Letters Shed
Now that our hits have rocketed into double figures thanks to the SegaNet link-up, we've started to get letters from people who just want to advertise their own web sites. Here's a tip for those people: SAY SOMETHING INTERESTING OR FUNNY and the chances of your letter making it through the shed quality control system will increase exponentially.

Mind you, considering the lows reached by this bunch of submissions, you'd think that we just get some mental people off the street to make up the letters in exchange for a can of Special Brew and a shiny piece of foil which looks like it might be money. UK:Resistance: The site which lets mental people swear on our letters page for cheap fun.

Dear Letters Shed,
Dave Perry told me to fuck off. I walked past him at the ECTS in his manure shirt with Perry on the back. I mumbled I've been set up and he told me to fuck off...

[Readers: Have you been sworn at by a celebrity? Have you met celebrity twat Dave Perry in real life? Let us know - UK:R]

Dear Letters Shed,
Any videogame site that alludes to Pulp while reporting Sega news puts all other sites to shame. Um, I'd just like to know if you Brits got all the bits of Shining Force III. Living in Canada I could only get the first part. I heard that you kids might be getting all three. So did you?
MiLES McCloud
PS This site is hardcore.

[Sega only released the first bit of SFIII over here, so us 'Common People' had to get by without the 'Razzamataz' of parts two and three - UK:R]

Dear Letters Shed,
I was wondering if you needed anyone to give you a paint job (if you know what i mean)?
Dear Letters Shed,
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHAHHAHHAHAHHAhhhhhhhhhhhhh HA! N64 is better! So is playstation for that matter. Sega's a wash out not.
I like this site cause it's funny and has naked chicks on it. MORE PORN!!!!

[This is just the kind of letter we want - UK:R]

Dear Letters Shed,
I want more pictures of women, and so should you. Print more pictures of women now and include some live feeds to a girls dormitory and I might just bookmark this page.
Dear Letters Shed,
Hello!!!! I just wanted to say that french programmers commited one of the worst jokes in the title of a game O.D.T. (ya catched it? ODDITY AHAHAHAHRGhhhh........)
P.S. The game is as good as his title and naturally it runs on the SUCKSTATION!!!
Dear Letters Shed,
OOOPS!!!! I forgot on the last message that french magazines (do you noticed that i REALLY love french?) said that Sonic on Dreamcast is a real bad game!!!!!!!!!!!
What you can you think of France after this? Nothing? That's better than bunch of useless consumers of Oxygen!
Dear WS_FTP LE Downloader,

You recently visited us at www.ipswitch.com and downloaded WS_FTP LE. I hope you've taken the time to install and begin using WS_FTP LE to make managing files on your desktop, servers and over the Internet a snap.

I'd like to remind you that WS_FTP Pro offers many features not found in WS_FTP LE, including a choice of Windows Explorer interface or the classic WS_FTP interface, Year 2000 compliance, "drag and drop" capabilities, auto re-get of failed file transfers, transfer of files between two remote sites and more.

The latest version, WS_FTP Pro 6.0, offers even more functionality and works in both its Windows Explorer and classic interfaces:

1. Site Manager: Allows the user to store FTP sites in familiar nested folders for easy reference.
2. Quick Connect: Offers immediate connection to new sites.
3. Recursive Delete: Allows any authorized user to delete non-empty folders on FT servers.

The WS_FTP Utility Pack includes three powerful new tools:

1. WS_FTP Find: Allows users to search an FTP site for files that match a name or pattern.
2. WS_FTP Synch: Automatically uploads files which have changed and deletes files that have been removed from the master directory.
3. WS_FTP Script: Automates file transfer and management through a series of WS_FTP commands.

Detailed pricing information for WS_FTP Pro 6.0 is available on our Web site:


Place your order for WS_FTP Pro 6.0 using one of three convenient methods:

1. Immediate download delivery via our Web site at www.ipswitch.com/purchase
2. Toll-free order line, 1-800-793-4825
3. E-mail our sales team at sales@ipswitch.com

Thank you for your continued support of WS_FTP.


Frank Days
Director of Marketing
Ipswitch, Inc.

P.S. This message is intended as a service to
Ipswitch customers and visitors to our Web site. To
be removed from any future mailings please reply with
DELETE in the subject line.

Dear Letters Shed,
Tip top wibbety wop, UK Resistance is the top Sega shop*

(*amusing Sega-related Internet webpage, not actually a shop.)

That could be your slogan, that could. Nice going. Do you promise Seganet aren't going to get into content censoring?

it'd be nice to have pictures of the 'underneathside' of some smaller mammals, too. oh, and how about 'evil bondage past of Chun Li'? marvellous. keep it up. and the webpage. ho ho.

[Readers! Do you have a favourite animal you would like to see the knob of? - UK:R]

Dear Letters Shed,
Hello, I am a long-time reader of your site but one day something about you fellows just occurred to me - you guys are HOMOSEXUAL! Why else would you post all those gay VF3 pics - those mono-sexualar actions get you horny! Since you are not allowed to show real life gay pics on your site, that's the closest you can get! And another thing - the colours of UK:R - it is all pink and white and other girly colours. I wouldn't be surprised if your next 'Employee of the Week' turns out to be a MALE! Oh and since I made the effort to write this letter, I think I deserve a free plug - put a link to this really shitty Australian site at http://surf.to/psxkorner will ya!
Dear Letters Shed,
What the fuck!?! You guys are fucked up!... keep up the good work.

P.S. is this really a Sega site?

Dear Letters Shed,
To those in Charge of the so-called UK:R,
I am a parent of two children, both in their impresionable teenaged years. You can imagine how utterly disgusted I was to find them perusing the so-called "employee of the week". I cannot impart to you the complete anger that overtook me when I found them viewing such vulgarity and pornography, without having found it first for myself.
Two fingers, ya gits.
Dear Letters Shed,
i also stabbed a man once you damn fucking shed
Dear Letters Shed,
What happens when the shed gets sad?
Talking about nurses wiping bottoms, My friend Mark Smith used to get his mum to wipe his bum until he was at least 8. I can remember going to his house to call for him when I was about 6 and I walked in to hear him shout "Mum... come wipe me Bum..."

It was well funny. I recently told my friends about it (dont ask why!!) and whenever they walk buy him they say "Mark... Mum wipe me bum" really fast.

He still doesn't get it.... to this day!!

Dear Letters Shed,
Okay. . .about the Austrailia bit, in response to that letter yesterday. We in the US will agree to taking Austrailia seriously when you guys take back Paul Hogan and Yahoo Serious, tie them both to a tree and have them shot for their heinous crimes. Until then Austrailia will be less an actual country and more a novelty theme-park type place where gruff men and women frollick with kangaroos and overuse the words "g'day" and "sheila".
And just to make the letter poignant, Dreamcast.
Dear Letters Shed,
I think you are a tosser!
Dear Letters Shed,
Congratulations on an excellent and 'cockle-warming' site, made better by the provision of a letters page so I can swear back without fear of chafing.

Keep tugging the pecker of the 'B-list' console world. And also : I liked the Saturn, and I even bought a 32x at one time (if anyone's still got any games for one, I'll have em).

Oh, and fuck that Aussie cockwit, name one good thing to come out of Australia, see you can't can you? The country that reckons itself as part of the developed world but still plays with its bollocks on the world stage.

www.jerkcity.com rules too

Dear Letters Shed,
I'm from Canada so you'll have to excuse my "English". I'll "give it a go" though. Um...the lads at Sony are a bunch of...."wankers". Right well, god save the queen (?). Fuck it, it's proper Canadian English from here on in. Kick ass site. I demand more "indepth reviews". Some games you might want to consider are Blue Stinger and the like. It's not out yet? Ah well, it shouldn't hamper your review too much.

PS My favorite swear is "Bitch-ass-whore-Christ"

[More in-depth reviews? You mean like this detailed preview of Blue Stinger we've put together? That'll annoy the Canadians - UK:R]

Send us a letter with this special needs-friendly form!

Last Week's Letters