THE DREAMCAST LAUNDRY BASKET

Another item to put on the boring presents list. THEY will think it's a rubbish gift but will also be pleased that it's quite cheap. YOU, however, will always smile when disposing of a stained pair of underpants within its Dreamcast-alike walls.

"I was looking around my local B+M store (a sort of upmarket Poundland) and came across the incredible SEGA logo'd laundry basket. Yet another portent for DC2. I quickly took a snap with my outdated Lobster TV phone for the delectation of SEGA fans everywhere. I've also got a picture of a Dreamcast disc holder if you are interested (ironic considering how prevalent piracy became with it). I bought it at the same time as Legacy of Kain and Rainbow Six for the DC at a Dixons clear out - Chris."

Labels: DREAMCAST LOGO IN REAL LIFE

Posted by Cmdr_Zorg 8/08/2008 12:53:00 PM 2 comments

ELSEWHERE ON "THE NETWORK" #00034

Another seven days, another what seems like 700,000 updates about borderline mediocre video games and gadgets we're about as likely to buy as impress Gemma Atkinson with out witty small talk. INCLUDING:

This thing about an UNSPEAKABLY HORRID Star Wars-themed wedding. We pretended it looked cool at the time, because you can't go slagging off people's wedding photos so close to the big day.

This thing about putting Vista on a PS3 as something meaningful to do with both bloated pieces of shit.

This thing about another rubbish game we now find ourselves in the unfortunate position of having to pretend to like for at least the next 18 months.

This thing about IKEA launching a phone service. Its online helper isn't very good at cybersex.

This thing about offensive Sony Ericsson product placement.

This thing about pork scratchings promotional photography, because you can't not use pictures like this when they come along:

Not bad, considering the novelty wore off back in January. 6/10.

Posted by Cmdr_Zorg 8/08/2008 08:47:00 AM 1 comments

DUE TO PUBLIC DEMAND: THAT PHOTO OF GEMMA ATKINSON DOING SOME ACTING FOR RED ALERT 3

OK, OK, you can stop emailing about it. Here it is. Here she is. Here THEY are. A full 36-hours too late, but here all the same. It's Gemma Atkinson doing a bit of acting for Red Alert 3. They dressed her up for it. That top will have been custom made to contain all of her.

She's doing some ACTING. She's doing serious. The sort of look she imagines a high-ranking female military official would have on her face, were she just about to order a full nuclear strike on an enemy populace.

Cleavage non-alert

Terrible photography. Once again, we are forced to raid the UKR personal Gemma Archive, and are happy to provide a vastly superior Gemma photo for your pleasure.

They provided a couple of desktop images.

They are better, but still not what we'd ideally like.

WHAT WE WOULD IDEALLY LIKE:
Lube
Three cocks
Tears

Posted by Cmdr_Zorg 8/07/2008 12:39:00 PM 12 comments

DREAMCAST 2 ACHIEVES SIGNIFICANT PENETRATION IN URBAN YOUTH DEMOGRAPHIC

The kids are mad for it. Its simple spiral shape makes it simple for even the most retarded drop-out to successfully apply to the burned-out shops of the local area.

"Keeping up the Leicester theme, after your Rushey Mead school expose, here's some nice Dreamcast propaganda spotted there the other day. Take your pick of the two pictures."

"I sent both because I thought that one had that nice urban decay vibe going on, but the other was a better shot of the lovely blue SEGA sky - C."

Posted by Cmdr_Zorg 8/07/2008 11:47:00 AM 2 comments

SONY'S PS3 "PLATINUM" RANGE

Any game that's sold more than 20 gets put in a shit-looking box so it can sell another five. This will shave another £50 off that $3.3 billion, returning Sony's games department to profitability by the year 17998.

Solid plastic HITS

"Now, they've either forgotten what colour platinum is, or they've decided that they've tried their hardest to convince people not to buy the console, so now it's time to convince people not to buy the games as well by making them as fucking hideous as possible. Cheers! Larry."

Gone triple-aluminium in Benelux regions

Gone triple-aluminium in Benelux regions

Ratchet & Clank? What definition is Sony using for these "platinum" re-releases nowadays? This spent 10 minutes in the chart, thanks to an old woman accidentally buying it for her grandson's birthday. He only had a PS2 so it was swapped four days later for one of the Need for Speeds.

Posted by Cmdr_Zorg 8/06/2008 12:21:00 PM 9 comments

SEGA'S INFANT DREAMCAST 3 MARKETING CONTINUES

Sorry about this. This is the last one (of two) we have in the area of infant-related photography.

"As if it wasn't bad enough that I am now obsessed with seeing faces in inanimate objects, the other night I spotted what can only be described as an early effort to brainwash our children from Dr Robotnik himself."

"My two-year-old was shovelling wads of my money into his word hole when I noticed this thing of beauty nestled amongst the frankly revolting graphics of his high chair - Toby."

There's nothing funnier than a series of images that zoom increasingly close to the subject matter.

Posted by Cmdr_Zorg 8/05/2008 11:46:00 AM 3 comments

THINGS THAT SEGA ARE MAKING INSTEAD OF DREAMCAST 2

Kicking off a new series we're calling 'Things that Sega are making instead of Dreamcast 2' is:

Some stupid gay dog that does hand stands:

His name is Lucky. Lucky is a stupid name. Only stupid things are called Lucky. Lucky is a cat's name at best. A stupid cat's name. I knew someone who had a cat calld Lucky. The daft thing was always getting run over. It's dead now. That'll learn it.
Here's a video. The best bit is when the woman tells them to do a hand stand and two of them smash their stupid little faces on the table. One appears to actually fall backwards. It probably dies.

Well done Sega. Don't bother with Shenmue 3. Just keep spunking money away on things like this instead.

Posted by phorenzik 8/04/2008 07:10:00 PM 5 comments

SEGA TARGETING UNDER-THREES WITH "DREAMCAST 3" MARKETING

Another sizzling entry in DREAMCAST LOGO IN REAL LIFE, this time a small wooden child's toy. The logo isn't revealed until the second photograph, so you'll have to scroll down a bit before you sigh and head off to a better web site.

*SIGHS AUDIBLY AT POOR LEVEL OF CONTENT*

"My little boy was recently given this 'gift' of what appeared to be a tambourine. On closer inspection, it appears to be sponsored by SEGA. Obviously still reeling financially from the Arsenal disaster - the console for the masses should not be associated with drunken southern proles - SEGA has chosen to begin the marketing push for what can only be Dreamcast 3 by targeting the under twos. This gives them 12 years of development time before their target audience reaches prime video games playing / wanking age."

"PS: Any chance of some more Kirstie Allsop Photoshopped porn? - Tim."

Labels: DREAMCAST LOGO IN REAL LIFE

Posted by Cmdr_Zorg 8/04/2008 11:42:00 AM 8 comments

THE DREAMCAST DOORMAT

Soon, before the end of 2009, we will have completely furnished a house from top-to-toe in Dreamcast-alike furnishings. Today - show friends and neighbours that a friendly SEGA greeting awaits inside, with the STUNNING Dreamcast door mat.

Wipe your feet with it, just like Sony did

"Pic of my door mat attached. I've had it for ages and have been meaning to send it in as it's a lot less obscure than some of the other pics you've used. I got it from TK Maxx and it was mislabelled down to seven quid - Adam."

Labels: DREAMCAST LOGO IN REAL LIFE

Posted by Cmdr_Zorg 8/01/2008 11:51:00 AM 5 comments

ELSEWHERE ON "THE NETWORK" #00033

This is what we did between bouts of staring at the wall and staring at the ceiling.

This thing about Ryu Hyabusa toys. The only kind of toys it's OK to still like when you're as old as we are.

This thing about Miss World, because Miss Venezuela is much better for wanking over than a toy of a computer generated ninja.

This thing about THE MAN crushing the dreams of children and sneaky dads.

This thing about a wanking device.

This thing about plastic monstrosities for men who have given up hope of ever getting a woman to come inside their houses.

This thing about women standing in a line, because you can't not use pictures like this when they come along:

'Chicken, lamb or a titwank in the first class loos while I sob?'

Done in a hurry. Mostly OK. Probably won't get disciplined about any of it. 6/10.

Posted by Cmdr_Zorg 8/01/2008 08:21:00 AM 0 comments

HI-RES PHOTOS OF THE SEGA MASTER SYSTEM CONVERTER II

We suspect this was sent in as a bet. A dare, if you will, a dare to see if we would really post something as dull as a series of photos of a SEGA Master System Converter II.

WE WIN!

SEGA Master System Converter II - photo exclusive

"A few weeks ago I bought a SEGA Master System Converter II on ebay. During the long search for one such adapter however I noticed that not only is this useful device quite rare, but pictures of it on the internet are very few as well!"

"Starting a Google image search with the terms "Master System Converter II" will give you the first useful picture on page FOUR! Feeling that something must be done about this lack of images and remembering your article full of glorious Sonic CD screenshots created for the same purpose, I took my (parents') digital camera and took photos of the converter from each possible angle."

"I even included a shot with the underrated Sonic Chaos inserted in the top, and one with the miraculous portal to the past sitting on top of my MDII+MCDII combo (with a not visible Japanese Sonic CD in the CD drive)! (If you're wondering why there is no 32X, it should be well on the way somewhere on the Atlantic ocean right now as I ordered one from Canada a few weeks ago.)"

"It also should be pointed out that SEGA, in its caring way, had the brilliant idea of adding a small shutter to the top of the adapter to ensure that the machine's inner contacts don't get dusty! How nice, isn't it? Sincerely, P.P.A. (from Germany)."

"PS: Next time I shall reveal the answer to what I'm sure every UKR reader has always been asking: Will the Master System Converter II work with a 32X in-between it and the console? Stay tuned!"

Lovely. Thanks. Now, does someone want to take on the mantle of doing the Mega CD properly? You wouldn't believe the man-hours we've put in over the years trying to find a hi-res photo of one of those.

And a professionally-lit PAL Mega Drive series would also be handy, should anyone have a dust-free boxed example and access to a studio. Hi-res TIFFs, please. You would achieve Google Images fame for eternity.

Posted by Cmdr_Zorg 7/31/2008 11:53:00 AM 19 comments

ATARI ENTERS THE DIGITAL CAMERA MARKET

A reader found evidence of Atari's early technological brilliance.

Something else for Phil Harrison to claim he invented, around 20 years from now.

Pretty much just stolen from Arcade Flyers.

Posted by Cmdr_Zorg 7/30/2008 11:41:00 AM 7 comments

MISCELLANEOUS

Of particular note is the pair of French tourists in the background, worrying about if they should intervene in some way or just pretend not to have seen.

'Can I call you Cream?'

If it was Knuckles, we'd be worried.

Posted by Cmdr_Zorg 7/29/2008 11:31:00 AM 10 comments