UK:RESISTANCE 'main page'
Here's a toner cartridge that looks like a video game shotgun. It even has an official designation that sounds like a video game shotgun - the Canon C-EXV8. If we remember correctly, that's the precise model that Chip Cockloader used in Generic Corridor SpaceDeaths II. No, wait, Generic Corridor SpaceDeaths III. The one that was set on Earth.

"I was going to send this to Idiot Toys but I couldn't be bothered finding the email address. I was going to write something humorous about killing my colleagues, too, but time constraints played a part in this rushed email. BEHOLD... A printer cartridge that looks like a shotgun. Not an actual shotgun - I'd say a video game shotgun. Like Halo 3 shotguns. God that game was shite. How did it get those scores? I'd taken it back with in a couple weeks - I would have given it a 6/10. Call of Duty 4 is far the better game. Anyway. Shotgun! - James."

STAR READER James also bravely submitted a mobile phone video of himself standing in the company store room and "pumping da hammer." Exemplary submission, James.
Blogger Cyber Razor said...
Good. Now go shoot Swill. In the face.
Blogger daniel said...
Blogger Trilby said...
Blogger Nick said...
I've got a shovel you can borrow if you need to dig a hasty, albeit shallow, grave.
Blogger Trilby said...
Shallow? Obviously you haven't seen the pictures...
Blogger AT said...
This post has been removed by the author.
Blogger AT said...
Guys, that's just mean. Shoot his hands...that way he can't use a keyboard again.

Unless he goes all Stephen Hawking on us and starts typing with his penis.
Blogger P.P.A. said...
That reminds me, did you get the email with the Master System Converter II photos I sent to a while ago?
Blogger Grumbler said...
I'm getting desperate for that screen shot of tentacle face MeeMee.
Blogger Segan said...
Dear Recipient,

I am here to express the latest outrage perpetrated by UK Resistance concerning the representation of the United States by a Mr. Swillman. It is quite disappointing that the staff of UK Resistance, whomever this email may concern, has chosen to sabotage their image as one of the most entertaining video game sites on the web by choosing a complete bell-end to submit updates that can not be described in more than four letters: shit.

Allegedly, Anonymous, a group of hackers and intimidaters that I have watched until now with mild amusement, has decided to target UK Resistance, namely Swillman himself, according to comments on ED, 4chan, and even your own website. This will destroy the reputation of you, and the rest of the staff even further. I, and many of your regular viewers, will be quite disappointed if you allow this to pass by retaining this empty vessel of stupidity.

On behalf of your American segment of fans, we demand no representation!

For too long you have provided us the opportunity to participate on your website. If you continue to force degradation with representation, you will leave us no choice but to re-declare independence, and sever the bonds that join us with Swillman, and unfortunately, your website.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all Swillman's intelligence is created equal to that of a 5 year old, that we the readers are endowed with certain unalienable rights, that among these are amusing posts, pictures of hot models fiddling with controllers, and truckloads of lols.

Sincerely (with US dictionary spelling, pronunciation, and keyboard),


An even greater outrage is that not only has this candidate for complete destruction of UK from the US, but that he actually a resident of Belmont, Massachusetts, a town which I have the great misfortune of residing a mere 5 minutes away from. This Swillman has completely tarnished and compromised the internet chapter of this community. Please rectify this situation by issuing an apology to the entire Commonwealth of Massachusetts (yes it is!), or at the very least, Belmont, or even just me if you're just really busy.
Blogger TheSwillMan said...
Dear Sir,

You live so close to The Swill Man. Can you punch him? Post photos on Flickr? As an intimidator of Swill, I feel you need to do this job on my behalf. Could you also put your penis in Chelsea's vagina? Post photos of this also. It would crush Joey's world and maybe he would commit suicide.

The Artist Formerly Known As Fake Swill Man.
Blogger Bas said...
Dear people posting under the Anonymous banner,

Seriously, at the end of the day, it's just a videogames blog. Swillman, if he is indeed real and not an absolutely amazingly effective April fools joke, is just an idiot and will be removed eventually anyway. No need to collectively cry from the safety of your basements.

Blogger slim1945 said...
Dear Commander Zorg,

I have come to the conclusion that this "Swillman" is part of an elaborate psychological experiment designed to gauge just how your readers would react when all our alarm buttons are pushed.

I fear that if you do not stop this experiment right now, i may become the next madman to arm to the teeth with automatic weapons and fire indiscrinately on women, children and the homeless.

I know that is unlikely because as of right now i only own a Dreamcast Enforcer light gun but i do know a man from whom i could borrow a bb gun which with a well aimed shot could surely cause some pain if not retinal damage!

I'm sure you wouldn't want this on your conscience, so please cease this experiment forthwith.
Blogger Steve said...
Oh shit guys, Anonymous are on to us. They might stand outside our homes and offices and WEAR MASKS. Shit.

And Segan, surely you are in a much better position to do something about the Swill situation than anyone else? One bullet is all it takes. Or maybe a few more if you want to make him suffer before you finish him off.
Blogger Segan said...
This post has been removed by the author.
Blogger Segan said...
Unfortunately, going Virginia Tech on someone's ass does not reflect too well on a college resumé.
And frankly, I don't want to bother with this Swillman bullshit, real or fake.

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