A MAN'S POEMS ABOUT SONY:
there once was a game about buggies
that was loved by a bunch of dumb druggies
they spent their life savings
to fulfill their cravings
for a game with a palette like used huggies
there once was a ken kutaragi
whose business sense was somewhat foggy
he thought consumers would beg
to pay an arm and a leg
to watch the ballad of ricky bobby
the ps3's new iteration
of character manipulation
lets you wave it around
which is much more profound
an advancement than played-out "vibration"
the ps3's much-vaunted cell
is causing developers hell
says sony, "we don't care,
they'll just use middleware"
does the name "saturn" ring a bell?
though sony remains yet defiant
and their legions of fanboys compliant
i wish they'd take pains
to kindly explains
why the thing must be so fucking giant
who cares if the loading screen drags
and character switches cause lags
the ps3's blu-ray
will carry the day
'cuz hard drive caching is for fags
there once was a game-playing Brit
who practically chomped at the bit
for the day ps3s
would be shipped overseas
wait 'til he finds out it's such shit
killzone 2 was shown at e3
and filled all the masses with glee
said phil harrison, "now I'm
swearing this is real-time
and not a pre-render, no sirree"
the launch of the ps3 must
be considered no less than a bust
when every best buy
has a table stacked high
with "new" boxes gathering dust
i'm hardly in microsoft's lap
but the ps3's lineup is crap
when a simplistic, lame
converted flash game
is ever called a "killer app"
about lair, all the tongues started waggin'
when youtube clips showed massive laggin'
in a game filled with fights
against humanoid sprites
and an ugly semen-covered dragon
the ps3's control ports were zero
which meant there'd be no guitar hero
for jimmy to play,
and so since that day,
he has felt like a big stupid queero
A site about games and game paraphernalia and how nothing's as good as we remember it, probably because we used to inhabit a FANTASY WORLD.
What are we half-heartedly skimming RIGHT NOW?
Each post .02% worse than the last.
THE HTML ERAS
When men used to till the pages by hand.
12 years of wheat and chaff in one vast and impenetrable mass.
Some updates weren't universally hated by the entire world within seconds of being uploaded.
Links to that blog of yours you started up and were excited about for a whole weekend.
Some people we might've MET. Or at least seen in a room and been near.
Other sites we are happy to officially endorse without requiring Adwords spend.
Having one is compulsory, apparently. Ours is here. It is not meant to be funny.
People off the internet. Quality and commitment levels may vary.
It came with the template. Maybe in 2014 we'll jump on board the Twitter train and put that in here. Or a radio. That'd be nice.