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PS2 - obsolete.
Only months after its release PlayStation 2 has been branded obsolete after Sony confirmed that IBM will be producing the chipset for the forthcoming Playstation 3. All around the country Sony are installing PS2 recycling banks in supermarket car parks and hope people will use them to dispose of their machines. The plastic will be melted down and used to make toys for Romanian orphans, whilst the gold from the chips will be put to good use in tooth fillings for old people.

Still in work
Continued evidence that UK Resistance is not dead (yet) has arrived in the form of another Employee of the Week. See? Corpse definitely still twitching.

Gits
Do you remember when Sega ditched the Saturn? "We'll continue to support the machine, and have lots of great titles in development", they said. Within weeks, the magazines closed, the retailers cleared their shelves and people had no choice but to put their Saturns in that special corner of the loft reserved for "things to show the grandchildren one day". Yesterday, Sega announced there will be no online play for Daytona USA in Europe. No online play for Daytona will presumably mean no online play for Unreal Tournament too. As for Half Life.....no, better not even mention that.

The version of Daytona people will now be getting.

Obvious PS2 Crazy Taxi joke here
You've probably all already come up with this gag yourselves. Allow us to put it into pictures for you, for the benefit of those of you who don't have the necessary old-school digital font to put the cash score in the corner like we've done. It's just too easy:

Readers! Can you come up with a more obvious joke than this? If so, UKR would like to hear from you. Desperately.

Phantasy Star Online real world news update
For those of you who have not inhabited the real world for the last few weeks, here is a brief summary of noteable world news events: A strange smell of cooking meat has engulfed rural England, Dannii Minogue has become available again, train crashes have overtaken heart disease as the UK's biggest killer, and it now gets dark an hour later than the last time you left the house. In the mean time...

Interlude
Have you heard? Dreamcast is DEAD! It must be, they said so in the newspapers and on websites. So to commemorate The Death of Dreamcast we've commisioned this short movie.

UKR cares
Alone in your flat on Valentine's Day? Spending February 14 on your own searching the internet for porn, desperate to wank away those frustrations? Allow us to alleviate your suffering with the latest Employee of the Week Elfen Katie Special - it's the least we can do. Don't suffer alone.

Virus alert!
We feel it's our duty to warn you of a new virus currently circulating the 'net. It has been likened to the Love Bug virus that infected millions of PC's around the world last year except this one is far more devious (more info here). It invites the recipient to view a jpeg of Anna Kournikova but instead, then runs a damaging visual basic script. We're telling you this because, as readers of this site you probably have a weakness in the Anna Kournikova "department". So if you do receive the email, do not, repeat *do not* open the attachment. We will now test your willpower, please do not click on this link to a nice pic of Anna

Some Valentine's Day don'ts
You probably haven't got a girlfriend, otherwise you wouldn't be spending this much time on the internet. Here's a few things you shouldn't say to girls, especially around Valentine's Day:

  • "Have you got a PS2, or are you waiting for XBox?"
  • "Can you give me your email address again - I lost it the last time I reinstalled Linux on my machine"
  • "Wear that dress I like, you know, the one that looks like Mai's Real Bout alternate costume from King of Fighters '98"
  • "Did you get my Valentine's email?"
  • "I can't come tonight, I'm meeting my friends... on IRC"
  • "The last girlfriend I got off the internet was really fat"
  • "Watch this mpeg I downloaded, you can actually see her head coming right off!"
  • "So I clicked on the link, but it didn't look much like Christina Aguilera"
  • "Did I tell you I run my own video games web site?"

  • Beeeeeeeeep
    Our VMU downloads page has been updated, so download them now, assuming you still have any power left in your 417th set of batteries.

    Top UK webmasters 'scared' by reader
    "Something like this?" asked spare-time-aplenty Jim. And yes, it is just about right. Midriff needs some work, good whip, panties should be lacy and skimpier. Other than that, good. 7/10.

    All we need now is Carol Vorderman pissing on a glass table while Kylie watches, delicately applying treacle to her left nipple. Anyone?

    Financial report
    Readers may be surprised by the current spate of updates to the site lately and beginning to wonder what's brought it all on. Well, we are pleased to reveal that, inspite of the recent dot-com failures and industry uncertainty, we've managed to secure a second round of funding from our investors. After re-appraising our core business model and market strategy we've managed to raise a further £38.61 which should see us through until at least March. This sum included cashing in record vouchers, changing up all the 2p's we had kept in a jar and borrowing £5 off our mums. Don't laugh, it's more than most gaming sites are worth at the moment.

    Bleed for Sega!
    UK:Resistance has teamed up with Sega Europe to help save Dreamcast! Simply show how much you love Sega by carving the Dreamcast logo into your body with a blade, and Sega will convert your suffering into shiny new consoles!

    For every pint of blood we collect, Sega has promised to manufacture one more Dreamcast -- so get cutting! Your physical pain can save DC!

    Saturn logos are also acceptable, although scars must be fresh.

    Almost forgot
    Stretching the definition of the word 'week' to its very limits - it's the sensational return of Employee of the Week! Come back, next, er, week for another one.

    Sega fans - how you can make a difference!
    Come on everyone! Don't just give up! Here's a list of ways YOU can help to make Sega see sense and continue to produce Dreamcasts!!

  • Cut the words 'SEGA 4 EVER' into your chest with a knife, then lie bleeding to death in the street outside Sega's European HQ, sobbing and wailing about how life now has no meaning and you're better off dead.

  • Build a model Dreamcast out of your own shit, set it on fire, smear the burning waste over your body, take photographs and put them on display in the foyer of your nearest art school, causing a media outcry and raising the machine's profile to a level where Sega would consider continuing production.

  • Commit suicide in a novel and amusing fashion. Blame failure of Dreamcast in your suicide note, raising the machine's profile to a level where Sega would consider continuing production.

  • Buy two PlayStation2s. Combine the components to make a machine of similar power to Dreamcast, insert modem, remove a couple of SCART wires, file edges off box, spray white and market product as "Dreamcast".

  • Take the children of your local primary school hostage. Kill one per day until full Dreamcast production is assured.

  • Hilarious new satirical cartoon!!!!!
    Hey this is really cool!! We've made up this funny joke all by ourselves!!! Check dis out, but don't copy all you lamerzzzz out there!!!

    Let us know if you like our funny joke!!!!!!

    Blind yourself to the inevitable
    Oh well. Once again we have to report the sad final twitchings of another Sega console. WHEN WILL THIS INSANITY COME TO AN END? However, word on the street is that Sega is planning to swiftly return to the hardware business with this handy add-on:

    But they cannot mask the inner pain. Are you happy now? Look what you've done. LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE.

    Please... we just need someone to hold us and say everything is going to be okay.

    Tell us something we don't know.
    Early this afternoon reports came through from Nikkei that Sega are to stop production of the Dreamcast. Websites were quick to issue their sensationalist "Dreamcast is DEAD" stories that they've been itching to write for months and some DC owners were seemingly already on their way to Dixons to hand over the dosh for a PS2. But hang on a minute - so fucking what!? We already knew Dreamcast only had another year left anyway. We knew it was highly unlikely Sega would make another console, and it would be pointless to continue manufacturing DCs for the rest of the year that they probably couldn't sell. Dreamcast may be dying. But it isn't dead. Pull yourselves together and go and play Crazy Taxi.

    Anonymous gift of comedy
    Where? We don't know. But this anonymous letter "from" ex-Sega Europe boss JF Cecillion is definitely worthy of publishing. Whoever created this masterpiece is not at all shit.

    Okay, we do know where it's from. It's from DigiApe. We never thought this day would come. See how desperate UKR has become for inspiration. Next week: watch us cry live on the webcam.

    The customer is always wrong.
    Playstation 2's shockingly poor build quality was the subject of a damning report on BBC's Watchdog programme this evening. As demonstrated in these pictures by large-breasted UK:R-forum-favourite Charlotte Hudson, up to 24% of the complaints received by the programme were down to the console not working at all straight out of the box, with many others dying shortly after. Sony, in their now usual customer hating arrogance, denied there was even a problem and opted not to appear on the programme.

    Do it Charlotte!".

    On the other side of the atlantic, Microsoft have confirmed that the Xbox will be significantly less powerful than they first claimed, and given that it won't be available for another year, we suggest they just change the name to 4DO and be done with it. Yes, a new dark age of videogaming is about to begin. Just hole yourself up somewhere with your Dreamcast and don't come out for another few years.

    Any excuse
    As we exclusively revealed (prayed for) six months ago, Sega's Virtua Tennis sequel is set to include female players and, yes, that means Anna Kournikova. Not much else is known at the moment, but we have managed to get hold of some early design notes from the games producer which gives an indication of what to expect.

    How Christmas Was Saved!
    Bored with the endless takes on A Christmas Carol that have been on TV over Christmas? Yes? Oh. That kind of spoils the annual UKR Christmas Tale: How Christmas Was Saved, but read it anyway. (Reader discretion advised: article contains large amount of text).

    A Christmas message
    It's easy to forget the real meaning of Christmas. While you're stuffing your face with poultry, pies and Toblerones, shamelessly tearing the wrapping paper from another unwanted present or just sitting in a catatonic state infront of the third James Bond movie of the day, spare a few moments to remember what it's all about. Look up to the heavens, close your eyes and be thankful to our God for what he has brought us at this very special time of year.

    The day of the incident
    UK games retailers are finally coming to the realisation that if they want to make money this xmas they're going to have to push Dreamcast. PS2 software sales are barely making a dent in the all formats chart despite Sony claiming to have sold 165,000 machines. Meanwhile, Shenmue has been a DC smash hit, actually managing to sell double what MSR did in it's first week! The British public buying a slow, complicated RPG over a driving game? Surely not, just who can be responsible for these extra sales?

    Desperation sets in.
    Disappointed you couldn't get a PS2 on launch day? Can't face waiting 'til Easter 2001? Then don't, because Sony still haven't sold their UK allocation despite the continual cut in stocks. UK retailer "Game" are still advertising PS2's for sale and avaialble for Xmas. Early rumours suggest that a member of their staff retrieved a few boxes of unwanted pre-order forms from a waste bin at the back of Toys-R-Us. Meanwhile, Sony have had to revamp their ad' posters yet again.

    Innovative new PS2 device revealed
    Concerned about inferior display and gaming problems with your new PS2? Finding it difficult to pretend that you're actually glad you spent 400 on a crippled machine with a couple of nasty games? Then simply purchase this handy device - see how your gaming experience improves almost exponentially!

    The ultimate add-on for your underperforming PS2.

    Blurred vision
    Playstation 2's UK launch looks to have been the most underwhelming since the Amstrad GMX 4000 hit the shelves and combined with an expensive and useless advertising campaign that would make even Sega baulk, things can only get worse. And they just have. Much has been made of the DVD functionality of the machine, but thousands of "early-adopting-arseholes" have now found out to their dismay (and our amusement) that the PAL PS2 does not play DVD's through the scart lead, instead requring a fiddly round-the-back-of-the-TV lead change to the RF cable. No, we're not joking, Sony really expect you to play your DVD movies through a cable first used by John Logie Baird in 1926. You couldn't make it up.

    Sony Unwanted Form Mask - Only 299!
    Been caught lying about how many order forms you've distributed? In need of a quick, discrete method of hiding vast quatities of embarrassing unused pre-order forms? Then you need the Sony Unwanted Form Mask -- the guaranteed way to hide those awkward piles of unused and unwanted paper!

    Don't look like a bunch of lying wankers, hide those embarrassing unused pre-order forms behind the Sony Form Mask!

    Die, capitalist pigs
    What's the biggest joke in the industry right now? Is it Sony, desperately trying to make it look like they've sold out of PlayStation2s by starting a bonfire with all the unused pre-order forms? No. The biggest joke is Future Publishing, makers of dull industry twat-bible Edge, owners of the worthless official PlayStation license, and wasters of millions on the official PS2 license.

    This is the Future success story in a factual illustrated fashion:

    The great Future Publishing share price collapse of 2000!

    New picture of a girl
    Click here to see a picture of a girl. Maybe one day, eh? At least when you just look at them they can't fuck your life up and make you go mad.

    10 Print "Sony are shit"    20 Goto 10
    Sony will seemingly do anything to give the impression that PS2 is the essential purchase this xmas and the latest cut in the allocation is the only way they can legitimately claim to have "sold out." The UK marketing director was heard on national radio on Friday, laughably explaining how all pre-order forms have now been called back. That'll be the "thousands" of unwanted pre-order forms sitting in boxes in Toys-R-Us and Woolworths stores then? In another move, Sony are planning to ship a form of BASIC programming utility with PAL models in order to overcome import taxations. Is that the same one they programmed Tekken Tag Tournament with? Muhahaha.

    Other things to look forward to now that Metropolis is out

  • They're doing a new Alan Partridge series.
  • You might get a shag out of the office Christmas party.
  • You might get a shag out of next year's office Christmas party.
  • If you listen to the new Radiohead album for long enough it might grow on you.
  • Dreamcast 2!
  • Summers getting exponentially warmer due to global warming.

    Metropolis released, life loses meaning
    What is there to look forward to now? The only thing keeping us going over the last couple of years has been the need to play Metropolis before we died. Now we have played Metropolis. We can die happy now. There is nothing left. No dreams any more. It's all over.

    If you're feeling a sense of emptiness and despair now that the Big Day has finally arrived, please email the Metropolis Helpline for an understanding and informal chat. Emails are confidential and will not show up on your bill.

    Pull the other one.
    Earlier today we received an urgent phone call after copies of Metropolis-Street Racer were alledgedly spotted on store shelves - for sale! We immediately called in to a nearby GAME outlet to discover that copies of the mythical game were openly being displayed and carrying price labels indicating that they were available for purchase. Store manager Nigel Ketherington told us "Yes, this is M-SR and you can actually buy it. No, really, I'm not joking...stop laughing...come back." Meanwhile, a small crowd had gathered in the shop, some of them staring and open mouthed. A similar situation was occuring at a nearby Electronics Boutique, where several people who had just left the store after buying the game were seen to be walking in a confused fashion and repeatedly muttering the letters "M S R" under their breath. We managed to purchase a copy and returned to UK:R HQ, where further investigation revealed that it did indeed appear to be a street-based racing videogame featuring real life locations and cars.

    Angry of Chipping Norton
    It's like this site is a conduit for loons to vent their upset. Here's an interesting email we received, from a man who seems a little unhappy. Dunno if it makes much sense, but then what ever does in this crazy, confusing and frightening world?

    Hello,

    Being an avid Sega supporter, I was very interested in a statement made by a Sony PR spokesman on the PS2 launch in the US. On CNN (a 'quality' news provider), a Sony spokesman (forgot the man) said to the effect...

    "This month alone in America, the PS2 will generate sales of 1 bilion dollars"

    I got my calculator out and did a few sums. If Sony is to be beleived about the PS2 shortage, that means in one month the can only be 900,000 PS2 sales (that being initial 500,000 + 100,000 over 4 weeks). That is, of course, if Sony is telling the truth.

    So, 900,000 huh? How do you get 900,000 people to give you $ 1 Billion? Easy - make them spend $1,111 each on PS2 paraphenalia! That can be simply broken down as follows:

    PS2 $299
    Memory Card $ 30
    Extra Controller $ 35
    16 Games @ $45 each $747

    TOTAL $1111

    Mind you, every single one of the 900,000 PS2 victims MUST purchase an extra 'Dual Gayness' controller for my maths to work, as well as 16.6 games. In other words, Sony must believe that 14,940,000 peices of PS2 software will be sold in a month.

    Either they are full of shit about $1 Billion/Month or they are full of shit about "There is a PS2 shortage". I'm sure a casual glance across the internet will find that remark, becuase he was being flanked by other journalists at the time.

    Sorry if I have wasted your time, but Sony bullshit must be exposed. Your site is the greatest and I will never be able to emulate such heroics.

    Andy Stud.

    Thank God for PS2!
    PS2 is finally released and we can't put in to words just how pleased we are. Let's face it, people who look like this need to be kept off the streets at all costs.

    Some of the deluded freaks who actually queued for a PS2

    You know who you are
    Yes, F355 is a really great game and the online play is surprisingly addictive. But over the last few days something disturbing has come to light. It seems that a sorry bunch of people have joined forces and have set out to spoil our fun. This group of individuals go by the name of the "Motegi Muppets". They shamelessly log on each night, intent on forcing other players to take part in yawnsome races on the boring Motegi oval circuit. A circuit that has only one braking and gearchange point. Clearly, these muppets need to be eradicated. We suggest the best course of action is to direct them to their local games retailer, where they can exchange their Dreamcast for a PS2 and a copy of Ridge Racer V

    Ferrari F355: A statement
    Look, it's fucking brilliant, okay? Anyone who says otherwise is obviously shit at games. It's not a simple arcade game where you bounce off the walls, it's a detailed sim where you are fighting for control of the car every single second, nursing the vicious machine around corners, feeling the throttle and being scared to brake in case you lock the wheels. It's a beautiful game, and it's the best looker on DC too. Miss this and you might as well just give up on games altogether and queue up with all the other Deacons for a PS2 and a copy of Midnight fucking Club. Trust us on this.

    PS2 rocked by 'thousands left' shame
    Six weeks after the PS2 pre-order campaign started, and well after Sony lied and claimed they were all taken, Toys 'R' Us still has "thousands" of PS2s left for customers to pre-order as featured in this genuine newspaper ad from Saturday. Don't get trampled in the rush, now!

    "Hurry while stocks last" -- bollocks!

    And...
    A quote from web shop Simplygames in this week's MCV trade magazine highlighted just how fucked the whole PS2 shambles is. The MD of Simplygames claims to have taken "thousands" of pre-orders, yet has only been allocated "hundreds" of machines by Sony. So what's going to happen then, eh? Greedy shops that blindly took deposits will be burnt to the ground by angry mobs on November 24. It's going to be the best day in video game history as Sony visibly crashes and burns right across the country.

    Penny Arcade 'sucks'
    We hate Penny Arcade and think it's shit. This person also hates Penny Arcade and thinks it's shit. Summary: Penny Arcade is shit for all of those reasons and many more. It's something that really needs to be said.

    M-SR, more delays?
    Just hours after M-SR was finally finished and despatched off to Sega for pressing, an incident occurred that could plunge the game in to yet more delays. During the early hours of Wednesday morning, City of London Council workmen installed a new waste bin mid-way along Oxford Street with the junction of Winsley St, thus destroying the game's carefully realised true-life location. A Bizarre Creations spokesperson said, "We can't believe it! Three years of hard work and now this. Gamers will be so upset when they find that waste bin isn't actually in the game, we may have to call it back." A London Council worker commented, "You fahkin' what mate? What fahkin' videogame? Fahk orf"

    Height Enhancement Podium -- only 299!
    Here is another reason why PlayStation2 exists. Its bland design, flat surface, lack of any decent games, exorbitant price that alienates the regular consumer -- there's only one possible excuse people could have for buying the thing:

    PlayStation2 -- enhancing the stature of a short celebrity near you.

    Sony's blatant lies shame exposed
    Were you one of the many dumb fuckwads taken in by those initial shots of The Getaway on PlayStation2? Were you actually stupid enough to think they were really genuine in-game pictures? If so, scrape the shit off the walls of your padded harm-avoidance room and smell the coffee -- The Getaway doesn't look like that any more. Here's a (slightly dramatised) screenshot of how the REAL game looks now:

    The Getaway on PS2: Famous landmarks such as The Houses of Parliament (top left) and the Millennium Wheel (top right) are easily recognisable.

    A short update to arouse you
    That's all. New Employee of the Week which includes a potentially confusing reference to 'pants'. Will overseas readers please bear in mind that 'pants' is the word we British use to refer to underwear.

    A short update to cheer you up
    Remember when F355 was first shown at E3 and everyone was excited about the "Network" option because they thought it would be playable online, and then it turned out it wasn't? Well, expect something VERY special in the forthcoming PAL release!

    Metropolis: Never to be released
    A scientific survey conducted by UKR has found that Metropolis -- now delayed until November -- may NEVER be released due to the mathematical paradox created by permanent delays and setbacks. Here's how it works:

    Conclusion: Metropolis will be released on infinity plus one of December -- ie, never.

    Resist A Complete Terror (aka Metropolis joke b)
    In the most unsurprising announcement since the last unsurprising announcement - long awaited driving game Metropolis - Street Racer has unsurpisingly been delayed for another two weeks, with Sega meekly claiming a "box shortage" as the problem. We're now so bored waiting for the game that we've resorted to making anagrams out of the game's title. Like, ME SPORT A TESTICLE ERROR, or ROMP TO RESTRICT RELEASE. Feel free to send us your funny M-SR anagrams while you suffer the interminable wait.

    Your ultimate PS2 information resource!
    A new web site has launched, giving you all the information you need to know about PlayStation2. Find it at www.sonypsx2.com -- you might like to visit it first before complaining. Also pay attention to where the pages are coming from -- corporate cyber-squatting! How cool is that? It's like 'Swedish Bacon' all over again.

    Queue here.
    Sony today announced yet more stock shortage problems, this time it's the Americans who will mercifully find it difficult to get their PS2's anytime in the next six months. Here in the UK where, despite Sony's PR, shops are strangely reported to have "loads" of their PS2 allocations left, the shipment has arrived at Sony's warehouse.

    'Appy days
    Remember when you were young? When you could eat chips without getting fat, when your hair covered all of your head, when it seemed like you really might have a chance with that very pretty girl, when a chance meeting with a favourite celebrity might just have resulted in a torrid sexual affair? What happened to all those dreams, eh? Why is life now all about buying margarine and remembering to take your glasses with you when you go to the cinema? Why is everything so boring now?

    Why don't we feel like this any more?

    Life used to be good. It's okay to cry. Let it out. LET IT OUT, MAN, FOR GOD'S SAKE.

    Your own Dreamcast stand for only 299!
    Finally! We've worked out the reason why PlayStation2 exists. Its bland design, flat surface, lack of any decent games -- there's only one possible excuse people could have for buying the thing:

    PlayStation2 -- due to be officially renamed the 'Dreamcast Stand' in the near future.

    Girl picture plus high-brow observation
    The only thing more plentiful than quality games is quality ladies as illustrated by the new Employee of the Week. It contains a joke highlighting the need to conform and fit in with society, with a subtext that touches upon the fear of failure that we all fight every day of our lives. Don't worry, it doesn't apply to you, just everyone else.

    Dreamcast games crisis
    Sega were left reeling today by accusations that they are releasing too many good games. Angry parents bombarded Sega's switchboard demanding to know how they are supposed to afford all the top titles due for release in the run up to xmas, which include MS-R, Ferrari 355, Quake 3 and Le Mans from infogrames, which we are reliably informed is "seriously good".
    Mrs H. Robinson from Torquay stated "My Timmy has already had five pounds off his gran this week to put towards Virtua Tennis, and now these Seeger (sic) people are putting out more of these excellent games, it's a disgrace". Whilst independent retailer, GamesCity of Norwich said, "What are Sega playing at? Our customers aren't used to all this good-game stuff. Why can't they just be like Sony and release 47 crap titles every week?" We'll keep you posted on just how the videogame industry will take to this innovative move by Sega.

    Mel from Eastenders special
    This week's star employee is Mel from Eastenders. We really like Mel from Eastenders. If you REALLY like Mel from Eastenders, you might like to take a few quid with you and get the train to Harrow -- shame about her lack of ball contact, though.

    Fifteen-love, bitches!
    Virtua Tennis has grabbed the number one spot in the all-formats UK chart. This is good news for two reasons: 1) Sega may actually have a future, and 2) this news can be perfectly illustrated by a picture of Anna Kournikova:

    From now on UKR will only upload news that may be illustrated with a picture of a female tennis player.

    We suck!
    The old site's been getting more readers recently, and more readers means one thing -- more letters from people saying how much we suck! See if your email saying how much UKR sucks has made it into the depressing You Suck Letters Special! Bastards, all of you.

    That feels good
    So no one cares about PS2. That's a shame. Have a gloating and satisfied wank over the new Employee of the Week to celebrate.

    ..and no one cares!
    Another news item ripped from CVG shows the full extent of Sony's forthcoming embarrassing PS2 flop. It seems that even all of the adverts placed in the papers today failed to gee people into giving a damn about PS2.

    Shop staff 'simply don't understand' European PS2 order scheme!
    In possibly the most OBVIOUS development yet, it has UNSURPRISINGLY been revealed that people JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND what's happening with the PS2 launch. UK site C&VG has posted this story highlighting the fact that no one knows how the LAUGHABLY INEPT pre-ordering system works. It's chaos. Sit back and laugh as it all falls apart!

    Joey Deacon, the man in charge of arranging the UK PS2 ordering scheme, was sadly unavailable for comment.

    Dreamcast rocks da house
    400mb mpeg movies? 700 new screenshots? Exclusive developer interviews? Who needs 'em - it's Jon's ECTS report!

    Important Dreamcast News Flash
    Revealed at the Dreamcast Premiere - Leicester Square. Daytona USA, playable online!

    EXCLUSIVE! Quake III on PS2! (joke a)
    After our recent critical article about Q3 on PlayStation2, we have been supplied with exclusive shots of Quake III on PS2 to put the record straight -- PS2 is capable of running Quake III!

    EXCLUSIVE! Quake III on PS2! (joke b)
    After our recent critical article about Q3 on PlayStation2, we have been supplied with exclusive shots of Quake III on PS2 to put the record straight -- PS2 is capable of running Quake III!

    Can we speak to John Carmack please?
    It seems EA are having more than their fair share of problems trying to convert Quake III Arena to the PS2, even going as far as stating "The goal..is to make a fun game for PlayStation 2 owners, but not necessarily mirror what's available on either the Dreamcast or PC." Well, UK:R operatives have once again been busy, and a taped telephone conversation between EA, and id supremo John Carmack was made available to us this morning. Here is a transcript;

    EA:   Uh, yeah...about this Q3A conversion...
    JC:  Yes.
    EA  Umm, you know those curved surfaces....do we really need them?
    JC:  Shit yes! It took me years to work out all that stuff!
    EA  Ah, er...ok. What about all those cool lighting techniques, could we leave those out?
    JC:  NO! It's gotta have those too.
    EA  Oh. Erm....we're having a few problems with texture RAM aswell....we've sort of run out. Can we just make everything plain brown? The game is pretty brown anyway isn't it?
    JC:  What! Look guys, don't fuck up my game, I mean it.
    EA  Right, ok. One last thing. You know how you sort of scaled down the single player side of the game and concentrated on making it more of an online experience?
    JC:  Yes.
    EA  Well.......can we, like.....not have it playable online?
    JC:  Aarrrrghhh!

    Metropolis delayed for updating
    Metropolis: Street Racer has been delayed once more, this time to October 20. No doubt this further delay is to allow the designers to include the vast changes made to the streets of London since the game was first announced all those years ago, also allowing them to include newer and more up-to-date cars, such as the Morris Minor, Ford Anglia, Ford Capri, Renault 4, Austin Princess, Allegro and Austin Maxi.

    The game will also be improved to incorporate recent advances in TV technology, such as colour.

    Things that have changed in London since Metropolis was first announced:

  • Cars now available in colours other than black
  • Man with flag running in front of car no longer legally required
  • Hand signals replaced by electronic "indicators"
  • Decomissioning of the tram system
  • New 'skyscraper' buildings introduced
  • Horse-drawn carts now rarely seen on the streets
  • Price of petrol no longer displayed in shillings

    A piece of artwork from early in the game's development (click for 800x600 desktop image).