SEGA had a special day for special people, to promote the Sonic/Mario Olympic game. We were not invited. Had we been invited we would have made up an excuse not to attend, so it was for the best.
This is why we wouldn't have attended. There is nothing worse in the entire world than being forced to wear someone else's clothes then being forced have fun, while someone takes photos you know damn well are going to end up on the internet. It's modern-day torture.
We like to imagine a few of the attendees were thinking "I hope those photos of me in the stupid hair don't end up on UKR."
At least there was some of this. This means the game's going to get in The Sun so should sell more copies than, say, Virtua Fighter 5 on Xbox 360, which didn't make it into the top FORTY this week (despite the UKR reference hidden within it).
We can also take pleasure in the fact that Sonic appears to have larger genitals than Mario. In fact, Mario looks like he's got more of a camel toe.
Whoever was inside the Sonic costume got a bit carried away by the excitement of it all, though.
This is not helping Sonic look any cooler. Mario seems quite ashamed to be near the imbecile in the blue costume.
Too much. Too much of the hands and legs. Too much everything.
He just won't stop. Someone from SEGA Japan ought to have been on hand to stop the man in the Sonic costume ruining 15 years of good work. You couldn't even punch him in the face, as it wouldn't hurt with all that padding.
Is this why some people hate Sonic?
And you thought brand Sonic didn't have any kudos left to lose.
This is what happens when you get drama students to wear the costumes.
That's Stuart Hall. He was amazingly famous in the 1970s and early 1980s, so famous that some of his fame still survives to this very day.
Here, Mr Hall is groping one of The Sun girls through her costume. He probably can't feel anything though.
Add this scene to the list of reasons why we tend not to reply to emails about press events for web sites.
There was a moment when it looked like the whole day was going to be a PR DISASTER as a man NEARLY DIED.
But at least one person had fun.
A site about games and game paraphernalia and how nothing's as good as we remember it, probably because we used to inhabit a FANTASY WORLD.
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MICRO-BLOG
What are we half-heartedly skimming RIGHT NOW? RECENTLY...
Each post .02% worse than the last. RARE SEGA RED COAT SPOTTED IN THE WILD THE *NEW* WORLD'S GREATEST SEGA PHOTOGRAPH! ELSEWHERE ON "THE NETWORK" #00002 DEEP INSIDE SEGA EUROPE - SEGABUCKS! TWO WOMEN SPOTTED PLAYING HALO AT LEAST TWO PEOPLE WENT TO THE LONDON GAME CAREER... SONY'S 'ORANGE DEATH SLIME' IMPLICATED IN MEGA DRI... BAFTA IS STILL EMBARRASSED ABOUT GAMES ELSEWHERE ON "THE NETWORK" #00001
THE HTML ERAS
When men used to till the pages by hand. |
SHOPS
Use our Play or Amazon Shops to buy those shit Wii games you secretly like, helping the effort. ARCHIVES
12 years of wheat and chaff in one vast and impenetrable mass. |
Some updates weren't universally hated by the entire world within seconds of being uploaded.
1. The Animal Crossing Wild World mega-feature and public-service review
2. Sonic CD - screenshot parade
3. Cream The Rabbit sexual diagrams
4. OutRun2 screenshot-taking guide for the benefit of inept journalists
5. The personal UKR SEGA Toys Homestar planetarium review
6. Trying to buy an Xbox 360 in London
7. (STILL) THE MOST AMAZING PROMOTIONAL PHOTOGRAPH OF ALL TIME
8. A trip to GamesMaster (in Peckham)
Links to that blog of yours you started up and were excited about for a whole weekend.
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FRIENDS
Some people we might've MET. Or at least seen in a room and been near. One Thousand Tiny Things I Hate "LIFESTYLE"
Other sites we are happy to officially endorse without requiring Adwords spend. PRIVACY POLICY
Having one is compulsory, apparently. Ours is here. It is not meant to be funny. |
ACQUAINTANCES
People off the internet. Quality and commitment levels may vary. |
It came with the template. Maybe in 2014 we'll jump on board the Twitter train and put that in here. Or a radio. That'd be nice.
How can you play as scummy Kage. Wolf's where it's at.
Mario just seems disinterested in the whole shebang. Maybe it's simply sour grapes because his blue rival got dibs on Blondie.
Nah, who am I kidding? Mario, the other bus is waiting outside for you.
I suppose it's only accurate that the Sonic team trounces the Mario team, though.
nfgth - the sound a fatty makes during a tug-of-war
Mr "I'm an ac-tor" was so happy about getting this gig he started a bit early on the nose-candy.
NUMNNN - Sound of Blarg dying of Cancer
He also appears to be shaking his right hand at someone off camera, as if to call them a wanker.
This is the best update in ages.
Ignore the bell end above me.
snarfle - the noise of me chuckling away to myself
Were were there for Xleague and ScrewAttack.
wjpdths = Mario thought went Sonic smashes him in SSBB
11/10
eqdhzd: The noise of satisfaction after reading a good update.
I find it baffling that a man can fashion a (niche) tv career having spouted such gems in his time as 'he is a great driver even though he has never actually taken a lesson and based purely on being good at Forza on Xbox'.
An odd era, but an era nonetheless.
I've met him a few times, he's a really nice guy in real life!
vginyxe - hymen busting ointment.
I'm ok at the gaming,won a bit of cash this year and the team has done well too.
Sophie, what did you find odd about my era?