering you on from courtside and by partaking in crazy doubles matches with your choice of partner, you could end up playing against some pretty unusual couples! Prove your SEGA hero is the shining star of SEGA Superstars Tennis by collecting silverware in the Tournament Mode. There will also be the opportunity to unlock a host of exciting extras which will be announced in the near future!

    Complementing the Exhibition and Tournament modes, there will also be new and innovative ways of enjoying some of SEGA's classic titles, plus platform exclusive ways to play the game, including online modes for X360 and PS3 versions!

    "SEGA Superstars Tennis has the potential to be one of the most fun and accessible sports games ever." commented Gary Knight, European Marketing Director. "The fantastic Sumo Digital team has had access to a wealth of SEGA IP and you'll be surprised at the gaming icons that will be making an appearance!"

    Available on the Sony PlayStation(r) 3 computer entertainment system, Sony PlayStation 2, the Xbox 360(tm) video game and entertainment system from Microsoft, and Nintendo Wii and DS, SEGA Superstars Tennis will release in early 2008.
    This one really is the greatest. All those other ones we've done are now considered rubbish in hindsight. This is the Mona Lisa of Sonic art. Look into the eyes of those poor bunnies and feel their pain and anguish at the destruction of their beautiful world. The tears are coming again. The tears never really stopped.


    Amazing Sonic desktop #5

    Beautiful! Best so far. Again, we can only apologise on behalf of SEGA Japan for the unfortunate 'portrait' orientation of the original material. They just didn't plan ahead to the time, 15 years later, when their suffering fans would want to put this shit on their widescreen monitors.

    Amazing Sonic desktop #3 REMIXED

    And as has become traditional, someone took the last one and made it a bit better. He's rounded off and extended the claws. It is apparently "inspired by the cover art for the album 'Virgin Killer' by The Scorpions."

    Amazing Sonic desktop #3 REMIXED

    And we got this one from "Chris". Seems a bit mean, but that's the internet for you. He said he bought a t-shirt from us so we sort of have to use it.

  • And he also has some very cheap tracksuit trousers. And he looks like he's on day release from some sort of special safe house for special people. If you are currently wearing any sort of video game merchandise, take it off and burn it in the garden now. Because this is what you look like.

    EYE WITNESS: "I followed this man through the Wellington TranzMetro service here in New Zealand in order to get a shot of his fantabulous backpack. It took me a while to get it because I was also photographing ladies' breasts in order to balance out my sexuality quotient for stalking a man and taking a "candid" shot of him. I hope he wears his socks like that in order to look like the white bands around Sonic's ankles. I later spotted him and his friend looking at red shoes in a shoe shop. I dream that he will later be seeing running around Wellington waterfront with blue hair streaking in the wind - Chris."
    Emily is (predictably) working for Nuts TV. Here she is doing things to a robot .

    Why is the robot wearing an Ipod shuffle?

    So, PS3 sales are up 178%. Amazing. Except that when you start being given percentage figures instead of actual sales figures you know someone is trying to hide something. You see, in the previous week PS3 only sold a measley 6700 machines. 20,000 less than the 360, so despite the increase it is still falling short by a long measure, shifting only about 18000 units. What's worse for Sony, is that nearly 90% of those sales were for the soon-to-be-discontinued 60GB backwards-compatible version. That is REALLY bad news for the senior executive that thought the public would want to buy a Chavtastic Gimped machine. In summary, PS3 = Fucked. Move along now.
    Japan. Land of the humorous mistranslation. These photos come from the SegaWorld in Koriyama, Japan, where a sensationally poor collection of Sonic The hedgehog poetry adorns the walls. In the legendary writings, Tails is referred to as "spunkiest" - yet more evidence of his much-rumoured homosexuality.

    "I'm sending you a few extra pics to give it some context... Like the crap picture I took of the outside of it by day - the reason the picture is so shit is because I'm on a bike and there's a motorway in between me and SegaWorld and I'm not sure if I'll be capable of getting any closer than this."

    "Thankfully, I do, and what a place it is! There's lots of UFO Catchers full of Stitch. My pride tells me that this shouldn't really be allowed in a Sega establishment, but something else catches my eye..."

    "Amazing Sonic poetry. Complete with spelling mistakes."

    "And there's more - Tails' own tribute seems to have been censored by the light fitting."

    "Amy's tribute was actually quite enlightening, since as far as I know, she was only in Sonic CD which I never played. Now at least, I know she's a 'togh cookie'."

    "As for the rest of the 'World', it mostly contained Virtua Fighter 5 cabs, an old Jurassic Park, a beautiful selection of 40p-per-play Afterburner Climax cabs and a 'Let's go Jungle' cab which was surprisingly decent although one of the fire buttons was a bit broken. There was also some sort of weird Fantasy Zone game that involved shooting things on a carousel, which pleased the SEGA fan in me, but evidently not enough to make me play it."

    "The upstairs, predictably enough, was all pachinko machines and horse racing simulators that you could gamble on."

    "As I left, I went into the used book store next door and bought some used Dreamcast games. And then had a burger."

    "All in all, a reasonably good day. 7/10 - Tom."
    Sonic The HORRIFIC MUTANT CAT spotted in a Chinese shop by vigilant reader. SEGA needs to get a crack legal hit squad out to China, it's losing billions out there every day.


    FROM THIS MAN: "I recently visited a friend in China when I spotted this distressingly familiar 'cat' in a department store, inexplicably facing the shoe section. The harrowing expression on the nearby mannequin's face was pretty much akin to my own - Tom."

    "PS: I have some photos of 'Sonic poetry' which adorned the walls of a SegaWorld in Japan, if you'd be interested."

    Shit yes.
    This one is the best yet, as Sony Europe's Ray Maguire amazingly manages to combine the words "thought out" and "plan" to describe the mass global confusion Sony has created around its Blu-elephant PlayStation3.

    Phil Maguire

    "This is all part of a very carefully thought-out plan"
    - Ray Maguire, SCEE, today.

    Ray Harrison

    Exclusive images of the new, redesigned Phil Maguire and Ray Harrison supplied by "bored" reader Dan.
    Only the problems with this are: (1) It's a Nintendo game. (2) It's a Wii game. (3) It'll be another rubbish, hobbled version of Sonic that appears in it, because as we all know, the REAL Sonic would drill Mario's fat arse into the ground in half a second, then smash his mushroom-faced fuckbuddies into a billion pieces in the next half a second.

    Then he would fly off with Tails on a little red aeroplane, laughing about it, off home to see Cream, who's very excited to see him and eager to hear his tales of victory (insert 500 words of erotic fan fiction).

    Sonic lies

    This is NONSENSE. We clearly remember the end movie of Sonic CD, where Sonic had the ability to spin SO FAST he could smash robotic enemies in HALF. Mario's fleshy belly would be spread to the four winds in a flash if this was the real Sonic and not some cross-promotional marketing-lead imposter.
    The new, downgraded, slap-in-the-face-of-Europe, 40GB PlayStation3 has had its SACD support binned as well. Now while losing SACD support is about as worrying to us as losing ITV1 from the terrestrial TV listings, it's still quite interesting to look at the parallels between SACD and Blu-ray.


    SACD was released when CD was as the top of its game. Everyone owned 100s of CDs, everyone loved CDs and the sound quality of CD was perfectly good enough for 99.9 percent of the population. So Sony released the slightly better and completely incompatible Super-Audio CD - the Blu-ray of the music scene. It is now a dead format, as is its rival DVD-Audio. Everyone was happy with what they already had.


    Now, all Sony needs to do is bin that awful, pointless, half-finished HD movie format they're trying to force onto an unwilling world in the same way.

  • Betamax
  • UMD
  • Blu-ray
  • And so, one by one, all the brilliant things that made Dreamcast so good are trickling down to Wii. Proof, if more was needed, that Dreamcast was eight years ahead of its time. If only SEGA had marketed it to four-year-olds, the elderly and the disabled, things could've turned out very differently.


    Obviously the, er, amazing power of Wii has, er, made the game look much better than it ever did on Dreamcast. The font on that score is definitely a bit sharper.


    And Wii has made the fishing line look a bit bluer.


    Of course it's hard to accurately compare modern games to Dreamcast games, thanks to the rose-tinted eye implants and the fact that denying Dreamcast's awesomeness and the holocaust of its death, even in hindsight, is still considered a war crime.


    As long as they don't remake Daytona USA for Wii. Playing it on a small child's plastic steering wheel would be one step too far for what's left of our dignity.


    Here's today's insult, European PS3 fans! The Japanese get a white one next month. And it costs 39,980 yen which is slightly over HALF the UK price. And there's a white DualShock 3 coming out at the same time, which you're not allowed to give Sony more money for until next spring.


    If you're good boys and girls, Sony might let you pay twice as much money for a worse version of this in seven or eight months time. Think of all the Folding@Home you'll be able to play!
    The reason Sony charged so much for PS3 in Europe was, and we quote in SHEER HORROR, so early adopters could have six months of extra enjoyment out of the machine before it became cheaper. That 425 price included a Fun Premium, so PS3-buying cockmunchers had six extra months playing Folding@Home and botched Xbox 360 ports.

    This is easily Sony's most baffling and insulting statement yet. Here's Sony Europe's Ray Maguire spelling it out:

    Sony Europe's Ray Maguire spelling it out

    "One thing is common amongst the entire market for consumer electronics and that is that there are early adopters like myself who will spend GBP 10,000 on a plasma TV that is worth GBP 3000 within three years. That's the way the market goes. What do they get for that? They get six months of enjoyment of the product before anybody else gets that ability to play those games." - Ray Maguire , Sony Europe, last week.

  • "We've been doing some research for the last few months" - WE'VE BEEN LOOKING AT THE INTERNET AND SALES FIGURES IN ABJECT HORROR.

  • "...the hub market is really wide and the prices have come down significantly" - SONY'S NEXT BUSINESS EXPANSION WILL BE IN THE LUCRATIVE USB HUB SECTOR.

  • "...if you've got a strategy and you've got products on a boat which takes six weeks to get here and there's been a three month lead time to get the product in, our business has to go on and we will go on with the strategy that we want" - THERE ARE SIX MILLION UNSOLD PS3S OUT THERE ON BOATS.

  • "The difference between our industry and many other industries is that if you're selling cars or houses the price goes up steadily. Consumer electronics only goes one way and that's downwards" - YES, BUT, USUALLY EQUIPMENT GETS BETTER AND HAS MORE FEATURES ADDED TO IT RATHER THAN GETTING WORSE AND HAVING FEATURES TAKEN OUT. NO ONE TAKES A ROOM OFF YOUR HOUSE ONCE YOU'VE AGREED TO BUY IT.
  • So now Sony's fire sale, disaster-averting, feature-stripped 40GB PS3 doesn't have backwards compatibility at all, despite this:

    "Backwards compatibility, as you know from PlayStation One and PlayStation 2, is a core value of what we believe we should offer. And access to the library of content people have created, bought for themselves, and accumulated over the years is necessary to create a format. PlayStation is a format meaning that it transcends many devices -- PSOne, PS2, and now PS3" - Phil Harrison, Sony, December 2006.

    40GB PS3 of ultimate shame

    TOP TIP: It's not the hardware configuration, it's the lack of games.
    Amazing what you can find on the web. Here's Sony's blundering Phil Harrison laughing at Microsoft's decision to offer more than one hardware configuration.

    Phil Harrison, confused on the inside

    "I think we wouldn't take that strategy. We wouldn't create confusion" - Phil Harrison, Sony, August 2005.

    PS3 strategy finalised

    Sony today announced a low-spec 40GB PlayStation3, following in the footsteps of its 20GB PS3, its 60GB PS3, its 60GB "Value" Pack and its 80GB PS3. Sony is beyond saving and way beyond comedy.


  • A 30GB hard drive and three USB ports
  • A 120GB hard drive and five USB ports
  • A 320GB hard drive and one USB port
  • No PS3 with no hard drive and no USB ports
  • Shit sales of PS3 blamed for magazine closure! Raging editor slags off Sony strategy in press release! Good times had by all! (except several hard-working, under-paid Imagine freelancers, who are now wholly dependent on Google Ads revenue from their cynical industry blogs to pay bedsit rent).

    From the press release:
    Nick Jones, Editor in Chief of Imagine’s PlayStation titles commented, "The fact is that the PlayStation market is at an all-time low and this has been reflected in the sales of PlayStation magazines. With a lower than expected PlayStation 3 installed user base, no price reduction of the hardware, and few triple-A games until much later next year, we have taken the decision to merge PSU3 with Play and focus on our most long-standing games brands and also our new launches."

    PSU3 - DEAD

    We would miss it, had we actually been aware of its existence.
    And the mighty Sonic pogz have some mighty fine retro Sonic artwork on them, from back when SEGA didn't try so hard to be cool - and was therefore a million times cooler.

    Sonic Pogz, all of

    Genius war propaganda. Mock the enemy. Ha ha, look how stupid he is! Next time we fight him we won't be so scared!

    Sonic Pogz, all of

    Tails, as ever, looks suitably retarded.

    Sonic Pogz, all of

    "Dear everyone at UK:R, I found these some weeks ago: Sonic pogz. God knows why I kept them all these years, but you seem to have quite a fondness for the blue hedgehog, so I thought, maybe you'd like to have a look at them. Four reasons why you could like these pogz: (1) They have Sonic characters from the 2D era all over them. (2) They're plastic pogz, not rubbish cardboard ones. (3) You can connect them to build stuff. (4) They also GLOW IN THE DARK (which, in my opinion, is the bestest thing about them).

    Sonic Pogz, all of

    "Best of all, if you want them, I'll post them to you. Free. Because you are the greatest SEGA worshipers of them all... if you are the kind of Anglais who have nothing against stuff coming from France, of course. Just give me your address. Yours sincerely, JF Capdevielle, biggest UK:R French fan ever ever."

    Sonic Pogz, all of

    In all their majesty. And thanks for the offer, JF, but we've reached that stage in life where it's becoming just a little bit embarrassing to sleep in a bedroom surrounded by plush toys and merchandise of cartoon characters.
    Sony's 10 year plan is really taking shape - after seven months on sale in Europe, release a low-spec, cut-down, cheaper model to avert a total sales disaster. No doubt this course of action was planned out in Tokyo, back in 2004, as part of Sony's amazing Ten Year Third Reich of gaming.

    Un-be-freaking-lievable. This just makes launch day buyers look even more monumentally fuckwitted. Bend over, PS3 owners, you've officially been shafted.


    That's just over 300 quid. Cheaper, but don't forget to set another 30 quid aside so you can buy a rumbling controller in 2008. Truly despicable.
    This is NiGHTS on Wii. NiGHTS would seem to have a bit of a fetish for touching the bottoms of very large birds. It's quite a disgusting sight.

    Wii NiGHTS and bottom-touching

    He's not shy about getting in there. Perhaps he's just consumed six pints of Stella? That's usually the minimum requirement for touching the bottoms of big birds.

    Wii NiGHTS and bottom-touching

    At least he's wearing white surgical gloves.

    Wii NiGHTS and bottom-touching

    He ought to roll his sleeves up first, though.
    Our new best and most frightening friend "Andy The Squirrel" managed to get EXCLUSIVE side and, crucially, rear shots of that horrendously frightening Chinese Sonic costume rip-off.

    Ideal for job interviews, weddings, parties, lonely suicides...

    We have requested Andy gets a video of the seller dancing in it to "illustrate the mobility" of the suit.

    A man dressed like Sonic was arrested today, for...

    At least there isn't a hole cut in it allowing easy access to the anal area. Although there probably should be. The costume is still for sale.