It's not rubbish, but also not as good as the book we would've written. But no one really wants to publish a million words with no full stops or commas about having anal sex with non-threatening female cartoon characters, so The Triforce would appear to have won this particular battle.
We briefly flicked through it looking for factual inaccuracies to point out, but couldn't find any because what the hell do we know about The Sims or Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy? This was very disappointing.
It's got Animal Crossing: Wild World in it, and OutRun, and Lumines, and Tony Hawk 3, so would appear to be on the right track.
WRONG THINGS: Pro Evo 5 is the slowest and worst Pro Evo of them all, Rez is little more than waving your mouse around your PC screen while listening to some music you downloaded but don't really like, and why isn't Sonic The Hedgehog in it but Jet Set Radio Future is?
"THE GAME IS THE STAR" - this line could only come from people that have sat in numerous development and product marketing meetings.
"The most fun you can legally have with your clothes on" is a line we would imagine was inserted by the publisher without the authors' knowledge or consent, seeing as it really belongs in a 1985 Zzap! magazine review of Paradroid. They'll probably say it's meant to be ironic. Taking your clothes off also doesn't mean more fun - it means being cold and feeling disgusted with yourself.
Still, it's nice to have, especially for free, and a rare thing we got sent that won't immediately get listed on the mortgage payment war chest fund (eBay). Thanks. We hope we have stimulated debate and enthusiasm for the project.
AN INTERVIEW WITH ONE OF THE TRIFORCE
We sent questions via email to all three of the Triforce. David's answers were abrupt and abusive, Simon's cleverly highlighted the flaws in the email interview process, and Ste didn't bother but said he would if we wanted. We said not to bother.
SO HERE'S SIMON'S INTERVIEW:
WHY ISN'T SEGA RALLY IN IT?
Because it's not as good as Sonic The Hedgehog
WHY ISN'T SONIC THE HEDGEHOG IN IT?
Because it's not as good as Daytona USA
WHY ISN'T DAYTONA USA IN IT?
Because it's not as good as Streets Of Rage 2
WHY ISN'T STREETS OF RAGE 2 IN IT?
Because it's not as good as Nights
WHY ISN'T NiGHTS IN IT?
Because it's not as good as Phantasy Star Online
WHY ISN'T PHANTASY STAR ONLINE IN IT?
Because it's not as good as Shenmue
WHY ISN'T SHENMUE IN IT?
Because it's not as good as a Virtua Fighter of any kind
WHY ISN'T A VIRTUA FIGHTER OF ANY KIND IN IT?
Because it's not as good as Pong
A site about games and game paraphernalia and how nothing's as good as we remember it, probably because we used to inhabit a FANTASY WORLD.
|
MICRO-BLOG
What are we half-heartedly skimming RIGHT NOW? RECENTLY...
Each post .02% worse than the last. PLAYSTATION3 MAKES GREAT GAMES RUBBISH A MAN'S ESSAY ABOUT RACISM IN SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG SOMETHING SOMEONE ELSE HAS MADE THAT'S FUNNY AND A... BOURNEMOUTH SEGA PARK - NOW A SOULLESS WASTELAND HEAR THE ACTUAL VOICE OF RICHARD JACQUES WE WERE GOING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE VIDEO GAME... MORE BORING SEGA-RELATED PHOTOS WE'VE BEEN SENT SELLING A PS3 IS ACTUALLY AGAINST THE LAW
THE HTML ERAS
When men used to till the pages by hand. |
SHOPS
Use our Play or Amazon Shops to buy those shit Wii games you secretly like, helping the effort. ARCHIVES
12 years of wheat and chaff in one vast and impenetrable mass. |
Some updates weren't universally hated by the entire world within seconds of being uploaded.
1. The Animal Crossing Wild World mega-feature and public-service review
2. Sonic CD - screenshot parade
3. Cream The Rabbit sexual diagrams
4. OutRun2 screenshot-taking guide for the benefit of inept journalists
5. The personal UKR SEGA Toys Homestar planetarium review
6. Trying to buy an Xbox 360 in London
7. (STILL) THE MOST AMAZING PROMOTIONAL PHOTOGRAPH OF ALL TIME
8. A trip to GamesMaster (in Peckham)
Links to that blog of yours you started up and were excited about for a whole weekend.
|
FRIENDS
Some people we might've MET. Or at least seen in a room and been near. One Thousand Tiny Things I Hate "LIFESTYLE"
Other sites we are happy to officially endorse without requiring Adwords spend. PRIVACY POLICY
Having one is compulsory, apparently. Ours is here. It is not meant to be funny. |
ACQUAINTANCES
People off the internet. Quality and commitment levels may vary. |
It came with the template. Maybe in 2014 we'll jump on board the Twitter train and put that in here. Or a radio. That'd be nice.
ANGRY
We already know what the top 50 games of all time are as we have been told 50 times before.
That and the fact that American 'Football' is shite.
Any Minter games in there?
Benjamin, that was a star post mate.
You haven't, though, and it's rather good and not "cunty" at all.
The triforce wins either way. They send Zorg one copy of the book and suddenly we're all talking about it like the cunts we are, and probably buy it like the cunts we are.
Ifyou'reinmarketingkillyourself.
1) People can't find out if it is shit if it is shit
2) People will think it is porn like the art books with all the muff pictures. That's why they started putting books in plastic
3) It would then be wipe clean
4) You could use the discarded plastic as a make shift Johnny and/or baby suffucator
So minus ten marks for the title. But plus ten for the anal-granny porn that's varnished onto the back cover.
Everyone knows the only decent games on the N64 were the AKI wrestling games.
Really.
Good job that they don't think that all the best games were pre-N64 like everyone else. 'Game On - From Sonic 1 to Mariokart' might not seem as cutting edge.