Letters reveal true depravity of reader-base
Ha! You thought that being part of SegaNet meant we would actually bother to update the site more than once a week, didn't you? And the sad thing is, this update was written by you lot anyway - it's the first batch of your submissions to the Letters Shed! If we ever organised a reader conference, it would be the most frightening place on earth.

Here are a few brief highlights:

"I think it's all Doctor Who's fault myself"
"Red Shiny PVC..hmmmm uhuhuhu huhuhuhuh uhuhuhuhuh"
"You killed the aboriginies in cold blood, raped their women and generally were very nasty..."
"So what was Jon doing with that whale, anyway?"

Who are you? What do you want?
Hello new readers! We're a jolly little web site from England, specialising in Sega news and all-round hijinks and time-wasting nonsense. And hello old readers too, do you like the HIGHLY EXCITING new look? It took us aaaaages to copy all the complicated html bits from other pages. Anyway, can't sit around here typing all day, there's work to be done!

A letters page!
Ever since we started we've fancied doing a letters page, and guess what? The time has come! THE LETTERS PAGE IS NIGH! We've even built a special extension to our office just to handle your mail, it's called The UK:Resistance Letters Shed and it's a huge, multi-faceted technological epicentre, custom-designed for us to answer your letters in style and comfort. Actually, it's just a shed, but it's OUR shed and we love it. Make sure you visit our Letters Shed and send us a letter - depending on how many letters we get it will become a weekly, monthly or annual feature. Unless we get no letters, which is a distinct possibility.

Sega chief suffers mental delusions
Hard working and hard to pronounce Sega boss `Shoichiro Irimajiri` seems to be in need of a rest after the problematic Dreamcast launch. He was recently heard making the insane statement that "Within five years from 99, we plan to get more than a fifty percent share of the market for home video game machines".

Here`s a few other statements Irimajiri might make in his current state of mind;

"The Saturn is still a viable format in the UK."
"We`re going to kick Sony`s butt real good."
"Ron Atkinson will turn things round at Nottingham Forest"
"That Robbie Williams is really talented"

World record attempt reaches 116th day
I sent a letter to Norris McWhirter the other day, asking him how much longer I've got to keep going before breaking the world record for wanking. He hasn't replied yet. Still, it'd be a shame to stop now, especially as there's a new Employee of the Week on the way. Anybody got Cheryl Baker's phone number?

Der Dreamcast connecten sie auf der Internet!
They're rubbish at war, wear leather trousers, enjoy hardcore pornography and cheat at football - four well-known facts about our German friends. Here's another one - Sega Germany have appointed a new general manager who was a key part of Sony's German launch campaign. His main plan is striking a deal with an Internet service provider to obtain discounted web access for Dreamcast users. Apparently he's also planning to take control of Sega Poland.

Sega Poland - concerned by new German boss.

Double Entendre in Dreamcast game excites webmasters.
UK developers `Codemasters` have secured the rights to a forthcoming James Bond title that looks set to be their first Dreamcast game. All the old favourites will apparently be making an appearance, including Dr No, that Chinese bloke with the dangerous hat, Jaws, and Pussy Galore.

Trade mag reports....
More news is emerging on the Euro/DC/Modem issue. Sega certainly seem to have big ideas for the internet capabilites of the machine, with trade mag CTW reporting today that a "hefty package of shopping and other web-based services for Dreamcast users" is likely.

Community news update
Here is the answer to last week's five pounds prize quiz:

(b) "Most women don't like it that wide"

Updates delayed for 'fine tuning'
To give us time to add final finishing touches to our updates, all news has been delayed until further notice.

Festive faux pas successfully masked by picture of woman
Hey there! That's a really horrible jumper you're wearing! Who bought you that for Christmas? The colours are disgusting, was it some kind of joke? I hope they kept the receipt, so you can exchange it for something that isn't so hideous and terrible to wear. What? What's that you say? You bought the jumper for yourself two weeks before Christmas and have only now started to wear it? What an embarrassing mistake I have made, I shall quickly upload another Employee of the Week hopefully diverting attention from this terrible festive error.

(Sensitive readers easily offended by pictures of girls might prefer to read this extract from Titus Andronicus instead).

Boring `Real` news update shock!
SOE have given us a clue to their Euro-Dreamcast-Modem strategy by advertising for a `Business Development Manager` to `nurture relationships with European telecommunications companies and internet service providers.` The salary is circa 40,000 if you fancy applying.

The full ad reads like this:

Because of the unique on-line gaming abilities of Dreamcast, Sega feels it has a precious opportunity at the launch. The Business Development Manager will be responsible for nurturing relationships with the European telecommunications companies and the Internet service providers to ensure that costs to the Dreamcast gamers will be kept to a minimum. You will be a proven negotiator and a dynamic, commercially focussed business developer, ideally with a knowledge of the Internet/telecoms industry.

Top UK webmasters go on holiday for a bit
It's time for another Christmas Special! It's like having TWO Christmasses - just like the Queen does. Oh no, that's Birthdays. American readers probably don't know that in the UK we celebrate Christmas day on December the 24th - the day Jesus was really born in London, before travelling gypsies stole him and took him to Bethlehem the next day - the rest is history! We'll be back soon, with a new design (maybe) and some earth-shaking news which will usher in a new era for UK:Resistance... have a nice Christmas.

We pay more for stuff than Americans, as usual
Proof that Anne Robinson was right all along (that'll confuse the foreigners), American Internet console suppliers NCS are selling their current batch of Dreamcasts WITH one game for $535 - that's roughly equal to 325 - 75 less than most UK importers are charging for just the machine! Plus you'll get a well-travelled Dreamcast that has visited Japan and America. Here, allow us to illustrate:

Where from? Price + one game Price in pounds Shipping Total
America $535 325 25 350
UK 470 470 - 470

And remember they're still struggling for stock, so count on a further reduction in the US price when Japanese stocks level out. Also remember that Sonic Adventure was given excellent marks in the latest Jap mags - can YOU wait until September?

Canadian webmaster provides free comedy news interlude
There we were, thinking we wouldn't update the site today as nothing newsworthy or 'funny' has happened, when who should start causing trouble again? Gordon! Him of the "porn" allegations from a few days ago. Here's what Gord had to say on his forum yesterday:

Reader: "Did you really ban them from posting here?"

Gordon: "I removed the link to that site, as I indicated in a previous post that I do not want to have any links to that pornography site. Yes, I banned that guy from that site, as I do not want any Porn webmasters here. SEGA is a hobby for very young people, and I am trying to run this site as a family oriented site. I suggest the porn master at UK:Resistance should get himself a girlfriend and stop abusing himself.

Thanks Gordon. Do chicks in bikinis really pass as 'porn' in Canada? Or are you just annoyed by the lack of male gay action? We believe Sega is a hobby for people who like making up their own minds, not being told what to do, and if our readers wanted to visit the Dreamcast Technical Pages forum and post lots of messages about how you're probably gay, who are we to stop them? And if our readers want to Email porn to Gordon well, it's a free country.

Web site "stunned" by contrary opinion
Then (also yesterday) we visited Seganet's new Media Page where we were stunned to read the following item on their main page:

For the first time in my life, I went to a website that I haven't seen before. It was so hilarious, and so full of info, I had to speak of it here. I'm sure a few of you have heard ot been to this site, but for those who have not, it's a great site. It's called UK Resistance. It is a Sega Site that goes beyond others, in a different way. It's so funny, I was laughing from begining to end and their Playstation 2 Disinformation section was purdy freaky, not to mention their Employee's of the Week, some who had one too many boob jobs. Yikes! Anyways, it's a great site which shows you the funny side of SEGA. =)

So, are we a sick porn site that should be gagged and banned from the whole Internet, or are we a hilarious and essential read? Both of the above quotes were taken from the 'net on the 16th December 1998. And yes, we know that doing news stories about yourself is the ultimate in self-indulgence, but it seemed fun to compare. Yes?

House of the Dead 2 "rocks" claims web site
House of the Dead 2 has arrived in UK arcades, and it's very nice, possibly even reaching the level of 'lovely'. Harder than the first game, baddies take more hits, it looks prettier, very colourful with some gorgeously lit backgrounds, nice touches like signs shaking when the huge first boss stomps on the ground, and one of the playable characters is called Gary - surely a 'homage' by Sega to Sega Saturn Magazine's incredibly popular (in Japan) former Staff Writer Gary Cutlack.

Best of all, the cabinet advises players to "shoot enemies in the head" for quicker kills. A coin-op that educates as well as entertains. Plus with Spikeout and Star Wars Trilogy (see apology below) also released this month, it's clear just how far ahead Sega remain in the coin-op world.

Apology - Star Wars Trilogy branded "quite good, actually"
The finished Star Wars Trilogy is out too, and the final package is actually a lot faster and more enjoyable than we first thought after playing the preview a while back. The lightsabre battle against Boba Fett is now playable, with players using the force (or watching the on-screen arrows) to counter Bob's shots, with the 'sabre represented on-screen with your hand holding it! Even R2 and C3PO make cameo appearances being chased by storm troopers in a 'rescue the civilians' comedy interlude. Judging by the crowds watching, and the people playing, Star Wars Trilogy should be a decent earner. Especially as we say so!

"The kids on my estate keep sticking potatoes up my car exhaust pipe. Just to mock me. Bastards. I don't feel safe driving a car, but the dealer says they don't do ones without exhaust pipes. I've had to seal up the chimney on my flat too. FOR HOW MUCH LONGER WILL MY PLANS BE THWARTED BY MAKING NECESSARY PROVISIONS FOR EXHAUST EMISSIONS?"

Web site refutes "porn" claims, launches hard-edged journalistic feature
After being branded a "porn" site and banned from using the forum at Dreamcast Technical Pages (even mentioning UK:Resistance is no longer allowed there for fear of causing offence!), we thought we'd better examine our priorities, take stock of the situation and return to our previous stance of serious games journalism. With that in mind, we present our detailed review of Dreamcast VF3 - a great way to launch our in-depth Dreamcast coverage, while also putting an end to these unfounded 'porn' allegations with some serious news coverage.

Shop with funny name has Dreamcast
Sega`s Dreamcast promotion seems to have started very early. Ludicrously named videogames chain `@jakarta` which is opening stores across the UK, has already started displaying the machines. Don`t rush down there to get a peek at VF3 though, they have them locked away in glass cabinets along with the joypad and VMS unit, rather than set up and running anything.

"We're tired" say top UK webmasters
Yes, we're all tired out after last week's record-setting sequence of daily updates, and we've decided to take it easy for a bit. What we do have for you though, is a nice topical joke to get you in the Christmassy spirit:

Q. What game did the baby Jesus get for Christmas?
A. Myrrh-tua Fighter 3.

Sega's 'gay shame' continues
More pictures of shocking homosexual acts in Sega's VF3 have appeared - but the horrific news is that these SICK photos come from the HOME version, already freely available over the counter in Japanese games stores, where CHILDREN - some as young as eight years old - have been buying the homo-explicit game with Sega's new 'Dreamcast' console. We spoke to two import companies who are selling this shocking game in the UK - both denied peddling SICK GAY PORN to British children, claiming that the pictures merely represent "men fighting" - but the photographic evidence we've obtained reveals the sad truth:

In one final sickening twist, we've learned that Sega Europe are planning to include a feature known as "Hard Mode" in the official release - we can only guess what horrors this option will contain...

Exciting 'interactive' Employee of the Week
Do you know people only use 30% of their brains? And 25% of that is used remembering to buy margarine when we next go to the shop. It's a miracle we get around to doing anything at all. We've generously used our spare 5% to bring you another Employee of the Week. *Must buy margarine*

Web Site uploads game news!
Just to cap our incredible spate of `real` gaming news, here`s a round up of a few other items making the headlines. SOE appoint French bloke for Dreamcast launch, French bloke makes up lame slogan "The future of gaming is not a dream - it`s Dreamcast", SOJ mess up Jap Dreamcast launch, games keep getting delayed, VF3tb is good but still has faults, UK:Resistance don`t buy Dreamcasts, Gary`s excuse: "My telly doesn`t do 60hz", Jon`s excuse: "Where are the games, man?" Saturn may get relaunched, but not over here. Playstation 2 `spoiler` announcement doesn`t happen (let`s face it, they didn`t need to).

'Exclusive' Capcom news you might already know
Has this been on other sites or not? We don't remember. The official web site of comic phenomenon Spawn has uploaded a ramble by one of their staff, which contains loads of details about Capcom's forthcoming Spawn game - arcade and home versions! Here's what they said:

"We took the shinkensan, or bullet train, down to Osaka to meet with the Capcom folk. They are busy working on the Spawn arcade game for the new and top secret Sega arcade board [that'll be the 'new and top secret' Naomi board! - UK:R]. The game will use several newly created fighting moves and will have one feature that I can not discuss that will be revolutionary for the industry. All I can say is expect to see several Spawns on screen at once [network multiplayer? - UK:R]. Sh*t are they going to be mad at me. Expect to see the game in arcades late 1999, then on home platforms in 2000.

Would you trust either of these two men to contribute something worthwhile to society? Apparently the one in the yellow shirt is a top-cat at Capcom - the other guy must be an American of some sort, that's what they all look like. Thanks to Omega Rugal for the tip, unless it's old news in which case sod off and leave us alone.

Sega Europe "still undecided" on modem issue
In an interview with "exceptionally dull" trade magazine MCV, Sega Europe's new CEO - the worringly French-sounding and hard-to-spell Jean-Francois Cecillon (ex-EMI records head), confirmed that Sega are still to decide whether Dreamcast will feature a modem as standard issue in Europe. The decision will be made in January, apparently. We look forward to 'uploading' the answer soon (note clever use of modem terminology reference).

Hard-hitting investigation launched
Hard news. That's what we want. The facts. Information. We have a right to know, and we'll camp outside your house and look through your bins until we get the answer, you slag. The question is: Are you going to buy a Dreamcast? Either now, later, or when the thing appears officially in the Western world next year - do you want one? Is VF3 the greatest beat 'em up ever, or is it just a boring two-year-old coin-op? Does Sonic still get you horny? Or are you just lying naked on the bathroom floor holding your Saturn refusing to believe it's all over?

Hard-hitting investigative questions we're not afraid to ask
Are you going to get a Dreamcast then or what?

Yes - I already have an import
Yes - I'm planning to get an import soon
Yes - I'm waiting until the official release
No - not planning to get a Dreamcast at all

Current Results

Of course, it doesn't really matter how you lot answer - it's the mass-market, fashion victim, lowest common denominator bunch of PlayStation-owning tossers (no offence) Sega need to capture if Dreamcast is to be big, not just the likes of the few super-informed techno-savvy UK:Resistance readers. But still vote. Just think - if everyone who reads UK:Resistance buys a Dreamcast that's almost twenty machines sold on day one!

PlayStation in 'record sales' horror
Incredibly, Sony's PlayStation seems to be gathering even more momentum in the UK, with news that in the week ending 28th November, they shifted a record-breaking 110,000 machines. In one week! After over three years of being on sale. With PlayStation becoming more like an essential household fridge or telly item than a mere games machine, the task facing Sega in the UK is looking harder by the day. They say the bigger they are the harder they fall, but surely some things get so big they just squish everything else?

Oh just fuck off.

Sega rocked by 'Gay sex' scandal of VF3 characters
Another of Sega's top fighting games has been plunged into a seedy sex scandal today, with the sensational revelation that FOUR male stars of Sega's hit game 'Virtua Fighter 3' have been indulging in sick HOMOSEXUAL ACTS on the set of the game - a game which is in arcades across the country where CHILDREN regularly go to play videogames. What makes this sad affair - the second Sega game sex scandal this week - even more shameful is that Sega are planning to release a HOME version of this sick game over here, which they are hoping to sell to children across the country from next autumn. A spokesman for Sega said - "We're selling tapes of Pai and Sarah for 100 each."

Lau's moustache should have triggered the alarm earlier.

Shocking "Crap looking" allegations continue
The launch of Sega's Dreamcast console was thrown into disarray last night, when prominent UK games site UK:Resistance claimed that another of the key forthcoming Dreamcast games looked "crap". Worried Sega officials rushed to deny the claims, stating that the game in question - Geist Force - was "early in development" and also "utilised a development kit not yet running at full power." A spokeman for UK:Resistance was unrepentent, however, stating that the new feature Crap Dreamcast Picture of the Week was uploaded again "because the game looked crap". Stay tuned for further announcements.

Import Dreamcast in quick 'price-slash' sensation
In what will definitely be the last time we give Computer Exchange a free plug, it seems they've now axed the price of an import Dreamcast to 399 - the same as the Saturn's official UK launch price back in 1995! VF3 is now down to a more reasonable 79.99 too, thanks to more generous supplies in their 'second delivery' of machines. Expect this price to stay until well into tomorrow. And come back tomorrow for our exciting new feature: "How Much Is Computer Exchange Charging For A Dreamcast Today?"

Revealed - Shame of Last Bronx character's seedy "sex-pics" past
Before she shot to fame playing the role of 'Nagi' in Sega's hit game Last Bronx, actress Tracy Wilkins was a seedy PORN model who regularly posed TOPLESS for disgusting 'adult' magazines, we can exclusively reveal today in our shocking feature Photographs of famous games characters - WITH THEIR TITS OUT! When questioned about this, a spokesman for Sega said "Have you got any pics showing her arse?"

The packaging of Last Bronx - apparently suitable for children as young as ELEVEN years old, despite the secret PORN SHAME of one of the main stars. We say Sega need to SACK this bad influence and recall all copies of Last Bronx NOW.