Denying the SEGA holocaust since 1996

[UK:RESISTANCE]

[IDIOT TOYS]

HIGHLIGHTS
Oh, how we laughed! Maybe once or twice.

PSP Lie Watch - GT4 Mobile

Sega Park carpet!!

SEGA World Sydney 2

SEGA World, Sydney

SEGA's 1950s sexism

Being horrible about girls

Being nice about girls

*AMAZING* reader Cream porn

SEGA fruit machines

PS3 Lie Watch - Tekken 6

E3 2006 photos

PS3 Lie Watch - The PS3

How is Andy Crane?

Dreamcast bicycle!

The 'SEGA Rap'

OutRun2006 - a celebratory review

PS3 Lie Watch: Motorstorm

OutRun2 Coast2Coast screenshot guide

SEGA's sexy 1990s adverts

SEGA Homestar -- reviewed!

Sega Rally 2006 SHOULD NOT EXIST

Mobile Monkey Ball

Trying to buy an Xbox 360

Microsoft's 'urban youth' Xbox 360 movie

Xbox 360 launch party pics

Origen Zero Hour gonzo report

DoA movie trailer

An actual proper review of Ninja Gaiden Black

Afterburner Climax

Non-sexy PSP porn UMD reviewed

Blog does story about blog doing story (and repeat)

San Andreas class action... thing

More HOT LARA CROFT PORN!

Eminem is in the 50 Cent game :(

HUGE Nintendo DS design flaw discovered

Rolf Harris meets Sonic The Hedgehog

X360 mag reviewed

Nintendogs 'fake dog' photo shame

Joanna Dark's FHM airbrush shame

PSP 2.0 downgrade (a joke)

Miyamoto and puppies

Tokyo Game Show 2005

UK Frag Dolls REVIEWED by sexiness!

THE MOST AMAZING PROMOTIONAL PHOTOGRAPH OF ALL TIME

German PSP promo photos

Monkey Ball Sex SHAME

Sonic Team's new project!

New Xbox 360 magazine is 'rubbish'

Tomb Raider Legend PORN SICKNESS

Lan Party photos!!!

Everquest II models' 'pornstar' shame

UKR gaming clan launched!

Project Rub 2 pictures!

LCD and plasma HDTV guide for PS3 and Xbox 360

PSP Lumines 'fan fiction'

PSP Lumines 'sort of review'

GamesMaster visit!

Sega's Homestar

PS3 launch games confirmed!

Xbox 360 launch games revealed!

Trip Hawkins and his Atkins Diet thing

PHOTOS OF RICHARD JACQUES!!!

Great Jobs For Paedophiles

Ulala cosplay

Nokia N-Gage tester "hell"

World of Warcraft "girls"?

San Andreas "Hot Coffee" sex game mod

Stupid woman jealous of Lara Croft

Battle Raper 2 pics

E3 wheelchair groper

Gizmondo E3 booth babes

Sonic CD Superlovers

Fat kid "1337 h4x0r"

PS3 + Killzone 2 LIE WATCH!

Frag Dolls -- Reviewed!

Spurned employee RAMPAGE!

Visiting the Gizmondo shop

Seeing Playboy's Natalie Denning

EA Cricket 2005 'hilarity'

Xbox 360 photos?

"New Games Journalism" anti-manifesto

UKR -- The Mansion

A great Paris Hilton joke

GTA San Andreas Tetris

FIFA Street MP3

PSP battery jokes

Need for Speed Underground 2 HUMILIATION

Richard Jacques update

Kasumi's feet!

Kasumi's panties!

OutRun2, Doom 3 and Fable guide

50 reasons to buy OutRun2

OutRun2 'flag man'

What women drivers really say

Tron loser

PS2 EyeToy OutRun2

DoA Beach Volleyball wallpapers

A day trip to Sega!

ATEI ARCADE SHOW 2008 - VIDEOS AND PHOTOS AND WE EVEN PLAYED A COUPLE OF THE BLOODY THINGS (PART 1)

Here's a load of videos and photos we took at this week's ATEI show. The videos are all a bit short. And the photos aren't that good. But there are some of WOMEN and some of a few vaguely interesting SEGA things, so it could be argued that, for once, our heart was in the right place.

It's not exactly AM2 at the peak of its powers back in 1995, but the Silent Hill shooter looked pretty good and SEGA Race TV, even though it has a "Boost" button, is definitely slightly above average.


ATEI 2008 default caption

This is the Silent Hill shooter. It's House of the Dead in concept, with a spooky Silent Hill plot about missing ships, dead grandfathers, little girls and walls that turn from normal walls into WALLS DRIPPING WITH BLOOD when you're not looking.




Here's a tiny video of it. For a game that's basically you hammering a trigger endlessly, it was pretty nice. Sorry about the video being rubbish. Sorry about ALL of these videos being rubbish.




The Galaxy Rider. It goes up slowly! It comes down slowly! It is A WHITE KNUCKLE THRILL RIDE. See how it goes up very slowly while rotating then comes down again very slowly without even rotating at all. You can tell the occupants were sad that nothing sudden or exciting happened.


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Uh-oh! Can you see what we can see?


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There it is!


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There's only one reason why we came here!


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Oh yes! Freeplay OutRun2SP DX, here we come!


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We're literally almost nearly there!




Here we are going up the escalator to the SEGA area! What lies in wait? Hopefully, 1995 lies in wait and it's a room full of Daytonas.




This is one of the things that awaited! It's called "UFO Stomper" or something like that. It's a big TV you stand on and have fun. It's for families. And children. And people who can actually still have fun.


ATEI 2008 default caption

These ladies manned the alien game. In return for them letting me take their photo, they insisted I had a go on it. Awkwardly, someone had just walked off halfway through a game and there was 48 seconds of their game time still left. So I had to stand there talking to the one in the glasses for 48 seconds. She asked what games I had liked the most. I said "SEGA Race TV". Then there was some silence. Then she explained how the game worked. And even after all that the timer still said there was 19 seconds to go (full-size original here for personal/educational/research use only).


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YES! A really big SEGA logo! This is exactly what we had hoped to see!


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Not only that, but there were a few RARE ALTERNATE SEGA logos, too.


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SEGA hardware! SEGA HARDWARE! It might be something cool and new! Or something staggering boring like a SCSI controller for a ROM drive.


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Special secret industry information about setting up SEGA arcade franchises. Ordinary people like us are not supposed to see stuff like this.


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Wow!


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Wow!


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Meanwhile, in the depressing downstairs gambling bit, Deal or No Deal was everywhere. DoND gambling, card games, poker, fruit machines - Noel must be raking it in.




Someone really going for it on BoxClub. His second go is not as good as his first, so don't bother watching it all the way through if you're strapped for time.




A business man playing what looks like a very dull game. Mustn't laugh, though - he's probably the MD of somewhere and has a few million quid of buying budget at his disposal.


ATEI 2008 default caption

God only knows who approved the idea of making a four-player link-up arcade version of Blazing Angels. There's hardly even four people who own the console games.




Someone trying and failing to win a big bar of chocolate. To be fair, he did know he was being filmed so the nerves no doubt got to him.




"Pop it for Gold". Looked at it. Filmed it. Walked away, head spinning with potential joke ideas (none of which came to fruition).




Men, frantically playing Ghost Squad Evolution, as if their lives depend upon it, while paying no regard whatsoever to keeping their suits uncrumpled.


ATEI 2008 default caption

This was taken at the stand of a company that only sells buttons to go in fruit machines. They were quite surprised that someone was taking photos of their goods. They no doubt thought we were working for a serious industry trade magazine, instead of just looking for things we could take the piss out of on the internet. Although... that would make a very pretty desktop image.




Some men playing a basketball game. Hopefully they won't ever find this, track us down and kick the shit out of us for putting this on the internet.




Football Fever. You kick a ball. Didn't want to try it, as the last time I tried kicking a football my shoe came off and some children saw.




Some dinosaurs. Animatronics are yet to really look convincing, especially at the budget end of the spectrum.




More dinosaurs - some men murdering a brontosaurus with shotguns in SEGA's Primeval Hunt.




Hope you haven't lost interest yet, as here's something from SEGA - PlaytimePuppies! They look like sausage rolls, or very large uncut and misshapen penises.


ATEI 2008 default caption

Part Two of this exciting multimedia EXPLOSION is coming on Monday, and will include TWO other photos we took of promotional ladies.

9 Comments:

Blogger Caleb said...

Nice!

There were some cool things there.

I still say the best thing about the Silent Hill Arcade game is the tattered black cloth curtains.

4:47 PM  
Blogger Asdf said...

Damn, I love the arcades. There's something very warm and fuzzy about the arcades.

5:11 PM  
Blogger Ben said...

ATEI 2008 default comment

5:31 PM  
Blogger PhotoBoy said...

You can't beat a hi-res digital camera and bright lights to see nipples through a girl's top.

5:43 PM  
Blogger FuzzyPiggy said...

Those fat, freebie grabbing bastards coming down the escalator! Half of them look they've got lost on their way to either an AA or CAMRA meeting. I bet half of them only went 'cos their boss told 'em to go and get some free mugs and biro's down at some show while they pork the bimbo temp doing reception duty today!

10:13 PM  
Blogger hahnchen said...

Wow, those two Ghost Squad guys were amazing. The guy on the left has the weapon in a professional butt to the shoulder position, whereas the guy on the right is sporting the relaxed bank robber style gun at the hip style.

It's that kind of teamwork and dedication that has guided those guys into dominating the Doncaster arcade market.

12:48 AM  
Blogger mrplow said...

I can't help feel I owe thanks for the effort, but the sheer length of that report almost lead me to suicidal thoughts.

Anyway, well done. Those plans for 'super mega amazing sega wonderland' look worryingly like the tragically failed trocadero segaworld.

1:01 AM  
Blogger BIS 200 said...

That Sega hardware looks like an Excel Credit Board, used to give credit to the game when the right amount of money has been deposited.

Ha! And you thought it might be boring!

2:42 AM  
Blogger Crispy Floyd said...

That has completely made my Saturday night. The multiple posts of the SEGA sign and the frantic panning on the escalator really put across your eagerness.
Plus, as already mentioned, a very vague image of a nipple through black fabric. Always satisfies, like a fine cigar.

10:55 PM  

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Watch the quality decline - LIVE!

ELSEWHERE ON "THE NETWORK" #00012

SOMEONE FINALLY MANNED UP AND GOT THEIR CAMERA OUT...

GIZMONDO MAKING A COMEBACK - WE WILL FINALLY HAVE ...

A BIG PHOTO OF SONIC SELLING BURGERS

MICROSOFT PRODUCES GOODS *AGAIN* IN KOREA

COMPUTER! MAGNIFY SECTOR A1...

SEGA SUPERSTARS TENNIS REWRITES THE LAWS OF MATHEM...

ELSEWHERE ON "THE NETWORK" #00011

A MAN MET RICHARD JACQUES

BEFORE THEY WERE FAMOUS #1: RIHANNA

A SEARCH
A search facility that may even work.

LESS RECENTLY...
As well as SELLING OUT we have done this:

BS!

THE ANIMAL CROSSING MEMORIAL UPDATE
We lost the DS and game. This is all that remains of Big City :(

Animal Crossing WW: Game of 2006

MORE HIGHLIGHTS
A few "high"-lights from 2006.

Photos of SEGA things in Japan

Amazing Sonic desktop images

PSP Lie blog goes wrong

Afterburner Climax movies and review

Wii - is for women

Wii - is for women X2

A SEGA doormat in Japan!

2006 video game BAFTAs

'Virtually Addicted' TV games-are-evil report

68 photos of booth babes from TGS

Sonic on Coronation Street

Sonic fruit machine

THE LAST YEAR OR SO
Stuff doesn't disappear when it scrolls off the bottom. It gets saved here in monthly chunks:

[March 2004]
[April 2004]
[May 2004]
[June 2004]
[August 2004]
[September 2004]
[October 2004]
[November 2004]
[December 2004]
[January 2005]
[February 2005]
[March 2005]
[April 2005]
[May 2005]
[June 2005]
[July 2005]
[August 2005]
[September 2005]
[October 2005]
[November 2005]
[December 2005]
[January 2006]
[February 2006]
[March 2006]
[April 2006]
[May 2006]
[June 2006]
[July 2006]
[August 2006]
[September 2006]
[October 2006]
[November 2006]
[December 2006]
[January 2007]
[February 2007]
[March 2007]
[April 2007]
[May 2007]
[June 2007]
[July 2007]
[August 2007]
[September 2007]
[October 2007]
[November 2007]
[December 2007]
[January 2008]
[February 2008]
[March 2008]
[April 2008]
[May 2008]
[June 2008]
[July 2008]
[August 2008]
[September 2008]

Everything

VERY OLD THINGS
Most of it's quite rubbish in hindsight:

[1996-2001]
[2002-2004]

SITES WE DO/DID
[Nintendogging]
[Idiot Toys]
[My Animal Crossing]

SITES WE LIKE
[Spong]
[Eurogamer]
[Kikizo]
[Kotaku]
[Idle Thumbs]
[Insert Credit]
[Wonderland]
[Bizarre Creations]
[Play.d]
[Mr Biffo]

EVERY MOMENT OF PAT'S LIFE
[VG247]

PATCHY BUT WELL-MEANING
[CVG]

NEW SITES WE LIKE
[One Thousand Tiny Things I Hate]
[Gibbage]
[PEOWW]
[Affectionate Diary]

THE TRIFORCE
[The Triforce]

RICHARD NOW LIKES MUSIC MORE THAN GAMES :(
[Rock Hack]

GRAEME'S SOLO PROJECT
[AceyBongos]

SITES WE HATE *SO MUCH* THEY DON'T EVEN DESERVE THE DIGNITY OF A FUNCTIONING LINK
[Penny Arcade]
[Game Girl Advance]
[Total Video Games]
[Gillen]
[B3TA]
[NTSC-UK]

SITES THAT ASKED NICELY FOR A LINK
[He Got Games]
[A New Band a Day]
[Skullkids]
[Be "Teh" Hero]
[GHZ]
[SEGA Memories]
[Bruce on Games]
[Virtual Console Archive]
[I told you I wasn't dead]
[Sigmatronics]
[Games Asylum]
[Fuck Right Off]
[Retro Thinking]
[Britxbox]
[SEGA Nerds]
[Wii-UK]
[Angry Gamer]
[Dark Revolutions]
[Lemmy + Binky]
[Genki Video Games]
[Open Senses]
[Console Mad]
[Persian Gamers]
[CVG Archive]
[Disposable Media]
[NOOOZ]
[Mean Machines Archive]

NON-GAMING SITES WE READ BECAUSE WE'RE SO ACHINGLY *LIFESTYLE* AND IN TOUCH WITH YOUTH CULTURE
[Photoshop Disasters]
[Aerial Telly]
[Uncle Jen]
[Snackspot]
[Usemycomp.]
[Cybercandy]
[Popjustice]
[Goldenfiddle]
[Rich Herring]

SAY HELLO
And here's how to email us and a couple of other important things:
[Email]
[Workers]
[About]

FEEDS
You don't have to actually read the site to read the site:
[Live Journal]
[XML / RSS]

A 'MYSPACE' WHICH SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN HACKED
Just to fit in:
[UKR MySpace]

SHINY MEDIA:
UKR has joined the Shiny Media blog-o-world. Play nicely with the following Shiny blogs:

FOR BOYS:
Stuff about games, phones and big TVs.
[Xboxer]
[WiiWii]
[PSPSPS]
[Tech Digest]
[Tech Reviews]
[Techscape]
[Games Digest]
[HDTV UK]
[iPhonic]
[Mobile Digest]
[Shiny Shiny]

FOR MEN:
Stuff about primal blood sports.
[Nollie]
[Scrumbag]
[The Googly]
[Who ate all the Pies]

FOR GIRLS:
Stuff about bags and shoes and pink things.
[Bridalwave]
[Catwalk Queen]
[Kiss and Makeup]
[Nollie]
[Shoewawa]
[The Bag Lady]
[Trashionista]

FOR PEOPLE WITH 'LIFESTYLES':
Stuff about TV and music and Paris Hilton.
[Available for Panto]
[Bayraider]
[Brandish]
[Corrie Blog]
[Crafty Crafty]
[Dollymix]
[Hecklerspray]
[Hippyshopper]
[Kerching]
[Lost Weekend]
[My Chemical Toilet]
[Popjunkie]
[Star Trip]
[TV Scoop]

THAT'S IT
Now try completing it all again, this time on Normal.