We wait, time passes. One thing is certain - the planet is perched on a precarious ledge between Futuristic Utopia and Certain Destruction, with Sega caught in the middle like a scared puppy dazzled in the headlights of the oncoming juggernaut known only as "Destruction". Frightening thought, eh readers? Let us gather that scared puppy into our protective arms, reassure him gently, while looking at the positive things in life - Sega's upcoming Saturn release schedule.
The decline of the former Soviet Union and its subsequent impact on the nation's economy, has resulted in its citizens turning to crime in order to make ends meet. Visitors to the country have reportedly been offered briefcase sized nuclear devices in exchange for a case of Vodka - and there's nothing we can do to stop it. Let's hope some crazed lunatic doesn't take up one of these offers and start World War III before the release of Panzer Dragoon RPG. The translated UK version allows us to get to grips with the story - and it's an epic! Spanning four CDs, Panzer Saga should be marketed with the catchy slogan "Panzer Dragoon Saga: The Role-Play Game That Even People Who Don't Like Role-Play Games Will Love!"... but that's rather unlikely. True though.
Awesome. No two ways about it.
With the ever approaching new Millennium, there seems to be more and more bizarre religious cults springing up around the world. The Japanese Doomsday cult, for instance, had stockpiled enough Sarin nerve gas and other biological agents, to wipe out everyone in Japan. Luckily, they were stopped in time, but a breakaway rogue section are rumoured to be still at large - and there's nothing we can do to stop them. Let's hope they don't use any of that stuff anywhere near Sonic Team's HQ, because we really would like them to finish Burning Rangers first. Actually, they already have finished it. We're just waiting for an English version to help explain the rescue bits, the level generator bits, the two-player bits and the rest of the bits that should make BR a top game.
In the early Eighties, the incompetent British government, led by Margaret Thatcher, allowed the lethal Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy virus to enter the foodchain via contaminated cattle feed. Coupled with the growing popularity of American fast food providers at the time, this meant that nearly all of us consumed some of this deadly agent - and there's nothing we can do about it. Lets just hope that the incubation period (said to be 10-15 years) at least allows us enough time to enjoy House of the Dead before our brains turn to jelly and we die a horrible death. AM1's widely acclaimed shooter should give us ample opportunity to rescue our dust-covered light guns from the top of the wardrobe for some zombie killing gratification. Although it's looking a bit dodgy at the moment...
Er... how does "quite good" sound?
With chemical pollution, rising temperatures and genetically engineered food all taking part of the blame, there has been an astonishing 33% drop in global male sperm counts over the last decade. At this startling rate, the entire planet could be devoid of all Human life in as little as 150 years - and there's nothing we can do to stop it. This means that there will be no retro gaming fans in the future running Saturn emulators on their super-powerful futuristic PCs. A shame considering that one game we hope to be emulating in a few decades time is X-Men vs Street Fighter. Still gathering dust in Sega Europe's HQ (due to complicated contractual hassles), X-Men vs SF is one classy game. You know all about it. There's no need to explain any further. Hopefully we'll see this released officially before our love-juice totally evaporates...
And what of the future? Well, at the time of writing (10:36am, 26 March 1998), the new machine looks 99% certain for a Christmas Japanese release - and there's nothing we can do to stop it (but in this case we don't really want to stop it). It also looks 99% certain to be absolutely astounding, given the awesome nature of the truly next-level and 3DFX-humiliating PowerVR mega-chipset at its core. Let's hope we live long enough to see it, eh readers?