THE REPORTER'S INTRODUCTION:
"The place has gone from being a testing site for every single new Sega arcade machine to a large empty room with no people and even less machines... oh, and a big area dedicated to 'gambling'"
"This used to be where it said SEGA PARK in big blue letters. Now it says... well, this. And there's a big silver AMUSEMENTS sign above the door, just in case people are too thick to work out what a Leisure Exchange is. On the plus side though, the Quasar's quite good - nice and big, with loads of good places to hide"
"Sonic's still in the windows despite the place no longer being a proper Sega Park, probably because they're waiting for some chavs to smash them with a brick so they can claim for new Sonic-free glass on the insurance"
"The view from the front door. This place used to be CRAMMED with machines - really interesting ones. Now, there's a huge gap in the middle (like, HUGE) and all the machines have been pushed against the walls. There's a sole pool table at the back, which the chavs use mostly for sitting on"
"The newest machine the place has, besides Virtua Striker 4 and House Of The Dead 4 (both of which we're surprised even appeared in this tired old place) is this WCCF card game. No one ever plays it. But then, there's never anyone in here. To be fair though, having this and OutRun 2 SP is vaguely impressive... it's just a shame all the other machines have been lost in the process"
"These people are playing Virtua Tennis 2. There are two VT2 machines in the arcade, but one's got a shit screen that's all purple and warped. It used to have several sit-down beat-'em-up cabinets (Tekken 4, SVC Chaos, Soul Calibur II) but they're all gone now. In their place is a Sonic Blast Man punching machine. Bleugh"
AND THAT'S IT
Had we written this we would've included some sort of narrative structure about the day and probably lied about there being tramps cooking up smack in the toilets. Still, it's not bad for a free update. Thanks!
A site about games and game paraphernalia and how nothing's as good as we remember it, probably because we used to inhabit a FANTASY WORLD.
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MICRO-BLOG
What are we half-heartedly skimming RIGHT NOW? RECENTLY...
Each post .02% worse than the last. HEAR THE ACTUAL VOICE OF RICHARD JACQUES WE WERE GOING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE VIDEO GAME... MORE BORING SEGA-RELATED PHOTOS WE'VE BEEN SENT SELLING A PS3 IS ACTUALLY AGAINST THE LAW THE 'WHAT'S SEGA ABOUT THIS?' QUIZ A PHOTOGRAPH OF A MAN'S SEGA PENCIL A VERY SERIOUS DEBATE ABOUT IF TAILS IS GAY OR NOT...
THE HTML ERAS
When men used to till the pages by hand. |
SHOPS
Use our Play or Amazon Shops to buy those shit Wii games you secretly like, helping the effort. ARCHIVES
12 years of wheat and chaff in one vast and impenetrable mass. |
Some updates weren't universally hated by the entire world within seconds of being uploaded.
1. The Animal Crossing Wild World mega-feature and public-service review
2. Sonic CD - screenshot parade
3. Cream The Rabbit sexual diagrams
4. OutRun2 screenshot-taking guide for the benefit of inept journalists
5. The personal UKR SEGA Toys Homestar planetarium review
6. Trying to buy an Xbox 360 in London
7. (STILL) THE MOST AMAZING PROMOTIONAL PHOTOGRAPH OF ALL TIME
8. A trip to GamesMaster (in Peckham)
Links to that blog of yours you started up and were excited about for a whole weekend.
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FRIENDS
Some people we might've MET. Or at least seen in a room and been near. One Thousand Tiny Things I Hate "LIFESTYLE"
Other sites we are happy to officially endorse without requiring Adwords spend. PRIVACY POLICY
Having one is compulsory, apparently. Ours is here. It is not meant to be funny. |
ACQUAINTANCES
People off the internet. Quality and commitment levels may vary. |
It came with the template. Maybe in 2014 we'll jump on board the Twitter train and put that in here. Or a radio. That'd be nice.
I want that Sega Park glass. Free McDonalds food and a Vin Diesel poster to anyone who acquires it for me.
This must be what catholics feel like all the time.
Must be because of that Sonic carpet.
Hey Branson? Save the Sega parks! Otherwise there'll be more chavs in the street. Chav on chav warfare will devalue the pound.
IT'S ALL UP TO YOU BRANSON
The toilets there are fucking grim and are usually full of gay porn mags.
Also was in there today and the toilets are beeing worked on thank god! ... shame i didn't see any gay porn :( hehe
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