“Gee, Sonic, you seem kinda jittery today…”

“Found this on Neatorama. I’m hoping it contains real whizz, but it’s probably made from old car tyres and unregulated plant matter that’ll have you rushing to the bog if nothing else. Keep up the bad work” – Art.

Good lord, we’re… EXCITED about something made by people on the internet! The below image is a collection of sprites from Sonic 2 XL – a hacked version of Sonic 2 where Sonic gets fat from collecting rings. And it messes with the physics accordingly.

“I know you’ll like this shit right here. Two members at Sonic Retro have just released a hack called Sonic 2 XL where the rings are replaced with onion rings. If you eat too much, Sonic gets fat and can’t jump as high or run as fast. It’s absolutely incredible and completely changes the gameplay of the original game (plus, it’s hard as hell). I did a write up on it with all the info” – Brad

This video does a better job of selling it. Excitement level slowly increasing back to where it was some 24 hours earlier.

All this promotional activity is coming 15 years too late.

Go here. Then come back feeling 5% more sad. From “Greg.”

It’s rumoured to have spent upwards of £250 on sponsoring the Brentford FC Community Sports Trust Summer 2010 Party. Given where SEGA is today, this is about equal to the whole “Arsenal thing” of the Dreamcast period.

We’re so afraid of Flickr copyright lunatics we’re embedding this remotely. If you’re reading this in 2014 and the image isn’t there, it’s someone else’s fault:

“Seems that SEGA is sponsoring our local football club’s childrens sports day. Don’t forget your super soakers!” – Chris.

Good lord, we’ve just achieved our first toy-triggered erection since we cuddled the Cream plush goodbye for the last time.

He is 15 inches tall, so would be a commanding presence on any middle-aged man’s mantelpiece. More stuff about it here.

SEGA has won an award! But only for doing its JOB. And for doing its job 17 years ago. Still, it’s something to put on the wall where all those Sonic posters used to be.

Can we have a certificate? Something like “Bravely not giving up in the face of overwhelming disinterest” would do.

She’s wisely covering her name badge.

How do you go about launching class action law suits for deliberately misleading corporate communications?

What it means is, a couple of its games are being resurrected to no doubt underachieve on a new format.

If this ever went to court, police teams could identify the make and model of that sofa from the fabric print of the cushion, track down all the UK distributors of it, get sales records from their retailers, then cross-reference the data with similar sales records of webcams offering this equivalent of colour depth and pixel resolution.

His front door would be off its hinges within 72 hours. You can’t hide behind a mask any more. We are not living in a 1970s horror movie.

“My friend was watching pornographic web cams and saw this scary man wearing a Sonic The Hedgehog mask. He was somehow able to ward off the terror for just enough time to take a screenshot, crop it and send it to me. Please keep my pretend internet name a secret” – Anonymous Friend of Keen Internet Sex Addict.

We’ve checked with someone still in their 20s, and have been told that a “boombox” is a bit like a radio only mainly used for the playing of urban music in which the protagonists aggressively shout about buying a car that’s more expensive than their rival’s car over a repetitive loop of sound.

We hope that clears it all up for you.

It works, has a screen and controller ports, and would therefore let you play Dreamcast games anywhere there’s a plug socket. A bit like a… Dreamcast. Loads more photos of the Dreamcast-in-a-radio modification can be found here and there’s a literally appalling video of it in action here, if you’re as bored as we are of today already.

Apparently, there’s a new game around called Alpha Protocol. It’s technically “by” SEGA, as in it’ll be SEGA sending it out to the shops, then SEGA that processes all the returns nine months later, then SEGA that admits it wasn’t a particularly good idea in an interview in Edge magazine 18 months later and that it’s also refocusing efforts on the latest micro-trend instead.

But anyway. There’s a SEGA Saturn in it.

Play, which is where we find out about games nowadays due to having pretty much totally “lapsed,” says Alpha Protocol is subtitled “The Espionage RPG” which is about the least-thrilling description imaginable. Apart from, perhaps, “Squad-based Espionage Management RPG”.