UK:RESISTANCE 'main page'
So you all had the duvet and some of you had the curtains. But how many had the accompanying bean bag? Or, should we say, SEGA THRONE OF POWER? It's like real life Animal Crossing. Imagine combining it all with the carpet as well.

It is a bean bag

"The Sonic duvet set also had a bean bag to make your Sonic shrine of a room complete. I would only sit on it when I played the Mega Drive so I could sit on something SEGA while playing SEGA. One time, my brother was playing the Nintendo while sitting on it but I told him that was wrong."

It has SONIC on it

"I've taken the liberty of placing it on top of a ladder to demonstrate how the years have taken their toll on a once proud piece of SEGA merchandise. See how it flops?"

What more do you want?

"I honestly don't know where the beans went. Maybe my sister ate them, maybe I ate them in a fit of rage and self-harm when my brother told me Knuckles was a girl and wouldn't listen to reason. I keep it in my wardrobe with the clothes Mummy bought from Asda and a copy of Sonic 3D - Sonicsaiyan."
Definitely remember lusting over this in the Argos catalogue, and begging mum and dad to buy it for Christmas. Even though, being 23-years-old and in full-time employment at the time, we could've just gone down to the shops and bought one for ourselves.

TOG rating 9.5. Tear absorption rating 8.0

TOUCHING HUMAN INTEREST STORY: "My grandma bought me this duvet set back in the 90s and I'd use it whenever I went to stay over."

SEGA Humping Wank Pillow

"Somehow it ended up fully in my possession and I still use it to this day. I'm pretty sure I had a notepad and pencil tin back then with the same design on as well."

'Ah! A Sonic duvet! Please tell me story behind it...'

"It's definitely my favourite duvet cover set and always a good conversation piece. I used to think that the golden outlines on the text on the pillow case glowed in the dark, but they don't - Joe, Sheffield."

Pull tightly over head and pretend

A remarkably clean an un-stained example.
A reader has discovered a new niche area of pornography - the "almost upskirt". It's where you can almost see beneath the skirtage of a lady, but can't quite. No doubt this just makes it extra arousing as even more is left to the imagination than usual.

Ulala's pants nearly

Hopefully the camera has a manual override on it, at least in the post-point replays. If not, PUT ONE IN NOW, please, Sumo-Digital. It could be the difference between 9/10 and 10/10.
This has to be a comedy edit of the Unreal Tournament 3 entry, otherwise civilisation as a whole is in a far more rapid state of decline than we initially projected.


Or it might be an ironic stream-of-consciousness style essay by someone who's had too much Coke today.
Here are some videos that were too poor even to be used in Part One of our ATEI 2008 once-in-a-lifetime mega-update. Plus loads more photos of vaguely interesting things, most of which say "SEGA" on them somewhere.

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She says "SEGA" on her somewhere, only we weren't granted high enough access levels to find out where (full-size original here for personal/educational/research use only).

It's Mad Wave Motion Theater! A thing you lie on and get shaken around, like it's still 1987 and those rides you sit in and get shaken from left to right while watching film footage of a rollercaster ride are still cutting-edge.

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So anyway. ATEI. It's not all glamorous. There are lots of empty cash-generating machines lying about the place.

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About two-thirds of ATEI is relatively dingy booths based around gambling - ie, using a machine to take money from people, often for money-laundering purposes.

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Here's SEGA boasting about how much money UFO catchers rake in. Or how much we spent on Mega Drive games in the early 1990s.

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"Shoot This, Win This" - some rather damning evidence that the death of all arcades is only about 18 months away.

Bowling game. Small balls. Stupidly shot holding camera sideways, hence worse than usual quality.

Some men dancing. If you're finding all this a bit heavy going, there's an edited highlights version of all the video footage over on Tech Digest with a little story attached to it as well.

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AMAZING SEGA FACT: This is the advice sticker on the back of the OutRun2SP DX twin-player cabinet. This sort of thing is why it's worth going to ATEI.

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And this is the front of it.

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And this is why it's also not really worth going to ATEI.

A machine full of Bob The Builder toys. And there's a Zippy. YouTube is going to go ballistic over this. We may end up getting headhunted by a major US network.

17 seconds of SEGA Race TV, most of those wasted filming a man's ridiculous jacket. Sorry.

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SEGA now makes those games where you hit a thing with a stick :(

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Wii version in 2009? :(

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It's OK. We are nearly finished.

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This was there!! SEGA's very own wonky-faced Sonic!

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It's not so bad from the right angle.

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Still looks rather wrong from the front, though.

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If you were wondering - £4500.

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No idea why this was photographed. Was probably going to despair about how "the kids" go to arcades to win rubbish American merchandise nowadays, rather than to actually play decent games.

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The end (full-size original here for personal/educational/research use only).
We got this from Kotaku. It's some news about a British company that have made some Outrun T-Shirts but for some reason have forgotten to tell US that they've made them and even more strangely, have neglected to even send us some for free in return for publicising the fact they've produced some Outrun T-Shirts.

That could have been a picture of us wearing an Outrun T-Shirt

Their T-Shirt has Yu Suzuki's name on it and the arcade board number, which we knew, obviously, it's the sort of thing we recite in our sleep. Anyway, we're sure this minor oversight will be corrected immediately and we'll be wearing our new Outrun T-Shirt to work by wednesday morning at the latest.
Oh. No....sorry, Dreamcats is back. It's just that Sega game for the DS. They had us going there for a minute. At least they've managed to release it before Nintendo got round to doing Nintencats. We couldn't care less about the game as it's bound to be rubbish but they have some sort of cute/funny cat competition on the website. Round 1 was bizarrely won by a cat with three oranges and two apples on it's back. This probably has some sort of significance or comedy value to Japanese people.

They probably did this to the POW's who built the railways too

So, can someone who understands Japanese please enter the Cat in a Sonic hat picture for us? Thanks.
Here's a load of videos and photos we took at this week's ATEI show. The videos are all a bit short. And the photos aren't that good. But there are some of WOMEN and some of a few vaguely interesting SEGA things, so it could be argued that, for once, our heart was in the right place.

It's not exactly AM2 at the peak of its powers back in 1995, but the Silent Hill shooter looked pretty good and SEGA Race TV, even though it has a "Boost" button, is definitely slightly above average.

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This is the Silent Hill shooter. It's House of the Dead in concept, with a spooky Silent Hill plot about missing ships, dead grandfathers, little girls and walls that turn from normal walls into WALLS DRIPPING WITH BLOOD when you're not looking.

Here's a tiny video of it. For a game that's basically you hammering a trigger endlessly, it was pretty nice. Sorry about the video being rubbish. Sorry about ALL of these videos being rubbish.

The Galaxy Rider. It goes up slowly! It comes down slowly! It is A WHITE KNUCKLE THRILL RIDE. See how it goes up very slowly while rotating then comes down again very slowly without even rotating at all. You can tell the occupants were sad that nothing sudden or exciting happened.

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Uh-oh! Can you see what we can see?

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There it is!

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There's only one reason why we came here!

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Oh yes! Freeplay OutRun2SP DX, here we come!

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We're literally almost nearly there!

Here we are going up the escalator to the SEGA area! What lies in wait? Hopefully, 1995 lies in wait and it's a room full of Daytonas.

This is one of the things that awaited! It's called "UFO Stomper" or something like that. It's a big TV you stand on and have fun. It's for families. And children. And people who can actually still have fun.

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These ladies manned the alien game. In return for them letting me take their photo, they insisted I had a go on it. Awkwardly, someone had just walked off halfway through a game and there was 48 seconds of their game time still left. So I had to stand there talking to the one in the glasses for 48 seconds. She asked what games I had liked the most. I said "SEGA Race TV". Then there was some silence. Then she explained how the game worked. And even after all that the timer still said there was 19 seconds to go (full-size original here for personal/educational/research use only).

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YES! A really big SEGA logo! This is exactly what we had hoped to see!

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Not only that, but there were a few RARE ALTERNATE SEGA logos, too.

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SEGA hardware! SEGA HARDWARE! It might be something cool and new! Or something staggering boring like a SCSI controller for a ROM drive.

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Special secret industry information about setting up SEGA arcade franchises. Ordinary people like us are not supposed to see stuff like this.

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Meanwhile, in the depressing downstairs gambling bit, Deal or No Deal was everywhere. DoND gambling, card games, poker, fruit machines - Noel must be raking it in.

Someone really going for it on BoxClub. His second go is not as good as his first, so don't bother watching it all the way through if you're strapped for time.

A business man playing what looks like a very dull game. Mustn't laugh, though - he's probably the MD of somewhere and has a few million quid of buying budget at his disposal.

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God only knows who approved the idea of making a four-player link-up arcade version of Blazing Angels. There's hardly even four people who own the console games.

Someone trying and failing to win a big bar of chocolate. To be fair, he did know he was being filmed so the nerves no doubt got to him.

"Pop it for Gold". Looked at it. Filmed it. Walked away, head spinning with potential joke ideas (none of which came to fruition).

Men, frantically playing Ghost Squad Evolution, as if their lives depend upon it, while paying no regard whatsoever to keeping their suits uncrumpled.

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This was taken at the stand of a company that only sells buttons to go in fruit machines. They were quite surprised that someone was taking photos of their goods. They no doubt thought we were working for a serious industry trade magazine, instead of just looking for things we could take the piss out of on the internet. Although... that would make a very pretty desktop image.

Some men playing a basketball game. Hopefully they won't ever find this, track us down and kick the shit out of us for putting this on the internet.

Football Fever. You kick a ball. Didn't want to try it, as the last time I tried kicking a football my shoe came off and some children saw.

Some dinosaurs. Animatronics are yet to really look convincing, especially at the budget end of the spectrum.

More dinosaurs - some men murdering a brontosaurus with shotguns in SEGA's Primeval Hunt.

Hope you haven't lost interest yet, as here's something from SEGA - PlaytimePuppies! They look like sausage rolls, or very large uncut and misshapen penises.

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Part Two of this exciting multimedia EXPLOSION is coming on Monday, and will include TWO other photos we took of promotional ladies.
While we wait for all the videos we took at ATEI 2008 yesterday to upload for the ATEI MEGA UPDATE that's coming later, why not shake your head in disappointment at a few of the "gems" we have generated for elsewhere this week?
  • This thing in which we usher in a new era of honesty in online journalism by admitting to not having a clue about the significance of the Australian market.

  • This thing which is just a list of old YouTube videos, but it did let us introduce our Carol Vorderman fetish to a newer and wider audience. If just one extra man imagines his wife is Carol Vorderman during sex tonight because of this, it'll all have been worth it.

  • This thing about suing Microsoft. Includes hi-res photo of thumb.

  • This thing which was a "high concept" joke about plagiarism, in which we plagiarised an article about plagiarism. We had to explain this to company management when uploading it, just in case we were actually accused of genuine plagiarism as a result.

  • This thing about shopping trolley lifestyle photography, because you can't not use pictures like this when they come along:

  • Blatant trolling

    Amused ourselves while simultaneously bewildering and frightening others. This week's batch therefore gets an avant-garde and new-wave 8/10.


    Stuart did this thing about portable wanking machines. Stuart also used to work on Dreamcast magazine. If we die, hopefully Stuart will be able to take over here, as he seems more than qualified.
    We've had about 20 emails in the last month saying "Hey! There's an advert on the underground in which some men are using Mega Drive controllers!" - only no one actually provided photographic evidence.

    UNTIL, that is, NOW:

    1992's generic gaming system

    It's an advert for a dating site. And yes, they are using Mega Drive controllers for some unknown but no doubt deeply ironic and clever reason.
    All that's up at the moment is a flash intro. And even that's rubbish and doesn't work very well. If this is an accurate teaser of what's to come, many boots shall be filled over the coming months.

    Do call it a comeback

    They're already being half-hearted about it and can't be bothered to think up names of their own for things. Very promising!

    Titanic II

    This odd message means it's either a joke or is going to be an even more amusing disaster than the last time.

    Barely a semi

    How is it possible to rise "again" when, initially, it didn't rise above the level of industry joke? Roll on the Gizmondo comeback! Can we be highly-paid consultants with company cars, please?
    No idea where or how or why this came into being. It is probably also extremely old, but we're not exactly on top of things these days so it's new to us and is, sadly, the only meat in today's update:


    This update is one of those where the main reason for doing it is to get rid of a photo we've had sitting on our desktop for a few weeks or months. It was either put it on the internet now, or bin it. The desktop must be kept tidy at all times.
    These come courtesy of some odd basketball event Microsoft recently organised in Korea.

    The ladies are holding controllers in some of these photos, plus the Xbox 360 logo is clearly visible in a couple of them AND some people are playing games. Therefore it's perfectly within usual update parameters to use these pictures. This is practically news.

    Or... 'Two large ones and four small ones, please, Carol'

    Two from the top, four from the bottom, please, Carol.

    Way too small and feminine. Call those jawlines?

    FROM THIS MAN: "The event is some sort of promotional championship event for NBA 2K8 on the Xbox 360 and it took place late last year in Taipei. It really can't get any more uninteresting than that, a boring yearly update from a company that wishes it were EA games, on the most boring platform available. Which is why it needs Booth Babes, they're very cheap during outside of the exhibition season."

    Silverside, £3.99/lb

    "A girl, ruined by stupid clothes, ridiculous earrings, and a garish Xbox 360 symbol branded upon her neck. Like cattle."

    Could pick them up by their ankles

    "Can you spot which two in this image own an Xbox?"

    Sort of Congratulations!

    "The winner is presented a prize! Given HD-DVD's death, Microsoft has resorted to giving these things away. Look how happy the recipient is. Look how the screen in the background gives an air of Elvis to the presenter's hair."

    Regional runner-up Southern Counties Autowindshields Gaming League Division 3

    "Here's the winner's other prize - it's a return ticket to Korea, where he'll probably have to compete with more worthy regional winners and have to go through the same pointless motions yet again with the same ugly people who play basketball games on their Xbox 360s. He is on the verge of tears."


    "If you do use these images, please don't mention my name, or my email handle, I do try to as inconspicuous as possible on the internet, because it's full of losers - SOME MAN WHO IS ASHAMED."

    ...and three battery packs inside her

    And with that, he is gone. Leaving us to write our own captions about hot foreign women with Xbox 360 stickers crudely glued to various parts of their bodies. There's an Xbox sticker just about visible on her arm, for example.

    Welcome to Butterflies exotic massage

    Behold! The tallest ladies of the East!

    'Is there a Dreamcast area?'

    This is the registration area. Are we really expected to say something funny about this? Maybe we could've managed it in 1998, but not now.

    'How many cocks at once?'

    Always good to see what genuine enthusiasm and happiness looks like.

    'How many cocks at once?'

    That was too many in a row of men. Sorry about that formatting error. These photos were taken by a man called Rico Shen. Rico also took this one of a man from Intel.

    I just want to see my mum

    The literal, physical embodiment of the phrase "over the moon."
    Good god, it's only the bloody Flag Man doing the umpiring in the OutRun level. Words. Not. Enough. Joy. Throbbing. Through. Veins.

    The only thing better than this would be if they put Tim Henman in it to ironically represent Virtua Tennis.

    Flag Man is played by Ron Jeremy

    Need to go and have a lie down.

    Best SEGA intro movie since Billy Hatcher and the Giant Egg, too. Not that that's a particularly good omen.
    There's an OutRun stage in Superstars Tennis as well. And that's Sonic standing in it. Sonic is in OutRun. At the far end is Ulala. Ulala is in OutRun. It's all too much to take in. We are going to wear out the exclamation mark button when we eventually do a review of this.

    ULALA! SONIC! OUTRUN! Third wank of the day material

    It's either going to be the world's best game ever by at least a 50% margin, or like mixing your dinner and pudding together and expecting it to taste twice as nice.
    As expected, the post-Christmas "Let's be REALLY awesome in 2008 and put LOADS of effort into EVERYTHING!" enthusiasm is already a distant memory. Here's what we slogged through and got away with during the last seven days for various other media nodes.
  • This thing about the Halo movie which isn't really very good, but we did come up with a nice idea of an ending for the film.

  • This thing where we "liveblogged" from PC World. It was a joke about all the people that "liveblogged" from the previous day's MacWorld. It was a fun afternoon, even though we had to shower with bleach to get the smell of death (PC World) off afterwards.

  • This thing about Star Wars shoes. There really wasn't anything better to write about on the entire internet that afternoon.

  • This thing which is just the same old anti-Mac thing we've been banging on about for years, only done with less swearing for the mainstream. There's a photo on it too, if you want to put my head on some gay porn for the amusement of the internet.

  • This thing about that man in his pants who says he "did" the Wii way before Nintendo.

  • This thing about LG's "fresh meat," because you can't not use pictures like this when they come along:

  • Definitely at least 17

    It's January. It's cold. It's raining. It's hard to be enthusiastic about anything. 4/10 and an apology.
    Complete transcript of event/conversation and a variety of photographs included as proof.

    Almost within ejaculating distance!

    This was at Video Games Live ages ago. Richard played the piano. We took photos, but were sitting/hiding right at the back and they came out very poorly. Hence the lack of an update at the time.

    Two men, one of slightly larger stature

    The photos were supplied at 3488 x 2616 resolution. But they were not particularly flattering to either man at that size, so good old 500 wide it is.


    This is nearly the same picture, only less blurry. History demands that even the blurry photos of Richard and the ones with his eyes closed are used and saved for future generations, he is that important to modern culture. You wouldn't go binning a photo of you and Neil Tennant just because it came out a bit blurry or he had his eyes closed, would you?

    "So there I was at Video Game Live. Intermission. Piss, wash hands, look up and right in front of me... RICHARD JACQUES!"
    Grab wife, all possesions and camera. Walk up and say "Richard, do you mind having a picture taken with me?"

    RJ: "Not at all"

    RJ puts arm round me... and I him...

    Wife takes first photo...


    So I chat for a sec and mention how you guys love him.

    RJ: "I know... you're not one of their spies are you?"

    Me: "No... (thinking 'not yet')"

    RJ: "Will probably see this on there tomorrow with something bad, huh?"

    Me: "Are you kidding only nice things about you at UK:R..."

    RJ: "Good"

    "Man I swear he was like soooooo laid back. It made my night to stand near him and shake his hand. And god he can't half play piano - Paul"
    Before she lucked upon that gimmicky thing of repeating the last syllable of a word about six times and became famous, poor Rihanna had to work the promotional circuit just like any other wannabe.

    This included the ultimate shame of having to play Xbox Live Arcade games against the likes of us, while smiling as if she (a) knows what's happening and (b) is having fun and would be doing this anyway if she was just at home on her own and using her personal Gamertag.

    Rihanna, doing the groundwork

    And she wore a headset. We didn't know they fitted the heads of girls. It must've been specially made.

    Now just pop upstairs with me to the special office to sign your contract, sweetheart

    "Bruises on knees, always keen to please."

    Rihanna and her wipe-clean shoes

    Here's one where you can see her shoes. We understand the importance many place upon this aspect of female celebrities.
    Here's a German advert for SEGA's Wii version of Ghost Squad. They are cleverly referencing a Sony product. It might be ironic. It might be really slagging Sony off. It might just be a joke now that Sony and SEGA are friends. Can't really tell as it's all in German.

    Wii hav... never mind

    If you're really bored today, you could do worse than read this ace old article written by Stewart Lee about the German sense of humour. It will make you understand and like Germans. Seriously.
    Guitar Hero's getting churned out at such an astonishing rate these days it's hard to be even remotely excited about it - especially when the core gameplay is worse than it was when the game was called "Frequency" and came out in 2001, and you could play it sitting down without having to be ironic about it or pretending to like The Killers.

    Anyway, here's a photo of a woman demonstrating a Guitar Hero clone/tie-in called an "Air Rocker". It's just gone up on Games Press and is probably the sort of thing you lot will be interested in:

    Twee Nguyen fan site update

    Her name is Twee Nguyen. This doesn't count as us stalking her because this image has been released by the PR company and her name tag is clearly visible. No way is this threatening behaviour. And besides, she almost certainly lives in America so is too far away to worry about finding, or for her to worry about getting found.

    Twee Nguyen fan site update

    Here's one of her in an alternate costume (bottom-left). This photo was probably taken on a different day. Perhaps those are here "normal" clothes she usually wears? A brief four-hour session of Googling her brought up this, a video of her dancing and several "false positives" on social networking sites. See what you can find!
    A beautiful piece of work. It would be at home on the wall of any fine art collector, particularly a 33-year-old fine art collector who lives on his own in a one bedroom flat and still has his Mega Drive connected to the the TV via the superior RGB SCART connection and the Saturn on S-video.


    Amazing Sonic desktop #6

    Stunning, despite once again being supplied in magazine-friendly 'portrait' orientation. Sadly this image brings back many painful memories of Tails dropping all the rings at the most inopportune moments, so is quite hard for us to look at without getting angry.

    Amazing Sonic desktop #5 REMIXED

    And as has become traditional, someone took the last one and made it a bit better. A man/boy/youth called Matthew made it a bit wider to maybe go on your screen better. Sadly he didn't go the whole widescreen hog, but it's better than the original.

  • We like the swimmers. Very good. Very lifelike. We also like the water effects. They are very nice and technically superb. It must've taken a lot of time to develop such a realistic water simulation. It really can't be faulted, even this early in development.

    SEGA's Olympic men

    But can you put women pole vaulters in it, please?

    Sorry about it not being clickable

    This one will do. She's got that slightly manly edge we like. It'll make doing jokes about it next year so much easier for everyone on the internet if the women's pole vault is represented. The game won't be out for ages, so there's enough time to get them in. And think of the fun you'll all have doing the motion-capture.
    We arrived back on the "blogging scene" after Christmas with all the enthusiasm of a taxi driver offered half what he wants to go 30 miles in the opposite direction to where he lives at 3.35am. Here are some dregs we scraped up and reformed into updates for some other sites over the last seven days:
  • This thing which we wasted way too many man-hours doing, seeing as it's just a boring story about some rubbish old Britney Spears videos going up on Xbox Live that no one's ever going to read.

  • This thing about having to poo in the garden if the Sun explodes.

  • This thing about using new Sony Memory Sticks to hold copies of PSP games, because acknowledging the existence of the rampant PSP piracy scene on an "above the line" technology site seems DANGEROUS and EXCITING to us and will probably piss Sony off no end. Which, at the end of the day, is what it's all about.

  • This thing about a pod smokers can stand in to not get wet.

  • This thing about Americans buying Radiohead CDs even though they could've just had it off the internet for free ages ago.

  • This thing about some headphones, because you can't not use pictures like this when they come along:

  • Relax yourself

    All killer, no filler. That's the motto going forward into Q1. 8/10. Next week it'll be back to the normal level of mediocrity.
    Yes, there is an AI-controlled character called Zorg in VF5. Yes, it is based on the subconsciously-but-not-purposefully copied off The Fifth Element user name we use here. Yes, his victory quotes are referencing UKR. No, we did not receive any form of payment for this. Yes, it gives us an occasional erection to think about it.

    So yes, it is a bit of UKR FOREVER ENTWINED with an AM2 development. We have penetrated the very bowels of AM2. This means we will all live on for eternity, even after the welcoming embrace of death has taken away the pain.

    More famous than Steve Brookstein

    Plus (and we promised Adam Doree we would link to this one day when the time was right) the AM2 VF5 developers themselves "are aware of the message for Blue Sky!" so there could be someone from AM2 reading these very words RIGHT NOW. There'd better not be any typos. Not that they'd know or be able to tell.

    "I was playing Virtua Fighter 5 this morning when, in one of the easier arcades, a fella by the name of Zorg challenged me. As my camera was close by after last night's 'session' I thought I'd take a quick snap (2304 x 1728 resolution!), as it's clearly based on you. And yes, that IS a Dreamcast arcade stick and tissue box holder next to the telly. What you can't see is that the Dreamcast, Saturn AND Mega Drive are all still hooked up. Cheers, Nick."
    There's no point saving this lot until tomorrow. Let's go UPDATE CRAZY and make today an extra special double-day. There is no need to thank us for this extra four minutes of effort.

    Go! Nowhere!

    These photos are called "Go! Messenger" so must be about some sort of PSP messaging service Sony announced to try and grab some headlines last year. It may or may not have actually come out and gone on sale. It's doubtful if anyone at Sony even knows if this came out or not.

    Go! Away!

    It's transsexual Lucy Liu again. Messaging her extremely attractive boyfriend. We will have literally zero chance with the real Lucy Liu as her boyfriend's going to be even cooler than that one. How disappointing. We will have to go back to thinking about Carol Vorderman during sex again.

    Go! Into Financial Ruin!

    And so concludes our exciting voyage through the hearts and minds of Sony's German publicity department.
    So we did this because ages ago we did this and then forgot about the rest and then found them again. Here's another group from the simultaneously ground-breaking and soul-destroying PSP promo photo set.

    Bloody youths

    These ones are called "Go! Explore" and illustrate the PSP GPS thing, which may or may not have "come out" by now. If it has come out, we'd be amazed if anyone even thought about buying one.

    Bloody youths

    Here, they are using the GPS device to locate the local crack dealer, or perhaps they are pinpointing the location of the nightclub where they are DJing at tonight.

    Bloody youths

    Here's one of someone about to get a beating.
    That's using Alan Duncan's definition of soaring - ie, it has sunk without trace, even in the PlayStation3 solo charts it's languishing at number 15 this week behind the usual pile of multi-format shite.

    Singstar sales sore-ing

    So... PlayStation3 owners aren't buying console-exclusive games, and they aren't buying Blu-ray movies, and Sony loses money on each PS3 it tricks someone into buying? This "Ten Year Plan" is AWESOME!

    Let's fuck instead

    And so much for the great plan of flogging extra songs for a quid a pop via the PlayStation Network. The amount of money Singstar PS3 must've sucked up has to be immense. At least the PS2 versions will keep selling for another three or four months.

    Can someone anonymously send us the UK hardware sales figures again, please? It was great fun last time! We felt like dead hard mavericks. Gmail accounts are untraceable, especially if you pop into an internet cafe. The Excel document will do. You know the one we mean. Ta.
    Award nailed, thanks to last-minute December 31st PR offensive from Microsoft Korea.

    This update will hopefully stop everyone thinking we're gay just because we quite liked Sony's possibly transsexual Lucy Lui impersonator from the other day.

    WOULD - over all four of them

    Don't like that box art much.

    WOULD - Even at £200 an hour for an outcall

    Looks like a race-prepared 2006 BMW K2000S.

    WOULD - Maybe even twice in an eight hour period

    Is that a Samsung LE26R74BDX screen they're using?

    WOULD - Even if they've got cocks tucked away underneath

    Might be a Panasonic, actually. Or an LG. They're big in Korea.
    Ages ago we did this about some staggering PSP "lifestyle" photographs. Then we forgot about the rest. Then we found them again while looking for something else. So here they are.

    We hope you enjoyed that little 'Making Of' documentary paragraph about what goes on here behind the scenes of UKR. Tomorrow we might tell you about the photo of a robot we have been saving to use somewhere since 1997! Or the threatening voicemail message we got from a man at Chart-Track and saved as an MP3!

    PSP and some fashionable youths in modern clothes

    These are to illustrate PSP's webcam. Which may be in double figure sales globally by now. If it ever came out. Did it ever come out? We'd be amazed if even Sony's senior management knew or cared if it ever came out.

    PSP and some fashionable youths in modern clothes

    This one's nice. She looks a bit like a cheaper and sluttier Lucy Liu. Lucy Liu's nice. Can anyone tell us if it's worth downloading a copy of that vampire movie which she gets her tits out in?

    PSP and some fashionable youths in modern clothes

    There's another two sets of these pictures. We might forget about them for six months, or we might upload them tomorrow if there's nothing better around. It could go either way.
    There is also a NiGHTS stage. And a Jet Set Radio stage. All we need now is a stage set in the bedroom in which we sat and played all the games featured between the years of 1991 and 2000.

    SEGA Superstars Tennis NiGHTS/JSR joy

    It's hard to know what to say about this.

    SEGA Superstars Tennis NiGHTS/JSR joy

    You try writing a caption about a screenshot of a tennis game featuring NiGHTS and a character from Jet Set Radio. It's not the sort of thing you can prepare for.

    SEGA Superstars Tennis NiGHTS/JSR joy

    Never before has something simultaneously looked so wrong but felt so right.
    Not entirely sure about the legality of uploading photographs of schoolgirls taken without their consent or knowledge, so we've gone to quite extreme lengths to make sure these ones are not recognisable.

    We have also censored their body parts just to be on the safe side.

    SECRET SNAPPER: "I know this girl in school who has this Dreamcast bag. If you zoom in on it, the logo clearly shows. I'm more than certain that a Dreamcast fits in. I'm not going to name names - although I don't know who she who owns the bag is. I do know the red-head with the blue mascara in the middle who loves Knuckles the Echidna a bit too much. The bag only appears to be found in Australia, as a promo for the Dreamcast and Bigpond, an Aussie ISP. PS: I've got a video proving there's PS3 and EA games 50 percent off on sale NOW! It's a SEGA-blue-sky-happy-game-Wii-win situation! Want me to show it? - Chris."

    This one is fine and won't have to be deleted in a hurry when there's a knock on the door at 4.30am.
    Hello again. It's looking pretty bleak. If ever there was a year where the best course of action was to go and do a bit of voluntary work somewhere to "find yourself" and have sex with smelly girls who are into travelling, 2008 looks like being it.
  • Ninja Gaiden 2
  • Maybe re-buying Animal Crossing on DS
  • Hopefully we'll get some sort of brain injury that will wipe our memories of ever having played any good games. Otherwise this site may well turn into the UK's foremost cynical DIY and gardening blog.

    Here are a few astonishing Afterburner: Climax videos to make everything seem OK again for several minutes. It's a Japanese man being quite good at it:

    And that's the amount of effort we'll be putting into each and every post during 2008.