PS3 EURO LAUNCH: THE FACTS
Hot off the brainwaves of the average European gamer:
Figure a: Ken reveals genius Euro PS3 scheme. JUST SAY NO.
FACT 1: No one really cares
FACT 2: It's too much money
FACT 3: Shifting all the machines from unsold piles in American and Japanese warehouses to an unsold pile in a European warehouse isn't going to help Sony's 'bottom line' in the short to medium term
FACT 4: The best game is a free demo
FACT 5: 'Best' in the context of PS3 means '6/10 at a push'
FACT 6: The 'Average Joe' already thinks PS3 is an over-priced flop, thanks to low-level guerilla marketing by the New York Times and all of The Internet.
FACT 7: Virtua Tennis 3 will have online play on Xbox 360, so don't go throwing that one back in our faces
FACT 8: Tell pikey Britain that it needs to replace its Only Fools and Horses DVDs with new Blu-ray editions and it will stub a cigarette out in your face.
FACT 9: 599 dollars actually translates to 303 pounds, NOT 425
FACT 10: 60,000 yen actually translates to 250 pounds, NOT 425
Figure a: Ken reveals genius Euro PS3 scheme. JUST SAY NO.
Labels: LIES
Posted by Cmdr_Zorg 1/24/2007 01:24:00 PM
10 Comments:
Cmdr_Zorg, you crack me up!
I'll never buy a PS3, not unless they bring out an ESwat game for it. Or unless all my mates get one. Or if Sexy beach 3 comes out on it (although i'm still hoping for a Wii version with hand-grope wiimote attachment).
]-[
I'll be buying a PS3 in 2009 when:
a) There'll (hopefully) be more than 3 good games out for it that aren't out on the 360
b) It won't be quite so ridiculously overpriced.
OR I'll probably just buy one when the next game from the creators of Ico comes out :(
When's the guy on the left going to say something? He looks very thoughtful. Something like: "while everyone's distracted by Ken's crackpot stories, I can slip this micrphone in my flies and have it away..."
And when is the employee of the week link updated?
hey rikki, send a nude pic of your little sister/ mother / daughter / girlfriend to zorg, and i'm sure he will take your request into consideration.
capt'n axela, zorg assistant
SONY EMBROILED IN ANOTHER 'ROOTKIT' SCANDAL
Sony Computer Entertainment is guilty of yet another egregious display of poor judgement involving the methodology behind their latest console offering, the PlayStation 3. Previous production delays have been attributed to the difficulty in the manufacturing process of the Blu-ray diode, but upon further investigation through reverse engineering, it was revealed that Sony is also incorporating the same technology employed in LASIK, the eye surgery laser. Hidden within the Blu-ray diode, the Excimer laser utilizes the slot loading design of the unit to outwardly radiate gamma, x-ray, and ultra-violet spectrum wavelengths to cleanly matrix-incise the user's retinal make-up undetected. It then reverse scores the cryptic message 'Teh Pwner Sony Sez NOW!', possibly referring to the company's desperate claims of being the true HD market leaders. This would also explain the former belief that the PS3 downscales movies to 480p, when in reality the perception of degraded resolution is due to the resultant massive eye damage.
I've learnt to never get excited about new consoles. Never believe the hype- and basically just buy a machine with no major expectations.
Some good games will appear along the line, and I'll smile. Simple as that.
PS3 should be £299 though. That would make sense, but unfortunately nothing ' makes sense ' in Britain today. :(
Uninexen - whats all this shit?
it's called 'unnecessary joke-cracking'. it's like telling a knock-knock joke in front of Eddie Izzard.
i'm happy enough with UKR's humour, thanks, no point trying to rain on their parade.
or maybe uninexen wants to get 'hired' as a UKR writer?
I'm confused and upset. Should I buy a PS3 or not?
Mark buy one. What's the point of having no one to laugh at 'cause he has bought this piece of gaming crap?
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