This is the press release for mobile Saint's Row. We'd rather work in a meat factory that processes pig anuses into sausages, picking out the lumps of gristle from the raw pig anuses for 25p a week than have to write press releases like this as a job:
If you work for THQ or any other company that regularly writes words like 'respect', 'notoriety' and 'gangsta' up on its meeting room whiteboard, we're here to help. Our confidential 24-hour helpline is waiting for your call.
IN OTHER AMAZINGLY DEPRESSING AND FRANKLY UNBELIEVABLE MOBILE PHONE GAME NEWS:
They've made a game about Bob Marley.
A site about games and game paraphernalia and how nothing's as good as we remember it, probably because we used to inhabit a FANTASY WORLD.
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MICRO-BLOG
What are we half-heartedly skimming RIGHT NOW? RECENTLY...
Each post .02% worse than the last. ALL OF THE PHOTOS WE GOT SENT ON AUGUST 16 AND 17,... THIS IS THE DEPRESSING LEVEL OF THINGS WE GET SENT... EMPLOYEE OF ONCE EVERY 3.175 WEEKS IGN UK ASSEMBLES WORLD'S GREATEST COLLECTION OF CL... THE 'WRIST JOKE' IS ALIVE AND WELL SOUTHAMPTON SEGA WORLD - CARPET EXCLUSIVE SEGA WORLD SYDNEY WASN'T WORTH GETTING EXCITED ABO... WE WERE IN SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA, AND SAW A SIGN SAYIN... CREAM THE RABBIT CAR CRASH PORN MOVIE (PART 2)
THE HTML ERAS
When men used to till the pages by hand. |
SHOPS
Use our Play or Amazon Shops to buy those shit Wii games you secretly like, helping the effort. ARCHIVES
12 years of wheat and chaff in one vast and impenetrable mass. |
Some updates weren't universally hated by the entire world within seconds of being uploaded.
1. The Animal Crossing Wild World mega-feature and public-service review
2. Sonic CD - screenshot parade
3. Cream The Rabbit sexual diagrams
4. OutRun2 screenshot-taking guide for the benefit of inept journalists
5. The personal UKR SEGA Toys Homestar planetarium review
6. Trying to buy an Xbox 360 in London
7. (STILL) THE MOST AMAZING PROMOTIONAL PHOTOGRAPH OF ALL TIME
8. A trip to GamesMaster (in Peckham)
Links to that blog of yours you started up and were excited about for a whole weekend.
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FRIENDS
Some people we might've MET. Or at least seen in a room and been near. One Thousand Tiny Things I Hate "LIFESTYLE"
Other sites we are happy to officially endorse without requiring Adwords spend. PRIVACY POLICY
Having one is compulsory, apparently. Ours is here. It is not meant to be funny. |
ACQUAINTANCES
People off the internet. Quality and commitment levels may vary. |
It came with the template. Maybe in 2014 we'll jump on board the Twitter train and put that in here. Or a radio. That'd be nice.
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Saints Row is "already receiving rave reviews from the press"?
Where's that then?
Metacritic only has two reviews up - both from the Official X-Box Magazine (lacks the 'intelligence' of GTA, apparently), and they only give it 80%, which is the 'official' mag equivalent of cutting its throat and leaving to die in a gutter.
what the fuck? Bob marley played for norway not brazil.
So..you are gaining respect but really your not because the people that you think respect you dont really they are just using you. Once you gain lots of "respect" you will probably get "whacked" and then buried in the desert.
This form of "respect" is not the same as the respect Sonic has...apart from that game he had an Uzi.
I'm not even going to comment on the "all the poliice in the world" line.