UK:RESISTANCE 'main page'
And it belongs to Assassin's Creed creative director Patrice Desilets. That's him on the right. Patrice is a man's name in French bits of the world, apparently.

Patrice Desilets - trimmed

Of particular note is his facial expression. He knows he's not really supposed to be in this photo of Ubisoft's Jade Raymond. Everyone likes Ubisoft's Jade Raymond and he's being careful not to get in the way of any important bits of her body.

Shaved at base

Here's a close-up of that beard. The trimming is perfection! Anyone who's ever experimented with facial hair will know that the neckline is several hours of work alone, and the uniformity of length is nothing short of a masterpiece. We can only hope he's being this meticulous in his work on Assassin's Creed!

She's doing the pink menu screens really slowly and holding everyone up

And this is her, Ubisoft's Jade Raymond, the one everyone likes. Frankly, textbook chin-down-shoulders-back-look-and-smile up or not, we're still not convinced video game development is the right place for a woman to be, regardless of how many WOMEN GAMERS IN GAMES conferences Aleks Krotoski has organised in her flat this month. They literally just don't really understand games.

Still, as long as Ubisoft manages to get acres of press coverage by shoving poor Jade in front of every game journalist's Casio Exilim while pretending it's doing it for "equality" rather than "here's a pretty girl from our office you can talk to about texture maps," it'll be worth it.

  • It releases the same squad-based game only with a different name at least five times a year, triggering a Pavlovian reaction in us that makes us turn off everything electrical in the house upon hearing the phrase "Tom Clancy's...".

  • Being MADE to review Splinter Cell because no one ever wants to review Splinter Cell because Splinter Cell is boring, too hard and rubbish, and only liked by weirdos who pay fat prostitutes to sandpaper their cocks in dungeons at the weekend while they let out the tears of pain away from the wife and kids.

  • It has announced a Wii game called Horsez 2 and if that isn't a sign that another video game crash is no more than six months away, we don't know what is.
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    Blogger Sabator said...
    they also did that wank port of resi 4 for the pc
    Blogger Jawatron said...
    She would get it. But not as much as that chick who works for that russian/polish development company that is re-working their shit RPG into a MMORPG. Can't remember her name.

    Blogger Cmdr_Zorg said...
    Haven't got any photos of her shoes :(
    Blogger RoboSel said...
    Fwaaa! Would!
    Blogger Liam said...
    Taking photos of games developers as though they were cast members of a teen drama is fucking pathetic.
    Blogger Nigel Tufnel said...
    Sandpaper? No, not sandpaper. I got her to use a brillo pad last time she was over.

    dzpppxqqq - Why are these things so fucking long?
    Blogger Potter said...
    Would. I guess she is the one that came up with the idea for Horsez 2. So that poor people that can only afford a Wii can enjoy ponys too.
    Blogger Michael Rossell said...
    I met Jade at UbiDays. She's lovely but as confusing as any woman.

    I have this incorrect perception that because she is a video games producer, she may want to talk about video games. Normally, fit girls don't want to talk about video games, so this was a real fringe of reality moment.

    So, I spoke to her about Assassins Creed and much to my surprise she didn't seem that interested. So, the conversation abruptly ended and I walked away.

    She did seem very interested in having her photo taken though.

    I'm beginning to think it's just that I was a dullard.
    Blogger Saphion said...
    Where the fuck is that guy's ears?
    Blogger Bicro said...
    Blogger Trilby said...
    At last, a UK Resistance post without a single mention of Sony or Sega that's still worth having a wank over.
    Blogger slim1945 said...
    A neatly trimmed, full beard like that gives the impression of a straight talking who speaks the truth.

    If Ken had grown a beard like that he may have been able to convince me that the PS3 was not shit.
    Blogger Urban Reflex said...
    Well, I certainly fucking would, if you'd not sodding named the images "bestbeard". Seriously, do you not know how disturbing it is when you're getting the mental picture of beards in your head when trying to fwap over a pretty lass? Pity she's French though.
    Blogger Trilby said...
    She's Canadian, although she could still be prone to outbursts of French during your vinegar strokes, which would put you off your stride a bit.

    I'd try thinking about Amy Rose violating Big The Cat with a strap-on Dreamcast fishing controller, possibly on a nice bit of carpet.
    Blogger Mentski said...
    "So, I spoke to her about Assassins Creed and much to my surprise she didn't seem that interested. So, the conversation abruptly ended and I walked away."

    She wasn't interested? Talking about the very game she's supposedly "producing"?

    Is there a chance - shock horror - that she isn't involved in the game production in the slightest, and is in fact just a pretty little propaganda spouting mouthpiece ubisoft parade around the media, pretending to be the producer in an attempt to make them (and the game) look slightly "hipper"?

    Nahh, videogame companies don't outright lie like that to gain publicity, surely!
    Blogger Urban Reflex said...
    Pfft. French. French-Canadian. They all eat frogs legs at Ubisoft so that's good enough for me.
    Blogger Billy Morris said...
    She'd be a lot better looking on the end of my nob, unless of course she had dodgy feet or her tit to nipple ratio was off, to which she would be swiftly rejected.

    The bloke in the 1st photo has the expression I make in games shops around playstation chavs, yes they are dangerous, and they WILL kill you if you don't 'lend' them 10p to get home.

    Ubisoft deserve some kudos for supporting Nintendo and not being biased toward one format, they just need to improve on the critisisms of Red Steel and Far Cry and they'll have a Wii hit on their hands.
    Prince of persia classic on XBLA is bloomin' brilliant.
    Blogger Daniel said...
    Nice beard, but what's with the hair? When did decent hygiene go out of style? Get a fucking haircut and a comb, you lazy ass!
    Blogger Fiddy-Pence said...
    "... just a pretty little propaganda spouting mouthpiece ubisoft parade around the media..."

    Hmmm, I'm sure I remember Ubisoft being involved with the seedy world of media prostitution before.

    Something to do with moderately attractive wannabe 'starlets' being paid to convince sad loser gamers that if they bought product then one day, they too could touch a girl, perhaps at a LAN that the slatterns were attending FOR THE SHORTEST POSSIBLE TIME ALLOWED BY THEIR CONTRACT.

    Now what were they called? The Spag Bols, no... the Jag Lolls, the Frag Dolls! That was it.


    guvjb - the man in charge of stopping the chavs who work at JB Sports from stealing all the stock instead of working.
    Blogger Ooshka said...
    Would, and did.

    Two thirds of the above statement is a lie.
    Blogger Luke said...
    Any one think "preacher man" from the pic???
    Blogger colin said...
    Wait, she's Canadian? I'm Canadian! And she's kind of hot!? And I'm.. um... human looking. And she's french! Oh wait then. Wouldn't. She's probably got too much hair down there, and up there, and under those. And she probably smells of cheap wine and expensive poutine. No. Certainly wouldn't.

    fqakh-- The noise a french woman makes if you try to shave her armpit hair, as it is the secret to her incredible strength.
    Blogger Neil said...
    Is it strange that the man is more attractive than the woman to me?
    Blogger Julio GorgĂ© said...
    Hmm Neil if you find the man more attractive, well.. you know.. you might be gay. There's no cure yet for that though.
    Blogger Zed said...
    Nothing like a well trimmed bush, the guy looks ok too.
    Blogger Laurence said...
    Preacher Man eh?

    he has got a slightly Howard Moonish quality to him.
    Anonymous Anonymous said...
    I wanna fuck the woman sooooooooooooooo bad.Sheis so fucking hot.Huhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

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