WHY ARE GAMES GETTING WORSE?
Look at this. This is what today's kids think games are like thanks to rubbish mobile phone cash-ins. As if Tomb Raider wasn't bad enough, it's now smaller, 2D, and the only things you can do in it are walk, run, jump, climb and shoot.
The press release points that out like it's a FEATURE: "In Tomb Raider: Quest for Cinnabar, which is the second game in the planned trilogy, players guide Lara Croft in her exciting adventure to recover the priceless vase containing Cinnabar in Tibet, by making her run, jump, climb, shoot, while avoiding traps, obstacles and enemies."
Obviously it's unplayable, because everything is on a phone, which means the other thing you can do is DIE ALL THE TIME because you can't control anything with a device THAT'S PRIMARY FUNCTION IS TELEPHONING PEOPLE. Anyway, we just wanted to say that Tomb Raider: Quest for Cinnabar looks rubbish and show you a picture of it so you believe us.
It'll be a collection of generic 2D levels that you will stumble through in an unsatisfactory trial and error manner. See? This illustrates how easy it is to review games without playing them. 1/10.
A site about games and game paraphernalia and how nothing's as good as we remember it, probably because we used to inhabit a FANTASY WORLD.
What are we half-heartedly skimming RIGHT NOW?
Each post .02% worse than the last.
THE HTML ERAS
When men used to till the pages by hand.
12 years of wheat and chaff in one vast and impenetrable mass.
Some updates weren't universally hated by the entire world within seconds of being uploaded.
Links to that blog of yours you started up and were excited about for a whole weekend.
Some people we might've MET. Or at least seen in a room and been near.
Other sites we are happy to officially endorse without requiring Adwords spend.
Having one is compulsory, apparently. Ours is here. It is not meant to be funny.
People off the internet. Quality and commitment levels may vary.
It came with the template. Maybe in 2014 we'll jump on board the Twitter train and put that in here. Or a radio. That'd be nice.