These are our top five improvised DS touchpens rated on functional use, preparation needed and cost to replace.5 - HOUSE KEY PREPARATION
: Pretty duff really. Too small to see what you're doing, and scratches the screen up something rotten. You can file the sharp bits off using the edge of the kerb. but then you can't get back in your house any more.COST TO REPLACE
: All your dignity when you have to call the landlord at chucking out time because you got shitfaced and left the key in the pub instead, plus the locksmith's callout charge and expenses.4 - TOOTHPICKPREPARATION
: Cleaning the scotch egg off it so people don't think you're scumUSE
: Average. Hurts your hand after a while because it's too thin, then you drop it and can't pick it up because people would think you were REALLY odd if you picked up a lost toothpick.COST TO REPLACE
: Practically none.3 - THE FRAME OF AN AIRFIX MODEL BROKEN UP A BITPREPARATION
: You have to wiggle it a lot to break a stylus-sized bit off it, then chew the end a bit to get the sharp bits off which ends up with you getting a mouthful of plastic.USE
: Very good. Light, small, customisable and enjoyable. Sadly lots of fun to play with too, though, so you'll probably absentmindedly snap it in half the next time Fifty Cent comes on your television.COST TO REPLACE
: Variable.2 - AN ACTUAL PENPREPARATION
: Depends on the pen. With the biro bit clicked in, it's perfectly functional for most games like Animal Crossing and Resident Evil which run on menus. For games that require more, precise touchpen control can be achieved by using the actual nib of the ballpen. This, however, leaves annoying but removable stains (much like most of the things we enjoy doing).COST TO REPLACE
: Only the discomfort of having to explain where all the office biros have gone.1 - HALF A DISPOSABLE CHOPSTICKPREPARATION
: A minute or so spent chewing it down to a point, and getting some SERIOUSLY worried looks on the trainUSE:
Shockingly, amazingly perfect. Not only is it practically weightless and easy to wield, but the soft wood makes it comfortable and satisfying to hold and use and equals absolutely minimal wear on your DS screen. Furthermore, carrying a chewed and jagged spike of wood around makes you look scary and mental so nobody will laugh at you for playing Nintendogs.COST TO REPLACE
: A few pence if you buy a big pack of them.
VERDICT: A surprise victory for Asian cutlery! Chopsticks - they're not just for jamming viciously into your eye to take the pain of Xbox 360 away any more!