This is not a joke. We'd really like to do this if it turns out we can legally get away with it (probably not) and enough people get involved (certainly not).

Let's face it. We all know what you're "surfing" the Friends Reunited archives for. Let's cut out the bullshit.

Hatred Reignited will accept stories in the following categories.

UNREQUITED LOVE: Did you fall in love with a staggeringly beautiful creature in school? Despite the fact that you would have treated them like like an elven prince/ess and slept outside their window, cutting your inner thighs and writing poems just to get a glimpse of their face, did they blow you off for a some neanderthal chav who could play football? Did their choice in partners land them in Pentonville for stabbing the wife beating drunkard they ended up married to five hundred and eighty nine times? Tell the rest of the school about it.

CUNTS: Remember that little shit who stole your gameboy and the teachers wouldn't do anything about it because they said it was his word against yours? Did his unchecked kleptomania terminate in a stay at her majesty's pleasure for petty theft wherein he was bumburgled to within an inch of his life until he got the aids? Gloat about it online.

TEACHERS: What about the slimy, abusive shitface who joined the teaching profession because he couldn't control anything else in his life? The one who used to alternately scream and gloat at the class that none of them would even amount to as much as he had? Did he fuck a student and have his marriage ruined, his career shredded had his house burned down by Rebekkah Wade's bob-a-mobs? If Hatred Reignited gets off the ground, you will be able to show up on his doorstep TOMORROW.

TALES OF PERSONAL VINDICATION: Perhaps you were in school with the one kid in every year who managed to do fantastically well with the girls, and took every oppurtunity to rub your face in the notion that you would die alone at a computer at age 29 when your national health glasses accidentally stabbed into your eyeball. Perhaps he knocked up and had to marry a screeching chav with buck teeth and one eye on either side of her head, while you took a qualificationless job teaching bored Japanese housewives and now have to figure out how to spend your piles of cash with only one hand due to the fact that you're using the other to beat off the top-end scrunt with a shitty stick. OUT THEM NOW.

Furthermore, we promise that if this gets underway then we will search the public name change registers day and night in order to bring you glossy prints THE SECOND anyone you ever knew gets involved in the porn industry. For premium members we will actually photoshop the porn ourselves given recent photos from three different angles (mobile phone cameras accepted). Don't worry that it's not real - it will be by the time their former classmates see it.