It's also doing 'funny' captions that are placed beneath 'amusing' images like we do only without our unrealistic wage demands. This is because they're British, and British people are funny and wacky! All of them! Literally everything a British person ever says is funny, as you can see from the above attempt at British Speak that was obviously written by an American.
IGN UK'S MOST PATRONISING LOWLIGHTS:
"That's right -- IGN has moved across the Atlantic and opened an office in olde Londontowne"
"IGN's US and UK staff will form an invincible gaming Voltron hell-bent on defeating Robeasts throughout the galaxy"
"We'll also provide some UK reviews to give a second opinion on many games that appeal to a more European audience, such as rally racing and soccer titles"
"Expect the use of words such as "colour," "blimey" and "wanker" in those articles"
The full English cliche-fest is here: IGN: Introducing IGN UK. It makes Gamesradar look good. We're looking forward to this new era of British craziness -- it'll be like Monty Python but about games! And more about creaming off UK ad revenue.
A site about games and game paraphernalia and how nothing's as good as we remember it, probably because we used to inhabit a FANTASY WORLD.
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MICRO-BLOG
What are we half-heartedly skimming RIGHT NOW? RECENTLY...
Each post .02% worse than the last. THE 'WRIST JOKE' IS ALIVE AND WELL SOUTHAMPTON SEGA WORLD - CARPET EXCLUSIVE SEGA WORLD SYDNEY WASN'T WORTH GETTING EXCITED ABO... WE WERE IN SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA, AND SAW A SIGN SAYIN... CREAM THE RABBIT CAR CRASH PORN MOVIE (PART 2) PLAYSTATION SPOT LAUNCHES TODAY! LET'S SCROLL AWAY THE BADNESS, WITH A TRIP TO SEGA... CREAM THE RABBIT CAR CRASH PORN MOVIE (PART 1)
THE HTML ERAS
When men used to till the pages by hand. |
SHOPS
Use our Play or Amazon Shops to buy those shit Wii games you secretly like, helping the effort. ARCHIVES
12 years of wheat and chaff in one vast and impenetrable mass. |
Some updates weren't universally hated by the entire world within seconds of being uploaded.
1. The Animal Crossing Wild World mega-feature and public-service review
2. Sonic CD - screenshot parade
3. Cream The Rabbit sexual diagrams
4. OutRun2 screenshot-taking guide for the benefit of inept journalists
5. The personal UKR SEGA Toys Homestar planetarium review
6. Trying to buy an Xbox 360 in London
7. (STILL) THE MOST AMAZING PROMOTIONAL PHOTOGRAPH OF ALL TIME
8. A trip to GamesMaster (in Peckham)
Links to that blog of yours you started up and were excited about for a whole weekend.
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FRIENDS
Some people we might've MET. Or at least seen in a room and been near. One Thousand Tiny Things I Hate "LIFESTYLE"
Other sites we are happy to officially endorse without requiring Adwords spend. PRIVACY POLICY
Having one is compulsory, apparently. Ours is here. It is not meant to be funny. |
ACQUAINTANCES
People off the internet. Quality and commitment levels may vary. |
It came with the template. Maybe in 2014 we'll jump on board the Twitter train and put that in here. Or a radio. That'd be nice.
Probably the tears.
Funny how IGN has managed to alienate an entire country in a matter of minutes.
how about 'Fuck off back to America, you Yankee cunts'
that's my 2 pence
On the contentious issue of "soccer" I think it is quite proper that the name "football" should be reserved for a sport where over-padded rugby rejects carry and throw the ball around with their hands. I certainly have no problem with the main page introducing us whacky brits to our own content refusing to call a game where you kick a BALL with your FEET, "football".
Cunch of Bunts.
Soccer.
The Sonic pic.
stupid southern loving moronic americans
(meaning that as sad as it may be, it's entirely appropriate for the Americans to call their own bastardized variant of the sport 'football').
But yes, I do find it amusing that they tried to appeal to a market and invested a lot of time trying to speak our idiolect, yet casually say soccer when fuck all people here use that word.
I know this because Mike Myers was being interviewed about them and said how he loved them as a kid and watched every show. He repeatedly called them Monty Pie-ton, which made him look like a complete arse goblin who lies for money.
Oh Geoffrey! could you fetch the tea and crumpets, and bring them out onto the veranda.
barkbat- I hope you already knew that Mike Myers was Canadian.
Being American, I can tell you all that folks here can, in fact, say "Python." You might want to change a couple of those new celebrities featured on the site, because if they are supposed to be who Americans would choose to represent the UK, I can tell you that no one here would pick Posh Spice's husband over her, because no one watches soccer here. I also have no idea who that guy on the right is, so you should probably switch him out for
Mr. Bean or somebody like that.
Also, that caption wasn't trying to be in "British speak" at all -- it was making fun of an American Senator who said that the Internet was "a series of tubes." I wasn't implying that "Tubernet" was a British term at all.
I also don't really understand how Voltron and more detailed reviews of European-centric games is patronizing. I think we can all agree that the average Brit knows more about soccer/football than the average American, just like the average American probably knows more about American football than the average Brit.
Anyway, I'm just happy I finally made it onto UK resistance! I dig this site, so I'm flattered! BLIMEY!!!
FIRST CONTACT!!!
That's right, ladies and gentlemen. Today marks the day that the United States finally ACKNOWLEDGED the existence of Europe since the Boston Tea Party.
For years now, they've made crap jokes about British chicks being ugly and having bad teeth, and how all English guys are either football hooligans or Hugh Grant, because the last written records of encounters with English people date back in the 19th century, before they used as kindling to burn witches.
Now, thanks to the wonders of the internet, they've discovered that there IS in fact a place called England, and that it's a place where people have MONEY.
They may have completely butchered the English language, but at least their main form of communication remains alive and well.
Feel free to make the same mistakes when you invade my territory (Australia) next month.
Americans pushing their affairs into other countries and then wondering why everyone is so offended? Never seen that before!
Which is weird, because when I was watching the Daily Show, that's the exact same joke they used too.
I look forward to the UK IGN selling its arse to Wimpy for a week.
Although I call it "soccer" too, because it annoys soccer fans and they're twats who should try watching a proper game played by real men who can take a stamp in the bollocks without any girly histrionics.
"Cheers, and God save the Queen!"
Just checked on Wikipedia and he's 76! And William Shatner is 75!
http://games.ign.com/articles/725/725632p1.html
Yeah, make sure you make a joke about dingos eating babies, that'll go down a storm!
Add me to MSN if you like, so we don't clog this place up.
http://uk.psp.ign.com/articles/725/725646p1.html
"Funny story this: we were feeling a bit peckish the other night so we nipped out of our swanky London pad and crossed the street to the supermarket when an unmarked van reared out of nowhere. Half a dozen gun-toting cockney geezers leapt out and started taking pot shots in our general direction, so obviously we did the only thing we could and dragged the nearest passer-by out of his car before careering off down the road at full pelt. Actually, that's all a great big lie - we bought some fish fingers and went straight home. Still, if we were in Gangs of London, things might have been a bit different."
Oi oi lads
I'll throw another prawn on the PS3 grill for ya.