UK:RESISTANCE 'main page'
We don't often bother with reviews as they're a lot of effort and words, plus most games are so boring they don't deserve any free publicity and the most fun we get from them is putting them straight on Ebay.

But once every year or so something comes along that stops us playing Virtua Tennis and is actually worth the money games cost.

Forza 2

We thought we'd got bored of racing games, but it turned out we hadn't - we'd just got bored of waiting for PGR3 to load.

Forza 2

On paper, Forza 2's the most boring game in the world. It's cars, tracks, loads of modding options, painting options, tuning options and the sort of screens we usually don't ever bother looking at, apart from by accident when we're trying to work out how to put it all on Easy.

Forza 2

But it's not boring. It's the least-boring driving game since OutRun2.

Forza 2

This is mainly because of the car-painting section, which even artistically retarded people like us can use to make the cars look awesome.

Forza 2

This has taken four hours so far. The car designing feature is utterly amazing, although you need to spend more hours than there are to make anything good. The text tool, for example, only lets you put on one letter at a time. So much as we'd like to do a SPIEL MACHT FREI design, we not going to bother. Even doing "UK RESISTANCE" would result in getting bored and stopping after just the "U" and the "K".

Forza 2

This is the best we can manage. For some examples of what proper people can do when bothered, go over to the forums at where some good people have really tried hard.

Forza 2

This is what a good person has done. Staggering. When doing something else, like watching TV, shopping or what passes as work, all we can think about is getting back to Forza 2 and making a pretty car. It's the biggest obsession we've had since Anna Kournikova's bottom.

Forza 2

If you're good at art and stuff AND can be bothered, please can you design a UKR-themed car, or an Idiot Toys-themed car, and gift it to us. We'll do an update about it, or if more than one person bothers, we'll do an update about them. If you're not "scene" enough to know our Gamertag, mail in and ask.

Forza 2

Here's something about what the graphics are like, for the benefit of our German readers: 60fps. Very pretty. Very smooth. People moaning about what Forza 2 looks like are idiots, as it's all really pretty. Even the menus are nice, well laid out and nothing like the awkward mess of Forza 1.

Forza 2

This update reads like an advert :(

Forza 2

The game comes with some free music for listening to while painting your car and waiting for things to load. It's really good music, all electronic stuff you wouldn't expect a bunch of Americans to put in a racing game. There is no Bryan Adams and we are yet to come across "Song 2".

Forza 2

We have no idea who any of the bands are, due to being really out of touch with youth culture. However, it has made us realise that perhaps some new music is good after all and maybe we shouldn't only ever listen to the Pet Shop Boys.

Forza 2. Too many to alt-caption individually :(

Suzuka. Forever remembered as a Ferrari F355 track. Finally, nearly ten years later, games are starting to look a bit better than Dreamcast ones.

Forza 2

A SERIOUS BAD POINT: It's hard getting online races to work. Really hard. In six attempts last night we connected to zero games, and just got error messages about the game not existing any more even though you could actually see it.

Forza 2

A SERIOUS THOUGHT: It's odd that even now the best example of online gaming is still Project Gotham Racing 2. Why is it that new games still can't do lobbies as good as or better than PGR2's? This is the sort of serious, deep thought we occasionally have, before going back to thinking about who would win in a sex fight between Ulala and Betty Boo and if it's wrong to have toast for dinner again tonight.

Forza 2

We have more screenshots of it than things to say.

Forza 2

Oh yes. The car Auction House is brilliant, and you can see it on your PC on the game's web site. This is clever.

Forza 2

There are lots of races and cars.

Forza 2

It is nice.

Forza 2

Basically, we like Forza 2 as much as Virtua Tennis 3, which makes it only the second game this year we've played through choice in the evenings. This must mean it's at least a 9/10.


Blogger Jawatron said...
if the game is as arduous a slog as reading through that update i'd rather eat my own shit than play.

Blogger Mainman said...
A picture speaks a thousand words, if I remember correctly. This is probably the best 20786 word article I've ever read.

twrant: 1. To speak or declaim extravagantly or violently; talk in a wild or vehement way.
2. To post a comment about UK:R on Kotaku.
Blogger Chris said...
The best thing about Forza 2 so far is that I played a bunch of games online last night and didn't meet a single whining kid or over-aggressive twat, which reminded me of the glory days of PGR2's online community.
Blogger Raton-Laveur said...
"Forever remembered as a Ferarri F355 track"

FERRARI ! It's the goddamn brand of the OutRun cars, for shit's sake.
Blogger Raton-Laveur said...
"Ulala and Betty Boo"


Drop your current spellchecker.
Blogger flaphaven6 said...
er, I assumed Zorg was talking about Betty Boo, uber-sexy minor-hit-having pop minx from the early '90s, aka Alison Clarkson. I have her video collection on good old VHS which I still wank over every now and again.
Blogger SMEGHaMMeR said...
If it hasn't got "Song 2", i'm not buying it. Or downloading it.
Blogger tenno said...
Dear UK:R,

This is the guy that beat you in the online race last night, I hope you enjoyed the delightful anime-style twat I painted on my car as I burned past you on the turn!

I am the Pixel-King and I win the Internet. Sod off!

Some Dumb Yank

Well if any of that had happened and if I could be bothered to do all that and buy the game, that's maybe what would have been written...


byevfee: What you say to friends in the adult chat room when you log off due to spending your wank money on virtual porn.
Blogger bilal said...
i think forza 2 would be the boringest driving game i'd ever have if i bought it.

i don't wanna paint my car, or drive someone's daytona car, or whatever.

but i still think sega rally on saturn is the greatest driving game ever made, and everything since can't even sit on the same shelf as it (unless it's the us SR in which case it can go in the bin)
Blogger Branch-me-do said...
Forza 2 is KILLING the Test Drive Unlimited community, and I have two more multiplayer-related achievements to get so I can impress whiny American nerds over the internet!!!!


jxotpjf: still less confusing than typing the first, third and seventh numbers of my security number into HSBC's fucking online banking service
Blogger Mentski said...
I haven't even touched the TDU multiplayer achievements... I'm guessing the game is completley devoid of competetors now, then?


I can cheat my way to winning them now.

imydip: Shorthand for "If your word verification isn't actually funny, don't fucking bother, because you just end up looking like a shitehouse thats trying to jump on the bandwagon"
Blogger Capt_Jax said...
This post has been removed by the author.
Blogger Andreas said...
Can I get some of the advertising money you received for reading this trite?
Blogger Michael Rossell said...
I see the word "fun" isn't included anywhere in your review.
Blogger Capt_Jax said...
What could be more fun than this?
Blogger Luvbeers said...
Here is my first design attempt! Sorry Sonic doesn't look exactly like on the homepage.

Gamertag: Luvbeers7
Blogger Capt_Jax said...
Your Sonic looks pretty good. Need to tidy mine up a bit.
Blogger dw2k6 said...
Jax, I can't see you're car.
When I click the link its just a load of strange numbers and letters.
Blogger Capt_Jax said...
Oh, must have exceeded bandwidth. Here's a nother link;
Blogger Capt_Jax said...
Blogger Branch-me-do said...
Yes Mentuss, TDU should become a lot quieter in the coming weeks... only problem is, a lot of the achievements require you to *cringe* interact with other people, most of whom are American and consider 'Yo!' to be a greeting. Plus, everyone owns at least four completely indistinguishable Mustangs.

Still a good game, mind.
Blogger Capt_Jax said...
Here's a couple more:

Blue Skies VX220!

Spiel Macht Clio V6
Blogger Mentski said...
OL... I couldn't... stop... myself... buying it.

I made this!

(Ok, it's not Sega themed, but give me a chance, I'm practicing)

Has anyone seen the Street Fighter ones up on the auction? Whoever did them is one Talented, No-Life Bastard, and no mistake.

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