“ONE DAY, THE EVIL DOCTOR EGGMAN STOLE ALL 7 CHAOS EMERALDS ETC ETC ETC”
That, believe it or not, is the searingly original plot of Sonic Unleashed – as ported, somehow, to mobile phone format. Reader “Karl” bravely sacrificed three of his own pounds to take these frankly terrible photos of it in action.
Seriously, Karl, a large amount of ‘sorting out’ needs to be done in your camera department.
“I have attached some images from ‘Sonic Unleashed’ on mobile phone, which I actually paid a whole £3 for.”
“It’s not very good. French mobile developer Gameloft seems to have turned Sonic’s blue sky into a slate grey, and there is no sound, apart from an electronic farting noise when you die.”
“The first level is nice and pacey, and it’s got all of Sonic’s moves in it, but in the third level you are confronted with some bizarre text suggesting that Sonic has PMS and detailing a transformation into Sonic the Werehog.”
“What I don’t get is that surely the Werehog should be stronger than regular Sonic? But the Werehog only has some crappy punch moves and is less agile, making him weaker and more vulnerable. Picture 9 is the Werehog, you can probably just about make out his deformed features.”
“There are a few pictures of the first Robotnik boss as well, but I couldn’t be arsed to play it after that. Sorry :(” – Karl.
KARL’S SUMMARY:
Graphics: 7/10
Sound: -10/10
Gameplay: 2/10
Lifespan: 1/10
Overall: -4/10
INTERVIEW WITH KARL REGARDING HIS ‘CAMERA’:
UKR: What on earth are you using as a camera?KARL: My laptop’s webcam. Ironically, I usually use my mobile as my camera, and the one time I want to photo something to put on the internet, it’s on the back of my camera lens :(
UKR: Could you not have borrowed a camera?
KARL: I tried again with a dead expensive digital camera I borrowed, but they actually came out blurrier. I think it’s the backlighting on the screen. How does a professional take screenies of a mobile game then?
UKR: Most proper screenshots would be taken by running the actual game application on a PC emulator and doing direct captures that way.
filed in "NEWS", ACTUAL GAMES, GONZO FIELD REPORTS on Jul.24, 2009
July 24th, 2009 on 12:20 pm
I was going to suggest he just use a series of mirrors so that he can take a photo of the screen of the phone on the same phone that he is taking the photo with.
But in all of that I’d kind of overlooked the obvious flaw with that plan, hadn’t I?
Still, tempted to try to see what kind of hall of mirrors effect you’d get anyway…
July 24th, 2009 on 1:21 pm
I tried a similar sort of thing but everybody absolutely hate it. – Glen.
When was Sonic leashed?
July 24th, 2009 on 1:27 pm
Sonic’s leashed every other night. He’s tied up and made to wear a gimp mask while Knuckles fists his spiky anus.
July 24th, 2009 on 1:38 pm
A for effort
July 24th, 2009 on 2:35 pm
A crap game turned into a crap phone game isn’t really anything to get upset about. Taking Sonic 1 and putting it onto the iPhone with fiddly controls, bad sound and lots of slowdown IS worth shedding a tear or two…
July 24th, 2009 on 4:44 pm
From Karl’s description I really thought the sound was going to get a better mark.
July 24th, 2009 on 7:43 pm
Is it me or are we missing the obvious? This man Karl was INTERVIEWED by UKR. That’s worth a few bonus points at the very least. And it wasn’t even a question and answer, it was a proper back-and-forth exchange.
Although Karl, you lose points for trying to sound clever when defending your camera skills using the ‘dead expensive camera’ with “How does a professional take screenies of a mobile game then?”