But it starts off well:
Christie! Played by Holly Vallance. This is a good start.
Kasumi! Played by Devon Aoki. This is a good start.
Tina! Played by Jamie Pressley, who's well worth Googling for ten minutes before bed with Safe Search turned off. This is a very good start. This might even be a "trousers off, blinds closed" kind of movie!
Oh. They seem to be going for some kind of "girl buddy" movie feel...
...mixed in with soft porn.
And Tina even has her DoA Xtreme bikini. Which is good, as "Tina in Bikini (fighting/swimming)" would've been first on our list of things to put in the film, if we were writing the pitch.
There's a man :( Hopefully he's the pizza delivery guy who arrives just in time for a threes-up with Kasumi and Tina. He probably isn't a pizza delivery guy, though, as he looks like he can speak English and men who look like that don't tend to ride mopeds.
A bit in the woods. The makers will issue a press release saying someone famous from some B-list Hong Kong movie helped produce this sequence.
Holly Vallance again! Her off Neighbours and those phone ads, only this time fighting while a bit naked!!
The towel comes off. It'll be artistically shot, guaranteed.
ONE MILLION POUNDS says she never turns round. Hollywood builds us up then SMACKS US DOWN yet again.
Holly/Christie catches her bra as it falls from the sky. Again, it appears to be very artistically shot and not rude. Stupid arty shots.
Une homage de Beach Volleyball. Not as good as the one we did ages ago though.
More fighting. The trailer's only 1.22 long, and we're already bored and deciding it's a Bittorrent download/skip through film only.
Dead, please.
A site about games and game paraphernalia and how nothing's as good as we remember it, probably because we used to inhabit a FANTASY WORLD.
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Use our Play or Amazon Shops to buy those shit Wii games you secretly like, helping the effort. ARCHIVES
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Some updates weren't universally hated by the entire world within seconds of being uploaded.
1. The Animal Crossing Wild World mega-feature and public-service review
2. Sonic CD - screenshot parade
3. Cream The Rabbit sexual diagrams
4. OutRun2 screenshot-taking guide for the benefit of inept journalists
5. The personal UKR SEGA Toys Homestar planetarium review
6. Trying to buy an Xbox 360 in London
7. (STILL) THE MOST AMAZING PROMOTIONAL PHOTOGRAPH OF ALL TIME
8. A trip to GamesMaster (in Peckham)
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It came with the template. Maybe in 2014 we'll jump on board the Twitter train and put that in here. Or a radio. That'd be nice.
here it is. it's suuuper slow, though (well tonight it is anyway), and it's quite low res.
oh, AND the only luck i've had with playing it is to run quicktime, go to 'open url' and paste the above link into it. IE throws up an error when trying to save it, and i haven't tried accessing it from firefox.
good luck, but from ukr's description it may not be worth it...
you'll probably have more luck here as there are a few more places to try getting it from