UK:RESISTANCE 'main page'
Just when you thought you couldn't get more bored of our incredibly dull series of updates about closed SEGA Worlds, a man goes and sends us a photograph of the carpet in SEGA World Southampton.

Who would've thought that one day we'd become the sort of web site that uploads photographs of carpets like it's news?

Better than the Babylon 5 set

It's an ideal carpet for lying down on in the dark, as when you roll over to sob into the floor you'd see Sonic and maybe feel a bit happier about the way things have turned out.

The carpet was made by Grosvenor Carpets and it's actually called SEGA Park, not SEGA World.


By Michael Zorg

"Oh, do we HAVE to?" moaned Sonic, as Amy dragged him through the car park of Carpet Megastore.

"Yes, Sonic, we DO" said Amy, firmly, tugging his hand and quickening her walk.

"You've worn them all out with your constant spinning"

It was a Saturday afternoon, and Sonic was thinking he'd rather be anywhere than shopping for carpets. Not only shopping for carpets, but shopping for carpets with Amy. Amy loved shopping for carpets, heck, Amy loved shopping for anything!

Last Saturday it was ring holders, the Saturday before it was emerald stands, the Saturday before that was... something Sonic really wasn't interested in and also considered a waste of time buying.

This Saturday was carpets.

Sonic trudged along behind Amy, occasionally pretending he had an opinion on a carpet before being told it wasn't good enough and they had to carry on looking. Perhaps, later, they may have to go to another carpet store to see more carpets, said Amy, such was the lack of a suitable carpet in this shop that contained 1000 carpets.

Sonic, unusually for him, was dragging his feet and walking slowly. So slowly, in fact, that Amy had wandered off ahead of him separating the two of them.

"Hey Sonic!"

It was Cream!

"Oh, er, hey Cream!" said Sonic, nervously glancing around to make sure Amy wasn't about. "How are you?"

"Oh, you know, bored of shopping for carpets. Mum made me come, she says the one in my bedroom is all worn out because I'm always spinning on it. How I hate shopping for carpets!"

"Yeah, carpets are stupid!" said Sonic, after once again checking that Amy wasn't within earshot.

"No, wait! Come and see what I've found!" Cream said, her eyes suddenly widening and, unbeknownst to Sonic, weeing herself slightly from being so excited.

Before he could protest, Cream grabbed Sonic by the hand and ran very fast - almost as fast as Sonic himself! - through the carpet store into a dark, deserted aisle.


Cream pointed to an old cylinder of carpet. It was grey with a blue design. It was dusty, and had probably lain there untouched since about 1992.

"The design, Sonic, look at the design!!"

Cream pulled Sonic roughly toward the carpet rack, and punched the old carpet to remove some of the dust. Sonic sneezed, waved the dust from the air and peered at the carpet.

"It's... it's ME!"

"Yes, Sonic! You're so famous and cool they made a carpet after you!"

Sonic couldn't believe his eyes. They had made a carpet after him! Probably in 1992, when he was the most famous because of Sonic 2 on the Mega Drive.

"Wow!" said Sonic, grabbing the frayed end of the carpet and yanking it hard to unfurl a fresh, clean and dust free section. "It's as good as new!"

"Yes, and so soft!" said Cream, as she unfurled loads more carpet, until carpet was covering the entire width of the aisle!

Cream stroked the carpet, then lay down on it. She rolled over onto her tummy, letting her little orange dress ride up to reveal her white knickers.

"Come here, Sonic!"

Sonic looked around nervously.

"Come on! It's all soft and like new!" giggled Cream, slipping off her orange shoes and lying back on the carpet, playfully kissing the woven Sonic image on the carpet and smiling up at the real Sonic standing there in front of her.

Sonic looked around nervously again, before smiling - with attitude! - and rolling up beside Cream on the lovely soft carpet.

"It's so soft, isn't it?" said Cream, gently, stroking the carpet and gradually moving her hand toward Sonic, then stroking Sonic's arm.

Sonic looked at Cream. "Yes, Cream, it's very soft and I..."


It was Amy.

"What the HELL are you doing with HER?!"

"Oh, Amy! It's, er, I can..." stuttered Sonic.

"I'm going home!" squealed Amy in a very angry voice indeed.

Amy then turned around and started to run at full speed - but she was so angry she didn't look where she was going and hit her head on a metal carpet rail.

Amy fell on the ground. You could tell she was dead immediately, because of the brain and stuff that had come out.

"Oh well" said Sonic.

"Oh well" said Cream.

Sonic grabbed the carpet cutting tool and cut off a length of the Sonic carpet, rolled Amy's body up in it and put it in a big trolley. They paid for the carpet - it was cheap because it was so old - and then Sonic and Cream drove in Amy's car to some cliffs and threw the carpet-wrapped body off into the sea, where it sank to the bottom and was never found.

They then went home and had sex on the threadbare carpet in Sonic's house, but they didn't notice that the carpet was threadbare because sex is better and more fun than carpets.

The end.


Blogger amagni said...
Wow, if i had carpet like that i would sleep naked on the floor without getting drunk and crying first.
Blogger mykel said...
A wholesome tale with a lesson for all of us, as ever...

Dare I say it made me smile with attitude! :D
Blogger SonicFanatic said...
You have a dangerous mind, Zorg.

By the way, I feel at pains to point out that it's SEGA Park in Southampton, not SEGA World. Also, the carpet is not the most impressive thing in there. The bins they have in that place must be posted here some day.
Blogger Starke said...
How do you post bins to a forum?

We should go ask Mr Biffo if Mr T knows how.
Blogger Wratty said...
You should see the one in Bournemouth, they've got bins there too.

I dont know if i'm bragging.
Blogger Dave said...
The best part of these updates is the wallpaper sized photo. Who needs a picture of a Sega carpet that large. CLEARLY EVERYONE.
Blogger Tomleecee said...

More Sonic/Cream/Sex/Carpet fiction please.
Blogger mrplow said...
Loving the gaffa tape carpet repairs
Blogger cynthia said...
youre all so hot
Blogger ShutUpYourUglyFace said...
I loved the storty. The part about the Creams panties was the best! Sonic throwing Amys body away was choice as well.

Keep up the good work boys.
Blogger Evil Homer said...
I was really enjoying that until stupid Amy arrived on the scene, I think the author might have 'premm-ed' and had to finish the story/mop up before the librarian came to tell him his free internet hour was up.
Blogger jawa said...
that made me feel dirty inside but still slightly aroused.

would and would. on the carpet. even when dead.
Blogger CosmicFalcon said...
I have adored that Sega Park and that carpet all my life. Heck, I even gave my CV in there looking for part time work a while back... they didn't give me a job though.

Maybe I should go take a photo of the bins for y'all.
Blogger A said...
Fine, Sega Park. My bad. I was busy looking at the carpet when I took the photo, so sue me :P
Blogger Er00 said...
Aside from the carpet, the other notable fact about Sega park in Soton is that they actually buy new arcade machines...there's an uber new ddr machine in there, you can get high scores and everything!

Ps. Does anyone know if that carpet's available to buy anywhere? :p
Blogger Hitmaker said...
Best. Fan fiction. Ever.
Blogger Chris said...
You seen this one?
In Reading

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