50. If we like it it must be good, because we don't usually get excited or carried away about Sega games.
49. It's made by a company that isn't owned by EA yet.
48. The Mission bit is made by some nice, friendly British people who go into web forums and politely answer even the most boring of questions from the biggest of idiots.
47. No members of the UK Garage Scene contributed to the game's audio.
46. It hasn't got an EA Trax soundtrack.
45. It has got a Sega soundtrack.
44. Although Magical Sound Shower is an incredible piece of music, it's Splash Wave that emerges as the real standout track after you've heard it for the 50th time in a row.
43. It also has the "aural sensations" of Richard Jacques who managed to remix Magical Sound Shower and make it better.
42. It comes with the original 1986 Splash Wave and Richard Jacques' Splash Wave Euro Mix.
41. If you're obsessed with Richard Jacques (we're not) you need this game to put in your Richard Jacques cupboard where you keep mint, unopened copies of all the games Rich has ever worked on.
40. It looks THIS GOOD:
39. The powerslide feel is perfect. Just perfect.
38. The scenery is fantastic.
37. Our girlfriend is going to be playing it on Xbox Live, which means there'll be at least one girl playing it on Xbox Live.
36. We'll be playing it on Xbox Live at the same time, so you'll be able to listen to how angry we get as a constant stream of barely literate 40-year-old men ask her if she's really a girl, how big her tits are, has she got a webcam and does she want to have their Messenger ID.
35. We hate Xbox Live and everyone on it. The fact that we're prepared to sail the sea of wankers to play OutRun2 speaks volumes.
34. We've been practising offline for months now, which will make it all the more satisfying when you beat us on your first go.
33. There's no voice-masking feature in Xbox Live OutRun2.
32. It's a bit jerky online sometimes, but that's probably your router's fault.
31. The single-player Mission mode is very big, and rewards you with cars, music, new tracks and Ferrari trivia, while simultaneously teaching you how to race the tracks to an incredibly high standard. It is a work of genius.
30. Edge magazine said "OutRun2's heady caricature of driving is some kind of high-water mark for how much beautifully slick, instantly fluid and, thanks to the excellent use of joypad rumble, gloriously tangible play can be squeezed into five minutes of flamboyant autoerotica" which is a flowery and pretentious way of saying the CENTRAL EDGE BRAIN thinks it's good.
29. Steve Williams only gave it 6/10 in Xbox World, which is good because Steve likes those boring rally and F1 games where you have to slow down for corners and worry about tyres not being the right kind of tyres.
28. OutRun2 doesn't feature the commentary of Mark Blundell calculating how many kilos of fuel you need to get to the end of the race. If it did, Steve probably would've given it at least a seven.
27. Braking before corners actually makes you go round them faster.
26. If you want to experience a world governed by Sega rules like this, BUY IT.
25. Sometimes it looks THIS GOOD:
24. Xbox Gamer said "It's the sequel we've waited a lifetime for" which is great because the people at Xbox Gamer really know what they're on about, especially now the magazine isn't as shit as it was a year ago (when it was, without question, the worst games magazine of all time).
23. GamesMaster gave it 78%, coming to the conclusion that it's "pedestrian and one dimensional" and not as good as Burnout 3. However, all its 13 review screenshots show the same car being driven really badly, so it's safe to say they didn't really get the whole concept of the thing and that score can therefore be ignored.
22. Also, the man who reviewed it for GM also reviewed real-time strategy game Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War and gave that 90%, so it's obviously another case of a freelance PC boffin being handed an arcade game to review and not really knowing which way up to hold the controller or how to play games in real-time.
21. GamesMaster also gave Werewolf: The Legend Begins on mobile phone 80%, which means they think the thing below is 2% better than OutRun2. It clearly isn't.
20. XBM gave it 9/10, and its screenshots show they unlocked the Daytona 2 tracks so definitely know what they're on about.
19. Stuart Campbell likes it, and he doesn't like anything (especially if it's got Aspartame in it).
18. According to copyright-infringing trade magazine MCV, the other Xbox games out this week are Psi-Ops, Obscure, Rocky Legends and seven Club Footballs.
17. Dukes of Hazzard 3 is also out. But that obviously doesn't count.
16. If you've already downloaded it and enjoyed it, it's your duty to buy it. Otherwise Sega will, in the short term, run out of money and have to resort to only making pachinko machines...
15. ...while in the long term, Sega will have to only make EA Sports-branded pachinko machines, while a bunch of untalented Canadians will end up making NiGHTS 2006 for PSP.
14. Seriously. It's OK to download games from Activision and EA and Edios, seeing as they're all evil and soulless and no one cares if they die because they'll be replaced by equally evil, soulless corporations within seconds. But you have to buy something this important from Sega. If you have to ask why you shouldn't be here.
13. Then, that cock from the Sunday Times will look an ever bigger mong when OutRun2 is crowned the biggest selling Xbox game of all-time!
12. It's got the Scud Race and Daytona USA 2 tracks in, which, although they're quite jerky, loads more rubbish than we remember and don't feel right seeing as you're racing around them in the wrong kind of cars, is still quite a cool thing.
11. Sega promised to send us a soundtrack CD. It hasn't arrived yet, but we're sure this is just a simple case of forgetfulness and not a deliberate attempt to renege on a promise.
10. It's fun.
9. It's happy.
8. It's pretty.
7. It has personality.
6. It's got loads to unlock.
5. There are no car "modding" options and you race for fun, not to earn the "respect" of a fictional gangland figure.
4. It works quite well on Xbox Live, unlike
Burnout 3other games we could mention.
3. The moonwalking flag man (see earlier).
2. It's the most Sega-est Sega game since Crazy Taxi.
1. If this game isn't a hit then, well, it's pretty much all over for the games industry as far as we're concerned, because no way do we want to spend every year for the rest of our lives reviewing Need for Speed sequels and city-based crime games.
A site about games and game paraphernalia and how nothing's as good as we remember it, probably because we used to inhabit a FANTASY WORLD.
What are we half-heartedly skimming RIGHT NOW?
Each post .02% worse than the last.
THE HTML ERAS
When men used to till the pages by hand.
12 years of wheat and chaff in one vast and impenetrable mass.
Some updates weren't universally hated by the entire world within seconds of being uploaded.
Links to that blog of yours you started up and were excited about for a whole weekend.
Some people we might've MET. Or at least seen in a room and been near.
Other sites we are happy to officially endorse without requiring Adwords spend.
Having one is compulsory, apparently. Ours is here. It is not meant to be funny.
People off the internet. Quality and commitment levels may vary.
It came with the template. Maybe in 2014 we'll jump on board the Twitter train and put that in here. Or a radio. That'd be nice.