CREAM SCREAMS FOR ICE CREAM
By Matt Smith
"Look! It's Sonic!" shouts the innocent six-year-old girl. "Sonic and ice cream!"
Off she runs towards the blue hedgehog's arms, blissfully unaware of the approaching danger while mummy's back is turned. She can hear the sweet synthpop beats of Green Hill Zone playing in her mind. "Do do do do do do do do doooo. Do do do, Do do do, Dooo Dooo!"
But it's not over-priced, no-brand-name ice cream she's going to get. It's far, far worse than that.
"Can I have a Cornetto?" she asks the evil, evil man.
"Why certainly little girl." The evil man replies as he goes to his freezer.
"Oh what a shame", he says. "I am afraid they are all gone."
The little girl looks down at her little orange shoes and sobs.
"But if you come into my van I am sure we can find something together!" the evil man replies.
Without thinking she smiles and says "OK!"
The man opens the door. She climbs inside and at first everything seems normal. "Why don't you have a look inside the freezer?" The man suggests with a rather large grin on his face below his circular glasses and orange moustache.
The little girl is feeling uneasy. She begins to realise her mistake. She slowly walks over to the freezer and takes a look inside...
'What is this?' She thinks to herself. 'It looks like robot parts and...'
"NO!" She screams!
"MUHAHAHAHA!" The man laughs as he rips off his fake apron and hat.
"It's... It's... YOU!"
"That's right!" He bellows. "It's me, Dr Robotnik! And you have fallen right into my trap, Cream!"
"What do you want!" She shouts.
"Why, a hostage of course! With you in my clutches I know Sonic will bring the Chaos Emeralds to me!"
"You're crazy Robotnik!" Cream cries. "Sonic's gonna rescue me and stop you once and for all!"
"MUHAHAHAHA! We'll see about that!" he shouts. And with that he handcuffs her to the freezer, starts the engine and speeds off far away into the distance, his evil theme tune music menacingly playing through the ice cream van's speakers.
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What are we half-heartedly skimming RIGHT NOW?
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THE HTML ERAS
When men used to till the pages by hand.
12 years of wheat and chaff in one vast and impenetrable mass.
Some updates weren't universally hated by the entire world within seconds of being uploaded.
Links to that blog of yours you started up and were excited about for a whole weekend.
Some people we might've MET. Or at least seen in a room and been near.
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Having one is compulsory, apparently. Ours is here. It is not meant to be funny.
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It came with the template. Maybe in 2014 we'll jump on board the Twitter train and put that in here. Or a radio. That'd be nice.