This is our funny caption:
"Sonic heads off into a cave with The Blade of Despair to do the only honourable thing left"
Honestly. What sort of joke is this? Never before have we felt so justified in typing an emoticon instead of a proper sentence :(
We need to send out the message that even a poorly-cut-out GIF of Adam Doree would be preferable to being associated with Sonic in his current state.
A site about games and game paraphernalia and how nothing's as good as we remember it, probably because we used to inhabit a FANTASY WORLD.
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MICRO-BLOG
What are we half-heartedly skimming RIGHT NOW? RECENTLY...
Each post .02% worse than the last. SEGA LOOKS FINE, PARK IS WONKY, NO ONE EVER WANTS ... ELSEWHERE ON "THE NETWORK" #00047 WARNING: SONIC ADVENT CALENDARS IN CIRCULATION PHOTOGRAPH OF READER IN SEGAWORLD T-SHIRT AND IMPL... SEGA EUROPE ACHIEVES SELL-THROUGH OF 500,000 DREAM... GIRLS ALOUD IN NON-DRUNKEN, FULLY-CLOTHED, CHILD-F... PS3 LIE WATCH - THERE ARE NOT 14 MILLION ACTIVE ON... SOMEBODY'S RIPPING OFF SOMEBODY, HERE ELSEWHERE ON "THE NETWORK" #00046
THE HTML ERAS
When men used to till the pages by hand. |
SHOPS
Use our Play or Amazon Shops to buy those shit Wii games you secretly like, helping the effort. ARCHIVES
12 years of wheat and chaff in one vast and impenetrable mass. |
Some updates weren't universally hated by the entire world within seconds of being uploaded.
1. The Animal Crossing Wild World mega-feature and public-service review
2. Sonic CD - screenshot parade
3. Cream The Rabbit sexual diagrams
4. OutRun2 screenshot-taking guide for the benefit of inept journalists
5. The personal UKR SEGA Toys Homestar planetarium review
6. Trying to buy an Xbox 360 in London
7. (STILL) THE MOST AMAZING PROMOTIONAL PHOTOGRAPH OF ALL TIME
8. A trip to GamesMaster (in Peckham)
Links to that blog of yours you started up and were excited about for a whole weekend.
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FRIENDS
Some people we might've MET. Or at least seen in a room and been near. One Thousand Tiny Things I Hate "LIFESTYLE"
Other sites we are happy to officially endorse without requiring Adwords spend. PRIVACY POLICY
Having one is compulsory, apparently. Ours is here. It is not meant to be funny. |
ACQUAINTANCES
People off the internet. Quality and commitment levels may vary. |
It came with the template. Maybe in 2014 we'll jump on board the Twitter train and put that in here. Or a radio. That'd be nice.
Wonder what the Next-Next-Gen equivalent of Blast Processing is?
Sonic hunts down the three blind mice in his latest game: "Sonic The Farmer's Wife"
No Cream the Rabbit option on the poll though?
The Were-Sonic stuff, though. Oh man.
I'd go for a car from OutRun or one of the passenger tarts.
If there was some kind of visual embodyment of Segagaga, then I'd vote for that.
How about the sonic picture we have now, but with crosses for eyes and a sad mouth, but make it look like it was done by a 5 year old downs syndrome midget leper with ADHD?
"Why the fuck has Sonic the fricking hedgehog got a bollocking sword?!?!?!"
Can we have Alex Kidd, together with a risqué joke about fisting?
Which we all do.
Rest in peace.
Or a Ken Kutaragi caption header with a different caption every week.
WV - thermin - what a yorkshireman would call the fur surrounding a house of lords robe.
And good to see the poll's going the right way, though I reckon the cats from ChuChu Rocket would've been best (that being the last good game Sonic Team made).
Word verification is 'sonali', the makers of the Arabic Playstation.
...another sure sign of IP death
Cream in a state of partial or full undress.
Don't change it! Look how well rebranding went for The Post Office / Consignia!
toe jam
Ryo Hazuki
Ristar, obviously. I think Sega lost him down the back of the sofa, so he's stil
Spyro the Dragon
WOULD
Alex Kidd
segata sanshiro
OutRun's flag man
Gemma Atkinson superimposed over the Kikizo logo
Phil Harrison
Ryo Hazuki! The only other Sega icon that truly reflects the fail the company ha
Flag Man!
Richard Jacques naked
Bouff
That caption pic of Ken Kuntaragi
jet set radio
Sackboy
Ryo Hazuki, even though he's a massive wanker who's loved by equally massive wan
Jesus christ riding a motor cycle
MEGADROID
Sonic Forever
Sackboy
Segata Sanshiro
Rowdy Roddy Piper
The Spong logo
DUH
But, how about Flagman? Possibly even an animated gif of him dancing around?!
As for Sonic, he's been dead since 1998. I'd like to say 1992 but that'd include Sonic CD and Sonic R so...
This is payback for the glory days of the Megadrive :(
Richard Jaques driving the car from Outrun with Ulala in the passenger seat."
Done.
http://users.tpg.com.au/conando/richulalaukr.png
But could you not use a 4 seater and have Kutaragi in the front seat with room for a caption, and jaques in the back seat shagging Cream the rabbit?
Hollywooda
Run that as the banner for a week then the new mascot will be MEGADROID
I think that is one of the few franchises Sega hasn't balls'd up - I thought the Xbox outing was pretty decent.
Also for a caption entry:
"Legend of Zelda: Link steals Sonic's skin and butchers a once great franchise, even more"
http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa76/foxy2000/ukr.jpg
http://kotaku.com/5100760/sonic-the-hedgehog-the-chessboard
Ryo Hazuki because Shenmue III has yet to come out, and is possibly the last remaining hope for our fair Sega.
Segata Sanshiro because he represents us as Sega fans, as men, and most importantly as men who like Sega.
And for the record I think you should change the logo to a picture of Anna Sharapova from VT.
http://www.seganerds.com/2008/12/01/sega-releases-a-ton-of-new-sonic-and-the-black-knight-screens/#comments
Get a photo of Yu Suzuki and use Paint to make him look like he's crying.
I'd go with Ulala, but, i'd be dreaming of outrun.
We're only a step away from Sonic spitting acid and having arm swords. Could a Gears of War II spin-off star Sonic? Could be... He has discovered a sword, which is good for killing, so the next step is chainsaw guns and flesh rendering buzzsaw blades.
Be sure to change all the Blue Sky graphics to gray. And add burning trees and rivers of blood. Don't forget lava.
He's a sweet thang, catch the groove:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq-YQIFDzNM
However, I change my vote to the cat from Chu Chu Rocket, if it is pictured flipping Sonic over and is gnawing at his intestines. A bit like Sonic team are.
While he’s been in some good games, Sonic the character hasn’t been appealing since 1991.
Panzer Dragoon is too good to be ruined by association with this site.
Maybe the mouse from Pop Flamer. That game was an early indication of how shit Sega could be.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MF9Db93e1NM
I agree it's not what you would expect from Sonic, but look at all the random concepts Mario has been attached to and he is as strong a brand as he has ever been, simply because the games he was attached to were good games."
Mario Party. Argument debunked.
I'm going with Virtual-On's Temjin of Fei Yen, just ignoring Force and Marz.
"Sonic's sworded return"
or
"Not tonight Frank, I'm still sword from last night"
or
"I tawt I sword a puddy cat! I did! I did! I sword a puddy cat!"
or
"Sonic turning shit? I looks like Sega sword to that."
They're all shit though, and I do know that.
Lee Nutter.
How come noone complained or ran a poll when they made him black, gave him a gun and called him Shadow?
So I guess my proposed caption would be:
"At least it's not a gun. Fucking guns."
I voted Ulala but only because she's winning, and that way I can feel like I contributed if she does win.
But really I'd rather you just left Sonic as-is, seeing as the Sonic image you had there is the Sonic of yore that harks back to a time when Sega was actually good, so really serves as a nostalgic reminder.
Bunch of dumbasses.
Big the Cat, Vectorman, Wonderdog, that bloke from Comix Zone, Clockwork Knight, Pacar, the rat from Shining Force 2, Ristar, Tempo, Ecco the Dolphin Jr., Pepsi Man, Lisa from Last Bronx, any of the fighters from Eternal Champions, the depth and quality of Sega's back catalogue is staggering, there are so many wonderful choices to replace Sonic. But Sega are still playing with his rotting corpse like a puppet at the moment, let's wait until they've put him in the ground until we replace him.
Or, hey hey, this could all be a trap and he's having a gas at our expense. Hope so!
You are in a maze of corridors all the same.
Exits lead north, south, east and west.
>
Welcome to UK Resistance! Enjoy your stay.
"Apples & Oranges has precisely the right idea. What in fuck all is wrong with you idiots? Get over yourselves!"
Actually Apples & Oranges has precisely the wrong idea. Comparing the downturn in quality of Sonic games to the Dreamcast's (commercial) failure is a terrible comparison.
I'd explain, but I can't be arsed, work it out yourself.
I change my vote to Robot Sonic, as some kind of ironic commentary on the way the creation of Sonic games have been turned into a soulless mechanical process designed only to make money. The end.
WV - ourock - UKR is our rock! Without it we fall!
I vote for a Kaz Hirai bitmap with Terry Gilliam style hinged mouth, endless spouting slogans.
Note for anonymii: Latterly is not a kind of coffee. The Gaza Strip is not what a washed up footballer used to wear.
Sure, sure, Dreamcast is good, still is, but it failed (we failed it) and it's slowly turning into something it should never be, the Holy Grail (well this is good) of retarded gamer on the internet, who use it to afirm their "good choice" in games (not good).
I kind of see why people are pissed off about Sonic though, the first time I saw the sword cover I though it was some kind of prank AND THEN I though Sonic Team and SEGA were the best internet trollers ever. Whatever, it's a spin off. Where are people complaining about Tails Doll in Sonic R? A Zombie in my Sonic? That was... good? I think it was good though. Don't like it, go play Unleashed. It's not Sonic Adventure 3 but it isn't bad either, not at all. If not, power up your Mega Drives and play the classics, they never get old.
Still I'm laughing and am amuzed by this, something I haven't been for awhile (not counting the LBP flop).
word verification: flograll. There, I'm vindicated.
You make a good point A&O.
To be honest I'm not that bothered about this whole 'Sonic is ruined' thing. I havn't played a sonic game since Adventure. I just come here and post so that I can feel I'm involved in some kind of group that shares the same views as me, but unwittingly modify my 'views' so that they more closely match those of the majority, increasing my feeling of belonging, and in the hope that I may gain some form of acclaim or recognition, even if it is other people disagreeing with me.
I hope that clarifies my position on the topic.
WV - bablion - "By the rivers of Bablion..."
FAILING THAT A SPITE IMAGE OF AXEL FROM STREETS OF RAGE WOULD BE PRETTY COOL/ICONIC. IN FACT AXEL WOULD IN FACT REPRESENT UK RESISTANCE BETTER BECAUSE HE IS MORE OLD SKOOL/BADASS THAN NIGHTS, BUT THEN AGAIN THE LAYMEN ARE UNLIKELY TO KNOW WHO THE FUCK HE IS.
BUT THEN AGAIN THIS IS LIKE THE 89TH COMMENT FROM AN ANONOMOUS USER SO NOEONE IS GOING TO LISTEN/CARE ABOUT WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. (HENCE THE RENDERING OF MY COMMENT IN CAPITALS TO MAKE IT STAND OUT MORE)
BUT ALL THE SAME - MAN POINTS TO ANYONE THAT DOES HAPPEN TO READ THIS AND AGREE WITH ME.