A MAN'S POEMS ABOUT SONY:

there once was a game about buggies
that was loved by a bunch of dumb druggies
they spent their life savings
to fulfill their cravings
for a game with a palette like used huggies

there once was a ken kutaragi
whose business sense was somewhat foggy
he thought consumers would beg
to pay an arm and a leg
to watch the ballad of ricky bobby

the ps3's new iteration
of character manipulation
lets you wave it around
which is much more profound
an advancement than played-out "vibration"

the ps3's much-vaunted cell
is causing developers hell
says sony, "we don't care,
they'll just use middleware"
does the name "saturn" ring a bell?

though sony remains yet defiant
and their legions of fanboys compliant
i wish they'd take pains
to kindly explains
why the thing must be so fucking giant

who cares if the loading screen drags
and character switches cause lags
the ps3's blu-ray
will carry the day
'cuz hard drive caching is for fags

there once was a game-playing Brit
who practically chomped at the bit
for the day ps3s
would be shipped overseas
wait 'til he finds out it's such shit

killzone 2 was shown at e3
and filled all the masses with glee
said phil harrison, "now I'm
swearing this is real-time
and not a pre-render, no sirree"

the launch of the ps3 must
be considered no less than a bust
when every best buy
has a table stacked high
with "new" boxes gathering dust

i'm hardly in microsoft's lap
but the ps3's lineup is crap
when a simplistic, lame
converted flash game
is ever called a "killer app"

about lair, all the tongues started waggin'
when youtube clips showed massive laggin'
in a game filled with fights
against humanoid sprites
and an ugly semen-covered dragon

the ps3's control ports were zero
which meant there'd be no guitar hero
for jimmy to play,
and so since that day,
he has felt like a big stupid queero