CREAM SCREAMS FOR ICE CREAM
By Matt Smith
"Look! It's Sonic!" shouts the innocent six-year-old girl. "Sonic and ice cream!"
Off she runs towards the blue hedgehog's arms, blissfully unaware of the approaching danger while mummy's back is turned. She can hear the sweet synthpop beats of Green Hill Zone playing in her mind. "Do do do do do do do do doooo. Do do do, Do do do, Dooo Dooo!"
But it's not over-priced, no-brand-name ice cream she's going to get. It's far, far worse than that.
"Can I have a Cornetto?" she asks the evil, evil man.
"Why certainly little girl." The evil man replies as he goes to his freezer.
"Oh what a shame", he says. "I am afraid they are all gone."
The little girl looks down at her little orange shoes and sobs.
"But if you come into my van I am sure we can find something together!" the evil man replies.
Without thinking she smiles and says "OK!"
The man opens the door. She climbs inside and at first everything seems normal. "Why don't you have a look inside the freezer?" The man suggests with a rather large grin on his face below his circular glasses and orange moustache.
The little girl is feeling uneasy. She begins to realise her mistake. She slowly walks over to the freezer and takes a look inside...
'What is this?' She thinks to herself. 'It looks like robot parts and...'
"NO!" She screams!
"MUHAHAHAHA!" The man laughs as he rips off his fake apron and hat.
"It's... It's... YOU!"
"That's right!" He bellows. "It's me, Dr Robotnik! And you have fallen right into my trap, Cream!"
"What do you want!" She shouts.
"Why, a hostage of course! With you in my clutches I know Sonic will bring the Chaos Emeralds to me!"
"You're crazy Robotnik!" Cream cries. "Sonic's gonna rescue me and stop you once and for all!"
"MUHAHAHAHA! We'll see about that!" he shouts. And with that he handcuffs her to the freezer, starts the engine and speeds off far away into the distance, his evil theme tune music menacingly playing through the ice cream van's speakers.
Labels: GONZO
Labels: MEAT BAGS (WOMEN)
Labels: HISTORY
Labels: MEAT BAGS (WOMEN)
Labels: MEAT BAGS (WOMEN)
"I passed the "Sega Park" in Brighton seafront and thought of you guys. The place has two signs, one of which the G in SEGA and K in PARK were stolen by chavs who ventured off Brighton pier. In side "SEGA PARK" there are no SEGA games, in fact there is only really Tekken, one of those gay dance games for Chinese people and about 40+ slot machines. The people that work there aren't very pleasant. I'll try and get some pics of the inside of the place next time I go there but it's not very SEGA-y. Enjoy the pics!"
Labels: HISTORY
Labels: GONZO
1 SONIC THE HEDGEHOG - GLU MOBILE/SEGA
2 TETRIS - EA
3 THE SIMS 2 - EA
4 WORMS - THQ
5 BLOCK BREAKER DELUXE - GAMELOFT
6 ICE AGE 2: ARCTIC SLIDE - GLU MOBILE
7 MONOPOLY - GLU MOBILE
8 EA SPORTS FIFA 06 - EA
9 RONNIE O'SULLIVAN SNOOKER - PLAYER ONE
10 CHAMPIONSHIP MANAGER 2006 - EIDOS
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12 years of wheat and chaff in one vast and impenetrable mass. |
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1. The Animal Crossing Wild World mega-feature and public-service review
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8. A trip to GamesMaster (in Peckham)
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