Sorry, but we couldn't afford to get Jonathon Ross to present our show, so you'll have to make do with me and Jon m.
Best News of the year
The only half-decent excuse for buying a Playstation went straight down the drain, as Psygnosis announced that all their big games would be converted to the Saturn. Laugh? Not us.
Best Saturn Web site
Two awards for the global-phenonemon that is Dustin, one good, one bad (See below). Just how this chap manages to update his sprawling metropolis of a site is a mystery, as is how he digs up most of his news. Good work that man.
We held a vote on our pages so that you, the common people, could vote for your favourite Saturn game. The winner was: Tomb Raider.
But we can form opinions on our own as well, so here are UK:Resistance's top games of 1996:
Gary: Virtua Cop 2
Jon: Tomb Raider
Best UK magazine
Probably the newly designed Computer and Video Games, who re-launched themselves with a "Pro-Saturn" team, and started to give some decent coverage for Sega. Oh, and EDGE for using that nice type that looks like it's from one of those plastic printing things. I like that. And Mean Machines of course.
Best Joke by a bearded Scottish TV presenter
"Life's like a pair of pants. If you don't have a change once-in-a-while, things start to get a bit smelly.
Nintendo for leaving us alone, the AM teams for giving the Saturn a reason to live, Sonic Team for a great NiGHT out, Sega UK/Europe for sending Jon some free stuff and taking pride in their PAL conversions, Mean Machines Sega for mentioning us in their magazine, our Special Guest Star games reviewers for saving us a fortune buying games, the England football team for making us all cry with happiness, and all of our Top Secret informers who must remain anonymous.
Brown Star awards
Of course, it's not just about taking part, but also putting the boot in to the losers. Here are the winners of the not-coveted-at-all Brown Star awards:
Digitiser for failing to be either informative or entertaining, Dominic Diamond for looking like a rejected 1960's Bond villain, Dustin for even updating his site on Christmas Day for fucks sake, people who mail me dull technical questions, Sega UK for not dishing out Christmas NiGHTS in a "gentlemanly" fashion, Dave Perry for just being there, Americans for not getting my excellent jokes on the Newsgroups, EDGE magazine for the pages and pages of Nintendo 64 bollocks, Playstation owners for vastly out-numbering us, my PC for making my eyes go funny, people who think Daytona CCE is better than the original, people who spent over a grand for an imported Nintendo 64, and ooooooh loads of people.
And how can you have awards without thanks?
Jon m and Demon for making this pointless diversion possible, my friends who pretend to be interested, people who send interesting mail, Guiness, The Prodigy, girls who speak to me, my car for being so fast and cool, Pringles (Cheez-ums), all the members of Illinois' law enforcement community, DJ's who still play 'Access', Blackcurrant Hooch, Orange Hooch, the shop round the corner that opens until 10:00pm so I can buy sweets late, "Colin", "Wilbur", and of course, all the sad pathetic losers who have nothing better to do with their empty dull lives than read this tedious excercise in time wasting that we call
Jon m thanks: manfrommars for the laughs, Bill Leeb and Rhys Fulber for the sounds, Mark Maslowizc for the freebies, people who've spent time writing and sending reviews and all the intelligent, well adjusted people who read this valuable and informative site.