We were going to let Dannii Minogue be our next girlfriend -- not any more! Show some dignity, you stupid lo-carb bitch!
No! You DON'T look cool! Even doing your "cool face" can't save you here, Pharrell. It's a party for GIZMONDO. You'd look cooler if you were pictured buying heroin from a tramp while wearing clothes made out of a carrier bag, you idiot. Next time, say you'll only go to parties if they're for a Sony something.
Yes, it can get any worse. This isn't that Aphex Twin video, it's the weasely coke-fiend out of Jamiroquai.
"You always need a soap star at a great party" says a caption on the Gizmondo web site, beneath this photo of two POP STARS from the band Girls Aloud. Does the Gizmondo ineptitude know NO BOUNDS? Look, we do a better and more informed web site than that FOR FREE. If you ever see us in real life, ask us the names of the girls in Girls Aloud - we know them all. And their surnames. Keeping your cultural references up to date is easy and FREE!
Bottom of barrel: CONFIRMED. Laugh more: Here.
A site about games and game paraphernalia and how nothing's as good as we remember it, probably because we used to inhabit a FANTASY WORLD.
MICRO-BLOG
What are we half-heartedly skimming RIGHT NOW? RECENTLY...
Each post .02% worse than the last. GAMERS QUEUE TO SEE/BE NEAR REAL WOMAN ARTHUR C. CLARKE'S UNEXPLAINED GAMING PHENOMENA #1... NEW GAMES JOURNALISM: A CLARIFICATION NEW GAMES JOURNALISM -- Our seven-point manifesto... WE DON'T GET MILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO MAKE HIGH-CONC... FIFA STREET MP3 OF SHAME!Mash-up! An anonymous con... THE HTML ERAS
When men used to till the pages by hand. |
SHOPS
Use our Play or Amazon Shops to buy those shit Wii games you secretly like, helping the effort. ARCHIVES
12 years of wheat and chaff in one vast and impenetrable mass. |
Some updates weren't universally hated by the entire world within seconds of being uploaded.
1. The Animal Crossing Wild World mega-feature and public-service review
2. Sonic CD - screenshot parade
3. Cream The Rabbit sexual diagrams
4. OutRun2 screenshot-taking guide for the benefit of inept journalists
5. The personal UKR SEGA Toys Homestar planetarium review
6. Trying to buy an Xbox 360 in London
7. (STILL) THE MOST AMAZING PROMOTIONAL PHOTOGRAPH OF ALL TIME
8. A trip to GamesMaster (in Peckham)
Links to that blog of yours you started up and were excited about for a whole weekend.
FRIENDS
Some people we might've MET. Or at least seen in a room and been near. One Thousand Tiny Things I Hate "LIFESTYLE"
Other sites we are happy to officially endorse without requiring Adwords spend. PRIVACY POLICY
Having one is compulsory, apparently. Ours is here. It is not meant to be funny. |
ACQUAINTANCES
People off the internet. Quality and commitment levels may vary. |
It came with the template. Maybe in 2014 we'll jump on board the Twitter train and put that in here. Or a radio. That'd be nice.