A site about games and game paraphernalia and how nothing's as good as we remember it, probably because we used to inhabit a FANTASY WORLD.
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Each post .02% worse than the last. ELSEWHERE ON "THE NETWORK" #00031 VISUAL EVIDENCE OF THE GRIM REAPER ANIMAL CROSSING: CITY FOLK - AWESOME YET MASSIVELY... DREAMCAST - CONSOLE OF CHOICE FOR HOLLYWOOD ACTION... POOR, POOR, POOR LITTLE SONY - FINAL FANTASY XIII ... "BEAUTIFULLY CRAFTED DREAMCAST GARDEN ORNAMENTS" EVOID DRINKS DON'T DO ARTIFICIAL ELSEWHERE ON "THE NETWORK" #00030 BITS OF THE WORLD THAT STILL HAVE SEGA SYMBOLISM O... THE HTML ERAS
When men used to till the pages by hand. |
SHOPS
Use our Play or Amazon Shops to buy those shit Wii games you secretly like, helping the effort. ARCHIVES
12 years of wheat and chaff in one vast and impenetrable mass. |
Some updates weren't universally hated by the entire world within seconds of being uploaded.
1. The Animal Crossing Wild World mega-feature and public-service review
2. Sonic CD - screenshot parade
3. Cream The Rabbit sexual diagrams
4. OutRun2 screenshot-taking guide for the benefit of inept journalists
5. The personal UKR SEGA Toys Homestar planetarium review
6. Trying to buy an Xbox 360 in London
7. (STILL) THE MOST AMAZING PROMOTIONAL PHOTOGRAPH OF ALL TIME
8. A trip to GamesMaster (in Peckham)
Links to that blog of yours you started up and were excited about for a whole weekend.
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Having one is compulsory, apparently. Ours is here. It is not meant to be funny. |
ACQUAINTANCES
People off the internet. Quality and commitment levels may vary. |
It came with the template. Maybe in 2014 we'll jump on board the Twitter train and put that in here. Or a radio. That'd be nice.
Too bad these don't seem to come out of destroyed robots. And they don't bloom on metal either.
http://kotaku.com/5026505/sonic-unleashed-half-classic-half-stretchy-werewolf
At least they're not taking the sonic game we'd been dreaming of for years, and ruined it, just like every other sonic games for the last 12 years or so:
http://kotaku.com/5026505/sonic-unleashed-half-classic-half-stretchy-werewolf
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And it is now time, my brothers. Sony has fallen, and there is now only one obstacle in the way of the second great days of Sega: Sega itself! This treason cannot stand. A Sonic with Rayman arms? A Sonic with Streets of Rage gameplay, while Streets of Rage lies cold in the ground? Sonic walking on all fours like an animal! Not on my watch!
Here's what you do. Buy the game and play it all the way through. Then, once you've enjoyed the 2D parts as much as you can, break the disc in half and send one broken half to Sega along with a note. The note needs to read:
"Yeah, this part of the disc doesn't work. Some kind of manufacturing defect seems to make it run slow, ugly, and retarded. Please fill this half up with 2D gameplay and send it back to me."
If you are living somewhere where there is a "Movie Gallery" rental outlet this will be very cheap. They sell 25 cent damage protection and claim that, if you have it, even if the disc is broken in half when they get it back you don't have to pay for it. Rent the game, pay the extra 25 cents, break the game, send it to Sega, tell "Movie Gallary" your DVD caught fire and burned the disc in half, and the other half is melted. That way you embarrass Sega and hurt the stupid "Damage insurance" business model.
This just about does it for me. I'm now officially giving up being a Sonic fanboy. I've waited in vain for years and I'm just getting too fucking old to wait any longer.
Wankers.
LOL
Not to be a nuissance, I think Sonic Unleashed will be nice to play. We'll see. I'm not horrified at all.
And you people shouldn't go to Kotaku for Sega news. That's the most biased thing against Sega that I've ever seen.
Neither do I.
WITH A SWORD
SONIC WITH A MOTHERFUCKING SWORD
The world is doomed
If swillman is not back by next sunday iam going to take a shit in my sega master system and use it assault Richard Jacques. Or alternatly I may do absoloutly nothing.
cowlaryc: Lary Clarke he is a cow dont you know
Word verification: twazd. I don't know what it means but it made me smile, which is the happiest I get these days.
You can film it and post it on youtube if you like. Guy Ritchie or Uwe Boll will probably make a film about it if we kill him. I would probably be played by Jason Stratham, Gutter press would be Tom Cruise and you would probably be Danny Dyer as the budget probably would not run to the extra $30 million required to get Will Smith.
wkbak: The word of the devil
Really, someone help me. Is there any game worth buying on it or should I flog it on ebay? Someone on here mentioned Uncharted once. I guess I could give that a go.
*Yeah, they are real people.
I await the hate lol
UNSUBSCRIBE
Past that though, there's nothing else worth getting for the PS3, unless you like gray shooters or Talladega Nights on Blu-Ray.
And just for the record, Sonic 3 & Knuckles > Sonic 2.
And just for the record, Sonic 3 & Knuckles > Sonic 2.
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Alex, I'm not going to be hard on you, because it's bad enough nature cursed you with a name with an x in it. But Whichever Sonic Genesis game (or games) are the best is beside the point. They are all great.
Kojima is a fine movie producer. He makes nice little grind house style action movies (little plot, big explosions, stupid dialog). I am wondering what games he has made though? I can't say I've seen one since Snatcher.
I think his Wikipedia article says it all regarding both his "ability" as a story teller, and the general level of his fans' ability to make any sense:
"His games often revolve around contemporary issues such as nuclear terrorism, the effects of war, Illuminati-style organisations, human emotion, passing the torch onto the next generation, genetic engineering, manipulation of the masses, and the growth of private military contractors."
Yes, contemporary issues like "human emotion" and the "Illuminati." Some of his other contemporary issues include the war of 1812 and "thought." The contemporary writer Plato shares his interest in manipulation of the masses.
Besides, you shouldn't get too angry about a few million people liking a great game with a campy anime inspired plot. If anything, you should worry about the 20 million+ who think the epitome of gaming is a fat plumber in overalls and swinging pieces of plastic around to replicate real life activities.
Fuck off you pathetic dickwads, go have scripted conversations with each other about sony products in some other corner of the internet.
Wow. It's just like a regular ol' UR:K thread, only a whole group of posters have sprouted leaves and roots and are plants!
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I don't know, if they were plants wouldn't they be going on about things besides Metal Gear 4: The Movie? Wouldn't they talk about something that Sony fans weren't already throwing into every conversation with the word "game" in it? I can't wait until MGS4 doesn't quite sell enough to pay for all the cut scenes they had to make, so it gets announced for the 360, and then Sony fans have nothing to talk about again.
Microsoft did just announce a movie deal with Netflicks, so it's possible they could deliver MGS4 that way. It's not like it's a game, where you have to deal with all that "playing it instead of watching it" bother.
Back on topic, if they were plants wouldn't they be trying to pretend Lair was good? Or GT5 Prologue was a real game? Or was fun? Or wouldn't they be going on about how "revolutionary" "Home" was going to be when it releases in 2024?
Way to make generalizations about people too; I don't care for Sony, but they've managed to make the best platform this generation (which really isn't saying much, all things considered) and there's more for the PS3 that I want than any other current platform. It's a purely platonic relationship; if SCEI died tomorrow, I could care less.
The PS3 has MGS4, GT5, BlazBlue and Initial D Extreme Stage; all exclusive and all games I like. And since Sony isn't ran by an Illuminati of Jews that did 9/11, I can actually play imported copies of the latter two if they never see a US release.