A site about games and game paraphernalia and how nothing's as good as we remember it, probably because we used to inhabit a FANTASY WORLD.
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What are we half-heartedly skimming RIGHT NOW? RECENTLY...
Each post .02% worse than the last. PS3 LIE WATCH - EVIDENCE UPDATED REGARDING 'THE PL... A NAKED WOMAN PAINTED UP LIKE A TIGER FINALLY WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON WITH CAROL VOR... A MAN'S SONIC THE HEDGEHOG TATTOOS THE SEGA MEGA MILK UNIGATE DAIRIES CHEATS BOOK OTHER PEOPLE FROM GAMES TV THAT AREN'T DOING VERY ... MULTICULTURAL XBOX 360 CLOTHING ADVERT THE HTML ERAS
When men used to till the pages by hand. |
SHOPS
Use our Play or Amazon Shops to buy those shit Wii games you secretly like, helping the effort. ARCHIVES
12 years of wheat and chaff in one vast and impenetrable mass. |
Some updates weren't universally hated by the entire world within seconds of being uploaded.
1. The Animal Crossing Wild World mega-feature and public-service review
2. Sonic CD - screenshot parade
3. Cream The Rabbit sexual diagrams
4. OutRun2 screenshot-taking guide for the benefit of inept journalists
5. The personal UKR SEGA Toys Homestar planetarium review
6. Trying to buy an Xbox 360 in London
7. (STILL) THE MOST AMAZING PROMOTIONAL PHOTOGRAPH OF ALL TIME
8. A trip to GamesMaster (in Peckham)
Links to that blog of yours you started up and were excited about for a whole weekend.
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It came with the template. Maybe in 2014 we'll jump on board the Twitter train and put that in here. Or a radio. That'd be nice.
But now, that's changed with the Wii. Maybe it'll be easier for new gamers to control?
Promo shots for consoles are fucking rediculous. People do not look like they are doing something interesting or cool when they are playing videogames, no matter how much they stand up and stick their elbows out. They should just do what they did in the eighties and have little fat americans screaming about the controller you wear on your arm, then have lasers shoot out of them for a big lie.
Chopping onions? Fishing? Guiding Mario around SPACE to collect COLOURFUL STARS and shit that make a LOVELY SPARKLY sound come out of MY OWN HAND?
Heck yes I will.
That said, I hate these promotional pictures and hope to god I don't have to look at some douchey model "playing" the game with every single screenshot released.
Sad thing is, I can imagine myself being stuck under a large shelf or something after playing Metroid too good, it scares me already.
So what do Nintendo show us when they unveil the games? People waving the controller around like an idiot.
This is blatently gonna require too much effort if you're well wreaked in the evening.
Although this might just get some of the obese people (mainly kids) in Britain off their fat fucking arses. But I suspect they'll run a mile, sorry, waddle to the kitchen if they get the faintest wiff exercise.
It's about time someone brought something innovative to the table
So what do Nintendo show us when they unveil the games? People waving the controller around like an idiot.
Yeah, but Apple's ads show people in silhouette, breakdancing like idiots, but you don't presume that you HAVE to do that every time you put on your headphones, do you?
They're showing people swining the controller like crazy because it looks more exciting than seeing some pudgy guy with his hands in his lap, twitching occasionally to control the game.
You... don't..?
*stops breakdancing and switches off his iPod*
WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME!!!!
YUH HUH. One look at your mugshot tells me you were probably lying on your bed with your eyes closed, mouthing the lyrics to some Spandau Ballet number.
Although I believe that you have an iPod.
a) It'll make them look like a SPASTIC.
b) it's a sure-fire route to RSI, more RSI and then chronic Arthritis.
YEH FANX A BUNCH NINTEDNO!
I've already started my lawsuit.
I wonder what YOU look like playing on your home consoles. You think you look like Frank Sinatra playing pool, his collar undone and a cigarette hanging off the corner of your mouth?
No. You look like this:
http://www.gotfrag.com/files/upload/galleryimage_7507_t.jpg
Oooh, impressive shit.
http://www.gotfrag.com/files/upload/galleryimage_7507_t.jpg
That guy is my new GOD.
Seriously though, I felt like smacking that guy from Time Magazine who said that playing with a normal controller makes you look like a loser. Even if that were true, that means you'll look like a loser playing the Wii either way, since you have to use the "classic" controller for Smash Brothers and any Virtual Console games.
Whatever your opinion, I defy you not to mock that French twat from Ubisoft demoing Red Steel - with that cold assasin's look glinting in his eyes, and those deadly Ninja-like moves.
Though Ninja's aren't usually tethered like that... I don't think "Tethered Ninjas" is a term that's likely to strike fear into the hearts of children - unless, I don't know... they're tethered to the end of their bed or something.
Which is what you use to control Wii in Real life.
Or Nintendo can call it the "Wiili" i don't mind ^_^