THE SLIDE CARD TECHNIQUE
Insert slide card into one of the small holes on top of PSP, take novelty Christmas flashing key ring, press button to initiate excruciatingly poor rendition of Jingle Bells, hold against IR Sensor for 3.6785 seconds EXACTLY, eject game. Put game back in again. Eject game. Put game back in again. Move the slide card about a bit. Wonder why nothing's happening. Play special HAXXORED .mp3 for a bit, but it doesn't do much. Sigh, give up, turn PSP off. Turn it back on. It doesn't work. Panic, run about the room turning the PSP on and off wailing 'OH SHIT I'VE JUST SPENT £250 IMPORTING SOMETHING AND I'VE ALREADY BLEEDING BROKEN BECAUSE I WANTED TO PLAY SONIC 2 ON THE BUS, SHIT SHIT SHIT'. Swap memory card over to the other one you were press ganged into buying in Dixons by Dave, who INSISTED this would work. PSP turns on normally, let out massive sigh of relief. Cautiously start the Mega Drive emulator. It's working! It's loading! Crow with joy! Choose Sonic The Hedgehog 2.bin, tears welling up in your eyes as the hallowed name flashes across the screen, SEEEEEEEEEEGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. But wait. It's not flashing. It's crawling. Realize it's half FUCKING speed and games ten years ago were RUBBISH anyway. Fling PSP into a corner in a tantrum and cry.
A site about games and game paraphernalia and how nothing's as good as we remember it, probably because we used to inhabit a FANTASY WORLD.
What are we half-heartedly skimming RIGHT NOW?
Each post .02% worse than the last.
THE HTML ERAS
When men used to till the pages by hand.
12 years of wheat and chaff in one vast and impenetrable mass.
Some updates weren't universally hated by the entire world within seconds of being uploaded.
Links to that blog of yours you started up and were excited about for a whole weekend.
Some people we might've MET. Or at least seen in a room and been near.
Other sites we are happy to officially endorse without requiring Adwords spend.
Having one is compulsory, apparently. Ours is here. It is not meant to be funny.
People off the internet. Quality and commitment levels may vary.
It came with the template. Maybe in 2014 we'll jump on board the Twitter train and put that in here. Or a radio. That'd be nice.