UK:RESISTANCE 'main page'
You can never get the spacing right when writing anything other than "SEGA" in the SEGA font. Adam Doree could've told you that in 1997. Here are way too many words about the Southampton SEGA Park, which may or may not still be open - we've has this email kicking about for well over six months.

Worst update since February 2002

"The first photo shows the entrance to the aforementioned Park. You will no doubt notice that the place was totally empty despite there being a multitude of Outruns, Dance Dance Revolutions and the one with the naked, bald man. Where were all the ASBO kids that call Southampton their weekend home, I hear you ask? Probably out shooting up, I imagine. Shooting up being a poor alternative to a marathon session on Columns. Anyway, that is not so important right now. What is important to me is the fact that the SEGA logo font seems to extend to letters other than just S, E, G, and A. Where can I get hold of this font? And why is it not available on MS Word? Damn you Helvetica!"

STENCH OF DEATH (not pictured)

"The second photo shows the interior of our beloved SEGA Park. You'll notice that there is actually someone other than me in the building. Now, call me a cynic, but I don't think he's in there to play Bongo Jungle. I reckon he's more likely to have wandered in off the street looking for somewhere warm to live. Or maybe he is the manager. Seriously, who knows? But if he is, then he really needs to do something about the carpet as it looks like one of those Magic Eye things from back when SEGA was still great. I left soon after taking this photo. But not before playing Outrun and getting beaten by my girlfriend. Oh, how times have changed. Cheers" - Atour.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anonymous aNt said...
It is still open.

Not that anybody ever goes in : /
OpenID viow said...
'You can never get the spacing right when writing anything other than "SEGA" in the SEGA font.'

Nonsense! Both "MEGADRIVE" and "DREAMCAST" look superb in the SEGA font. However, I suspect a carefully planned conspiracy; "PLAYSTATION" and "PSP" look like explosions at a dodgy Taiwanese toy factory making knocked off Scalextric sets.
Blogger Mentski said...
I still go in whenever I'm down that way. I feel it's my duty. One of those Outrun machines has decidedly dodgy gearshift paddles.

I took a crap photo of a Sonic No smoking sign once when I was down there. Must be nearly 2 years ago. Sent it to Zorg, but he never posted it.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What a surprise......... SEGA make yet another worthless pile of shit of a Sonic game.

'Compared to Mario Galaxy or Ratchet & Clank - heck, even compared to Crash Bandicoot, another platforming mascot mired in mediocrity - Sonic Unleashed is an obviously poor effort from a series that is still hopelessly lost in the modern gaming landscape. '

I bet you're all wanking over it regardless of it's quality aren't you?

2:04 PM
Anonymous said...
Except that's the Wii/PS2 version. The 360/PS3 one is the best 3D Sonic game by miles.

3:21 PM
Anonymous said...
'The 360/PS3 one is the best 3D Sonic game by miles.'


Yeah -and THAT'S saying a lot isn't it? Even if one turd is 'better' than another turd, it's still a fucking turd. And it still smells of fucking shit.

4:27 PM
Anonymous said...
''The 360/PS3 one is the best 3D Sonic game by miles.''

Hahahahahaha. The more I read that, the funnier it gets.

Genius anonymous, pure genius.

'the best 3D Sonic game by miles'

They should put that on the box. Cracking.
Blogger Allan said...
Anonymous Category said...
I actually still frequent there often - although the patronage of the site is misrepresented by those photos. Sure, the arcade machines are abandoned, and even on a Saturday you don't have to wait to play Out Run...

...But, there is a small collection of fruit machines, surrounded by smelly pikeys pouring their dole cheques into the machines. And you know they all have knives!
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I take it Zorg's lack of comment/update/theme month/gay fan fiction regarding Sonic Unleashed means it's even shitter than Sega Superstars Tennis?
Anonymous PhotoBoy said...
Uh-oh, there's a Time Crisis 3 lurking in there. Not only is it an affront because it's a PS2 exclusive, but the arcade version is actually running on PS2 hardware. Someone needs to go in there and discreetly petrol bomb the cabinet. Fire is the only option when Sony hardware is involved.

Word verification: acepult. It's like a catapault only more ace.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Now that I see the promised land exists I will crawl there on my knees.
Blogger Johnny said...
Oh fuck, that place is the meaning of FUN.
Blogger Mentski said...
Note that the final piece of Sonic carpet, as reported here many moons ago, has apparently now been replaced by that big blue strip.

Sega Park's Sonic carpet: RIP

You will be dearly missed.
Blogger Apples and Oranges said...
Anons, take your hate for unleashed elsewhere you faggots. You're just scared that the game isn't mediocre like every other platform game released since 2003. Yes I'm including Galaxy and Ratchet in there too. Opinions are like anus, everyone has one, deal with it. Also, don't spam various posts either, imbeciles.
Yes, you stupid CUNTS . . . Quit with the SEGA talk, who the fuck wants to talk about that?

This site is only for SONY HATE.

I'm off to deal with my anus.

Word verification: Ani - multiple stinking opinions
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why don't you just kill UK:R, Gary? It's painful to withstand what this site has become. It used to be a bastion of acerbic wit and self-depreciating loathing, and aside from that, it used to be something other than a dumping ground for photos of spirals. We appreciate that you've grown out of your Sega-lust and are a bona fide blogger for a handful of mediocre industry shills, and that's great, but please stop soiling the once-great name of UK Resistance.

This site used to be fucking funny. It's now a wheelbarrow load of toss. For shame.
Blogger Cmdr_Zorg said...
I like my wheelbarrows full of toss.
Anonymous MTP said...
Fuck anonymous Gary, (if I may be so bold as to call you by your first name, though we have never met). This site is still as funny as fuck. 65% of the laughs come from yourself, and 35% from the other posters. (You get 65 because you set the jokes up for everyone else, and aren't just trying to be funny to make friends). But I digress...

Any faghole who thinks the site is no longer funny has lost the spirit of the whole thing. They're not contributing their 35% and then complain the site is less funny. Well fuck you. Just by doing nothing you've made the site 35% less funny. Take that away from Zorg's 65% and by some bullshit math the site is only running at 30% capacity!

And fuck this anonymous shit, it's brought out the worst in the internet, as people hide behind it to claim things are not funny while they themselves are being about as funny as waking up to find your brother has been fingering your ass while you were sleeping. Never sleep in bunks.

'The best 3D Sonic game by Miles Prower'
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I doubt Zorg would deny that his style hasn't changed but how much longer, Anonymous, can a grown man do the whole self-loathing and wanking jokes routine? Did you expect him to be there for mutual SEGA masturbation for the rest of your life or are you upset that he's left you behind to C&W alone? Trust me, there are more things to life than UK:R and even Zorg knows that. The shame and embarrassment is yours alone.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I hate to say it but this site isn't a patch on what it used to be. The Campaign for Blue Skies in games was aces (as an aside - Mirror's Edge has some lovely blue skies), but now it just feeds on mindless, pointless vitriol against Sony - a company who are no better or no worse than any other big gaming company.

Methinks a change of tact or a swift retirement would be the way to go.

As it is, the site is resisting against nothing.
Anonymous An anonymous Swillman said...
This is not a site to please Anonymous (who's been commenting a lot on here lately). I would assume it's whatever the fuck Zorg wants to post and finds funny, or wants to waste his time with. Which I happen to find very, very funny. If it's not the sort of thing you find funny, you don't suggest the site should be closed. You fuck off.
Blogger Multiverse said...
MTP - 'The best 3D Sonic game by Miles Prower'

Gah! I was going to use that gag you cocker! Feel my Wrath!!! Yeh, thats right, feel it faster, faster, faster. Ahhhhhhh, I have layed my vengeance upon thee.

Have a nice day.
Blogger Badben said...
Blimey. What an astonishing load of shit some of the above posts are. Even by local standards.

Yeah Zorg/Gary! Just stop! Just keep on! Just stop!
Blogger Jams said...
Don't stop never give up hold your hand high and reach the top, let the world see what you have got, bring it all back to you Gary!!
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Gary, don't listen to them. I reckon you are still very, very funny. I often laugh out loud (LOL) at your very jokes.

One suggestion: maybe you could get some pictures of cats & dogs & put funny comments on them! OK maybe it's a bit subtle for the bois, but you could photoshop some swirls onto the curtains & they'll keep coming back for more.

lots of love

Anonymous Anonymous said...
"how much longer, Anonymous, can a grown man do the whole self-loathing and wanking jokes routine?"
Both still receive a fair showing, to be fair, just with less vigour and wit.

"are you upset that he's left you behind to C&W alone?"
We used to C&W over a broad range of gaming-related news and employees of the month, now we C&W over user-submitted photos of spirals, dead arcades, and NeoGAF's hardware sales figures. I can't be alone in noticing the drop in original content.

WITH ALL THAT SAID - I'd like to apologise to our glorious Cmdr-in-chief. Sometimes I get drunk because I'm angry, and then I get angrily drunk, and then I say nasty things on the Internet that I don't mean because it's a lot less painful than punching the wall with my flimsy nerd fists; all of which is to say, I am an intolerable cunt and should be ignored. I will accept my spirals, dead arcades, and hardware sales figures with a tear in my eye and my dick in my hand, as is befitting of a UK:R stalwart.

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