Here are some photos of whatever Nintendo’s latest revision of whatever that plastic standy-on thing’s called. Sorry we can’t be any more accurate than that, we really have not been paying attention to anything about games at least the last 18 months.

Don’t know what terrifies us more – having to do exercise, being near women in sports clothes, or being made to take our shoes off in a public place.

OFFICIAL CAPTION:
“In this photo provided by the American Heart Association and Nintendo of America, consumer Erica Maynard of Newport News, Va., demonstrates how active-play video games like Wii Fit Plus can be a part of a healthy lifestyle.”

OFFICIAL CAPTION:
“In this photo provided by the American Heart Association and Nintendo of America, Neil Meltzer, American Heart Association chairman of the board, enjoys playing Wii Sports Resort for Nintendo’s Wii console after announcing a new strategic relationship between the two organizations at an event in New York on May 17, 2010. The American Heart Association and Nintendo will be joining forces to promote physically active play as part of a healthy lifestyle.”

Found this on the “news wires” while looking for photos of men in suits. Some of you might like it. You can see her toes, and she’s been reduced to the level of compliant product.

She’s little more than a bit of meat thrown on a sofa to help shift units.

We have nothing to say about fashion.

Or Beyonce. Find her odd mixture of “I like Jesus” and “Look at my sexy bottom and buy my recordings” very difficult to compute. She’s unsettling, like a nine-year-old girl wearing mummy’s heels and makeup.

So we did have something to say about Beyonce after all. Preferred her in Destiny’s Child, though.

Nintendo News: Beyoncé and Nintendo Expand Partnership to Promote Fashion and Fun in 2010

REDMOND, Wash. — Fans of Nintendo’s fashion-themed Style Savvy game for the Nintendo DS and Nintendo DSi™ systems will have access to some hot new designs this year, thanks to an expanded partnership between Nintendo and renowned entertainment icon Beyoncé. Style Savvy players with broadband Internet access will soon be able to download five designs from the real-life Deréon clothing line co-created by Beyoncé and her mother, designer Tina Knowles. As managers of their own virtual boutiques, players can incorporate these chic Deréon fashions as they create one-of-a-kind looks for their in-game clientele.

“I love that I get to become a stylist and take over my own boutique, and it’s so much fun to see some of my Deréon designs added to the mix.”

“Style Savvy is all about creativity and fashion, both of which are really important to me,” says Beyoncé. “I love that I get to become a stylist and take over my own boutique, and it’s so much fun to see some of my Deréon designs added to the mix.”

The burgeoning partnership between Nintendo and Beyoncé began in 2009 with a memorable ad campaign for Rhythm Heaven™, a music-themed game for Nintendo DS and Nintendo DSi. Known for her innovative sense of style, the talented musician and actress is an apt spokeswoman for the imaginative, fashion-forward fun of Style Savvy. Fans will get a unique glimpse into this relationship with the launch of two new Style Savvy TV spots starring Beyoncé, both scheduled to begin airing on Nickelodeon the week prior to this year’s Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards and during the event itself.

After launching in November, Style Savvy enjoyed a warm reception among holiday consumers, giving fashion buffs and female gamers of all ages a remarkable new way to experience the portable fun of Nintendo DS and Nintendo DSi. Beyoncé’s upcoming promotional efforts and downloadable Deréon designs are set to sustain the game’s momentum well into 2010.

Style Savvy invites players of any age to express their individual sense of style by managing a virtual clothing boutique. Choosing from more than 10,000 items in a wide variety of styles, designer labels and price points, players can create distinctive looks to satisfy customers with various tastes and budget constraints. Using the simple controls of the hand-held Nintendo DS or Nintendo DSi systems, players can enjoy Style Savvy anytime, anywhere.

For more information about Style Savvy, please visit www.nintendo.com.

You know, that thing it does, where it shoves a controller into the hand of a bewildered retirement home inhabitant who’s monged off what’s remaining of their tits on painkillers, then takes a photo whenever they remember a happy anecdote from their childhood years and start to smile.

Look at them. They don’t care. They’re just doing it because nurse said they can have an extra biscuit and get spared from the nightly raping if they do what the nice man with the hair gel and photographer says to do for 10 minutes. FUCKING MODERN GAMES!

What are you going to do for your next console, Nintendo? Put the controller near a dog then take a photo of it wagging its tail as proof of the machine’s accessibility and genre-busting popularity?

Please, bring on the next video gaming crash. We will happily bury the entire sorry industry in a hole with a digger. We’ll even pay for the hire of the digger and the diesel, just tell us where you want the fucking hole.

SKIRMISH UPDATE:
We’ve decided Nintendo is an ENEMY again. We knew the uneasy truce brought about by Animal Crossing Wild World wouldn’t last.

Here’s another image we’ve had sitting around for ages.

It’s not laziness that’s been stopping us using this one. It’s the fact that every time we open it and look at it we get so sad and angry we have to go outside and kick a fence post for an hour until one of the neighbours comes out to ask if we’re OK. We tell them we’ve been looking at the Hasbro image again, and they understand.

They were paid to be there and done up in costumes…

But there was too much of this…

And not enough of this.

Too much of this…

And not enough of this.

And so on.

What use is a photograph of Pixie Lott doing something games-related that only comes at 450 x 300? No use at all. They won’t get any free publicity out of this.

Usually when we see scenes like this all the men are aggressively wanking themselves erect in preparation for their turn. They probably still are, only very subtly.

THE DEPRESSING REAL-LIFE QUOTE:
Pixie’s new video is a world first, which sees her perform her number one single ‘Mama Do’ as a duet with her virtual self in English and Simlish (Simlish being the language the characters speak in the game).

Pixie’s Simlish recording of ‘Mama Do’ appears in the new videogame, The Sims 3 World Adventures, which allows players to take their Sims to famous real-world inspired destinations to conquer challenges, find treasures, discover what’s lurking in hidden caves, and much more with the first ever Sims adventure gameplay. They’ll be able to tune into Pixie’s track whenever they want too.

Pixie Lott said, “I think it’s really cool to have a song play on the radio, on TV and now in The Sims 3 World Adventures! You can go over to a radio in the game, and select to play the Simlish version of my song ‘Mama Do’, and even better you can take that radio with you anywhere you go within the game and hear my Simlish song. I think it’s funny that people will be listening to my tune while they are exploring tombs in Egypt!”

Igromir is a Russian video games show, held earlier this month. It offered a unique take on the usual tired Western expo. What we mean by that is “here are some photos of it, mostly featuring women”.

We found it while searching the internet for photos of rough women doing Bayonetta cosplay. Not that this one’s rough, we just have this idea that the Bayonetta woman will take over from Lara Croft as the woman women who are into games will dress up as, as she’s quite sexy but also has that “troublesome” midriff area covered up.

Most of the photos nicked off some bloke’s Flickr page. The rudest one is this one. She’s too rude to go on here.

It’s the Element of War girls! We certainly always associate girls in orange cheerleader costumes with PC RTS games. From left to right – Colonel Olga Kuryenko, Lieutenant Commander Tatanya Illievskya, and Field General Lady Silvava Bondarenko.

A booth girl looking at the bottom of a rival booth girl. The Russians know how to put on a show.

SEGA’s making a new Monkey Ball for that joke console. That’s why it just sent out this mesmerising photo of series creator Toshihiro Nagoshi. He wears the knowing facial expression of a man with at least one extra hole in his penis.

Does SEGA Japan employ an in-house professional shaver? If not, keeping everything mown so precisely must impact heavily on his social calendar.

The big bear is proving a hot draw. It’s not fair the way women like hairy men. If you shave him, he’ll be just like one of us. He’s nothing special. Touch us. Cuddle us. Go on. It’s for charity. Let us look at your bottom for charity.

Literally no idea who that is. The press release says she’s called “Charlie Webster”. That means nothing. She may as well be called BLONDE PERSON 56873.

Recognise this pair. They were manning Till #3 and Till #4 in our local Woolworths, until it closed. The one on the right always had to ask the one on the left for permission to sell us vodka.

And there are some photos of men. If you want them discreetly forwarding let us know. Here’s the press release and some charity links, so we feel less guilty about misappropriating these charitable images.

‘Game’ celebrities raise bus-load of cash for charity

PopCap Celebrity Play-offs score £7,000 for BBC Children in Need

Famous British faces up and down the country got their game on in the ‘PopCap Celebrity Play-Offs’ recently, to raise a whopping £7,000 for BBC Children In Need…and counting!

The national tour, organised by PopCap.com, was launched in London by singer-turned-celebrity-chef Liz McClarnon and travelled to Welcome Break locations across the UK. BBC Children in Need’s Pudsey Bear was joined each day by celebrities from the local area who challenged the public to climb aboard the bus and beat their top score on PopCap’s latest game Zuma’s Revenge! Hundreds of children (and their mums, dads, and even grans) hopped on board to play the game and try their best to beat the celeb!

The ‘PopCap Celebrity Play-Offs’ national tour kicked-off on Monday 26 October in Bristol with Casualty actor James Redmond, followed by Birmingham with CBBC presenters Sam & Mark. The tour then moved to Keele with Big Brother’s Sam and Amanda, Leicester with snooker player Mark Selby (AKA the ‘Jester from Leicester’), Sheffield with TV presenter Charlie Webster and Huddersfield with Emmerdale actor James Hooton, coming to a final stop in Chorley on Sunday 1 November 2009.

TV presenter Charlie Webster was the overall Zuma’s Revenge! Celebrity Champion with a whopping 180,220 points – the highest score of all the celebrities and members of the public. While Casualty actor James Redmond came bottom of the celebrity leader board – and was even beaten by members of the public – he succeeded in raising the most cash for BBC Children in Need at the Bristol ‘PopCap Celebrity Play-offs’!

The all-important results…

Celebrity Champion!
Charlie Webster, TV presenter
180,220 points
Celebrity that needs most practice
James Redmond, Casualty actor
42,000 points
Highest scoring area
Huddersfield
102,960 points
Lowest scoring area
Sheffield
37,800 points
Most money raised in…
Bristol

Award for best MOP (Most Outrageous Player) goes to…

Sam & Mark, CBBC presenters, for entertaining Birmingham with their wacky and wonderful ways!

“This is a fantastic way to raise money for Children in Need”, said Sam and Mark as they battled with kids in Birmingham to set the top score. “It’s really brings the fun element into fundraising and it’s brilliant for the kids to get involved. Zuma’s Revenge! is wicked – we absolutely love it and can’t stop playing it!”

All monies raised go towards BBC Children in Need in advance of the live Appeal show on 20 November 2009. These crucial pennies raised for BBC Children in Need will improve the lives of disadvantaged children and young people across the UK.

Zuma’s Revenge! Is the newest game in the PopCap.com portfolio. The player takes the role of a fearless ball-shooting frog, exploring ancient temples and ruins. By firing coloured spheres into an advancing chain of balls to make matches of three or more, the frog blasts his way through a series of arcade challenges. Visit www.popcap.com where you can play a free trial of Zuma’s Revenge! And try out lots of other free games. Remember PopCap games are not just for kids. In fact the majority of players at PopCap.com are over 30 and female and say playing helps reduce stress and exercise the mind.

Those people who couldn’t attend the ‘PopCap Celebrity Play-offs’ tour, but would still like to show their support for BBC Children in Need (and their favourite local celebrity) can log onto the following just giving sites to donate:

James Redmond: http://www.justgiving.com/PopCap-jamesredmond
Sam & Mark: http://www.justgiving.com/PopCap-SamandMark
Sam & Amanda: http://www.justgiving.com/PopCap-SamandAmanda
Charlie Webster: http://www.justgiving.com/PopCap-charliewebster
James Hooton: http://www.justgiving.com/PopCap-jameshooton
Mark Selby, the ‘Jester from Leicester’: http://www.justgiving.com/PopCap-MarkSelby

A man who wishes only to be known as “G” sent this in.

It’s quite good and a much better way to end the week than the thing about Square Enix down below. We are particularly enjoying the cloning work on the floor.

And another one, from “Pingus”, who said it was better in his imagination. As is anything to do with women. Nice attention to detail around the mouth hole.