Commander Zorg: Right. Engine maintenance briefing course Alpha B13. This is where it gets serious. One mistake here and *BOOM* itís all over. Get it?
Captain Jax: Got it.
Commander Zorg: Right. Now, there are seven basic fuel accelerator ports, each filtering in sequence and feeding the main particle drive activator chain. If these fail to fire in order a feedback wave will detonate...
Captain Jax: Ooh! Text message! Hang on!
Commander Zorg: Right... if these fail to fire in order, a feedback wave will detonate one of the secondary fuse beacons, which, in turn...
Captain Jax: Uh-huh...
Commander Zorg: Are you listening to me or sending a text message?
Captain Jax: Um... I'm ... Listening... to you...
Commander Zorg: Good. Right. Itís crucial to vent the plasma re-uptake vents before igniting the particle stream, else you get a data flood in the priority field and the whole system needs to be rebooted else youíre looking at a hyper-fluid core meltdown.
Captain Jax: Mmmm... yeah...
Commander Zorg: If the hyper-fluid reaches a temperature above...
Captain Jax: Oh... Mmm...
Commander Zorg: If it reaches a temperature above the one indicated on the intake tolerance display, thereís a chance of a temporary inversion state occurring, which is bad news and could lead to...
Captain Jax: Mmm, right, yes I see...
Commander Zorg: ...could lead to...
Captain Jax: Mmm...
Commander Zorg: ...could lead to...
Captain Jax: I see...
Commander Zorg: ...could lead to...
Captain Jax: Right, yes...
Commander Zorg: ...could lead to...


THOSE AREN'T GOOSEBUMPS

Commander Zorg: Right. What did I just say?
Captain Jax: I'M HAVING PROBLEMS AT HOME. *RUNS OUT*

EDITORS NOTES
The above exchange is a dramatisation, of course, but one that illustrates the sheer rudeness of mobile phones. What if Captain Jax WAS in charge of a serious engine failure? What if YOU were on that ship, and the person responsible for safety didn't know what they were doing in an emergency because they were preoccupied with sending text messages during their training period?

Is there a ruder invention than the mobile phone? The only thing we can think of is a rotating paddle that continually hits you in the face while a speech synthesiser in the base shouts out that you've got AIDS.

About once a week we're insulted by someone we're talking to STOPPING TALKING TO US and turning into a mumbling zombie as they text message someone presumably much more interesting. If this also happens to you, please get in touch.

FOR FURTHER INFORMATION
Campaign Against Rude Texters
Unit 226a
Horsham
Pendleshire
PS12 6MK


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