Well, our web browsers are bulging, which can only mean that it's time for News Archive Five to be formed, taking the pressure away from those downloading blues. Any highlights from the past? Well, some classics are below, my favourites are the first appearance of Sonic Jam, the 'apology' joke, and the Lobotomy interview ripped from the pages of Saturn Mag. Which ones are your favourites, readers?

R's whole: It's time for another 'anonymous-but-reliable' eyewitness report, this time of a very early version of Saturn stunner Sonic R. The E3 demo was a hastily constructed demo of just one track, but already Sonic R looks like it will out Mario Kart 64 Mario Kart 64, if you know what I mean. Very solid and colourful 'Sonic' worlds and amazing lighting effects, which all appear to be 'running' on a further enhanced verson of the Sonic Jam 3D engine, really give the game an incredible visual style. Whatever it's running on, it's hard to believe it's the Saturn. Knuckles: 30/6/97

The Real Football: Budding "Ronaldo's" out there will be pleased to find the 'tremendous' Virtua Striker 2 in their local arcades right now. The cool Model 3 visuals feature such attention to detail as, authentic South America haircuts and motion captured injury feigning. It plays pretty well too. Alan:25/6/97

Opinions please: Did you notice that the E3 show was a little bit thin on the ground when it came to third party games? But did you also notice that the hundreds of Playstation games all seemed pretty crap? Well, that's how it looked to us... but does it make a difference? Is it a 'good thing' or a 'bad thing'? Perhaps you don't give a toss? Sounds like it's time for a vote:

The lack of third party software is a 'bad thing' and not good for the Saturn's future.
The quality over quantity thing is a good idea, and Sega's games will keep us happy.
I don't give a toss mate.

Result: Talking about votes, the result of the nob/cheese vote saw a resounding 4:1 victory for the 'nob' option. As expected. Gary:25/06/97

AM24: Hmm, more top secret news for you today, this time information that the latest project from Sega's arcade division will be by AM3 and it's... a Model 3 racer based on the Le Mans 24 hour race. Sounds good. That's all. Gary:24/06/97

Controversial: Finally here's something to get excited/worried about from E3. Firstly AM Annex have been giving a few details of Sega Rally 2. The Model 3 based sequel will feature sampled engine sounds and looks likely to feature loads of new cars with up to ten players competing at a time. Secondly, some Sega exec. has been talking about a new Sonic game due to appear on the next system, which leads me to wildly and dangerously speculate that Sonic R may be the last Sonic game to appear on the Saturn. Jon 21/06/97

June 20th, 2:35pm BST

Update: Despite earlier optimistic press reports, today's lunchtime trip to the shop had to be cancelled, due to a sudden and unexpected rain downpour. Temperatures plummeted by at least four degrees, and we should have some satellite pictures to upload soon.

Dull game news: Sorry to interrupt the exciting and exclusive UK weather updates, but Sega of America have released some interesting details about new racer Sonic R which was premiered at E3. Here's what they had to say:

"Combining racing and action genres, Sega has created an all-new gaming adventure starring the fastest vidoegame character of all time, Sonic the Hedgehog, and his pals. Gamers must race against other Sonic characters to find the stolen emeralds hidden throughout the game, then make a dash for the finish line. The game contains five different modes, including single-player, multi-player, tag, relay and time attack. Characters run, walk, float and spin their way to the finish line, some by foot and others by car. Gamers choose between four different courses including a mysterious castle, a tropical island, a highway with no speed limit, and a secret base filled with traps. There is also a fifth hidden level set inside an emerald with transparent obstacles and glowing, crystal walls to make racing truly fun and imaginative. Sonic, Tails and Knuckles all run by foot. With multiple characters, hidden surprises and master levels, gamers will experience more Sonic action than ever before. "Sonic R" will also be the first Sonic title to allow gamers to play as any of the characters found in the game. "

June 20th, 11:20am BST

Weather flash: The hot, exclusive news today is that the mean temperature has increased by an average of 2 degrees all over the country, although early reports suggest a slight increases in wind speed. Stay tuned for more updates as the day progresses. Gary:20/06/97

June 19th, 4:05pm BST

E3 update: Just like all the big American web sites, UK:Resistance will be updated at least five times every day during the E3 show. The only difference is that we don't have any information to upload, so we'll update this page with news of the UK weather situation instead, pretending it's some huge media event, just so me and Jon don't feel left out with all this excitement over E3. Gary:19/06/97

Light south-easterly breeze, mild precipitation, humid, around 18 degrees celsius.

EFree: Right about now, lucky industry people and magazine editors are embarking on all expenses paid trips to the huge E3 show. We planned to be there of course, but just our luck, the private jet is being serviced next week. Tsh. Never mind, we happen to know Sega's Saturn line up anyway, here it is..

Shining the Holy Ark
Duke Nukem
NHL '98
The Lost World
WS Baseball '98
Sonic Jam
Last Bronx
Sega Touring Car Championship
Panzer Dragoon Saga
Sonic R
WW Soccer '98
NBA Action '98
Enemy Zero

Notice something missing? That's right no VF3. Development is STILL continuing, but it's unlikely to be shown. Project Sonic isn't there either but you can't rule out some surprises. Sonic R is the Sonic racing game, and although being programmed by Travellers Tales, it's actually meant to be pretty cool. Jon:17/06/97 Resident Evil: I'm sure you all know that Resident Evil is a videogame, and not a description of my strange flat-mate who constantly stinks the house out with his fish-based cooking activities, and it's the videogame RE that we now bring news of. Not only is the game a spot-on conversion of the PS version, it's been signed by Sega themselves for release. In Europe anyway, here's what Sega themselves have to say:

"The Saturn version will offer a number of exciting new features including:

A Fighting Coliseum - An exclusive Saturn mode where players get to fight it out with enemies from the game and compete for time, points, and rankings. This major new feature will be activated once the main game is finished to add a whole new element to playing RE.
Exclusive new Saturn enemy in the form of a new "Sickle monster" complete with a deadly new attack pattern.
Addition of a second dreaded Tyrant monster.
New character costumes.
More user-friendly options."

Update: Release section has some new dates. Jon:13/06/97

The big one: This is going to be the big one, Saturn Quake. Latest reports feature two extremely cool facts: Cool Fact one - monsters are now present and looking very good, with no slowing of the action. And Cool Fact two: Quake will not be appearing on the Playstation. Word is that several developers attempted to come up with an engine that would enable the Playstation to handle the graphic splendour of Quake, but nobody could do it. That's not a lie. A major coup for Sega. Gary:11/06/97

Press release: Apparently, some hideous shops in the UK are spreading rumours that the Saturn is being "phased out", and store staff are advising customers to purchase a Playstation instead! A distressed reader contacted us to bring this to our attention, and we would advise militant action to be taken against any shops who refuse to sell Saturns - Birmingham HMV, you have been warned. This isn't a joke, you really should complain to shop managers if their staff are blatantly trying to destroy what little sales the Saturn has. Mail us if any shops near you try the same trick, and we'll complain for you if you're too embarrassed! Gary:11/06/97

Politically incorrect news flash: News reaches us from Japan that the pilot who takes up shooting duties and 'mans' the new Over Weapon in top sequel Thunderforce V will be a woman. To be honest, she does look like a very cool and tough Japanese Anime woman, but all the same, let's just hope that she has a male co-pilot to help out if things get a bit tough, or if her spaceship breaks down unexpectedly. Germaine: 06/06/97

Today`s special `comedy` news update is bought to you in association with James` Comedy site suppliers of cheap jokes and obscure references to the whole Internet community:

Event News:
Excitement at the UK Saturn players conference...
...when officials noted a 100 percent turn out

Jump: In a bold move, Sega have cut the price of the Saturn. We thought we'd present the price drop for you, in pictoral form.

Hello boys: To celebrate the UK release of the stunniing Fighters Megamix, and to brighten up the news page a bit, we thought we'd upload this rather tasty picture of Sarah from VF. Thought you'd like it!

Image: Nice puppies

Icon: Lara Croft will be in your face this month! I'm talking about the magazine of course. Lara will make her modelling debut in The Face, sporting a Gucci Bikini, an Alexander McQueen trouser suit, Jean Collona dressand possibly a UK:R t-shirt. She's also been lined up as a video guest by U2 for their PopMart tour and is currently recording a single with ex. Eurythmics bloke Dave Stewart. Really. It's all part of the hype leading up to Tomb Raider 2. Let's hope Sony don't succeed with their dastardly plan to make it Playstation only, eh? Jon:24/05/97

Schizophrenic news update: Here at UK:Resistance we've discovered a rather interesting "new" source of information, however, it's a bit too complicated to explain. Suffice to say, we have a very reliable eyewitness report of Saturn Wipeout 2097 which is said to be using a 'tweaked' version of the Manx TT engine, and looking very good already. The gameplay of the Playstation original has been converted 100% with the actual coding around 80% complete. Expect the usual moans about the 'mesh' effect, but ignore them. The game is spot-on playability wise. Gary:24/05/97

Cut the cheese: Industry magazine CTW has reported that one of Sega UK's top cheeses has been made redundant. The P45 bears the name of Andy Mee, the chap who was thrust into the limelight a few months ago for "confirming" in an interview that Saturn VF3 would come with some sort of upgrade cart. Still no more news of Saturn VF3 by the way. Gary:24/05/97

Nobs out: Industry magazine CTW has reported that one of Sega UK's big nobs has been made redundant. The P45 bears the name of Andy Mee, the chap who was thrust into the limelight a few months ago for "confirming" in an interview that Saturn VF3 would come with some sort of upgrade cart. Still no more news of Saturn VF3 by the way. Gary:24/05/97

Sorry readers, but I couldn't decide which 'comedy' headline to use, so I used them both. Which do you prefer?

Cut the cheese
Nobs out

Gary site news: Er....yeah, sorry about the lack of Saturn related action over here recently, it was due to a signal failure at Tower Hamlets. Gary:24/05/97

Hot Gossip: You might have read some info about the VF3 upgrade and the forthcoming Sonic games on Dustin's site a few days back, and you're probably wondering why we didn't say anything about it. That's because it was in no way official news from Sega Europe (who are none too pleased about it) and their current line is that at present there is no game called Sonic X-treme, or even Sonic Drift 3D. But that's not to say there isn't a Sonic racer in development. Jon:22/05/97

Oi, Dave. No: 'The other' Dave Perry (Shiny Dave) has had some harsh words for Sega recently. Aswell as dropping Wild 9's from development, he's called VF3 'too little, too late' and Sega's foray in to the PC market as '..the last straw.' Dave seems oblivious to the strong catalogue of titles coming up in the second half of this year and judging by some of the newsgroup posts and mails we've received, we could be heading for a 'Is (the other) Dave Perry a wanker?' vote! Jon:18/05/97

Ready to rumble?: Sega Europe have been good to us. They've brought forward the release date of Fighters Megamix to May 22nd, that's next week folks. Juu'nen hayain dayo! Akira:17/05/07

Chicken out: All UK readers with strong paternal instincts had better grit their teeth today, because the first batch of Tamagotchi to officially arrive here sold out instantly. Amazingly, most shops had sold their entire allocation on pre-orders as well, meaning that would-be mums and dads were turned away in tears from toy shops all over the country.
Our contact inside the toy industry (the woman on the till) tells us that a new batch will be hitting Toys 'R' Us on Wednesday, so any particularly sad people had better set up camp on the pavement right now. Gary:12/05/97

Sonic F1: News from across the pond implies that the new Sonic game planned for simultaneous worldwide release later this year, is to be some kind of racing game. Jon:10/05/97

Update: We've now got a review of Scorcher here for you all to read, so why don't you try and guess how long it takes me to get around to saying "It's not as good as Sega Rally" like we do in every racing game review. Gary:09/05/97

House Call: I've been on another one of my Arcade sortee's only this time I've compiled a full report of my findings. Read all about House of the Dead and Scud Race in my Arcade Report now! Jon: 08/05/97

The future: We hope you all enjoyed our Special Edition that we uploaded over the weekend, if you did then tune in next week when we will be teaming up with other famous web sites to bring you: Resistance Megamix!!

Image: Dustin v Dave, Next-Gen v Gamefan, Jon v G-Man, plus many more!

Don't push me: More official news reaches us on VF3. Development is still continuing and even if the game doesn't preview at the forthcoming E3 that won't mean it isn't going to be released. Basically, it will be ready when it's ready. Jon: 01/05/97

Landslide: Exit polls from voters around the country have indicated that a massive swing towards UK:Resistance has taken place in the UK General Election. We don't want to discuss specific plans at this moment in time, however, we expect the Queen to be asking us to form a Government within the next 24 hours. Tony: 02/05/97

Image: Huge swing towards UK:Resistance

Desperate measures: Nintendo have once again managed to alienate what few fans they have left in the UK, this time they've hacked 100 off the price of the N64 and they're now selling it for 149. However, we're sure that Nintendo 'had always planned' to drop the price so much only two months after the machines launch over here, and it's got nothing to do with the fact that quite literally 'nobody' is buying the N64 in the UK at the moment. That's not a joke either. Gary:01/05/97

News: Wow, some real news for a change! For all those people who still doubt that VF3 will actually be released on the Saturn, head over to here and you'll see that SOJ have it on their release schedule. Believe it now?? Jon:29/04/97

Media manipulation: It seems the whole country has gone 'vote crazy' at the moment, because now the UK based Yellow Pages Site has started a vote to find the Internet's favourite UK based web site. Of course, we're not trying to persuade you to vote for UK:Resistance, but should you decide you do so, we would be very grateful. Very grateful indeed. Here's a copy of our manifesto:

Tax-exemption for all Sega products
Tax-exemption for all alcoholic beverages
The complete destruction of 'Family Values'
A 'Wanker Tax' to be paid by people we don't like
The right to embark on vicious 'hate campaigns' against anyone we want
The continued wastage of Internet bandwidth with stupid votes
Being 'Dave Perry' will become a criminal offence

Vote UK:Resistance!!

Not my style man: One of the biggest problems we're faced with when running a massive, trans-global, influencial web site, is the huge amounts of junk mail sent to us by desperate, lonely people, trying to cash-in on our success and huge financial resources. Here's one particular example sent to us today:

"The leader in the adult business has done it again. We now have 1,000 pictures of totally hot, totally nude College men, male Athletes, male Models and male Porn Stars baring it all !!! These ROCK HARD BODIES will make your mouth water as you look at our entire collection of over 1,000 studs, ( THAT'S RIGHT, OVER ONE THOUSAND HIGH QUALITY PICTURES ). If you have always dreamed of seeing Hot Studs Naked, but where too shy, now is the time. You can look at all of our pictures and no one will ever know !!!"

Over one thousand high quality adult pictures? Sounds like the contents of Jon's hard drive to me. Gary:25/04/97

Huge Elections: There's an Election coming up soon here in the UK, which basically means that all of our favourite TV shows are cancelled so that a load of fat old men can lie about tax. So, to provide you with a break from all the greasy tossers on telly, we thought we'd hold our own election so you can vote for your favourite UK:Resistance feature from the last year or so. Gary:24/04/97

Syntax Error: Creative Saturn owners will have something more to keep them entertained soon, with the imminent release of the Saturn Basic kit. The picture below is from a game running on the new Basic thing, and it actually looks like being pretty good, not just a mildly entertaining toy. No actual news of a UK release yet, but we're sure they will. Gary:23/04/97

Image: At the moment, we're planning to code Thunderforce VI, Street Fighter IV, Daytona 2, and Virtua Cop 3

Brucey Bonus: I've been sporting an inane cheeky grin and wearing my tatty white vest today, for the sole purpose of bringing you a review of AM1 fighting fun fest Die Hard Arcade. Yippee Kiyay. Or something. Jon:19/04/97

Etc.: The latest rumour in the long running VF3/Upgrade saga is that some insignificant US game retailer has been told of aforthcoming 'video' of the upgrade and been given a price point of $99 with VF3! Sounds like more nonsense to us.Jon:18/04/97

Insider: Listen, don't ask how we found this out, but we now know that those stunning 3D pictures of Sonic are absolutely, definitely, categorically, no doubt at all, being generated by the Saturn, and they are from a small area in Sonic Jam which allows you to select options and explore a little.
Here's one of the pictures, just in case you couldn't be bothered to follow the links we put up for you the other day, and remember, this is the Saturn at work:

a.m.: The announcement from AM2 today actually turned out to be those crazy AM1 guys telling us about their 'sequel' to Dynamite Deka (Die Hard Arcade). Their new game is Dynamite Baseball....Err, right. Jon: 15/04/97

Further Japanese findings: Sorry to keep doing this to you readers, but take a look at some more strange Sonic pictures that are hidden away somewhere at the Sega Japan site. Doesn't it look like Sonic is just standing there doing nothing in most of the pictures? That wouldn't make much of an intro would it? If you look at these new pics, there seems to be (in order, the image names give you clues) a picture gallery, a movie viewing area, a sound test feature, er.......some sort of character select/information, and a little Sonic history museum at the bottom. There's no doubt that those pictures must be real-time Sonic action, from some sort of 'museum' type world, and most probably the Sonic Jam selection options.
Whatever they are, it looks like Sonic Team have performed some kind of miracle. Gary:12/04/97

Until something news-worthy happens, we will continue broadcasting this test transmission only. Stay tuned.

An apology: On the Eleventh of March 1997, UK:Resistance featured a news article containing allegations which we now understand to be false, and we would like to take this opportunity to apologise for any misunderstanding that may have resulted following that article.
Upon the aforementioned date, we suggested that we would NOT be reviewing Manx TT, a fact which we understood to be correct at the time of writing. However, information has since come to light which shows that we actually do have a reader review of Manx TT here for you all to read. UK:Resistance would like to apologise unreservedly for misleading our readers in this way, and we can assure you that any offence or upset caused by this situation is deeply regretted, and we will endeavour to avoid any further confusion in the future. Gary:08/04/97

Love from UK:Resistance: We've got a nice present for you all today, and it should be especially interesting for all of our foreign readers. An interview with Lobotomy Software was featured in the last edition of UK based Sega Saturn Magazine, and we can now upload the text of the Lobotomy interview for you all to read. There's also a couple of nice Duke pictures and some very interesting comments from the Lobotomy team, mainly about their plans for Saturn Duke and the stunning results they look like achieving with the conversion. Quite simply, you need to read this. Gary:07/04/97

Sacrifice for the cause: You probably think we have it easy here at UK:Resistance. Copying stuff from various sources, making logos and stupid surveys, and just generally having fun. Well, that changed today, as we bravely stayed up until 3:20am to watch some 'infomercial' that Sega chose to screen today.
Exactly who they expect to be watching telly at three in the morning is not clear, most people still awake at that time on a Saturday night are probably completely off their trolley's, and I doubt if any casual shoppers would bother to stay up or set their video. Still, Sega obviously though it was a good idea, and I suppose it was worth watching just for the amazingly cool VF3 rendered movie, and the clips of loads of Saturn games, although nothing too exciting or unexpected was shown, and one or two looked suspiciously like arcade footage. They did show a bit of Quake but we couldn't tell if it was the Saturn version, or just the original PC game put in to tease us.

Oh yeah, they also gave out a number for UK Saturn owners to ring to get a free demo CD sent to them (playable demos of Sonic 3D, Virtual-On, and Die Hard Arcade, and some video clips), phone 0891 333400, and say that UK:Resistance sent you. Gary:06/04/97

3am eternal: Here's a run down of the games shown in the ad.
Manx TT, Last Bronx, Touring Car (arcade), Fighters Megamix, Enemy Zero, Amok, Scorcher, Duke Nukem, Pandemonium, Quake, Mass Destruction, Sonic 3d. Don't worry if you missed the screening, it's the same type of thing they have running on video in Game stores, so you're bound to see it there. Jon:06/04/97

2642815: While we all sit here biting our nails in anticipation of Yu Suzuki's VF3 announcement, let's just say thanks to Sega UK for taking a bit of an initiative with their TV ad campaign scheduled for tonight. The flashy advertisements in todays papers promise a "VF3 preview" which at least confirms the game IS going to happen. Jon:05/04/97

Bodyhammer: We've been rummaging through the Sega Japan web site again, and this time we bring news of this nice page which contains some really nice looking images of a 3D Sonic in a 3D Sonic world. The pictures are surely too good to be from a Saturn game, so perhaps they're the rendered CG intro from a future Sonic adventure, the area seems to be known as "Sonic World" or something like that. But it's all in Japanese which is Greek to us. Gary:05/04/97

Image: Japanese writing is cool, but we can't read it.

Once again, we must thank you for taking time to read. No really, it makes us very happy to know that you bother to read the stuff that we cobble together in a few minutes, and put up with us when we upload total crap just for a laugh. Thanks again, why not return to the archive page and have a look at some more old crap? Whatever, we don't really care.