UK:RESISTANCE 'main page'
We'd imagine you spend a significant amount of time wondering just how much control you will be given over the camera in the new Tomb Raider game. You know, so you can sit near the screen and be near a woman that's actually life sized, while she goes through her inactivity animations making it seem like you're also near a living woman instead of your usual recently-excavated rotting corpse girlfriend.

The last Tomb Raider game, which was surprisingly brilliant, let you do things like this. Here's what you can do this time around, courtesy of one of our non-globe-trotting readers who stays at home rotating cameras around pretend ladies.


Tomb Raider: Underside

"With every incarnation of Ms Lara Croft, the first thing to always be tried and tested is just how close can you get the camera to her for a more 'intimate' inspection. And luckily Crystal Dynamics hasn't let us down!"


Tomb Raider: Almost Inside

"Possibly the best thing about the demo recently posted on Xbox Live is the inclusion of 'crotch cam'. I've attached a couple of pics showing just why such a cam is essential in every Tomb Raider game. God bless the unscrupulous game developer" - Chris.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Ooh, UK:R's third, final, and often untouched category (besides PS3 sales figure masturbation and Dreamcast logos), silly pictures of Lara Croft. How about a game review, Zorg? I would send you my copy of Fable 2 free of charge if you were willing to post a review of it.
Blogger Cmdr_Zorg said...
Can I eBay it after I'm done with it?
Blogger cowbrain said...
Noooo! eBay is NOT a verb! Nor is Google! Nor is party!
Anonymous Sam said...
but youtube is a verb. so youtube yourself selling it on ebay, zorg.

and does this make anyone else feel like lara is wearing huge, black, megaman-like boots?
Anonymous Yohan van der Tinkenenganine said...
Words are verbs if humans (creatures that use words) use them as verbs. It's that simple whether you like it or not.
Blogger Multiverse said...
did you know that 'Tomb Raider: Lara's Crotch' is an anagram of:

'Bold Aristocrat Charmer.'

Which, on a very uninteresting level, makes a bit of sense.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
fist is not a verb
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Can I 'fist' your baby seal?"
No, that seems fine to me. However, Google is definitely not a verb. Google is ruining Everything.
Anonymous Sam said...
this discussion is ridiculous. if smurfs can get away with using the word smurf as not only a verb, but a noun, adjective, adverb and anything else you can think of for as long as they did, google is a verb. and so is fist. i might just go google pictures of people smurfly fisting smurfs in their smurfing smurfs.

also, everyone is ignoring the real issue at-hand: the megaman boots.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Would.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Zorg you've put me off sending you Fable now because I have a feeling you'd eBay it off after writing this four word review: "Lucien kills your dog".
Blogger GigerPunk said...
Way to pay attention to the wrong part of a woman Sam.
I mean, really, the boots? If 1 letter was different, then maybe. I'll leave you to work out which letter to change, to make an interesting part of a woman, should make for an interesting diversion for 5 minutes.
Anonymous Sam said...
you want to see her poots? well, they're invisible, and you should be thinking about seeing other things when you're under a woman, like her butt or her boobs.

i really don't get some of you people.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Zorg you've put me off sending you Fable now because I have a feeling you'd eBay it off after writing this four word review: "Lucien kills your dog"."

Minus 10 for this kind of crap. I hate you.

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