THE INTRODUCTION:
"Hi, I found two old Sonic arcade games last month when I was in Osaka, so I took some photos and video to upload for the sake of making myself feel like I did something worthwhile on the internet, once. Judging by the way things have been going recently, if I send this information to you in an overly-detailed email, Kotaku will make a post about it next week."
"Neither machine was really much of a game, but they had screens and you could control Sonic, so for lack of a better phrase, I'll call them 'Sonic arcade games'. The first 'game' I came across was in Tennoji Zoo, and was called the 'Segasonic Popcorn Shop'."
"It's really just a clever blend of an arcade game and a vending machine. You're really paying for hot popcorn rather than the game, but I was much more interested in the strange Sonic game than my dry, disappointing snack."
"If I remember correctly (it was a month ago, so surely I can be forgiven for forgetting minor details), you play as Sonic, trying to deliver popcorn to the customer. Robotnik, however, is a dick, and tried to stop Sonic by placing him on a treadmill. You have to make Sonic run faster than the treadmill, so he can jump off the end and deliver the popcorn. You have to make Sonic run by turning the wheel on the front of the machine as fast as you can.
"The machine I was playing was outside, and the wheel had rusted to fuck, so it made an incredible high-pitched screeching noise as I turned it faster. This only attracted the attention of surrounding Zoo visitors, and made me feel quite uncomfortable in the children's area of the park."
"The machine lets you choose from Salt, Butter and Curry flavour popcorn. It was quite a hot day, so I thought butter would likely be the safest option. I don't know how correct I was, but the butter popcorn tasted like shit, and made my hands really greasy, so I wouldn't recommend it."
"The machine also advertised a wonderful Sonic and Tails popcorn tub, so I was really sick when I received my crappy popcorn in an Anpanman tub."
"A few days later, I went to Abenobashi and visited a large shopping center, which I think was called the "Abenobashi Store" (if anyone's desperate to find these machines, it was opposite Abenobashi Station). The roof had an outdoor arcade, where I found "Waku Waku Sonic Patrol Car". This comes in the form of police car, which reminded me of the 20p Postman Pat rides that you used to find in Tesco. Luckily, the machine is big enough for two fully-grown foreigners.
"After the slight embarrassment of playing the popcorn machine in Tennoji Zoo, I made my friend play this one, as I recorded the screen. Since I recorded gameplay this time, I won't bother detailing the rather basic top-down driving game. The whole machine starts swaying in time to the Green Hill Zone music that plays once you start driving.
"To carry on detailing disappointments with the machines, the steering wheel didn't work this time, so the game couldn't be played properly. We didn't really want to look like paedophiles much longer though, so the fact that the game was broken gave us just the incentive we needed to leave."
"If you're considering whether it's worth travelling to Osaka to play these as-good-as-unreleased Sonic games, I can tell you this - it's no, and to be quite honest, you're a bit of a sad prick for thinking about it."
A site about games and game paraphernalia and how nothing's as good as we remember it, probably because we used to inhabit a FANTASY WORLD.
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MICRO-BLOG
What are we half-heartedly skimming RIGHT NOW? RECENTLY...
Each post .02% worse than the last. THE ULTIMATE SIGN OF DISRESPECT IS... THE *NEW* WORLD'S MOST BORING SEGA PHOTOGRAPH! FACIAL HAIR IN VIDEO GAME DEVELOPMENT #2: DMITRY L... SONY IN 'NO PANTS' GOLF GAME SCANDAL ELLIE GIBSON EXCLUSIVE: "MY 27 MINUTES WITH RICHAR... DEVON PEOPLE WORSHIP EVIL SONIC SONY: "SELLING FEWER PS3S IS GREAT NEWS!" SEGA EUROPE HAS A FLICKR ACCOUNT METAL GEAR SOLID GAY SEX SHAME
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SHOPS
Use our Play or Amazon Shops to buy those shit Wii games you secretly like, helping the effort. ARCHIVES
12 years of wheat and chaff in one vast and impenetrable mass. |
Some updates weren't universally hated by the entire world within seconds of being uploaded.
1. The Animal Crossing Wild World mega-feature and public-service review
2. Sonic CD - screenshot parade
3. Cream The Rabbit sexual diagrams
4. OutRun2 screenshot-taking guide for the benefit of inept journalists
5. The personal UKR SEGA Toys Homestar planetarium review
6. Trying to buy an Xbox 360 in London
7. (STILL) THE MOST AMAZING PROMOTIONAL PHOTOGRAPH OF ALL TIME
8. A trip to GamesMaster (in Peckham)
Links to that blog of yours you started up and were excited about for a whole weekend.
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ACQUAINTANCES
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It came with the template. Maybe in 2014 we'll jump on board the Twitter train and put that in here. Or a radio. That'd be nice.
No curry flavoured popcorn, but there was chocolate. And banana. Who would want chocolate popcorn?? No wonder the place didn't last long.
Cool machine all the same. I'm sure Sonic fully endorses high-fat content salty snacks to make him go SUPER SONIC SPEED!
word ver: hjqnhmmw (seems longer than usual!)
still... top reportage work.
And us Scots invented loads of shit. I learnt about it at school, when we were being aught how ace it was to be Scottish or soemthing. Television, Penicillin... uh.. some other stuff...
So he must have been pretty clever, leading me to believe the machine was just shite.
Word Verification: pusivvgx. I'm not sure. It sounds a bit rude though... doesn't it? Possibly a very impressive, highly rated lady part. See if you can do better.
:'(
I went to Osaka Doubutsuen yesterday, shots this Sonic pop corn vending machine to send it to you guys at UKR, and WTF, today another dude sent this very machine shots!
Man, living in Japan is so 2006...
I have purchased this Machine SEGA POPCORN SHOP. I want to sale it now bcz no economies in pakistan. Here we sell it in Pak Rs.5 per coin but our operating cost comes to Rs.10. So not viable to run it. Only 2-3 days used. If anyone interested do email me at
gandj@wol.net.pk or shrehmans@gmail.com
Thanx
NOMAN