This thing about a waterproof TV with plenty of thinly-veiled references to masturbating in hotel bathrooms. This thing which was just an excuse to Google Jade Raymond on work time. This thing where "The Church" says Sony is shit. This thing about Nintendo "hoodies." And this thing where we tried to introduce the readers of Xboxer.tv to the joys of Asian product holding.
"Meanwhile, Sony posted a wider operating loss in the Game segment of 96.7 billion yen or $841 million from loss of 43.5 billion yen in the prior year, primarily due to the loss arising from strategic pricing of PS3 at points lower than its production cost. The higher PS3-related inventory write-downs also affected the results negatively" - Global Business News.
HE ALSO SENT IN A VERY LONG-WINDED ACCOMPANYING LIFE STORY:
"When I was 8, my father who was absent since birth (he literally legged it the moment I was born. Classy, eh?) reappeared, saying he wanted to get to know his son. He actually wanted to get intimate with my mother's bank details, as he had run into a spot of bother with a loan shark - seeing as I haven't heard from him in over a decade, I can only hope he's resting in pieces along the side of a motorway.
"Anyway, in order to prove he's turned a new leaf, he took me on a day out to Segaworld, at the Trocadero Centre. I can remember it was all actually quite fun, especially that CGI roller coaster ride thing they had going on. After a long day eating greasy overpriced food, various arcade games, and spunking a shitload of money on those games that give you tickets and exchanging them for two bouncy balls, we headed home. It was only during the huge argument between my parents in the kitchen that I discovered these two tokens in my pocket. I can't remember what they were used for, though.
"It isn't too clear on the photo (seeing as it was taken with a digital camera from back in the days of 128MB MP3 players), but the tokens have started to rust. I think it makes it look pretty cool though, almost like it's currency from a long lost civilisation, except that they're as worthless now as they were then - Kimini."
AMERICAN HARDWARE SALES FIGURES FOR SEPTEMBER 2007360: 527,000
BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES!
SEGA LEGENDS SET TO SERVE UP AN ACE IN THE WACKY SEGA SUPERSTARS(tm) TENNIS!
LONDON & SAN FRANCISCO (Oct 18, 2007) - SEGA Europe Ltd. and SEGA of America, Inc. today announced SEGA Superstars(tm) Tennis, a game that brings together some of the most treasured and well known characters from the SEGA universe, in some of the most unusual courts and outrageous settings ever imagined. Developed by Sumo Digital Ltd., SEGA Superstars Tennis will be released on the Sony PlayStation(r) 3 computer entertainment system, Sony PlayStation 2, the Xbox 360(tm) video game and entertainment system from Microsoft, and Nintendo Wii and DS, all hitting shelves early in 2008.
SEGA Superstars Tennis has over 15 playable SEGA idols including Sonic the Hedgehog, AiAi from Super Monkeyball fame, Ulala of Space Channel 5 and Amigo from Samba De Amigo. In addition to their own unique attributes, each character will also come equipped with their own superstar tennis skills, putting a whole new spin on each match played!
Exhibition mode offers the chance to challenge Sonic, or the character or your choice, to a match on one of many courts, including Sonic's home court of Green Hill Zone, or Amigo's Carnival Park court. Wherever you play there will be a host of SEGA celebrities cheering you on from courtside and by partaking in crazy doubles matches with your choice of partner, you could end up playing against some pretty unusual couples! Prove your SEGA hero is the shining star of SEGA Superstars Tennis by collecting silverware in the Tournament Mode. There will also be the opportunity to unlock a host of exciting extras which will be announced in the near future!
Complementing the Exhibition and Tournament modes, there will also be new and innovative ways of enjoying some of SEGA's classic titles, plus platform exclusive ways to play the game, including online modes for X360 and PS3 versions!
"SEGA Superstars Tennis has the potential to be one of the most fun and accessible sports games ever." commented Gary Knight, European Marketing Director. "The fantastic Sumo Digital team has had access to a wealth of SEGA IP and you'll be surprised at the gaming icons that will be making an appearance!"
Available on the Sony PlayStation(r) 3 computer entertainment system, Sony PlayStation 2, the Xbox 360(tm) video game and entertainment system from Microsoft, and Nintendo Wii and DS, SEGA Superstars Tennis will release in early 2008.
GOING/GONE THE SAME WAY:
Betamax UMD ATRAC Blu-ray
"We've been doing some research for the last few months" - WE'VE BEEN LOOKING AT THE INTERNET AND SALES FIGURES IN ABJECT HORROR. "...the hub market is really wide and the prices have come down significantly" - SONY'S NEXT BUSINESS EXPANSION WILL BE IN THE LUCRATIVE USB HUB SECTOR. "...if you've got a strategy and you've got products on a boat which takes six weeks to get here and there's been a three month lead time to get the product in, our business has to go on and we will go on with the strategy that we want" - THERE ARE SIX MILLION UNSOLD PS3S OUT THERE ON BOATS. "The difference between our industry and many other industries is that if you're selling cars or houses the price goes up steadily. Consumer electronics only goes one way and that's downwards" - YES, BUT, USUALLY EQUIPMENT GETS BETTER AND HAS MORE FEATURES ADDED TO IT RATHER THAN GETTING WORSE AND HAVING FEATURES TAKEN OUT. NO ONE TAKES A ROOM OFF YOUR HOUSE ONCE YOU'VE AGREED TO BUY IT.
SONY'S REMAINING OPTIONS:
A 30GB hard drive and three USB ports A 120GB hard drive and five USB ports A 320GB hard drive and one USB port No PS3 with no hard drive and no USB ports
Nick Jones, Editor in Chief of Imagine’s PlayStation titles commented, "The fact is that the PlayStation market is at an all-time low and this has been reflected in the sales of PlayStation magazines. With a lower than expected PlayStation 3 installed user base, no price reduction of the hardware, and few triple-A games until much later next year, we have taken the decision to merge PSU3 with Play and focus on our most long-standing games brands and also our new launches."
A site about games and game paraphernalia and how nothing's as good as we remember it, probably because we used to inhabit a FANTASY WORLD.
What are we half-heartedly skimming RIGHT NOW?
Each post .02% worse than the last.
THE HTML ERAS
When men used to till the pages by hand.
12 years of wheat and chaff in one vast and impenetrable mass.
Some updates weren't universally hated by the entire world within seconds of being uploaded.
Links to that blog of yours you started up and were excited about for a whole weekend.
Some people we might've MET. Or at least seen in a room and been near.
Other sites we are happy to officially endorse without requiring Adwords spend.
Having one is compulsory, apparently. Ours is here. It is not meant to be funny.
People off the internet. Quality and commitment levels may vary.
It came with the template. Maybe in 2014 we'll jump on board the Twitter train and put that in here. Or a radio. That'd be nice.